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DooMBoy

Fight with a Revenant

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Emerging from the darkness of the crypt, the familiar glare of the sun blinds you, even though the dark clouds overhead have nearly obscured it from view. You slap two more shells into your SSG and proceed forward. In front of you is a medium-sized, square-shaped courtyard. Bodies of slain Marines are scattered about here and there. Poor basrads, you think to yourself. Then you think you hear a distinct sound. It seems to be coming from the wall a distance a ways to the right. Nervously, you walk quietly to that direction. You approach the wall you think that you heard the sound coming from. Suddenly the wall is smashed open and out comes an 8-foot tall skeleton with shoulder-mounted rocket launchers. The skeleton has an iron vest on, and the vest is equipped with the aforementioned rocket launchers. There is no light in the thing's eyes and you wonder how he is alive. He's a demon, your mind screams. Crusted blood stretches from the creature's abdomen to down past his knees. On his face is a look which can only be described as a cross between a leer and a sneer. You do nothing; it would be better to say that you can't do anything. You are too much suprised and terrified by this skeletal monstrosity to do anything. The monsters punchs you a good one in the chest. You are knocked sprawling on your back, backwards about ten feet or so. You still have the SSG in your right hand. Quickly, you get up and fire at the skeleton, which you name the Revenant. The buckshot strikes the beast in pelvis, and crusted blood flakes off. The creature cries out and glares over at you. He leans back and through a process unknown to you (you guess it's cybernetics) the Revenant fires a couple rockets at you. One of them strikes the ground not 2 feet away from you. The other is way off and hits close to the door you just came out of. Once more you are thrown to the ground. You regain your composure quickly though and leap to your feet. You pull two shells from your right pocket and slap into your SSG. You rush the thing and blast it straight in the face. The effect is immediate. He falls backwards with an other-worldly cry, and lands on his back. He looks dead to you, but only because he's a skeleton. You aim at the corpse for a minute, and as he doesn't move, you jump over his and head into the recess where he smashed through. There you a glowing red teleport with an evil symbol etched on it. You step into the teleport and vanish....
To Be Continued (hopefully)

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W0RST FUCKING ST0RY EVER YOU MANHAT!!!!!!!!!!

/me pours some coffee on this thread, than puts it in a GREEN room, where everyone has to wear a GREEN shirt.

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all your smurf are belong to smurf...

Move 'smurf'.
You know what you smurfing!
Take off every 'smurf'.
For smurf justice!

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It shows promise... but it could also use a bit of improvement. First off, stating things so blatantly is not the best way to create a sense of drama. I think that is the main "problem"... it just needs to be gripping. You can go with 2 tactics here: very descriptive about everything(following along the lines of what you are doing now), you can write it the way it would be experience (the mind races in these situations- use shorter, more verb centered sentences). That's probably all I can say... writing is pretty much something you learn from example, ya know?

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The story is a good idea but it's poorly written. I suggest you pay closer attention in your English classes or spend some time reading quality works. It's 50/50 between grammatical errors and poor word choice. Basically it just doesn't flow. But I do like the approach. C+

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Emerging from the darkness of the crypt,...


That's where I stopped reading.

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Yeah, the poor bastards that got all the way through that story really deserve some kind of government aid. Some kind of "DoomBoy Debilitation Fund".

DC

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At last, the elusive spamming thread! Fan Fiction, where no mods or admins ever come...

Well, my parents were married, so I wasn't a basrad.

(DoomBoy, you may never live this down)

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{action}
Doom-Child unholsters his .50 Desert Eagle, places it at Lament's right temple, and holds it there until Lament drops a load in his pants larger than this story. Doom-Child then pulls the trigger, causing Lament to fall bodily into the largest mound of shit to ever emerge from a DoomWorld resident's body.
{/action}

DC

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At last, the elusive spamming thread


Have you noticed that "SPAM" backwards reads "MAPS"?

And also "MAPS" backwards is "SPAM"?

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Did you know that the longest recorded flight of a chicken is twelve seconds? That, and "a basrad in hand is worth two in post hell".

DC

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did you know the satanoscillatemymetallicsonatas is the worlds longest palindrome. go on, spell it backwards... eh? eeeeh?

:P


I've seen longer.

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