Poetry! O_o

[Hellbent]

I burn in my prison of doom.
In my hall of flame I cool.
From the vapors of vats I spawn.
Blue in the pits of purity I strangle.
Dead in the elixir of life-
giving flask I wretch.
Deep in the cauldron of smoke I descend
Wraiths freedom asleep in deeds undone.
A demon licks at my blood.
A ball of lightning pules my guts.
Into the red rock I writhe....
A smile smotes the fire from my side.
Up I rise as though a specter of death.
Mocking the green fire flung from Hell's fell claw.
Through the house of pain I bleed.
Endless is my quest; loosed in agony is my need.
Beneath Erebus is my domain.
In Limbo I relish in this game.


I'd write more but I have a monopoly appointment now.

[t.v.]

nice, it looks like you had fun making this.

but...
it sounds more like a summary of 'charged' words. Certain words are often used in poems to add a specific charge/ power to the text, but mostly they just make texts sound cliche.

Think of pop/ metal song lyrics. They are often full of these words. Which is fine because in this type of music it is not really about the words, but with poems it is.

I understand you wanted to incorporate Doom-like words to make it a Doom poem, but it would be better (more poetic) to try and capture the feeling of Doom in words without using obvious words (like: Doom, Hell, demon, death etc).

But if you just want to have fun, pay no attention to my ranting :-)

[AndrewB]

Just FYI some of those verses don't rhyme. You might want to fix that.

[Sporku]

Guys don't fall into his trap. This is clearly some clever trick our feeble brains can't even begin to comprehend.

[Hellbent]

AndrewB said:

Just FYI some of those verses don't rhyme. You might want to fix that.

most of them don't. Poems don't have to rhyme....

[r_rr]

AgentSpork said:

Guys don't fall into his trap. This is clearly some clever trick our feeble brains can't even begin to comprehend.

My God... It's full of stars...