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Alfonzo

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“Since early February 2010, wad author’s, resource managers and pancake fundraising events have been terrorized by a malevolent /newstuff reviewer the likes of which the Doomworld has never seen, heard, or smelled of. Saint Alfonzo - self professed cheese connoisseur, fisherman and author of the hit novellas Christmas on Jupiter and The Gingerfeldt Fallacy - has been calling the kettle black with the rest of them and dishing out the hurt to boot. But this winter, things are gonna' change... forever!”

-- Anonymous


Attention. This is a public Doom announcement!

Scroll Down for Screenshots is the world’s first /Newstuff Chronicles inspired map series that is dictated not by the maps featured in the weekly reviews, but by the reviews that cover those maps and the comments that follow. Each episode of the /Newstuff Chronicles will coincide roughly with the release of a single, vanilla compatible/limit removing map that is to become part of the unique, growing series, and this map will be subsequently released, shamed and scrutinised by the greater Dooming public in the blogs forum. At the end of each Dooming year (10th December) the year’s wads will be compiled and released to idgames by TODDFOSS, who has agreed to partake in the project on the grounds that he receives a little bit of maintenance every now and again.

The Why:

  • Reviewers are ordinary, everyday people too. Like clerks or cobblers. And just like the everyday Doomer, they too feel the scrutiny and cold, harsh criticism that their fellow mappers dole. These maps are here to chart and direct the progress of my vanilla mapping skills from a degree of next to nil to the bitter end of my dooming career, for one and all to see.
  • To encourage further reading, reviewing and general interest in the /Newstuff Chronicles, a vital artery of the Doomworld community.
  • To let people know that there exists a blog forum.
  • I’ll never get up off my feet and map otherwise!
The Maps:

Each map, as mentioned, will be vanilla compatible/limit removing (single player or multiplayer), and will aim to be constructed between each episode and for each episode of /newstuff, give or take. If a map is missed for whatever reason, tough luck for those interested: You’ll have to wait ‘till next time! Because of the limited time frame as well as a probable flux in interest over the many episodes, each map will aim to be relatively small and quick to complete, with maybe a few hours devoted tops. They will typically be Doom related, but may wander into the realm of Heretic and Hexen amongst others if the episode allows!

Each release will be posted up on my Doomworld blog.

The Process:

How might a simple, potentially fruitless wall of subjective /newstuff text dictate the mapping direction of a vanilla compatible/limit removing map? In quite a few ways!
  • The theme or gameplay derived from well or poorly received wads.
  • Cultural references featured in reviews.
  • Features pertaining to a reviewer’s likes and dislikes.
  • Insights given from commenting members of the community.
  • Flame wars.
  • Cold wars (despondent or comment-less threads)...
    Anything goes, and anything could have an impact! If it’s a flame war; expect a hard map; possibly slaughter. If it’s a cold one, prepare for a lesser romp through hell.
The maps will aim to benefit from the /newstuff edition, and not be dragged down by it. This means that if the overriding verdict is of boring releases, don’t expect there to be nothing but startan and wood ceiling.

The project will kick-start with the release of the next edition of /newstuff. Not the one waiting to take the front page now.

Oh, and tell me what you think!

PS: No there’s no screenshots. Haven’t you been reading?

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If it’s a flame war; expect a hard map; possibly slaughter.


Nice try, but I see through your plan ; you're part of the long oppressed ZDoom mouselooking commmunity who wants to get rid once and for all of all slaughter-loving idiots by giving us intentive to troll every /newstuff (which would presumably end up with being losered).

You can have fancy 3D floors and dynamic lightning in multiplayer, sir, but you can't take away our VOODOO DOLLS !

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Phml said:

Nice try, but I see through your plan ; you're part of the long oppressed ZDoom mouselooking commmunity who wants to get rid once and for all of all slaughter-loving idiots by giving us intentive to troll every /newstuff

My guise is ruined. Your soul is mine!

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I predict that in total one unfinished map will be made, about two weeks late, and containing some tag errors that make it Zdoom-only.

But that in itself will be quite fitting.

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Grazza said:

But that in itself will be quite fitting.

Your predictions are just and called for, but atrociously out of whack. The maps are more speedmaps than anything else, and are designed to ultimately force my mapping hand and improve both my skills and mapping knowledge. Quality improves with speed, and speed improves with quality. It's a cycle!

Whoo said:

troll

I only build the bridges.

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Kyka said:

irony lol

Yeah, I guess. But this isn't supposed to be a serious project or anything. Maybe the fact that I cited the release of two fictitious novellas in an opening comical gambit wasn't hint enough. I'll have to remember to embellish the promotion of my non-existent notoriety even further in future!

The reason I chose /newstuff reviews as a source for mapping is because it lends toward imaginative, abstract and ambiguous design. And because it's fun! Anyone who thinks this is an attempt at trolling or something is missing the point entirely, though I can understand why you might think it to be the case (granted the recent discussions that have been cropping up in the respective threads).

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I just realized probably the first speedmap you're going to be making will be based on a /newstuff where newgothic is reviewed. That'll be ... interesting.

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ArmouredBlood said:

I just realized probably the first speedmap you're going to be making will be based on a /newstuff where newgothic is reviewed.

Si. I'm currently down to review that one, though, and any reviews that I conduct probably won't have much influence on the map. The comments about the wad might, on the other hand. If they did have influence I might be too inclined to string up an assortment of observations in the review just so I can plan a map before the edition's even published! It would kind of prove counterproductive to the exercise in more ways than one.

Also, Creaphis is chairman of the board.

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