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Doomguy: Life Before the Shit

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--Doomguy: Life Before the Shit--


Not all details and biography of Doomguy were revealed in the Doom media. Who is actually this mysterious person, what are his actual interests, and what kind of life did he have before the incidents on Mars?

This post aims to answer a fraction of those questions. Let us proceed with the biography.

--SEPTEMBER 29, 2115--
In a nearly post-apocalyptic Earth, when most of the planet's resources are vanished, our hero is born.
His mother dies upon birth, and his father's fate remains unknown.
It is good to note that most people have moved to Mars by now, in more liveable conditions, while the poorer people remained on Earth.
Ocassionally, at random times, a shuttle of soldiers from Mars comes to Earth to recruit people who are deemed worthy for that. They go through several tests before, which measure their strenght, intellect, etc...

Doomguy spends some of the following years of his life on the unwelcoming Earth, learning how to take care of himself, ocassionaly having to kill people in order to get food. His lifestyle here is not unlike the videogame Manhunt. That's why he keeps a very low profile, being almost unnoticed, because he's good at sneaking around, generally avoiding toe-to-toe battles.

--DECEMBER 2128--

The soldier troops from Mars arrive to Earth once again, for more recruitments. Here, they notice Doomguy, who impresses them with his impressive combat skills. They take him on their shuttle without the smallest doubt, despite him being only 13 years old at this point. He briefly figures out from their conversations that the soldiers work for an organisation called the UAC. Upon arriving on Mars, he is trained heavily, learning all the things he needed to know, that he couldn't learn from the ghetto fauna on Earth. Such as reading. Or writing. Or following goddamn orders, 'cause life ain't just about killing shit by yourself.

His training takes 5 years, ending when he is 18.

Continuation on PART II, soon...
Also, take note that I'm a little high while I write this, so don't be that harsh...

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The 5 years of FORCED and PAINFUL training (pun intended) provide our protagonist with a shitload of new skills. He learns advanced melee combat (using his fists and the chainsaw), he learns how to use a large arsenal of weapons, from the .9mm minipistol to the massive chaingun and rocket launcher. He is also briefed lightly that some prototype plasma-based weapons exist, at which Doomguy replies: 'WTF is plasma?'

--21 MARCH 2134--
Training ends. Doomguy is now officially a soldier in the UAC. He is assigned to guard some important facilities on Mars, in which secret experiments happen, of which he is not allowed to know about.
He spends his next year on this job.

A notable fact this year is the fact that he is hired by the scientists to test an experimental drug. Not knowing what this drug does, he ingests it. It is sufficient to say that it is actually a very powerful laxative, causing our hero to do a very violent diarheea, killing someone in the explosion on his back.

--03 APRIL 2135--

Things are starting to go awry in the secret facility Doomguy is guarding. He spies throught the UAC, finding out that the scientists are testing a new type of weapon, called the BFG 8000 PROTOTYPE. This weapons creates a huge blastfield upon being fired, a blastfield which violently scatters matter around time and space.
At this point, it is severly overpowered, requiring more than 30 percent of the power of the main reactor in order to work. If something would go wrong, it would destroy everything in a 2 square miles area.

--04 APRIL 2135, 21:13--

So far, it's been a normal day for Doomguy, with regular guarding shit. He is now getting ready for sleep, because his shift is almost over, when...

There is a big shock around the base, and everybody panicks and starts running scared.
*bang* *bang* *bang* *WHUOOOHH*
And then Doomguy falls unconscious.

--date unknown--
He wakes up in a middle of a land. Around him is a landscape he had never seen before: the skies are blue, there are green trees... It's like... Earth in the past???
But there is something wrong: he's hearing gunfire all around him; people are falling dead all around him. There are some weird humans with brown suits and gray headcaps, speaking German!
Intruiged, one of the brown people aproaches him, says some words Doomguy couldn't understand, and than hits him in the head with the handle of his pistol, causing our hero to fall unconscious a second time...

Continuation in PART III...

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I'm definitively VA-ing this one when it's done ;-)

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Maes said:


I'm definitively VA-ing this one when it's done ;-)

I'll finish it tommorow. I'm a bit cooked right now, gotta go to bed. What does VA mean, BTW?

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I'll finish it tommorow. I'm a bit cooked right now, gotta go to bed. What does VA mean, BTW?

What does BTW mean, QR?

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I'll finish it tommorow. I'm a bit cooked right now, gotta go to bed. What does VA mean, BTW?

Try reading the introduction of DMCHOSHO more carefully ;-)

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Mithral_Demon said:

Pretty good.

