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Central Processing

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Alright, since the character limit has been rasied (don't ask me how), I thought I might be able to put this one up finally. Here goes:

Nothing interesting happened on the way down. In fact, the trip was relatively short, almost literally a hop, skip, and jump away. The only thing that kept this from being entirely literal was the fact that they went down, not across. But ironically, sort of, when they went down the temperature actually fell. Would going deeper into Hell not mean that the infernal heat would only get worse as one fell deeper and deeper into its unending pits? Then again, were they really in Hell yet? It sure felt like it, especially with the odd symbols, the pentagrams mainly, strewn about the base. And those pink demons, they sure looked a lot like devils with those horns. But a thought struck both of them at once; maybe they did not enter Hell, but rather, Hell entered here...

As before, the trip was very short, almost too short in fact. The lift had stopped much sooner than they had anticipated. McKnight took a look at his watch; it only read about fifteen seconds later than when they entered the lift. "Was my mind wandering again? Perhaps I was just mesmerized by what I just said," McKnight told himself. That shouldn't have been ruled out as a possibility, for earlier in his life he was diagnosed with autism. A condition like that was not good for a Marine. The slightest lack of concentration or a daydream could be the difference between victory or defeat on the battlefield. McKnight was surprised that the Marine Corps admitted him into the service. Hey, at least he wasn't blind or, shall we say, 'minimally exceptional'. Another famous comedian from his parents' generation, not the same one mentioned before, hated euphemisms like that, but we should all be polite right now.

"Oh well, I guess it's nothing," McKnight said again, this time out loud to Jeff. They both pounded through the door of this lift. Ahead of them was a floor with some scattered shells and bullets. After that was a path to another door. On each side was a cage within a window outlooking another path along a slime pit. The only thing they didn't find was a computer terminal to access. "What the hey? This doesn't look like the computer station!" said a flabbergasted McKnight.

"Computer station? What do we need to go to the computer station for?" asked Jeff.

"Think about it Private; if we access the main computer, we might be able to find out how all this started along with a possible solution."

"Oh," was all Jeff said back.

"Still, where the hell are we?" asked McKnight. He looked over to a map on the left wall. From where he was standing he could easily make out the words 'central processing'. "OK, this might be the next best place. Though it doesn't contain the main computer database, it DOES contain the central computer for operating all the systems on this base. Without this place, there'd be no way to relay all the information and instructions to the rest of the systems on this base! Yes, this acts as the motherboard of the whole installation. These computers are the brain of this place."

"And, uh, just what does all that mean?" Jeff asked, just like a Marine private would.

"It basically means this place runs everything here: life support, comm system, everything," McKnight answered. "If we're ever going to find a way to control anything here, then this is the place to be. Question is, what will happen when the monsters find this place, assuming they haven't already?" The mere thought frightened McKnight. Even though these creatures did not show the best intelligence in the world, maybe some basic instinct from within those hollow skulls could figure out where power could be diverted from?

As McKnight still pondered this, looking at the map at the same time, Jeff grabbed by his right shoulder and pushed him out of the way. Immediately following was a shot from Jeff's shotgun. It took a few moments for McKnight to gain his senses as to what was going on. His first reaction was to grab the private and demand what was going on. "WHAT IN GOD'S NAME DID YOU BREAK MY CONCENTRATION FOR???" he yelled. With a timid look on his face, Jeff pointed to the ground in front of them. McKnight followed the pointing finger to a zombie on the floor, its blood oozing out of the head-shot that Jeff gave to it. "Oh, I'm sorry," McKnight said again more calmly and releasing his grasp from Jeff.

"I...it was my Marine training kicking in McKnight," Jeff said just as timidly as he looked. "He was about to shoot too."

"I know," McKnight responded, "I'm just so on edge right now. You'll be just like me in a few years." With this, he went over to Jeff and patted him on the shoulder.

They moved on down the path they saw when they entered. Right in the middle the other path intersected this one. Jeff now took the time to look both ways as a pedestrian would before crossing a busy New York city street. "Why don't you take the high road and I take the low road?" he asked.

"No way. Do you remember what happened last time we split up?" McKnight asked. He was, of course, referring to the time they separated in command control. "Do you want the same thing happening to you?"

