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Technician

50 Upcoming Movie Remakes

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Some of these are downright heretical. The Warriors, The Thing, Escape From New York, Fletch, Mad Max, and Yellow Submarine? Those were all perfect movies. And a Yellow Submarine remake doesn't even make any sense. Might as well remake A Hard Days Night with half the Beatles being dead and all.

Remaking Commando seems retarded. It was an action movie that was so over the top and poorly executed it was hilarious. Remaking it will either make it more serious (and who the fuck cares about its plot), or make it bad on purpose, which would just be groan inducing.

I'm actually interested in seeing new versions of Dune and Heavy Metal, though. Dune was never done right (Lynch's Dune had the right feel going for it and each individual scene was a classic, but all together it was a barely coherent clusterfuck), and another Heavy Metal movie would be awesome. Heavy Metal 2000 sucked, and I doubt they'll remake the original piece by piece. They'll probably have new stories instead. New Den or Harry Canyon segments would be awesome.

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[redundancy] All of these are terrible. [/redundancy]
Except maybe Mad Max(assuming it's the first one of the series they're remaking), that wasn't very good in its original release.

As for The Orphanage and The Tourist, maybe the film industry feels they "need" to make "Americanized" versions of them. I can't imagine them being anything but worse than the originals.

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Xeros612 said:

As for The Orphanage and The Tourist, maybe the film industry feels they "need" to make "Americanized" versions of them. I can't imagine them being anything but worse than the originals.

point in case: [rec] (2007) vs. quarantine (2008). though i gotta admit i never bothered to watch el orfanato. i've seen el espinazo del diablo and the labyrinth of course, so another kids&ghosts flick from del toro already felt like a remake of a sort to me. i guess the guy knows how to milk it.

oh and let's just be glad that spielberg didn't acquire the rights to remake oldboy. will smith was rumoured to play the lead.

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Pedro VC said:

Child's Play?

WTF???


This. Don't fuck with the Chuck.

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Technically the new Thing movie is actually a prequel to the remake of John Carpenter's The Thing(one of my faverite sci-fi horror movies btw). Its the only movie in the list besides the Blob remake that I'm really looking forward to.

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Philnemba said:

Technically the new Thing movie is actually a prequel to the remake of John Carpenter's The Thing(one of my faverite sci-fi horror movies btw). Its the only movie in the list besides the Blob remake that I'm really looking forward to.

They should use the original Blob theme in the remake. :D

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Danarchy said:

They should use the original Blob theme in the remake. :D

They should include the whole opening of Beware the Blob.

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dew said:
judge dredd. a remake, seriously? who would want to remake that shitfest?

Actually, I'd be much happier if Hollywood remade bad films rather then good ones. Fix what's broken rather then try to reinvent the wheel yeah?

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Xeros612 said:

Except maybe Mad Max(assuming it's the first one of the series they're remaking), that wasn't very good in its original release.

I disagree - the first Mad Max movie is a cult classic and totally awesome. The only possible excuse Hollywood could have for doing a remake is that the original's a foreign film.

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Captain Red said:

Actually, I'd be much happier if Hollywood remade bad films rather then good ones. Fix what's broken rather then try to reinvent the wheel yeah?

my point is they shouldn't bother with remaking the old unsalvageable movie, but rather start a fresh new adaptation of the comics. which is what they are most probably doing anyways. i guess i'm too tight on the definition of the term 'remake', but many of those movies won't have anything in common with their predecessors, except being based on the same non-movie source.

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GreyGhost said:

I disagree - the first Mad Max movie is a cult classic and totally awesome. The only possible excuse Hollywood could have for doing a remake is that the original's a foreign film.

I can't really see how the original is "awesome", it takes far too long for anything to actually happen in the film.

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god movies suck these days :/

btw, do remakes actually work? i.e make money? cause it seems that the whole film industry sorta died in the ass beginning with when remakes started becoming the big thing.

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Foofoo said:

god movies suck these days :/

btw, do remakes actually work? i.e make money? cause it seems that the whole film industry sorta died in the ass beginning with when remakes started becoming the big thing.


What the hell are you talking about? There's been plenty of good movies coming out recently. The first ones that come to mind for me are The Book of Eli, RED, Inception, Get him to the Greek, and Kick Ass.

Mostly it's just the remakes that are terrible. The only good one I can really even think of is Peter Jackson's King Kong. I also kind of liked how Rob Zombie expanded upon Michael Myer's childhood in his remake of Halloween as well.

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Technician said:

They should include the whole opening of Beware the Blob.

What the fuck am I watching?

"This is the only feature film directed by Larry Hagman. His other directorial credits include several television shows. Many of those who worked on the film stated that Hagman was constantly high on marijuana during production."

Okay, that explains it.

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Craigs said:

I also kind of liked how Rob Zombie expanded upon Michael Myer's childhood in his remake of Halloween as well.


I hate when horror movies do this.

"Lets humanize a fictional merciless serial killer! See how TROUBLED his childhood was, folks? He has a reason for knifing innocent people, especially if they fuck! For emphasis, here's a topless woman! Look, boobs!"

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I agree. I didn't care to know what drove Michael to do what he does.

In fact, I can't think of a decent origin movie. Can anyone?

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Ah, but see? Humanizing a villain will make you understand why they're doing what they are, and maybe you'll have empathy for them and see they're just a victim of circumstances.


Wait, no, that's just retarded.

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The trailer for the Plan 9 remake actually looks really good, haha.

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Mr. Freeze said:

I hate when horror movies do this.

"Lets humanize a fictional merciless serial killer! See how TROUBLED his childhood was, folks? He has a reason for knifing innocent people, especially if they fuck! For emphasis, here's a topless woman! Look, boobs!"



Did you even see the movie? They really didn't humanize him in the scenes depicting his childhood. If anything they showed just how seriously fucked up he is. I don't see how I'm supposed to show empathy for a kid who beats another kid to death with a tree limb.

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I always thought the point behind Carpenter's Michael Meyers was that there was no point. He was always just... y'know, evil. Not a response to bullies, or some sort of rage towards his family. He just killed as a kid because he felt like it.

That's why the new Halloween blew. Not because (and for a reason Craigs stated) they tried to get me to show Michael empathy, but because Zombie missed the point altogether.

Oh, and the script. And "Love Hurts." And Zombie has no ideas of his own.

McDowell needs someone to perform quality control on his career.

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Snakes said:
I always thought the point behind Carpenter's Michael Meyers was that there was no point. He was always just... y'know, evil. Not a response to bullies, or some sort of rage towards his family. He just killed as a kid because he felt like it.

So it was just a fundamentalist movie? The horror genre, especially slashers, have sucked for a long time and certainly leave room for improvement. I've watched a couple of recent European ones that were decent, really. One was Norwegian about some guys and girls lost in the woods, another was German. Not only is the style in these movies scary but the mix or humanity and monstrous themes enhance the immersion.

I was a kid in the late 70s and early 80s, so hypothetically, it should be an era of nostalgia for me, and while there are some gems and interesting characteristics, it's also a pretty lame creative period with a lot of now-overrated shit.

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Snakes said:

I always thought the point behind Carpenter's Michael Meyers was that there was no point. He was always just... y'know, evil. Not a response to bullies, or some sort of rage towards his family. He just killed as a kid because he felt like it.


On top of that the whole kid with a bad childhood that snaps story was done to death years ago. The curse back story was ok tell they decided to flush that out in later movies and screwed it up. Some thing people in Hollywood have seem to forgotten is that some thing are better left unexplained.

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