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Varis Alpha

Duke Never Comes Early

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A credible mention on the subject:



Please, feel free to offer your comments in the video's comment section if you want; it may be reiterated in the followup.

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Craigs said:

This. Words alone can not describe how much my mind was blown when I suddenly thought about the fact that I was jumping across burger buns on a stove

With all the fan-fare that is found in this game, you really get the feeling 3D Realms had a genuine love for this game. It' just too bad they didn't have a larger, competent team to get this game out the door around Doom 3/Painkiller time.

Sadly, no matter how cool the game mechanics are, the modern and older FPS players will never like this game. And they have a right, it's just so linear and one-time only.

I'm a huge Postal 2 fan so I can't dislike this game. It just has too many interactive and platformer moments and that's exactly what I'm trying to achieve with my Doom maps.

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There is such a mixture (good/bad) of quality in this game, I don't know what to think.
I don't completely hate it or like it.
It should have remained unreleased without a doubt.
This is not a finished product in my opinion.

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DNF is getting scathing reviews. Not a surprise. I've seen people (including the video posted above) compare it to Daikatana. It's not quite that bad, but it's one part fun and three parts boring. More time is spent dicking around in the environment and solving puzzles than shooting. For every decent line from Duke, there's another that makes you want to turn the game off. "Tonight, you dine in hell!" is probably the worst offender. "Pork Chop Sandwiches" is close, but is saved by the fact that I nostalgia'd when I heard it because my friends and I watched those G.I. Joe videos when we were in Middle School. I might have chuckled ten years ago.

I probably spent half an hour of play time listening to people spout exposition that only ever led to a platforming puzzle or a fight that would take less time than one of the platforming puzzles.

It has fun moments, but it plays like a beta sewn together from pieces of different games. It is more concerned with how awesome Duke Nukem is than how awesome a Duke Nukem game should be. I never imagined that a video game could be narcissistic, but DNF is. It keeps insisting that it's an action-packed, ass-kicking adventure no matter how little time you spend kicking ass.

It could be some kind of brilliant comedic theme that explores the concept of a man of action, touted as the most badass man on the planet, solving dull and time consuming puzzles more than he shoots aliens and rescues chicks.

...

Nah.

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Fiend said:

DNF is getting scathing reviews. Not a surprise.


On this topic: heh.

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Gez said:

On this topic: heh.


To be fair, some reviews were just flat out overly insulting, particularly Destructoid's review which just flat out said "Nobody should think kindly of such a miserable, lifeless, grotesque little game". On top of that it's chalk full of misinformation. I'm not necessarily supporting 2k's decision. Throwing a tantrum is never a proper solution. At the same time though it does seem like a few of these reviewers were just trying to be more insulting than informitive. Also:

1up:
Most adults will roll their eyes (or perhaps sneer in disgust) at the game's attempts at humor, and it reeks of the developers trying too hard, something that as every teenager will tell you, is totally uncool bro.


I'm probably invoking Godwin's law by posting this but I just can't resist.

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Craigs said:

To be fair, some reviews were just flat out overly insulting, particularly Destructoid's review which just flat out said "Nobody should think kindly of such a miserable, lifeless, grotesque little game".

It disgusts me that you would criticize an honest review just because it's "insulting".

I'm not necessarily supporting 2k's decision.

Having even the tiniest possibility of supporting 2K's decision is even more disgusting.

Bastards like you help the game industry be the smoking crater that it is.

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Duke Forever may be a terrible game, but I don't think there was a game in history with so many predetermined sneers destined for it.

It couldn't be helped, really.

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OK, so I've been playing Dook for about an hour now. Just finished the first turret deal. So far not that upset about regenerating health, and although I wish I could be a walking armory like the old days, I'm not that bummed about not being able to carry more than two weapons. However, a few things that DO bother me so far:

Invisible barriers. This is like the worst faux pas in games these days--You see somewhere you want to go, you see no possible obstacle in your way to prevent you from going there, you can't because of an invisible barrier. Way to screw immersion in the ass.

You can interact with some things, and not with others that look like they should be able to be interacted with. Another immersion killer.

Why does it take so long to get gonz (not counting the devastator part)? Why do the aliens' gonz disappear when they die during the first part of the game?

