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The last show

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It had been a long day at the USO show where Kesha (or Ke$ha, as she still called herself) was entertaining the troops. At 63 years old and just as trampy and untalented as ever, she had thrown out her voice years ago in an unfortunate accident wherein a potential client had asked her to sing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" unassisted by autotuning. Now on Phobos, amidst the crowds of UAC personnel and marines stationed there, she relied solely on a UAC invention designed specifically for her: the Artificial Larynx Device with Phase Vocoder, or ALDePav. The device worked similar to a smoker's vibrating "voice box," with the exception of an added autotuning circuit for performances. The entire thing was fully automated, so that all Kesha had to do was push a button and breathe at the same time and the audience was none the wiser.

As the crowds filed out of the performing arts center, Kesha made a beeline for sick bay in central processing. The various diseases she had picked up over the years that the doctors weren't able to cure were beginning to catch up with her. It was taking a toll on her now especially because the layout of this building was enormous and made no sense. It took her an hour just to find the keycard to access the waiting room. She adjusted her wig as the doctor gave her the usual cocktail of antibiotics and other drugs. This was the creepy Greek doctor that gave her those fucked-up pills for her constipation. She didn't like this doctor, but she put up with him because he was the one with connections, so he got her the good stuff from Mexico. She felt an odd quaking.

The staff around her were killed in the first wave, before the shuttles went off. She was found in a pantry by a brown monster with red eyes and sharp teeth. She was then disemboweled and strung up on a wall. And the rest, as they say, is history.

What, did you expect a fight? With that old used-up trash heap?

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Maybe a "fight" with her using a DMCHOSHO for one last stand?

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Chapter 2:


The dim red glow of hell could be seen even with one's eyes closed. Or rather Kesha felt its heat. That red burning glow. She didn't mind now. She was part of Satan's ranks.

After she was disassembled by the gang of imps, Kesha began a speedy trip through the belly of the Earth, arriving in a gory heap on a conveyor belt. Most of her flesh got seared off by a huge, rusty, roaring furnace, but a bit of red gore remained under her ribs. Apparently when a demon dies, they pick him up, dust him off, wire him some combat gear, and send him back into battle. No rest for the wicked, eh? Except now the process was being repeated on the freshies. No, Kesha, you are the demons. And then Kesha was a revenant.

Orders from the Dark General were to keep storming Phobos. Apparently one badass was tearing Satan's army a new one. No problem. The troops teleported in. Where Kesha was stationed, man, there wasn't any action but the slow churning of festering corpses and the soft bubbling of nukage. A brute off in the distance bellowed. It was the Phobos sick bay all over again. When she saw Our Hero for the first time, it was all she could do to keep her tailbone from shaking loose for fear. She fired her first volley from behind him. Bad choice. His ass-gun blew her flat on her bony ass. He bent over, prepared to deliver the final blow, when he paused, appearing to notice something.

Kesha, absolutely petrified, sat and watched as Doomguy examined her pelvis. Yes, he realized, this was no ordinary skeleton-fiend. This was a female. The skeleton shivered slightly as Doomguy slipped his hand onto her ribcage. With his other hand he slowly undid the straps around her back, allowing the rocket launcher to fall down. He leaned over her bones, breathing down her vertebrae. They made love right then and there, on the cold hard FLOOR_5. She felt oddly satisfied, watching him zip up his green riot gear. He, on the other hand, began to feel the tingle of rage on his fingertips. It spread to his limbs, then settled white-hot in his core as he realized just what he had done. This enemy, this abomination, had managed to seduce him! With a roar, he flipped the shotgun out of his backpack, aimed it right between her eyes, and let loose.

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