"No Sergeant!" Jeff responded in accordance to standard Marine doctrine.

Now it was McKnight's turn to peer around the corners of the path. After a few seconds he finally made a suggestion. "Hmmmmm, to our left is what looks like a large computer room. Let's take that way first." Off they went. When they arrived McKnight made one more comment. "A ha! I was right! If I'm not mistaken, this should be the computer core!" Only one feature of this room disturbed both Jeff and McKnight; arranged in a very orderly fashion, definitely not randomly, were a great number of barrels around the room. Just the fact that barrels themselves were even placed in a computer room disturbed McKnight especially. "This is just not common procedure. What idiot would place these things in, of all places, a computer room?"

"It's trap, I'm telling you," Jeff commented.

"Hush! Do you want to jinx us?" McKnight quietly asked Jeff. But just as he said this, something caught his attention from across the room. Lying square in between two center control panels was an object that McKnight had wanted to know how he lost in the military base, a red key card. "I think you just did jinx us," McKnight said back to Jeff again. The private just shrugged his shoulders in confusion. "That thing looks too tempting to pass up. We can't get anywhere without it, so I'd better make a grab for it. Stay here and cover my back," McKnight ordered Jeff. The private did as ordered.

McKnight entered this somewhat hollow room with much caution, turning every so often as he stepped to make sure nothing was on his tail. Almost as soon as he entered, though, he met up with the red key on the floor. Something about the color gave McKnight a feel of dread in his stomach. It must have been the color itself; red like that of rare steak. Was this just the chewy morsel that the unsuspecting victim had awaited? Did the evil creatures that overtook this base have the classic predatory sense in them? McKnight almost wanted to put it down, but he felt that if this key was the bait, then it was too late. The net had already been snared, now it was just a matter of waiting for the branch to snap and to get entangled in the mesh below.

A minute and a half passed...nothing, not even a whir from the computers. That also disturbed McKnight. If this area was so secure, then why had the door to it been open and the computers nonoperative? But he didn't want to wait one more second; he got what he came for and wanted to get out. Just as made a 180 turn, however, he saw the entrance to the room slam shut. Now he and Jeff were really trapped like rats. Adding injury to insult, he heard the sound of more doors opening from all directions. A few of the panels opened up revealing hordes of imps and zombies. Great, just great, the Marines were outnumbered almost 8 to 1, hardly good enough odds for survival. "Nuh-uh," was all McKnight said, and he ran faster than lightning back to the entrance.

As he made his way back, he grabbed Private Lamb by the collar of his uniform and spewed like a volcano to his face. "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SAY WHAT YOU DID? DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU'VE DONE??????"


Only McKnight's heightened reflexes saved them both from becoming Marine flambe at that moment, for an imps fireball flew towards them. "DUCK!" McKnight said as he pushed Jeff to the floor. It only missed them by a hair. The burn mark in the wall served as a reminder to them as to how lethal those orange balls really were. Actually, Jeff did not need to be reminded; he just came back from a close encounter with one himself. "Stand back," McKnight ordered the private again. "I'm going to take a pop shot with my rocket launcher." Thankfully he had the opportunity to do so, for an imp had been shot by a zombie and decided to take his pitiful anger out on all the zombies in the room. Everybody and his brother soon joined in on the fight. "I cannot believe this! Are THESE the product of a mass intelligence? I'm not impressed!" McKnight commented to himself.

With the rocket launcher at the ready, he took aim at one of the farthest barrels in the room. He hoped to start a chain reaction that would ultimately decimate the nasties. With the pull of the trigger, a small sample of hell struck one of the barrels. The explosion was spectacular, if not a little gory. Some of the explosion made its way to the entrance, so McKnight had to hold Jeff back with his right arm to shield him. Hey, he still felt some responsibility toward the kid. Afterwards, the holocaust finally came to an end, and nothing but charred viscera and the smell of fried flesh filled the air.

"Smells just like one of my Aunt Edna's barbecues," Jeff mused.

"Fine time for a joke like that!" McKnight snapped.

"Huh?" Jeff asked

"Never mind," McKnight said back. After a few more seconds the entrance finally opened again. "I sure hope, for my sanity's sake, that the closing door was just a security precaution." Just as they got up, one lone surviving imp tried to claw at them from around the corner in which they lying against. With one swipe of from the butt of McKnight's shotgun, however, this imp fell to the floor with a broken face, dead.

