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Technician

50 Upcoming Movie Remakes

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Sweet Jesus why do they have a Three Musketeers remake with ORLANDO FUCKING BLOOM?!!!!

There are so so SO many things wrong with this list, I cry for the American Film Industry

EDIT: Why in fucks name are they re-doing Akira? WHY?!!

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If they even consider using any CGI in the obviously unnecessary The Thing remake I will chew my arm off and serve it up for dinner. One of the greatest things about that film was the way the monsters were handled using modelling and make-up techniques, and actually, I have to say I much prefer monster design from around the mid 80's anyway, for the best non-computer aided monster design always trumps CGI.

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Fifty, eh? How many of those do we have to borrow or buy to get a rebate?

Technician said:
Robocop has me spitting nails.

Oh yeah, man, such a masterpiece of fine art... how dare they?!

Remakes often suck, but at least remind people of a few gems... plus they're a good excuse for extra venting threads on forums :p

Isn't that why we're here?

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well.. there's some vomit inducing entries in that list, but...

true grit looks absolutely awesome and let's face it, coen bros are remaking a wayne western? it is going to be 1000 times better than the original and that's a fact.

darren aronofsky is directing the robocop remake, i'm sooo loking forward to that. it'll probably lose all the cynical leftie social criticism verhoeven loves so much, but it i expect it have ubercool visuals and clint mansell&the kronos quartet soundtrack. yay!

that list counts conan as a remake. get lost, it's a regular new movie and it is literally impossible for it to be worse than the destroyer.

judge dredd. a remake, seriously? who would want to remake that shitfest? was nolan's batman a remake of burton's batman? comic book adaptations should harly count toward 'remakes'. speaking of which: the three musketeers. a new adaptation pops out every other decade, so why the shocked looks? the last one had chris o'donnell for d'artagnan, so bloom would have to try really hard to get worse. wait, he's not even playing a musketeer.

the blob or barbarella would probably tank horribly and they seem like wild speculations more than anything. the dune also sounds suspiciously shaky, not to mention lynch's horrible, horrible pile of turd shouldn't even count as dune. if fincher adapts heavy metal, we should probably cheer.

the only remakes on that list that sink my heart are the thing, battle royale, akira (don't believe that to be real, actually) and commando. unsure about mad max. what i'm really worried about are the ghost in the shell live action remake whispers and, of course, joseph kahn being rumoured to adapt neuromancer.

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Technician said:

Robocop has me spitting nails.


Let alone that only the first movie was decent. The other two were wimpy pieces of crap. And wtf...didn't it have enough CGI and effects for its era already? What next, a T2 remake?

Fright Night?! Damn :-( There go my puberty fantasies of Amanda Bearse.

Arthur: I hope they keep at least the music.

Conan: I could do with a new Conan film, but a remake...

Death Wish: I would like seeing it in auge again, but how can the theme possibly still "sell" ?

Short Circuit: a remake would be like ripping the "cyborg" naivete of the 80s. Don't do it.

All Quiet on the Western Front: strangely, this could work: Radcliffe has already done a WW I movie, "My Boy Jack" based on Kipling's play, which was OK, so it could just work.

Barbarella: LEAVE JANE FONDA ALONE!!!

The NeverEnding Story: That I would look forward too, although I'd rather have Peter Jackson from LoTR as the director, even if it took two or three sequels. The 80s movies were a major disappointment from my POV, since I had read the book first.

Honey, I Shrunk the Kids: No.

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myk said:

Oh yeah, man, such a masterpiece of fine art... how dare they?!

That film had a lot of symbolism but I guess I can expect nothing less from the highbrow, eh myk?

Maes said:

Death Wish: I would like seeing it in auge again, but how can the theme possibly still "sell" ?

It'll be like remaking Dirty Harry without Eastwood. Bronson was the character you went to see. Like Dirty Harry, when the sequels declined drastically in quality the actors themselves still made the films enjoyable.

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I sure hope these are just plans as many of my favorite movies are on that list. I will cry endless if they remake them, because I am sure they will suck ass...

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I'm a big fan of Dune but a remake won't exactly offend me. I'd like to know how they plan to adapt a book thats comparable to the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Dune broken up into a trilogy like LotR would be killer.

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Some of those movies don't even need remakes. Robocop, The Crow and Mad Max are the kind of movies that stand the test of time. Movies like Death Wish should be left alone. Simply due to the fact you can't replace some one like Charles Bronson. The same could be said about True Grit even if the new one is based more off the book. When ever I think of True Grit, I think of John Wayne. Last but not least properties like Judge Dread just need to be left alone. The Sylvester Stallone/Rob Schneider shit fest already did enough damage.

And for the love of good some one please throw Rob Schneider into traffic.

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Technician said:
I'd like to know how they plan to adapt a book thats comparable to the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Dune broken up into a trilogy like LotR would be killer.

Much like Robocop asks to be remade, they're the type of material almost made to be done as movies, maybe more than once. The LotR movies show that, by being more entertaining than their source material. Call me an egghead, but look at the historical facts.

What I'm going to do is watch The Warriors again (which I saw ages ago). The Scott brothers suck, though.

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'Overboard' and 'Commando'? 'Overboard' I don't care so much for, but Commando? Really? Why remake awsome shit like that? Remaking Commando is like remaking Predator in my opinion. A stupid idea.

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Whoo said:

Mad Max?

Mad...Max?

MAD MAX????

I'm going to rip my eyes out.

Mel Gibson needs to be replaced.

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At least they can film the remake of Robocop in the real Detroit now. lol.

I really don't see what a remake could possibly improve upon in that movie, so no thanks.

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Yeah... I always felt Robocop was a completely anti-Regan movie. To see it remade for this era isn't going to work all of that well, IMO.

Most of these don't surprise me, nor will I see 90% of them. A few of them are genuinely frustrating though... leave The Warriors be goddamn it!

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I'll probably watch Mad Max and Judge Dredd, but the rest of those sound awful. Why the fuck are they remaking The Orphanage, it just came out like four years ago?! At least Del Toro is still involved, but what the fuck.

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