But shouldn't this belong in Doom Fanfic section?? O.o

That forum is dead.

*Last post 03-25-12 19:07

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--date still unknown--

Doomguy wakes up disoriented, not being able to remember clearly what just happened... It was so fast... first,that goddamn explosion... then waking up in the middle of a battlefield... only to end up here afterwards.
He slowly gets up from the cold floor, and starts looking around. He is inside of what seems to be a jail... The walls around him are blue, and there is only one door, which is made out of steel, and can't be forcibly opened.
'I'm in jail? Shit!' Doomguy thinks to himself. Panicked, he starts to desperately hit the door with his fists. He then realises that his armor is gone, along with his knuckles, and he only has a gray prisoner suit on him.
'Damn!' he says to himself.

A guard hears him hitting the walls and he enters the cell. The door makes a loud, metallic noise upon opening.

Doomguy notices a weird cross on the guard's shoulder, who then starts yelling:

'You Amerikan pig, eef ya don stop making noize, I will shoot yar ass like a hound!'

Our hero replies: 'Whoa, whoa, wait a sec... Just WTF is going on here? What is this place? What date is it?...'

'Playing stupid will not help you in any way, schwein!' The guard replies. Then he starts walking around Doomguy's cell, babbling some bullshit about how the supremacy belongs to Germany, and how Hitler is the ultimate God...

'Uh-huh. So these fags are Nazis...' Doomguy thinks to himself.
But there's no time to chatter now. While the guard isn't paying attention, the protagonist grabs him from the back and snaps his neck afterwards. It kind of sounds like this:

'...and a new era will start with our Fuhrer, an era which...' *pow* *crunch*.

'Yeah, yeah, keep talking, asshole.' Doomguy calmly replies. Then he starts searching the Nazi's corpse for anything useful. He finds a key, a weird pistol with the name 'Luger' engraved on it, and a pocket calendar that reads: 'JANUARY 30 1943'.

Doomguy gets pissed off:
'WHAT?!? You gotta be kiddin' me! That thing thrown me right in the middle of World War II ! I'm gonna kill the fucking idiots who designed that BFG thing!'

He arms the pistol, opens his celldoor with the key, and proceeds forward.
From the right corner, two other guards pop out, trying to kill our hero. They never get to reach for their guns, though, as he swiftly shoots them in the head.
He then looks around, noticing another celldoor, like his. He opens it, only to find a dead Russian inside. His ID card reads: 'B.J. Blazkowicz'

Doomguy says to himself: 'I'm gonna make that Hitler pussy say my name, and I'm gonna get out of this craphole. There's gotta be a way to make it back to the future. I'm gonna take this ID with me, then I'm gonna join with the Soviets as soon as I get out of this prison. If those fag Nazis want Deathmatch, I'll give them what they want.'

He then proceeds down the hallway, killing more Nazis on his way...

Continuation in PART IV...

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Doomguy, who now calls himself B.J. continues to blast through the Nazi prison, killing everything on sight. One might believe, though, that the Nazi guards should ring the alarm upon seeing the intruder, thus calling in more backups. It is not the case in this situation, though.
Doomguy, or better said B.J. ,kills the guards so quick, that they don't even get to make the first step towards the alarm button before they get headshot.

As he advances, he also acquires new weapons: first, an MP40, then a Mosin Nagant rifle, and ultimately, a primitive form of minigun.

Also, he occasionally interogates Nazis for information in very FORCED and PAINFUL ways...

--FEBRUARY 03, 1943--
After much, much blood and killing, our hero makes it out of the prison, having also obtained some valuable information about the Nazi's strategic plans.
He is aware that Hitler wants to get his hands on a device codenamed 'Spear of Destiny', who is rumoured to have very valuable powers, with which Hitler could change the fate of the entire world.

The protagonist thinks: 'That's it! That's the shit I need! If I get my hands on this spear thing, maybe it could get me back to my future!
And besides, by taking it away before Hitler does, I would save mankind!'

He also knows that Dr. Schabbs has the most information about the Spear, so, after resting for 2 days in a safe place, he proceeds to Castle Hollehammer.

--FEBRUARY 05, 1943--

Here, he fights creatures that he had never seen before: green, undead robots with guns implanted in their chests.
After blazing through 8 floors and 10000 zombies, Doomguy finally gets to Dr. Schabbs.
Upon seeing him, the marine replies: 'Whoa, crap, I thought this doctor was a skinny gay fag, not a biggot who throws seringes twice my size and takes 1000 bullets to kill!'
Despite being badly injured, the man of Doom beats the shit out of Schabbs, then starts interogating him in a gruesome way.