Both Marines moved out. Now that the computer room was clear, only two more doors needed venturing. Ahead of them lay a couple of red doors, and of course the other door across from the lift had been unexplored too. "You want to take this regular door?" Jeff asked McKnight.

"I don't think we need to," McKnight said back. "We have the red key, and the door is just ahead of us. Something tells me that anything behind a security door leads to the way out. Taking that other door might just be a little extraneous."

So the red door it was. Both red doors were on walls that stood perpendicular to each other. The only question was if each door led to the same room or if they went separate directions. "I think we should split up this time," McKnight said. "Chances are these doors open to the same room."

"I'll take left, you take right," Jeff suggested. McKnight agreed. Jeff opened his door to a shotgun toting zombie on the other side. Unfortunately for Mr. Living-Dead, Jeff had the quicker trigger finger, though the answer to who had the faster brain remained debatable. McKnight didn't meet any opposition until he came around the first corner. There he met up with Jeff; just as he suspected, the two paths met. A few more dumb zombies met the floor in no time. In a darker section of the room was a blue key card that would serve some purpose after leaving the previous one back in the phobos lab. Accompanying this ledge was a deep canyon with another huge slime pit at the bottom.

"This deja vu is just getting too ridiculous!" McKnight said out loud to himself. Then he motioned to Jeff. "I got the last one, so you'd better get this one. Just don't fall in like last time!" He tossed the yellow key to him. "And hold on to this. I don't trust myself with the keys anymore.

Jeff just ambled along to the blue key. It looked almost like a mosey. Considering where he came from, that shouldn't have been surprising. He picked up the key casually, not even caring about the cavernous pit below him. On the other hand, he never actually picked up the key, but instead lowered himself to pick it up. Just as he did, another sound of a door opening behind him was made. McKnight spun around to see an imp and his best friend, another pink demon. They charged at almost flank speed. Jeff went too fast and slipped while trying to get his gun ready. That left McKnight to contend with the beasts himself. For some strange reason, he could not turn them against each other this time. The imp managed to claw his left cheek, and the demon's breath just plain stank. It was enough to drive McKnight over the edge. He placed the shotgun in the demon's mouth and blew it back to where it came from. Now only to deal with the imp. He was lucky enough to get up and face it. This time he didn't fire off a shot though. With one mighty shove McKnight pushed the imp into the slime pit below. The screams and howls it made put the wolfman to shame.

Just like before, McKnight didn't notice Jeff fall over, but this time he didn't call for him. Instead, Jeff yelled out a loud "HEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLP!!!!!!!" Thankfully he still held onto the ledge. McKnight turned around to see where he was at.

"Can't you just pull yourself up?" he yelled to Jeff.

"Not with this heavy load on my back!" Jeff said back.

McKnight grunted annoyingly. "One of these days, Jeff!" was all he said. He went over to pick him up from the ledge. As he went pulled him, he slid the blue card over to him. "Now do you think we can get back on track?"

"Well, I suppose," Jeff told him, "but there's one thing I have to tell you. You know that yellow key you just handed to me?"


"Umm, well...it sort of took a green bath."

Now McKnight was ready to kill Jeff. "I SWEAR JEFF, I'LL THROW YOU INTO THE NEXT SLIME PIT WE ENCOUNTER IF YOU FOUL UP LIKE THAT AGAIN!" The same timidness returned to Jeff's face once again. Of course, McKnight didn't really mean that, it was just common for a hardened Marine like him to talk to a private like that.

They soon made their way to the only door that remained unexplored. It was now or never. When they barged in, yet another pink demon caught sight of them from the opposite end of the room. It had to climb a small set of stairs that led up to a central computer terminal to get to them though. Both Marines fired off their shotguns simultaneously, and that was more than enough to make this creature spew crimson red all over the floor. But it was no picnic just yet, for they attracted the attention of a a few imps from around each corner. Thankfully the Marines could split up amongst the four brown spiny creatures at two apiece. However, Jeff went a little overboard after he killed the second imp. When it went down, he took the end of his shotgun and beat the dead imp to a practical pulp.

