Doom Squared Part 2

[Insomniak]

Doom Squared part 2


AFTER-ACTION REPORT

…The imp fell to the floor, cracking a couple of its spikes on the wall. This was unusual. Why would there be an exit sign on a broom closet like this when there were no other doors here. Pushing the green button on the wall, I waited to see if any of the walls would slide open.

I was caught by surprise when the floor suddenly started to slide away, revealing a manhole on the newly revealed floor. Using the barrel of my shotgun, I pried it open. The reeking smell of decaying flesh and raw sewage had made it’s way through the biofilters in my helmet, but I knew that if I wanted to get out of here, I had to go in.

about 10 feet down there was a small room with three tunnels leading off in different directions. Here, I found a pair of light amp goggles and a box of shotgun shells. There was a map mounted to the wall, showing where the three tunnels led. One led to the Sewage treatment facility, but was marked as “impassable”. One led down to the monster - filled subways, and one led to a nearby Waterworks building. I chose to take the last one.

The tunnel was dark and smelled awful. The farther I went, the deeper the waste got. There was also an increase in the number of pipes on the wall as I went down. At about 50 yards m down the tunnel, the pipes had taken up most of the walls, and I was forced to crawl in between them for almost 20 feet. Here, there was no turning back, and if there was any monsters in the tunnel, I would not be able to get my shotgun out.

Finally, I came to another room. The map on the wall showed me that I was directly under the parking lot for the Waterworks facility #3. There was a ladder built into the wall here, leading both up and down. First I went up, and saw light streaming through the holes in the manhole cover. Opening it slowly and carefully, I looked around. About 20 yards away was the facility, a brown building built into a pit with barbed wire around it. About 5 yards away, a pack of demons were grazing in the fields near the building. I knew I could take them on, but I wanted to conserve my ammo. I went back down the ladder, and decided to see what was at the very bottom.

The bottom was a small grate, with a platform about 7 feet below it. I knew that if I went out, I might not be able to get back into the tunnels, but it was a risk I was willing to take. I slammed down on the rusty grate with my boot, and it swung open. First I threw my shotgun down, then myself.

This room was a lot like a subway station, except the tracks were made of water. Across the waterway was a platform with three zombies, a door, and some pressure meters…

[dsm]

...The imp fell to the floor, cracking a couple of its spikes on the wall. This was unusual. Why would there be an exit sign on a broom closet like this when there were no other doors here

Uhh, this part could've been done better and less confusing.
At first you mention an imp falling to the floor cracking its spikes on a wall and then you write "this was unusual" - it is obvious that that last sentence refers to the exit sign in the broom closet, but it would look better technically and be immediately understandable if you mentioned the exit in the broom closet BEFORE you wrote "This was unusual".
But the story is decent - this part wasn't all that exciting somehow, but it has potential to become better still.

[Insomniak]

my "doom squared" stories happen during the trasitions between levels.

I'm not very good at writing battle sequences.

sorry about the grammer error.

[dsm]

Uhh, it wasn't a grammar error ;-)
Just a cohesive error and only a minor error.