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Glaice

Amusing or weird dreams

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Yes, this is about any dreams one has remembered in the past 24 to 72 hours.

I'll start with the dream I had last night as I found it amusing..

I was in Mozart's shoes, doing some conducting for one of the symphonies I believe in front of hundreds in a concert hall, complete with that red coat he has in one of the paintings of him. The people playing still played on even at short durations when I crossed my arms out of laziness several times over the duration of the piece. At some point some other non-classical elements with dancing doing the high-up kicks like the Nutcrackers do but they didn't have any undergarments on under their dresses.

..then the dream ended.

I think this all came into my mind because I listen to a lot of Mozart's music (I got the 170 CD boxset for Christmas).

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Two vultures were hanging around outside the patio door in the middle of the day. They started pecking on it and chipping the glass. Then some of my friends showed up and I greeted them outside in the driveway, causing the vultures to retreat into the yard somewhere. I told them about the vultures and they didn't believe me, so I told them to watch from a distance while I went back inside. They started pecking at the glass again, and then I opened the door and shot them several times with a lever-action .22 rifle.

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A bear and a rabbit was shitting in the woods. The bear asks the rabbit.
-Do you have problem with shit sticking in your fur?
-No. The rabbit answers.
Then the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

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kristus said:

A bear and a rabbit was shitting in the woods. The bear asks the rabbit.
-Do you have problem with shit sticking in your fur?
-No. The rabbit answers.
Then the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

Mmk.




I had a dream once that was almost exactly like this skit:

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Vaguely had some dream about my father being alive and playing poker with me and one of our family friends. My mom then showed up and tried to guess what hands we had, but got them wrong while I corrected her.

I'm pretty sure other stuff happened too, but that's the only thing I can remember :|

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kristus said:

A bear and a rabbit was shitting in the woods. The bear asks the rabbit.
-Do you have problem with shit sticking in your fur?
-No. The rabbit answers.
Then the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.


Absolutely brilliant.

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A blonde woman went to her home early from work, only to discover her husband in bed with another woman. She goes hysterical and crazy, consequently, she grabs a handgun and points it to her own temple. The husband pleaded "Don't kill yourself please!" The blonde screamed "SHUT UP! YOU'RE NEXT!"

Oh wait, this isn't a joke section, my bad. :/

Can't remember the dreams I have had, they seemed to be either dirty or really complicated and absurd or both.

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I dreamed that I wrote a screenplay about a guy who couldn't date anyone other than VLT addicts and amputees. Through a long and self-reflective journey to gain self confidence and self respect, he lived in the Playboy mansion and married Miss America. The play was entitled "Bags to Bitches."

I also dreamed that it was Thursday and I had to get up to go to work. Yeah, you know the rest.

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Joshy said:

A blonde woman went to her home early from work, only to discover her husband in bed with another woman. She goes hysterical and crazy, consequently, she grabs a handgun and points it to her own temple. The husband pleaded "Don't kill yourself please!" The blonde screamed "SHUT UP! YOU'RE NEXT!"

Terrible! Aha!

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I've been having really weird semi-lucid dreams lately involving vector calculus (Green's theorem and the divergence theorem) and AC circuit analysis where I'm somehow trying to apply formulas to every aspect of everyday life. I'm aware enough to realize that what I'm trying to compute is absurd, but I keep trying so hard until I eventually wake up feeling mentally exhausted and confused. It sucks.

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exp(x) said:

I've been having really weird semi-lucid dreams lately involving vector calculus (Green's theorem and the divergence theorem) and AC circuit analysis where I'm somehow trying to apply formulas to every aspect of everyday life. I'm aware enough to realize that what I'm trying to compute is absurd, but I keep trying so hard until I eventually wake up feeling mentally exhausted and confused. It sucks.


oh really? I've had several dreams this week where I've docked the RMS Titanic in New York. Over. And over. And over. And over. And the passengers are Mexicans.