Also not too keen on the tube-run so far either, but I expected as much mostly. It doesn't have to be a sandbox, but they don't really give you much option on what path to take. As long as this goddamn game took, you'd think they'd at least make it a little more open.

Not horribly dissatisfied with it yet, but it's still not as good as it truly could have been.

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AndrewB said:

It disgusts me that you would criticize an honest review just because it's "insulting".


A. It's not honest. A lot of it is flat out bullshit. Let me go ahead and give a few examples.

Slot machines, frisbees, and pinball machines are all in attendance, providing minutes of humdrum busywork to get in the way of the combat.


All of these are completely optional, yet the review makes it sound like you absolutely have to do them to complete the game. They give you a permanent ego boost which makes things a bit easier but that's about it.

This wouldn't be a big deal if enemies weren't such bullet sponges and the weapons had any semblance of accuracy to them. This is not the case. Weapons feel fairly ineffectual, and the melee attack only occasionally connects with enemies.


Again, bullshit. Pig cops are probably the most common enemy in the game and they can be taken down with just 5-6 shots from the pistol, which is easily the weakest weapon in the game. The assault commanders are pretty much the only enemy that can even remotely be considered "bullet sponges" and considering they serve as minibosses for the most part, I don't consider that a problem.

Last but not least

After the rehash of the Duke Nukem 3D boss fight at the start of the game, it'll take thirty minutes before you're even given a gun.



Ripped straight from the cynical brit's video review no doubt since he was complaining about the same thing, and considering he spent most of the time stopping to complain about various aspects of the game and goofing around, taking what took both me and my brother about 10 minutes to get through, I wouldn't be surprised if this reviewer did the same thing.

The only thing I can really even agree with at all about this review is that the hive level was completely tasteless and disturbing and probably should have been cut altogether.

Having even the tiniest possibility of supporting 2K's decision is even more disgusting.

Bastards like you help the game industry be the smoking crater that it is.

A. I don't support 2k's decision to censor reviews, but I do agree that a lot of the reviewers were simply trying to be insulting, and it's kind of hard not to deny this when a lot of them say things like "Nobody should think kindly of such a miserable, lifeless, grotesque little game."
B. Gee, I'm terribly sorry for being a horrendous burden on the game industry by thinking that reviewers should act professionally and write constructive reviews instead of just trying to be as insulting as possible. I guess unlike you, I've actually got enough common sense to realize that if you insult someone, they're not going to react in a positive manner.

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this is what happens when you dont bribe reviewers
they get PO'ed when they can't grab additional income

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After reading the scathing reviews and seeing the general air of dislike around the internet, I fired up DNF (which I preordered on steam months back, so there was no turning back at that point) hoping for a Daikatana style "so fucking bad it's awesome" romp through a historic relic.

Now that I've played about 6 hours into the game, it's time for me to air my thoughts about DNF so that I can just get them off my chest. This is pretty much just a rant, not an in-depth review. I really just needed to express my sorrows.

First off, the game presents itself with the worst first impression I've ever seen in a game. Seriously, two introduction levels. And in those two levels you kill one alien. Now I'm totally for long non-combat sequences in shooters which establish the scene and get important story details across to the player, but these sequences are entirely purposeless. All you do is walk around Duke's egocentric hotel listening to people fawn all over you.

But that's enough about the opening. The first real level had me running around and punching aliens. At that point I found myself having fun for a bit. Until that got old. There was also a really sloppy RC car puzzle that seemed to be ripped straight from Shadow Warrior. That was dumb. And the rest of the level was just a boring, metallic corridor shoot-fest. Whatever. I wasn't totally offended at this point.

In fact, at about the halfway point of the game (I think that's where I'm at), I'm finding Duke Forever to be perfectly good light entertainment to pass the time. But I can't help but shake the feeling of bitterness I get while I'm playing. In fact, I even feel bitter just thinking about the game right now.

For one thing, DNF is incredibly tasteless. I'm not one to be offended by raunchy humor.. if it's funny. Here, it's not funny. It's totally unfunny. It's so unfunny that I groan everytime Duke makes a crude joke.

