All da other portable consoles are shit!

[Maes]

PSP? DS? Hah!

GameKing all the way, baby!

I admit to owning one, as well as several games for it.

[DooMAD]

Engrish ftw!

[exl]

Interlard!

Who'd buy that?

[Maes]

exl said:

Who'd buy that?

Anyone having a thing for crappy Hong Kong Originals, apparently :-p

I actually got mine more out of curiosity, having no idea what the games would be like. At first I expected something gameboy or NES like in quality so I was all "WTF is that shit" but then I realized the cult status and actually got more games for it (the video doesn't show some of the more refined ones, which have surprisingly good gameplay and controls). Out of the built-in ones mayde Drifter is the best. From add-on ones, I'd say Nagual (Kung Fu Master clone) and Soldier (Contra clone) are easily the best.

[Technician]

That video was just awful.

[Kagemaru_H]

I actually thought the video was funny.

[Bucket]

I thought this was going to be a GP2X thread.

[Super Jamie]

That was so great!

I actually went to XX City in 2xxx and this is a true and factual representation of life there.

[Maes]

The manuals themselves are a monument to Engrish, Chinglish and Konglish, catering to at least 9000 internet subcultures and memes. They know what they doing.

Even more funny, is that they also have localized the manuals, so I got even more hilarious "Greekengrish" boxes and manuals ;-) Priceless.

A monument to Asian random-assedness, that even Zero Wing and Tokyo's Irish Dancers would enny.

[Nems]

inb4 someone ports Doom onto this

[Kagemaru_H]

Um, do you even see a proper Doom on a GB Mono (i.e. not just a Wolf3D clone)? I'm afraid the closest you have is "Soldier", or hacking Soldier for a Doom theme with blood and all.

[Aliotroph?]

He sure read that Engrish a lot more poetically than it would have sounded if he read it according to its punctuation.

Those games look hard to see. I like their catchy tunes.

[DoomUK]

exl said:

Who'd buy that?

It's one of those "That's so rubbish, that I have to buy one" moments.

Reminds me of those Grandstand consoles that were around in the neolithic era.

[Maes]

DoomUK said:

Reminds me of those Grandstand consoles that were around in the neolithic era.

Hey, I still have a VFD "Alien Attack" Scramble clone by Tomy. They were pretty much the best stand-alone custom game systems ever made, and are still valued high if in working condition.

No other way you'd get a (relatively) large color screen and multi-channel sound in a stand-alone device, back in the day (I may have got it in 1987 or so, but the design was older). That particular game was also implemented much better than other VFDs.

[Super Jamie]

What the hell Maes, you missed two bad guys! Worst UV Max evar!

I love how the score wraps at 2000 :P

[The Pursuer]

Looks like a shitty modern mashup version of game and watch.

[Maes]

Hell's Vendetta said:

Looks like a shitty modern mashup version of game and watch.

It actually fills in the gap between a "real" portable console like the original GameBoy, and the most sophisticated "Game and Watch". GIG Tiger made some pretty elaborate "Game and Watch" games, while those "screen swapping Game & Watch" things are usually just catch-the-object or avoid-the-object.

The most sophisticated non-programmable ones are those multi-tetris handhelds, that can use the tetris blocks as pixels (yeah, it looks as crude as it sounds) and usually implement a whole array of incredibly hald-assed "games" this way, including space invaders, pinball and whathaveyou :-p

The GameKing is super compared to those, but most of its games are made with an all-chinese laziness (e.g. levels are large bitmaps, sounds are just sampled looping tunes etc.) yet it has a 6 MHz 6502 to play with. With proper programming it could surely render a 3D "Doom" clone, although that awful screen really has to go...

[Texas Libra]

Space battles with mountains in the background FTW!

[Maes]

Texas Libra said:

Space battles with mountains in the background FTW!

Luckily that shit BG can be removed by opening the console and taking out a crappy piece of plastic behind the screen. I did it on mine, and it improved reliability by a lot.

[Aliotroph?]

It improved the reliability? In what way?

I didn't know they made games with VFDs. My bro had a football game that looked like it used LEDs instead (all it displayed were tiny red and yellow rectangles and maybe the score). My mom has a calculator with a screen made of discrete VFDs for each digit. It has a cracked PCB so it tends to give wrong answers though.

[Maes]

My bad, I meant readability. They also made a model with a different BG pic as well as one without one, by default. They gave up on those B&W screens and those dreadful backdrops in the GameKing III though.

I have a "GameKing III" that is actually a portable Famiclone, but there is one with original hardware, color screen and improved resolution that should also be compatible with the original GameKing games.

Some guy called Brian Provinciano had made a reverese engineering page about the gameking, and there was a non-functional emulator (!) for it (GBA based though? Wtf?).

[MSPaintR0cks]

Reminds me of those little thingies you got at McDonalds with your happy meal. I thought they were pretty fun.

[Maes]

Well, those are game & watch LCDs. This is closer to Tamagotchis or those "educational computers" in technlology.

[Kagemaru_H]

Hmm...there was some First Person maze game for GameBoy called "FaceBall" or something, so Wolfenstein or maybe even Doom on GameKing/GameBoy could be a reality. Now someone just needs to translate the story of Doom to an extremely broken English, rip some graphics, sample music and audio, and create an engine for Doom to run.

