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The Horde

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Hey folks,

It has been a while. I hope everyone has been well.

Last November I participated in NaNoWriMo and wrote a zombie novel called The Horde. I have been wanting to write a zombie novel for a while, and this was a good time to do it.

It is very rough, and I wanted to do some editing (really a rewrite), but I just haven't had a chance. If interested, take a peek at the link above.

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Are you hoping for feedback that might help improve it? or just posting for fun?

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Just posting in case someone may want to peek at it. I haven't posted any of my fiction for a while. It needs a lot of work but right now I don't have time to really work on it. Of course comments are always welcome.

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Ah, well I can point out two things for future reference. They're the most glaring issues so far.

1) Repetition versus redundancy. When you want to emphasize something, repeating it can help drive the point home. However, when it's unintentional -- like referring to the man as "the man" constantly -- it slows the read to a crawl. Once you establish who or what the subject is, just refer to that subject as he/she/it from then on. At least until the subject changes.

2) Conciseness is awesome. Say what you want to say in as few words as possible, when possible. First sentence of the main narration:

"Jason Penfield pulled the police cruiser in front of the house where the possible domestic violence had been reported."

By referring to his police rank you can change "police cruiser" to "car". If his rank is just "officer" we can assume he's driving a squad car. Also the whole second half of that sentence says way too little with way too much: "where domestic violence was reported" is much better, though still not perfect. And this is assuming you even need to include anything before the description of a man screaming inside. Starting the chapter with the screaming chaos inside the house as the policemen are walking up to the front door to investigate....that would have got my attention WAY better.

Anyway, food for thought when you find the time to work on this more. Happy writing and all that.

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