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I had a dream where I was driving down a ski slope in my car, dodging pine trees, boulders, dogs, and newbie skiers. When I got towards the bottom, this abominable snowman started chasing me, but I was too fast for it, so it stopped and retreated. Then it appeared again and was twice as fast, but it jumped in front of me and I mowed over it like it was a plastic construction cone. Then I somehow ended back at the top.

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I also had 2 weird dreams tonight:

The first one was about 2 guys. The one had a knife and made the other person angry. After this, the other person took out a much larger knife and cut the other one into 2 pieces, seeing the guts coming out of the killed person. My second dream was about a big japanese family having incest to each other.

I thought “what the fuck“, when I woke up -_-.

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exp(x) said:

I've been having really weird semi-lucid dreams lately involving vector calculus (Green's theorem and the divergence theorem) and AC circuit analysis where I'm somehow trying to apply formulas to every aspect of everyday life.

I hate it when that happens.

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I know, right? That actually happens to me when I'm trying to apply my three years of college education to real life situations. It just won't happen. It's all trivial.

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Sometimes I have dreams about work. I'll dream that I'm taking a call with an annoying customer, then they'll hang up on me,leaving me to wonder if my supervisor will ever listen to that call...

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I've had some really weird/disturbing dreams recently. I blame the fact that my life has recently taken a sudden downturn. That and my sudden penchant for alcoholism.

Saturday night:

I threw a huge birthday party and everyone I knew came. Then a bunch of women I knew decided to take my virginity as a gift. Heh. Then the dream took a turn for the dark and I was in this basement that smelled of chemicals and an old friend of mine was burning things. Then some sort of spectre lunged at me, trying to kill me. I woke up and saw death hovering above my bed. I couldn't move and tried to fight it with every ounce of my being. Finally it vanished and I could move. Hooray for sleep paralysis. And a pretty terrifying one for my first. :/

Sunday night:

I dreamed that things at work were all going to Hell, and pretty much everyone was quitting. That first part is pretty much true though. I need a new job, but no one around here is hiring. :(

Last night:

Dreamed I was living in some kind of communal house playing MMOs with people. Some bums were pretty much squatting in the basement but we acted kind of cool about it even though we wanted them out. I then made Quesadillas with some sort of hallucinogenic in them. I had taken this drug before, but accidentally took a bit more than I was used to. I started seeing weird things and was convinced a bee was living in my throat. I eventually vomited most of it up into a sink (the drug, not the bee...which was probably not "real"), but I mostly hit the faucet.

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Danarchy wins the thread. Although I'd like to hear about magicsofa's dreams. With such a psychedelic name, I have rather high expectations.

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Last dream I remember, a bunch of feces suddenly exploded out of my toilet. I have no idea where that came from, but it happened. That's about all I remember.

Before that, I had this odd dream where I was climbing a hill that looked sort of like the default background for Windows XP (Bliss, which I believe was taken in St. Helena, Napa, California). The difference was that it was a bit steeper and was covered in dead trees. At the top was a house with nearly all of my family in it, save for my mom, grandma, and I. Asking around I learned that this was 10 years in the future, so I started (nervously) catching up with people. Then I heard "They're here!". That's when a car pulls up and out comes my mom, my grandma, me, my girlfriend, and a small kid. Apparently we got married.

Odd dreams aren't a new occurrence for me. I've had dreams in the past with subtitles, and one with scrolling credits at the end. Also had a lot take place in a shopping mall.

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DJ_Haruko said:

Last dream I remember, a bunch of feces suddenly exploded out of my toilet. I have no idea where that came from, but it happened.

I bet your anus had something to do with it.

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DJ_Haruko said:

Last dream I remember, a bunch of feces suddenly exploded out of my toilet. I have no idea where that came from, but it happened. That's about all I remember.


It was all the work of Craig, the evil toilet.

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So I had a rather strange dream last night. Somehow I got a hold of a prescription of vicodin, and I was extremely happy to get it. Inside the bottle was a mixture of blue and white pills, the blue ones unknown and the white ones were "10/1000" vicodins, exactly 72 of them.