[david_a]

I ran the Doom story through Google Translate and trimmed out the boring legible parts:

You are an ocean, a planet's most difficult, hardened in combat and operational training. 3 years ago, you ordered the soldiers beat him to the superior officer opened fire on civilians. You were transferred to Mars, the Union Aerospace valuable co-operation.

Militaty, UAC's biggest supplier, has been used in Phobos 1 and Phobos 2 remote facilities varios secret projects, including inter-dimensional travel safety research. Military "volunteers" to enter they are either missing or suffering from a strange form of madness - babbleing of low-grade, with a big stick to any breath, finally suffering the tragic death of the body explosion.

A few hours ago, Mars, Phobos received a garbled message. "Gateway computer system of the mad!" The rest is not consistent. Since then, attempts to establish contact with the moon or no success.

You have been ordered to ensure that the perimeter of the base, while the other team members went inside. A few hours, your radio picked up the voice of the fighting: the gun shooting, the man shouted orders, screams, bones cracking, then finally silence.

Things are not good looking. You can never viewed in your own planet. In addition, all heavy weapons have been taken to attack leaving only your team pistol. Whether your friends to kill his wife in the forehead, the ball is worth 1. Protect your helmet, you exit landing pod.

There is no turning back the.

[chungy]

Bucket said:

I thought this was going to be a GP2X thread.

GP2X is ancient history, it's only got the power of a PSP. =P

it's all about WiZ and Pandora these days

[Deeforce]

PSP? DS? HIV!

[Maes]

And then John was a zombie.

[Devalaous]

That engrish Doom story is the best thing I have read in months.

[Maes]

Engrish Doom weapon descriptions. The "fry in oil" reference is priceless, because as we know, ALL real Chinese food is fried in soy oil.

1 = fist/saws your ironclad knuckle anything compared to vary little good. Note: When you stretch across saws walk it to replace your fist to take the current weapon. According to 1 key between in your fist and will saw the pingpong switch.

2 = pistols are you start and the only weapons. But you In the few will use any, regardless of perhaps feels sorry for it to feel.

3 = hunting rifles possibly pay heavy fighting with the fists and one throw generously in the short distance from a distance.

4 = Chainguns direct heavy firepower to yours match, cause him to make chaingun cha-cha.

5 = rocket launcher payment possible to rotate a several bastard's explosive rocket inside and outside.

6 = fry in oil certain demons plasma energy plasma musketry many round abutments!

7 = BFG 9000s is military's Prize arsenal. To eliminate room these greatly not the visitor who welcome. Fires at it, and sees for you.

And now the monsters:

Predecessor: Several days ago, you exchange and a these person of war story probably. Now it's upside the time exchanges some to lead their head.

Predecessor's sergeant: Is the same with the predecessor, but is meaner and is more tenacious. These walk the hunting rifle provides you by some extra holes, if you No longer careful!

Mischievous child: You thought that the mischievous child is the diminutive dandy who and the hayfork set of red clothes' teases to like. There these brown bastard comes from? They pull ball of fire Under your throat and takes several bullets which the fire dies. It's the time discovered that the weapon is just like that pistol, if you goes to the superior breakthrough to surpass a bitch again these son.

Demon: Looked that elephant gorilla sorting which blows, except kills has the horn, a big end, permits the polydontia, and is more difficult. Tang has not obtained too close or them will rip you to die faces.

Spirit: Great. Any you need. Invisible (nearly) monster.

Loses soul: Uncommunicative. Tenacious. Flight. In fire. Enough said.

Ugly demon: They float in the sky, as soon as the blow out ball lightning and the boast publicize a mouth's hell. If you obtain too close these abnormal, you are the toast.

Hell baron: Tenaciously as tilting skip and nearly like big, these goliaths is in two leg's worst matters from tyrannosaurus Rex.

Doom II monsters + bosses:

Heavy weapon dandy: Jesus, the hunting rifle enough snake god is not bad? At least, you fade these reflections you when obtains a pole cool chain gun.

Galvanization spider: The possible cybernetics are not this kind of great idea eventually. Looked that any demon has done with it. It inexplicably as if unreasonable you' No longer is the only person in has the plasma gun's hell.

Revenant: On surface, when the demon dies, they meet him, whisks off his dust, the wire laying he some operational gear, and delivers him to return to the battle. Evil has not rested? You wished your missile to be any him possibly to do.

Hell baron: The hell knight is the bad news, but this is big daddy. These stamp mills many are very the knights, but looks a little differently and two times are equally tenacious killing.

Natural forces pain: Name. And human. Kills him is nearly equally bad, lets him live likely.

Mancubus: About fat person's only good deed is that he' a s good wide goal. Good deed, because it adopts many hits to puncture him. If tomorrow, he has not pulled out the fireball!

Arched mean: One badly completely. You are impossible to think that the enough rotten matter said about him. He is fast, difficult to kill, falls the incantation, and reactivates the monster which dies! These suckers are at least rare.

Spider engineer: You guessed that the electronic spider must come from somewhere. Feeds, mother. She does not have a plasma gun, therefore thanks the heaven slightly to favor. Instead, she has a pole super chain gun. Talking nonsense.

Depending on mechanism maintain life person demon: Half heartless machine, partly gets angry has the angle devil. This walks the nightmare has an arm's rocket launcher, and provides explicitly aids and contacts you. Determined that you are loaded for the bear, before you have this person.