'Thought you could beat me, motherfucker? Now that all your friends are dead, what are you gonna do? Ha, fag?'
Then he grabs a seringe and starts cutting through Schabs's arm, slowly and painfully...

'You know, ever since I got here, you fags have been a real pain in my ass...'

Schabbs cries out:
'Alright, what do you want? Stop, please stooop! It hurts!!!...'

Doomguy replies:
'The Spear of Destiny, bitch! What is it and what does it do?'

The doctor pretends he doesn't know:
'Whoa... what spear... what is that?'

Our hero then gets seriously pissed, grabs a knife, and cuts off Schabs's dick.
'AAAAARRGHHHH! God! You schwein, you cut my dingle off! Curse you!...'

'The Spear, motherfucker!' Doomguy screams.

'Okay, okay... Hitler has it, under the... the bunker under Reichstag... Ple...please don't kill me!' the doctor begs.

'I won't. But if what you said ain't true, you'll wish you were never born.' Doomguy warns Schabbs, than exits Hollehammer.

'So, off to the bunker we at...' speaks to himself...

Continuation in PART V...

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Doom Dude said:

LOL @ Life before the shit. Nice title... kinda says it all.

Thanks a lot dude!

Kirby said:

HAHAHAHAHA I demand more!

Go ahead and read the III and IV. I'm glad you like it.

StevieCybernetik said:

lmfao, this is god damn brilliant hahahahaha

Thanks man! Drugs do miracles! Because, you know, I wrote most of this while on weed... ;)

Scypek2 said:

Holy cow! That was actually suprising. I can't wait for more.

There you go...

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Well, finish that up, so I can drink half a bottle of nasty Bulgarian whiskey to roughen up and read this aloud with my sexy, smooth voice that makes all da hoes wet their panties :-p

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--FEBRUARY 10, 1943--

After a long, painful, journey, our hero finally makes it to Reichstag. However, the bunker is surrounded by a large number of Nazis.
He starts thinking up a plan:
'Damn. Too many bastards. Can't engage them all by myself, they'll cut me up like butter... I gotta find a Panzer to pwn those n00bs.'

And so he does. He goes back into the battlefield, sneaks up behind a tank, climbs on it, opens the door with his massive strenght, shoots the fag inside with the Luger, and voila, he's in command of the tank.
'So I got the tank, let's roll!'

He drives it straight to the bunker. The Nazi guard try to take down the tank with their MP40s. It doesn't work, and Doomguy ends up crushing all the fascists beneath the tank's tracks.'

He gets off the tank, proceeding inside the bunker. Inside, there's nothing but silence. But then the protagonist hears an echoed voice from far away:

'Die, Amerikan hund...'

He readies his chaingun, when suddenly something that looks like a huge robot jumps on the ground.
It starts shooting at Doomguy with it's dual chainguns. Our hero is fast, though, and he gets to cover before any bullet hits him.

From behind the cover, the screams: 'Who the fuck are you?'

The two start talking:
'I am the ruler of Deutschland, and I'm here to terminate you. You have killed plenty of my soldiers, and now your time to die has come. I will make sure you will regret every single life you've taken.'

'Hitler? Is that you? You sick motherfucker, what 'd ya done to your face? You look like shit!'

'It's just a suit, you stupid fuck.'

'Who do you think you're scaring with that? Your grandma?'

Then Doomguy pops out of the cover, charging with the minigun at Hitler. As a result of the precise hits, the Nazi ruler looses his mecha-armor, remaining in his bare uniform.

'Not so tough now, huh, asshole? Now answer a question and maybe I'll let you live: where is the Spear of Destiny?'

'In... in the room behind me!' Hitler replies scared.

'Better be that way.' Doomguy says, and he heads towards the door while keeping pointed at the dictator's head.

Doomguy opens the door. Inside is a small chamber which contains a sceptre-like device.

'How do I use this? Doomguy asks.'
'Press the ON button, set a date and location and it will take you there.' Hitler says .

Doomguy proceeds as instructed, and he sets the date to JAN 2129, on Mars.

'How can you be so sure it's not a trap?' Hitler asks.

'It's my only chance to return home.' our hero says, and presses the TELEPORT button.

A portal opens around Doomguy. He gets panicked, but he loses his conscience shortly...

Continuation in part VI...

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Why wolfenstein of all the places? It's Doom, right?

Drugs do miracles!

Indeed ;0) I love to record demos on drugs. It rises the demo quality up to the skies.

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