Don't ask. I think I'm addicted from the last time I had some...

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Probably the most confusing dream I've ever had was of Penn Jillette, of Penn and Teller fame, in an S.S. Officers uniform with a microphone singing Sir Mix-a-Lot's Baby Got Back.

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Last night:
I was in prison. It was nighttime. I found an opportune moment to leave in the outside workout/basketball court area. The walls weren't that high, and there were actually stairs that led up to the wall. I jumped it and landed in a field.

In the distance I could see the road. I started running through the field but halfway through I saw a whole bunch land mines and so I slowed down and finally dodged all the land mines and made it through. Then it became day.

I started running along the road into town. I saw beautiful flowers along the way and I ran my hands through them. I felt very relieved that I was out of prison. Eventually they found out I was gone and sent the SWAT after me.

I tried to hide. Then I saw a drunk homeless person take off his pants and fall unconscious. I took his pants (which smelled like shit) and I wore them to get rid of my bright orange prison pants.

The SWAT gave up and I was clear free. Very happy.

Weird dream. It kind of scares me though because Being in prison/jail is kind of a recurring dream for me. I hope it's not some kind of omen or precognitive ability I have and I end up in jail in the future....scary.

My two recurring dreams: nuclear bombs exploding and being locked up.

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Most of my recent dreams have been populated with people I know are dead - hope that's not a premonition.

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Some months ago, I noticed a strange sort of sore beneath my right shoulder, on the upper half of my pectoral. "Sore" is a poor word for it, though, as what I discovered goes far beyond any conventional usage of the term. First, imagine fresh cranberries. Then, once that mental image has been perused, imagine red bath beads. Finally, imagine that a species of object halfway between those two things, except also adhesive and meaty, occupied a hole in my shoulder roughly two inches in diameter and two inches deep.

Understandably, I was surprised not to have noticed this before, as I see myself naked on a regular basis. However, my obliviousness could perhaps be partially explained by the even more surprising fact that there were no negative symptoms of any kind. Surely some important muscles, bones and other tissues would have to have been displaced or destroyed as the infection spread, but I felt no worse for the wear. There was no pain. In fact, the only discomfort I felt was after I completed the exploratory and queerly satisfying process of plucking these "beads" out, one by one, clutching each between a thumb and forefinger and pulling the sticky blob from the cavity, leaving the rest of the nodules behind in a mass reminiscent of a clump of gummi bears. With this completed, I observed that the inside of my new orifice was pink, damp and featureless, and seemingly well-healed except for its sensitivity to the cold, dry air. The discomfort I felt was that which would be felt in any shoulder suddenly discovered to have a large yet benign gap in its anatomy, and I didn't expect to get used to it quickly, but apparently I did, because I completely forgot about it.

A few nights ago, I discovered it anew. Quite unpleasantly, a forgotten-but-familiar sight of vibrantly red... things greeted me in the mirror, and I was stunned by the extent of their growth. Not only had they replenished their population and refilled my shoulder cavity, but the hole was now a chasm - much wider and deeper than before. Surely now some precious organs had been lost, my right lung at the very least, not to mention the lost bones and muscles that should have been crucial to my right arm's function. Yet, impossibly, there were still no negative symptoms. I could still breathe deeply, and I did so - before plunging my left hand into my right side and pulling a great slimy cluster of pustules free from my chest. I slung them into a garbage bin and continued excavating, pulling and scraping the bulbs free from the walls of the hole, until it once again had bare walls of pink dampness. Not that I expected this to be a permanent cure, of course. The recidivism of these scarlet spheres proved that they could reappear in a seemingly clean wound, and that they reproduced by unknown means. I now looked worryingly at the blobs I left in the trash, wondering whether they could safely be released to the dump without their infection spreading to the unsuspecting populace. Even though this mysterious affliction still left me feeling in perfect health, some prudence seemed justifiable.

I considered that it may be a good idea to see a doctor.

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