Some Star Wars Questions

[gggmork]

Ok, when luke is on yoda's planet and goes to fight the fake darth vader in the cave, why are there snakes and iguanas and shit in there? Is the audience just supposed to go, well, those are sort of aliens.. I guess.. relative to humans at least. Are they examples of convergent evolution? Couldn't they just whip up a couple alien puppets instead of using earth species?
Then there's the sarlacc.. it digests you for 1000 years, but what if that is longer than your life span? If a fruit fly with a life span of 30 days falls in, is it somehow kept living for 1000 years? To stay alive, the victim would presumably need to eat, so does the sarlacc have mammary glands inside or something to feed its victims? Somehow the nutrients it gets from digesting the victim must be greater than the nutrients it sacrifices to keep the victim alive, otherwise why would it bother? Maybe its behavior is guided by evil and just wants to torture the victim rather than eat it. I think one of the prequels should have been about giants on that planet daring eachother to stick their penis in the sarlacc hole.

[neubejiita]

Sarlacc pit.

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Sarlacc

Your question answered.

[bytor]

Soon, ALL the giants were laying face-down on the ground and refused to get up!

[Technician]

gggmork said:

Hi morons,
Ok, when luke is on yoda's planet and goes to fight the fake darth vader in the cave, why are there snakes and iguanas and shit in there?

Don't worry, I've contacted Lucas and he'll be adding fly wings and scorpion tails on them digitally.

[Craigs]

Because midi-chlorian and fuck you that's why

[GreyGhost]

gggmork said:

Ok, when luke is on yoda's planet and goes to fight the fake darth vader in the cave, why are there snakes and iguanas and shit in there? Is the audience just supposed to go, well, those are sort of aliens.. I guess.. relative to humans at least. Are they examples of convergent evolution?

Given that practically all intelligent lifeforms in the universe conform to our general body plan - with something altered, augmented or removed here and there - why shouldn't the same apply with other species?

Then there's the sarlacc.. it digests you for 1000 years, but what if that is longer than your life span? If a fruit fly with a life span of 30 days falls in, is it somehow kept living for 1000 years?

Maybe it only feels like 1000 years, I haven't spent enough time studying the sarlacc's digestive system to give you a definitive answer. One thing I can say is that raising them in captivity is hard work.

[DoomUK]

gggmork said:

Hi morons,
Ok, when luke is on yoda's planet and goes to fight the fake darth vader in the cave, why are there snakes and iguanas and shit in there? Is the audience just supposed to go, well, those are sort of aliens.. I guess.. relative to humans at least. Are they examples of convergent evolution? Couldn't they just whip up a couple alien puppets instead of using earth species?

Expect them to be digitally replaced with aliens and shit when Lucas gets round to doing the 3D "remake". Knowing how he likes to piss around with this stuff we're probably going to see the Yoda puppet replaced with a CGI character, too. Like it or loathe it.

gggmork said:

Then there's the sarlacc.. it digests you for 1000 years, but what if that is longer than your life span? If a fruit fly with a life span of 30 days falls in, is it somehow kept living for 1000 years? To stay alive, the victim would presumably need to eat, so does the sarlacc have mammary glands inside or something to feed its victims? Somehow the nutrients it gets from digesting the victim must be greater than the nutrients it sacrifices to keep the victim alive, otherwise why would it bother? Maybe its behavior is guided by evil and just wants to torture the victim rather than eat it. I think one of the prequels should have been about giants on that planet daring eachother to stick their penis in the sarlacc hole.

Where does it say that you're kept alive for a thousand years? The line goes, verbatim, "In its belly you will find a new definition of pain and suffering as you are slowly digested over a thousand years". Not "In it's belly you will be tortured for a thousand years before you finally die". The point Jabba was trying to make via C3PO as his interpreter is that it's a horrible way to die and the most fitting punishment for people that fuck with him.

[Enjay]

The movies are films: a form of entertainment.

People, no, sub-human freakazoids feel a need to explain everything in the movies.

If something perfectly logical from the perspective of making a movie but apparently inexplicable in the context of the content of the movie world happens, the freakzoids tie themselves in knots trying to explain it.

The caves contain lizards and snakes because they were available and make people squeamish.

The sarlacc description is one that is meant to sound nasty.

end of.

Classic example: Some publicity shots for one of the prequel trilogy movies were released with Hayden Christiansen holding a light sabre that was different to the one he used in the film. When asked about this by geeks, the official website "Ask Madame Jocasta-nu" section could have said, get over it shrivelled balls, it's a fucking movie promo shot. We just used the props available at the time. But no, they had to make up some bullshit about how it was indicative of the ancient Jedi tradition of exchanging light sabres to show trust and faith in your fellow Jedi. And so that bullshit becomes part of Star Wars lore. Fuck off.