"HA! NOW HOW'S THIS FOR TRYING TO GET ME, YOU UGLY BROWN BIPEDAL GATORS!!!!!" Jeff yelled to the carcass. Then again, this was not a surprise since Jeff wanted a bit of revenge for the imp that burned his face only a little while ago.

McKnight ran up to Jeff and grabbed him by the neck. He then put his mouth close to his ear and whispered, "I think you got him." Then he let go and pushed the barrel of Jeff's gun up to the owner's body.

The small skirmish distracted them from their surroundings, but now they took the time to admire the scenery. The floor consisted of a typical solid-blue office carpet. Around each corner from where the imps emerged was a yellow security door. And of course, right in the middle of the room was the aforementioned computer terminal, with the Thanksgiving demon playing the centerpiece. The steps which led to it also had the blue carpet of the floor. What was with this blue color? It seemed to contradict the whole idea that they were in Hell. Blue meant ice, not fire. Was this some kind of cruel mockery for the humans?

Jeff noticed the terminal this time. "What do you suppose this thing is for?" he asked, pointing to it.

"I assume it's another relay station, only not quite as complex and not automated," was McKnight's reply. "However, I don't think it'll be much use to us; looks to me like it controls all the other levels above this one." This assumption was not far off, for it did extend into the ceiling and looked as thought it went beyond. "And by the way, had it not been for you dropping that key into the slime, we might be able to proceed right now!" Jeff just gave a blank stare back at McKnight and then glanced back forward.

Thankfully, not all was lost. To Jeff's left was another open doorway. But this one led to a path right in the middle of a larger slime pool. A little bit farther back was another zombie. McKnight had no trouble popping it off from this distance. As they both made their way out, they both noticed a blue door ahead of them, as well as another cage to their left with a few imps inside of it. But if the imps thought they could even get a fireball through the bars of the cage, then pigs could fly. But it was a fair game; McKnight and Jeff had some trouble trying to find a good enough shot through those bars at this distance. Never the less, the imps went down after only a few shots.

Now it was time to head for the blue door. As they made one last step toward it, McKnight thought he heard something lower down to the ground, like a lift being used. He turned his head back to where they came from to take a look at something. "Wait a minute," he said, "wasn't there a tall platform close to the cage?" Jeff shrugged his shoulders. "Get your minigun ready, I don't want to take any chances on this one."

They took a few more steps. Sure enough, a small platform tower did lower, and no welcoming committee came with it. A small platoon of three zombies and two demons greeted them instead. The bad guys spread out from within the small chamber that the lowered tower revealed and into the slime. Amazing, they didn't seem to show any pain when they stepped in to the toxic gunk. Of course, the zombies couldn't. After all, they were already dead! Two sprays of bullets went in all directions in front of Jeff and McKnight. The latter person noticed a few splashes in the slime, but he payed little attention to them. In just a few seconds, the monster party went down.

"You OK?" McKnight asked Jeff.

"Yeah," Private Lamb answered. But the smile on his face quickly turned straight and a little scared. He poised his minigun again. McKnight knew something was up, but it was too late for him to react when he turned his head. Something bit down hard on his right shoulder, causing him to clutch it and fall to the ground, wincing in pain. As he hit bottom, Jeff fired off his gun into whatever bit him. He noticed the blur of a spectre moving in front of him. Now he realized what those splashes in the slime were from. Jeff sentenced the invisible monstrosity to death with a few more bullets, then he went to check on McKnight.

"Sergeant! Are you badly hurt?" he asked

"Somewhat," McKnight answered, still clenching his teeth. "Go into my backpack. In the big pocket find one of three first-aid kits." The private did as instructed. Sure enough, Jeff found one of the kits, and McKnight was in luck.

"Good news McKnight!" Jeff announced. "This kit I found has universal antitoxins in it along with enough gauze to seal that wound from more infection!" McKnight had to endure just a few more minutes of Jeff's makeshift doctoring. It is best put that the private would not even get through pre-med.

Now it was safe for them to move to the blue door. Behind it they hoped to find the yellow key that would give them access to the area that would get them out of central processing and into the computer station. Odds were the two places were on the same level of the compound, but the two of them had to get somewhere first. When the blue door opened, more slime and more paths greeted them on the opposite side. "This time I think we should split up," suggested McKnight.