Spoiler

The worst case of the disgusting sense of humor here is during the Hive level when Duke continues to make boob jokes in spite of the tortured screams of young women hanging all around him. Girls are all tangled up in goo crying for their daddies and puking and Duke is slapping a disgusting alien wall boob and saying "got milk?" You can't tell me that isn't disturbing. Even worse is when he meets the Holsom twins again who have been impregnated Alien style and are about to die horribly and all Duke can say is "You're fucked!". Class.

Of course, the game does manage to get something right here and there. The Duke Burger level is clever enough and there are several somewhat engaging cinematic moments. But I think most of my bitterness stems from the fact that as I play Duke Nukem Forever 2011, I can't help but run the Duke Nukem Forever 2001 trailer through my head over and over and long for the awesomeness that would have been that game. I know I should at least finish the game, but I really really don't want to. I just want it to be over so I can move on and never think about it again.

That's all.

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Almost every review I've read bitches about Duke Nukem having interactivity.

Wired.co.uk said:
The game takes its sweet time, deploying plenty of puzzles, goofy mini-games and segments that ask the player to do nothing but walk along and soak up the atmosphere, admiring the paintings on the walls of Duke's mansion.


My God, everyone can't get past Duke's mansion. Does every gamer have some sort of super ADD/Aspergers? Every review bitches about it. That was what was incredible about Duke 3D, this is what parted it from Doom, it had little details and games hidden throughout. I mean, how can one not find the Duke Cave funny? You don't even have to interact with half the shit in Duke's house to get to the action. Walk out the door, kick the kid off his thrown, listen to exposition, play game.

Christ, I wish they didn't put any fan-fare in the game at all. Duke should have walked outside, put on the Green Power Armor and played Halo 3. It was just as fucking linear, had just as much boring exposition riddled fan-wank, and had just as stupid enemies.

Oh, wait...

Wired.co.uk said:
Current trends say that shooters like Halo and Call of Duty must be pared down ruthlessly into a brief string of exciting moments that follow one after the other at a rapid-fire pace. These games brake for nobody.

Bullshit, Halo was just as fucking disjointed as Duke. I don't know how many times I was irritated when that Goddamn Venus fly-trap or lizard-men popped on screen for deliberate fan-service.

Yes, this game is shit, that is why I canceled it and watched a play-through, but it suffers from what most FPS games suffer from as well. If there was a problem, it should have not tried to use the current FPS formula to flesh it out.

Krispavera said:

Spoiler

The worst case of the disgusting sense of humor here is during the Hive level when Duke continues to make boob jokes in spite of the tortured screams of young women hanging all around him. Girls are all tangled up in goo crying for their daddies and puking and Duke is slapping a disgusting alien wall boob and saying "got milk?" You can't tell me that isn't disturbing. Even worse is when he meets the Holsom twins again who have been impregnated Alien style and are about to die horribly and all Duke can say is "You're fucked!". Class.

Yeah, I don't know how that ever got through the door. Didn't thns game get delayed a month because of it's crude content?

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AndrewB said:

Bastards like you help the game industry be the smoking crater that it is.


What's the worst that could happen? A video game icon is emotionally destroyed? I can live with that.

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I just finished the hive level. Just...what were they thinking?

The worst part is that I was defending this game right up until that area. I defended the RC sections, the turrets, and the mini-Duke parts. Right now I'm trying to pick the game up again.

What's worse is that this game is probably kill the series as a whole.

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Yeah, I was found it kinda creepy you could do nothing but kill the babes in Duke 3D. The concept of alien impregnation was brought up in the Atomic Edition, I believe.

Also, this game would be a good way to close the franchise. The fact being; only the first three games are competently made entries. The onslaught of licensed console games sporting Dukes' title are lousy. Well, maybe not Manhattan Project.

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Fucking sad as shit, a series as great as Duke going out with the smallest of whimpers. I'd also like to keep in mind that I have been waiting since Day Fucking One of it's announcement. I think that Take-Two just kicked me in the balls through my TV.

I'll finish the game, just as I said I would. But I don't really think I can call the game "Great", just..."Good". And I didn't wait 14 fucking years for a merely "Good" game.

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If they had removed the girls whining pleas, it probably wouldn't have been off-putting. Duke 3D you felt like you were doing a favor killing the bounded chicks. It didn't offend me, but you can have to wonder how a few lines of dialogue from that section of the game made it through censors.