I don't know, or give a damn, what people have come up wit to explain the lizards but I know that there have been a number of bullshit explanations put forward as to how the sarlacc can keep you alive for 1000 years. They even use this as a "reason" for Boba Fett (the most over-rated character in the world ever) to live and manage to escape.

[Aliotroph?]

Agreed. For some reason it always happens that writers on TV insert a clever line for somebody and then a later writer comes along and assumes the character is a reliable source and bends over backwards to fit the stupid statement into canon. If a character says a universe-breaking, illogical thing why not just assume they're being stupid and move on?

[DoomUK]

Aliotroph? said:

If a character says a universe-breaking, illogical thing why not just assume they're being stupid and move on?

But again, nothing about sustaining life for 1000 years was even said by any of the characters.

You don't have to be a Lucas-worshiping basement dweller who still faps over promo photos of Princess Leia and engages in hilarious serious arguments with other overweight onanists online about the smallest, most insignificant details of the Star Wars Expanded Universe lore to be able to follow the dialogue in a film :p

[Enjay]

DoomUK said:

But again, nothing about sustaining life for 1000 years was even said by any of the characters.

You are quite correct, but that hasn't stopped a certain element of the fanbase assuming that's what it meant and then inventing all sorts of bollocks explanations for how it might happen. I'm not sure if any of the "explanations" are considered canon, but it wouldn't surprise me if one was. If that Wookiepedia page that neubejiita linked to is reporting canon information, then one has (as has the idea that Boba Fett escaped).

Next people will be telling me that a fucking "cool and trendy" "ooh they are a scary, gothy, warrior-society, selectively bred, surgically modified species from outwith the galaxy and outside the force and with an appearance totally out of keeping with the whole rest of the universe" have been accepted as canon too. Nah, that would be ridiculous wouldn't it? Wouldn't it?

[DuckReconMajor]

People try to explain stuff because it's fun and it makes the world a bit more believable.

[Mr. Freeze]

Aliotroph? said:

Agreed. For some reason it always happens that writers on TV insert a clever line for somebody and then a later writer comes along and assumes the character is a reliable source and bends over backwards to fit the stupid statement into canon. If a character says a universe-breaking, illogical thing why not just assume they're being stupid and move on?

See: the Kessel Run.

[scalliano]

I prefer Red Dwarf anyway.

[Enjay]

DuckReconMajor said:

People try to explain stuff because it's fun..

Agreed, it can be. But when that fun becomes translated into intractable law that geeks argue over and which subsequent elements are tailored (perhaps even compromised) to tie in with, the fun factor drops off pretty sharply IMO. Mind you, I feel like that about most of the EU.

DuckReconMajor said:

...and it makes the world a bit more believable.

Not if the explanation, no matter how passionately adhered to, is utter unbelievable bollocks. ;)

[gggmork]

I'm starting to think the reptiles were part of the training illusion to simulate an earth battleground in case the real battle takes place there. Any idiot can dodge, parry and do a spinning 360 degree back slash, cutting off Darth Vader's head in a barren, distraction-free training simulation.. but the real test is whether you can do it in an environment filled with iguanas and snakes. That takes a completely different skill set. When needed, a true Jedi (that passes spell check when capitalized, confirming this is all based on reality) would be able to temporarily use a snake as a weapon when disarmed, or deflect a fly with the butt of your saber so that an iguana fires its tongue at the back of your enemy's head to distract him.

I have another theory that wookiees and ewoks are males and females, respectively, of the same species. They just have a high degree of sexual dimorphism kind of like orangutans. I'm not about to trust any wookieepedia articles since they are confirmed propaganda put out by the new world order.

[Kirby]

[p

gggmork said:

When needed, a true Jedi (that passes spell check when capitalized, confirming this is all based on reality) would be able to temporarily use a snake as a weapon when disarmed

I have another theory that wookiees and ewoks are males and females, respectively, of the same species. They just have a high degree of sexual dimorphism kind of like orangutans. I'm not about to trust any wookieepedia articles since they are confirmed propaganda put out by the new world order.

Bad images.

Bad images everywhere

[Coopersville]

... So Han Solo was a force user?

[Technician]

Coopersville said:

... So Han Solo was a force user?

He can out smart a bullet, so I assume so.