"Good idea," Jeff said back. One path lay ahead of them while another was to their right. McKnight took the right path.

"I just sure hope these tunnels can carry echoes real well," McKnight told Jeff. "If you need assistance, yell my name as loud as you can." The private nodded and they went on.

Already around the first corner McKnight found some friends. A few zombies met him in the next chamber. They went down like flies, no problem. But this chamber had four extensions instead of three, unlike the entrance. The wall to his right was blocked, but there was a detectable door there. A small section of wall had green instead of tan like the rest of this room and a metal trim on the edges of it. But he could nothing to open it from here, so he barged on straight ahead. A few more twists and turns and he ended up in an identical chamber again. This time he decided to take the path to his right. As he did, he met up with one more zombie. This particular zombie had a bit of a brain left in it. It fired off a shotgun straight at McKnight, barely missing him. The Marine was close enough to knock this walking corpse to the ground with his gun and then shot him in the head. He toted the remaining shells from this zombies shotgun along with a box that lay on the ground next to it.

A small light panel shone to reveal a pull switch across from it to McKnight. It was hard to miss. The glare reflecting off of it almost blinded him. While squinting he finally flipped it upwards. Off in the distance he thought he heard a door opening...the green wall! It had to be! What else could be heard at such close proximity? Just as he took his first step back to investigate, however, Jeff shouted from somewhere.


"Jeff? I'll be there in a second!" McKnight called back.

"No! Stay where you are! I've got something to show you!" Jeff yelled back at McKnight. He needed to wait only for a few seconds. Jeff came running from a hallway that extended right in front of McKnight. He walked up to him holding something that looked similar to a palm-pilot computer from the beginning of the 21st century. "Look at this thing!" Jeff showed the small object to McKnight. "It's a map of this floor! Every area is shown in full detail!" He fiddled around with the buttons on it, and it even displayed a schematic grid. "I found it in a small closet embedded in one of the walls in these tunnels."

"Nice," McKnight responded. "Now let's get moving!"

They made their way to where McKnight saw the green wall. His hunch was right, the switch did in fact open the wall. They made their way in. Not surprisingly, this short one-way room was darker and its walls were that of the door that led into it. Up ahead from a short staircase was the cage they saw from the rock path along with the carcasses of the imps, two boxes of rockets, a backpack, the sought-after yellow key card, and a partridge in a pear tree. McKnight noticed something about the cage as well.

"Look at those burn marks." He pointed to a couple of charred areas on the bars. "Looks like those imps weakened the integrity of this metal!" Indeed; the metal was almost soft enough for even the skinniest anorexic to bend with ease. It almost frightened McKnight to know that Jeff's face could have been turned into hamburger when the imps fireball hit him. He finally told Jeff, "You'd better take that yellow key. And don't lose it this time!" Jeff did so. Now all three color-coded security cards were in their possession once more.

But the party had just begun. No sooner had Jeff picked up that glorious piece of plastic gold than another door opened nearby, this time much closer to their position; in fact, it was in the hallway. They both turned around just in time to see it open all the way. Out came another one of the demons that would make the perfect gift for Valentine's day in Hell. When it saw the two humans, it let out a deep growl. The drool it produced only made the Marines' stomachs churn more so than they already did. Jeff let loose a few shells that dropped this pink load of dumb down to the ground. As if being rewarded for a job not so well done, a couple more demons and a force of imps and zombies made their way to congratulate the lowly private. Just as Jeff pointed his shotgun, McKnight stopped him.

"Wait! I've got an idea." He pointed to the charred cage. "If the imps shoot some fire at us, we can move out of the way real quick and let them hit the cage! Otherwise, let them attack each other and see if that doesn't thin their ranks out."

As they waited, the imps took no time to let loose some flaming balls from their grasp. Two of them hit the bars of the cage. That was all Jeff and McKnight needed to escape. A portion of the cage melted off and dropped into the slime below. "GO!" McKnight yelled to Jeff. The private was just small enough to jump out of this hole. Now the older Marine was a problem. He had to squeeze his way through, and even then he never quite made it out all the way...until a shotgun blast from a zombie hit the back of his armor and hurled him out. Jeff had already ran to the path whereas McKnight had to deal with the slime eating through his boots. He eventually set foot on hard rock again. "I can't take much more of this! Let's move!" Without another word they headed back to the computer terminal room.