I hope they keep Shadow Warrior title untouched. I don't think you can get away with the stereotype these days anyway.

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Mr. Freeze said:

Fucking sad as shit, a series as great as Duke going out with the smallest of whimpers. I'd also like to keep in mind that I have been waiting since Day Fucking One of it's announcement. I think that Take-Two just kicked me in the balls through my TV.

I'll finish the game, just as I said I would. But I don't really think I can call the game "Great", just..."Good". And I didn't wait 14 fucking years for a merely "Good" game.


It's not great, nor good, but decent, and I think that's the biggest problem. Considering the game's history you'd expect something amazing once it's released, perhaps even a revolution in the game industry. Instead what you get is just, well, average. That's the best way I can sum DNF up. It's just an average shooter.
Looks like it's time for Duke Nukem to step down from his throne and make room for Serious Sam.

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Craigs said:

Looks like it's time for Duke Nukem to step down from his throne and make room for Serious Sam.

That franchise had already failed at the second entry. And don't get me started on HD.

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Technician said:

That franchise had already failed at the second entry. And don't get me started on HD.


I'll admit, Serious Sam 2 wasn't all that great but it does seem like they're ditching the excessively silly style of the second game and going back to the combination of silliness/seriousness of the first game. As for HD, I can't really say too much about it since it's just episodes 1 and 2 in a new engine. I've come to think of it as a sort of tech demo for the third game.

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Krispavera said:

There was also a really sloppy RC car puzzle that seemed to be ripped straight from Shadow Warrior.

So I wasn't the only one who got that impression.

"You're fucked!". Class.

TBH, I laughed right there and then. Simple and to the point, like in oldschool slasher movies where naked women die gruesomely and noone bothers trying to save them.

I saw the wall boobs mentioned earlier during a loading screen (slap our wall boobs instead of real ones), so I was waiting to see wtf that was about. Needless to say, when I found out I chuckled because of how completely random and ridiculous that idea was. It's even funnier that some interactive item they added as an excuse for throwing some lame one-liners is becoming a 'serious business' argument against the game along with the shit throwing and what not.

I have no problem with the Hive map, obviously. It's far from anything I'd call 'disturbing'. Here's to being desensitized.

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The Hive is disgusting, appearently it's supposed to be funny too.
It makes me look at Duke in a different light.
I can't play D3D the same, this wrecked it for me personally.

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soulsweat said:

The Hive is disgusting, appearently it's supposed to be funny too.
It makes me look at Duke in a different light.
I can't play D3D the same, this wrecked it for me personally.

Yes, how will you continue life with your damaged, de-virginal-ized soul.

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Technician said:

Yes, how will you continue life with your damaged, de-virginal-ized soul.

playing doom

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Pointed my browser towards Zero Punctuation's page this morning hoping to find the most entertaining review he's ever done. I guess he needs time to find the words.

On another note:-

Belial said:

I have no problem with the Hive map, obviously. It's far from anything I'd call 'disturbing'. Here's to being desensitized.

I agree. It's only an update of a theme we saw in DN3D, anyway. People are treating it like it's he most horrible thing ever imagined.

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I think it's the "I want my daddy" and "They put it in my mouth" comments that put a few people off. It is in bad taste, but this is something straight out of a tentacle hentai and I think that's where the inspiration came from.

However, I did like Duke's "You're Fucked" line. Duke never showed any sympathy to anybody other than himself so it was all too appropriate to his character. I mean, the man lives off his ego.

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Technician said:

I mean, the man lives off his ego.


I heh'd

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Technician said:

I think it's the "I want my daddy" and "They put it in my mouth" comments that put a few people off. It is in bad taste, but this is something straight out of a tentacle hentai and I think that's where the inspiration came from.

All the things already mentioned plus enemies called Pregnators that shoot sperm at you and jump on your face to rape you with their appendages are so OTT I just don't get how anyone could take it seriously enough to be genuinely offended.

I'm not going to try and spin DNF as a manifesto against political correctness in games but after hearing about how 'controvesial' Dead Island's trailer supposedly is and other non-issues that were blown out of proportion in recent years (Mass Effect's sex scene among others) I really enjoyed that aspect of the game. It's basically a big fuck you to that whiny crowd.

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