[Clonehunter]

When it comes to Star Wars, the only explanation you need is "Fuck You. It's how it works. The Force is responsible. Duh. Any troglodyte would know that."

Why I don't mess with Star Wars anymore except for the Dark Forces video games and Kyle Katarn.

[Sharessa]

scalliano said:

I prefer Red Dwarf anyway.

[hervoheebo]

I recently rewatched the original trilogy and thought about Jabba's/3P0's statement about the sarlacc a bit too. It's somewhat poorly worded, but I'd think the main gist is that the victim dies slowly, from either dehydration or dissolution, dies and is THEN digested. And about the snakes and lizards on Dagobah (is it a system or a planet?), I just like to think that it's a planet of swamps, ergo they put swamp fauna into the set to hit the image home. No need to overanalyze it, but I guess that's just a hobby of some. Namely Wookieepedia editors. Seriously, I looked at Obi-Wan's page, wanted to read about the second duel with Vader and just scrolled down. It took forever, there are like ten pages' worth of text just about his involvements in the CGI cartoon.

I mean, I don't know if it's better than Wikipedia's "only 'noteworthy' entries, minimal content" approach, but even still it's a shame that the entire site is under the choking grasp of Wikia. It's like the wiki is the galaxy, and Wikia is the Galactic Empire. But where's the Alliance? Then there's the whole EU... I just prefer to ignore most of it, all the stupid crap about Palpatine having clones, Darth Vader finding Luke's hand and making a clone of it, Hutt jedis... I just like the original trilogy the best. All the obnoxious CGI additions in the rereleases can go back to the prequel trilogy, too.

[GreyGhost]

gggmork said:

I have another theory that wookiees and ewoks are males and females, respectively, of the same species. They just have a high degree of sexual dimorphism kind of like orangutans.

They're also on separate planets, which would have made reproduction difficult prior to the development of interstellar spacecraft.

[Dragonsbrethren]

Enjay said:

You are quite correct, but that hasn't stopped a certain element of the fanbase assuming that's what it meant and then inventing all sorts of bollocks explanations for how it might happen. I'm not sure if any of the "explanations" are considered canon, but it wouldn't surprise me if one was. If that Wookiepedia page that neubejiita linked to is reporting canon information, then one has (as has the idea that Boba Fett escaped).

Everything that happens/is stated in the Star Wars EU is canon unless contradicted by something in the movies themselves. That includes the video game where you punch two of these things to death with your bare hands.

The EU is mostly one huge clusterfuck of terribleness far worse than anything in the prequels, and I'm glad I never really got into it. Some of the novels are supposedly actually worth reading, but none of the ones I read were, and someone thought this guy was a good idea.

[deathbringer]

The only EU novels I really liked were the X-wing ones, mainly because they're "yer typical" fighter pilot stories (well American fighter pilot stories where they're always going "NNNnooooo" over each special little snowflake in the squadron) that just happen to be set in Star Wars.

I once read a great rant about the EU about how every spy in the galaxy is a "Bothan" because of a throwaway line in one of the films. Are the Bothans a whole race of spies? What do they go in disguise as? (well maybe they're shape shifters or something).

[dew]

Dragonsbrethren said:

Everything that happens/is stated in the Star Wars EU is canon unless contradicted by something in the movies themselves. That includes the video game where you punch two of these things to death with your bare hands.

that's because kyle katarn is just that fucking badass. was. before he got younger (no wrinkles, higher pitched voice) and became a jedi, which made him significantly less cool. i like star wars without the light sticks.

[Mr. Freeze]

The only good EU stuff is:

Thrawn Trilogy (ending aside)
Yuzung-Vong Trilogy (bcuz)
Shadows of the Empire (Dash Rendar fuck yeah)
KOTOR / KOTOR II
X-Wing / Tie Fighter
Rogue Squadron

[Enjay]

Dragonsbrethren said:

The EU is mostly one huge clusterfuck of terribleness far worse than anything in the prequels...

Very much agreed.

[Sharessa]

deathbringer said:

The only EU novels I really liked were the X-wing ones, mainly because they're "yer typical" fighter pilot stories (well American fighter pilot stories where they're always going "NNNnooooo" over each special little snowflake in the squadron) that just happen to be set in Star Wars.

I read the first two X-Wing novels and Shadows of the Empire. That's as far into the EU as I dared to delve. The Star Wars universe is a bit silly.

[Snakes]

Shadows of the Empire is pretty cool, yes. KOTOR also did a fair job at adding a good story to the universe's background. Everything else ranges from mediocre to downright unbearable.... Then again, I enjoyed a few of the stories from Bounty Hunters.