When they entered, McKnight made a small suggestion. "Let's take a look at that little map you picked up, Jeff." He did so, and then McKnight asked, "Do you think you can find a way out of this place?
"Well," Jeff started, "there's a very small room to what seems to be the northwest of where we're at now. This door here takes us up a staircase and around to another staircase leading down into what looks like yet another slime pit room. The path branches off into a U shape and then to another staircase leading up to who knows what. To get to that small room I mentioned, we'll have to take a door to the west of that U-path, and it's across the slime pool. That's the only way I see here."

"Sounds good enough to me, just so long as we don't run into many bad guys along the way," McKnight said.

Into the yellow door they went. At the top of the stairs was another small horde of zombies. "Listen," McKnight whispered to Jeff, "if we hoof it fast enough, we might be able to get past these dead dummies and get to that door you mentioned. Sound reasonable?" Jeff nodded his head in response. Like an Olympian marathon runner McKnight bursted through the two zombies that were in front of him. They had no idea what hit them. Jeff soon followed, but not before the zombies figured out what was going on. One of them tried to take a shot at him. The bullet barely missed his feet and took a few particles of dust out of the floor. He finally met up with McKnight at the bottom of the staircase. They didn't get off so easy though. Right at the door that supposedly led to where Jeff said that small room was located, two imps stood guard, literally. The zombies started to pour down the stairs too.

"Uh, McKnight," Jeff said, "I think that plan of yours backfired."

"Not quite," McKnight told him. "Hold off those zombies. I have an idea." Jeff just gave McKnight the same "Are you f**king nuts?" look, then McKnight turned to him and sternly ordered, "DO IT! NOW!" Private Lamb wasted no more seconds.

While Jeff pumped lead into living dead, McKnight got the heavy artillery ready. That's right; he pulled out his trusty friend, Mr. Rocket Launcher. As he loaded the second rocket into the launcher, Jeff appeared between his legs. "Having fun yet?" McKnight asked him. Jeff just grunted and rolled over to one side, narrowly escaping another bullet that almost hit McKnight's boot too.

Now McKnight was ready to release Hell. He pulled the trigger once. Bada-bing, the imps splattered onto the surrounding walls. Bada-BOOM! The door behind them was nothing more than a scrapful of metal memories. "Hey Jeff! MOVE IT!" he bellowed. Jeff fired off one more shot behind him before he followed McKnight into the newly opened room. At last they found some peace and quiet. No monsters were in this room. "So where's this small room of yours?" he asked.

"Down the stairs and around the corner," Jeff told McKnight. The barrel of the launcher met the side of his face. "I'm serious!" he retorted.

"So I take it that balcony in front of you leads to nowhere?" McKnight asked. A small staricase actually did lead up to a balcony overlooking a larger room. Another set of stairs diverged from the left and right of the room they were standing to the room that the balcony overlooked. "Let's take the left path this time," he suggested.

Down they went. They stumbled upon yet another large computer room. This one happened to be a little bit more hollow than the one they found with the barrels strewn about it. "Something tells me we're getting close to the computer station," McKnight said. "After all, just look at how big this room is! I'll bet this thing holds tons of information as well as relay commands!"

"Yeah, but too bad nothing works," Jeff commented. "Just look at this place: the light is flickering somewhat, none of the screens are on, it's just one big scrap pile of computer terminals."

McKnight took a quick glance around the room and finally said, "Wait a minute, there aren't any other openings around here! Where is this small room supposed to be at?" He then spotted a small alcove behind him. "Hey Jeff, would you mind seeing what that red switch does?" Jeff walked a little bit more cautiously this time. Right before he came to the switch, he had to move a barrel over to get to it. "Careful with that!" McKnight tried to tell him quietly. But those words did nothing to prevent what happened next.

A hidden tripwire must have opened a pen containing a company of imps, zombies and demons to the west and a small group of zombies and demons to the south. McKnight fired off his rocket launcher towards the south, thinning the horde to one demon. Another shotgun blast silenced it forever. Jeff decided to make the virgin firing of his rocket launcher. The recoil knocked him onto his back just as the rocket hit an imp in front of him. Only about half of the baddies went down. He decided to use the minigun from now on.

