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Marnetmar

Post Naughty/Distasteful Limericks/Songs Here.

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You can post ones you've found or you can come up with your own.

Examples:

There was a young girl from Dallas
Who used a dynamite stick for a phallus
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And her asshole at Buckingham Palace!

There was a man from Ghent
Who had a penis so long it bent
It was so much trouble
That he kept it double
And instead of coming he went.

There once was a man from Madrass
Who's balls were constructed of brass
When jangled together
They played stormy weather
And lightning shot out of his ass!


Etc. etc. etc.

Songs:

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There was a man in Leeds
Who ate a bag of seeds
within an hour
his dick was a flower
and his arse covered in weeds.

That is an old one.

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This one was on QI the other night, iirc it goes:

There once was a man from Australia
Who painted his arse like a dahlia
A tuppence a sniff
Was quite a success
But thrupence a lick was a failure

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I know this isn't a limerick but I thought this was a humorous thing to share and it almost technically is (except it still isn't).
With the magic of the enter key it shall become a limerick(s).

This is 3 variants on the "An English Country Garden" song's chorus:
What do you do, if you want a poo
In an English country garden?
Take down your pants,
and suffocate the ants
In an English country garden.

What do you do, if you want a poo
In an English country garden?
Do it on a log
and blame it on the dog
In an English country garden.

What do you do when you've done a little poo
In an English country garden?
Pick up a leaf
and wipe your underneath
In an English country garden.

The original song is here so you get an idea on the melody and tune:

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I'm sure plenty of people have heard this one before

There once was an old man from China
Who wasn't a very good climber
He slipped on a rock
Fell on his cock
And now he's got a vagina.

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There was one a lady from Eeling
Who had a peculiar feeling
She laid on her back
And opened her crack
And pissed all over the ceiling

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There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
"If my ear were a cunt I would fuck it!"

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One I came up with a couple days ago

There once was a lady from South Carolina
Born with a cock instead of a vagina
So the night of her weddin'
The hubby she's beddin'
Runs screaming all the way to Rhode Island

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There once was a man from Kentucky,
Who thought vagina was yucky,
Went to prison by choice,
And with no bass in his voice,
Announced he’ll give out a free sucky

A yellow bird with a yellow bill
Was sitting on me windowsill
I lured him in with a piece of bread
And then I bashed his fucking head

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My sister sells boxes of condoms,
She punctures the ends with a pin.
My brother does backstreet abortions;
My God! How the money rolls in.

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There once was a woman from Kansas City
Who made rent by showing her titty
When down on her luck
Half-price for an ass fuck
And no charge if you get your dick shitty

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All right, so I had a long train ride to Nürnberg, and I thought I'd try my hand at writing naughty limericks. It made me realize how creative I can be. Prepare the rotten tomatoes.
***************************************************************
#1:
There once was a man from Spain
Whose dick was so sharp it caused pain.
His wife gave him head,
But, alas, now she's dead,
For his prick went right through her brain.

#2:
There once was a young lass named Lucy
With a full set of teeth in her pussy.
She preferred Caucasians,
But also found Asians
Had willies both tender and juicy.

#3:
Nearby there lives an old chump
Who erases mistakes with his rump.
But try as he might,
He can no longer write
For his dick is worn down to the stump.
****************************************************************
Eh, eh? What do you think? Publishing material?

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Krispy said:

All right, so I had a long train ride to Nürnberg, and I thought I'd try my hand at writing naughty limericks. It made me realize how creative I can be. Prepare the rotten tomatoes.
***************************************************************
#1:
There once was a man from Spain
Whose dick was so sharp it caused pain.
His wife gave him head,
But, alas, now she's dead,
For his prick went right through her brain.

#2:
There once was a young lass named Lucy
With a full set of teeth in her pussy.
She preferred Caucasians,
But also found Asians
Had willies both tender and juicy.

#3:
Nearby there lives an old chump
Who erases mistakes with his rump.
But try as he might,
He can no longer write
For his dick is worn down to the stump.
****************************************************************
Eh, eh? What do you think? Publishing material?


You are now my favorite person on Doomworld.

Also:

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There once was a man from Nantucket
Who woke up one morn and said fuck it
He pulled down his pants
Did a little dance
And covered his cock in shit

Change shit to spit if that is too distasteful for you. :P

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There was a young man from Florence
To whom all art was abhorrence
So he got slightly tipsy
Went to the Ufizzi
And pissed on the paintings in torrents.

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Really cool song if you're into metal of death:



Bitch you will get fucked and paid for that
A job and nothing more but take care you fucking whore

Shrunken - You would be very nice
Mummified - Then I would pay your price

Bitches is what he hates, sluts is what he rapes
Ripper is his name, killing is his sick game

Shrunken - You will get
Mummified - You won't be upset

Fear is what he spreads, lunatic - He's collecting heads
Psycho - He's chopping sluts, maniac - The tits he cuts

The hands around your neck he strangles you down
Pulls out your eyes and cuts your tongue
He rips your chest and drills inside your cunt
He slices your fingers and minces your feet

Shrunken - Now you are - And groom
Mummified - You're not very far

Butcher - He loves to shrink you
Slasher - And mummify you too
Bastard - Doing an inhuman action
Madman - Gives him pleasure and satisfaction

Shrunken - And not very big
Mummified - That's fucking sick

Flesh he loves to carve, hunger doesn't want to starve
Collecting your hair and nails, bitch your skin he sales

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