A few short bursts later, all was silent again. More holes were put into the computers. Now Jeff's theory of them not working could not be disproved. After a short sigh, he finally pressed the red button switch in front of him. A new access hatch opened revealing more computer insides. This room led to the smaller room Jeff mentioned. It also housed umpteen million spectres. It had to take more than a few rockets to polish these guys off. One more rocket from McKnight's launcher was not enough. He decided to save the reamaing ones for later. It actually did more damage than he thought. When he pulled out his shotgun, all the blurs fell dead after only one shot each. McKnight was now just about out of breath as Jeff was.

"I see it!" McKnight shouted. Red letters spelling "EXIT" were over a computer door. Jeff and McKnight high-tailed it to the room. Inside was another red button like the one Jeff pressed to reveal this new room. McKnight did the honors this time. The wall in front of him "whooshed" up revealing a metal door. He turned the knob on it and found himself inside a small gray room with another larger door in front of him. "This has got to be it," McKnight said while hyperventilating.

"I hate computers," Jeff said.

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Hm, since there's noone else who has replied to this, I think that I ought to give you a comment as a fellow fanfic moderator to show my support.

I don't really have any suggestions as such, I find your story interesting and rather amusing, but maybe it would improve on the quality if you didn't write in such an everyday language as you seemingly do. You often write lines in a more spoken-language like way. Here's an example:

While Jeff pumped lead into living dead, McKnight got the heavy artillery ready. That's right; he pulled out his trusty friend, Mr. Rocket Launcher.

It's ok to use these lines when you have the characters talking to each other.

But then again, that might ruin some of the more fun elements of the story, though I still find that *a few* of these lines tend to do more harm than good.
On the plus side, I'll say that your writing has grown less repetitive in my eyes than your first couple of chapters were, good work! But there's still room for improvement (I know, I know, it IS difficult to write a Doom story which is as true to the game as yours without making it even slightly repetitive).

Last but not least: Keep up the good work :-)

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My English teacher told me that for formal writing I should leave out cliches. As for creative writing, anything goes, many people have told me.

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It's a matter of finding a balance I guess.

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what i'm REALY waiting for is to see how Jeff handles the bosses at the end.

BTW, are you going to add another charactor in each episode? that would be great.

so far so good. i await the next chapter.

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Btw Insomniac (aka sleepy_boy), when are you going to release your last foreshading chapter of H*E*X*E*N?
I'm still dying to find out how you interpret Parias.
(sorry crendowing, I couldn't find another thread to post this question in).

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Originally posted by dsm
Btw Insomniac (aka sleepy_boy), when are you going to release your last foreshading chapter of H*E*X*E*N?
I'm still dying to find out how you interpret Parias.
(sorry crendowing, I couldn't find another thread to post this question in).

mid April, if i have time.

Sleepy_Boy died so you could have it, DSM

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Originally posted by Insomniac
what i'm REALY waiting for is to see how Jeff handles the bosses at the end.

You'll see...you'll see...only 2 chapters left....

BTW, are you going to add another charactor in each episode? that would be great.

I'm only adding one more character, and his name is supposed to be symbolic too, easier to notice it too.

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Crendowing said:

My English teacher told me that for formal writing I should leave out cliches. As for creative writing, anything goes, many people have told me.

True only to a certain extent. If, and when, you get to uni, you'll find that there are actually a great many 'rules' to follow if you want to write well creatively.

I'd also say cut down on the colloquial language, the result will be classier. I normally go through my uni essays at the end and prune whole sentances of colloquialisms off until it looks far more professional. It works for stories too! w00t!

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pritch said:

True only to a certain extent. If, and when, you get to uni, you'll find that there are actually a great many 'rules' to follow if you want to write well creatively.

I'd also say cut down on the colloquial language, the result will be classier. I normally go through my uni essays at the end and prune whole sentances of colloquialisms off until it looks far more professional. It works for stories too! w00t!

Yeah...too bad this isn't an essay, it's just a corny DOOM story, not meant to win a Pullitzer Prize by any means.

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