Men can be victims of rape and domestic abuse too

[40oz]

Since I often get stuck in traffic on the way home from work, I sometimes browse imgur on my phone at redlights and traffic jams.

More often than not, scrolling through images hoping to get a laugh or two, I see images depicting comments on youtube videos or newspages of the general publics' response to news articles informing about events of gang rapes or beatings where men were victims to women, in which the comments were mostly destructive jokes. Or gifs of social experiments to see what bystanders do when a man beats his girfriend in public compared to what happens when a girl beats her boyfriend.

I don't really mean to dismiss the seriousness of the issue, I'm sure some women can be overly dominant and violent to an otherwise reclusive man, but when I'm on the site trying to get a quick glance at something fascinating or humorous, do i have to have this hardly controversial subject spread to me almost every time I look at the site? Is spreading awareness through an image sharing site going to do anything? It's not even common. Does anyone seriously care?

[SavageCorona]

It doesn't happen to me or anyone I know so I'm not personally worried about it but I'd really rather everyone else got the same luck I have. I don't like the idea of it, I don't like thinking about it and I certainly would care if it did somehow come into my life.

[Krispy]

Women who stay in abusive relationships are stupid.

Men who begin abusive relationships (where they're on the receiving end) have no backbone.

[Platinum Shell]

40oz said:

I sometimes browse imgur on my phone at redlights and traffic jams.

This is all I needed to read besides the title. Imgur's (and Reddit's) community is pure garbo.

[dg93]

I found this social experiment on youtube of how people react to domestic abuse. There are two different scenarios. The first one depicts a man physically abusing a woman while the second one depicts a woman physically abusing a man.

Outcome for scenario #1: Bystanders get more outraged when it's the woman in distress. They will intervene and do whatever it takes to protect the woman.

Outcome for scenario #2: Bystanders do NOTHING. They often glance at the violence for a second or two and walk away, while others pull out their phones and start recording. Some bystanders laugh too

Conclusion (from the video): According to the Department of Justice, "a man is the victim of physical abuse every 37 seconds." Men are embarrassed to admit and openly tell someone else that he is the victim of abuse at the hands of his female partner.

My opinion: People view men as physically stronger than women. Thus humanity feels like they are obligated to protecting women from male attackers. As children, us males were taught to never hit a woman probably because of the notion that women are physically inferior to men. But are females taught to never hit a man? Most of the time people would assume that a man deserves a beating from a woman because he is at fault, while it is never socially acceptable for a man to hit a woman. Maybe I'm just a little ignorant or naive but I think this is something most feminists tend to ignore or completely deny. They will preach the horrors of domestic violence and rape from a patriarchal society, but they will never address the fact that men can suffer from domestic violence too. It's like a female privilege or something to that extent. Had the male in the second scenario defended himself from the female attacker, the I believe bystanders would have most likely intervened and kicked his ass.

Prime example of a man defending himself from a woman hitting him, but bystanders still decide to attack him because HOW FUCKING DARE YOU HIT A WOMAN!!

[Doominator2]

Wtf, Is that my dad in the crowd? lol

[SavageCorona]

Krispy said:

Men who begin abusive relationships (where they're on the receiving end) have no backbone.

I think that men (and women) who begin abusive relationships tend to not be in an abusive relationship initially but it escalates to that point later on. I mean would you start a relationship with a guy/girl who just abuses and hates you?

I never really got what the whole point of abuse in relationships is. If you don't even remotely like the person you're dating then why the fuck are you dating them? I guess some people are just cruel or something.

This is coming from someone who was put off of relationships after the first one though (I'm not even going to say what happened publicly, for fear of starting 1. a whole new derailed drama topic and 2. shit in my real life in case they find this, but it wasn't abuse or anything), so all I want is a really good friend who I'm comfortable talking to about close things but I'm not tied to them in the same way, so take my opinions on this matter with an ocean of salt.

[Arctangent]

40oz said:

Does anyone seriously care?

Well, yes. Especially since that

40oz said:

It's not even common.

and this being the prevalent attitude, especially since the latter is flat-out wrong.

As the_miano already mentioned, men actually can do very little in the way of getting help from others because nobody will take them seriously and reacting with more violence will actually make them the bad guy in the situation. This even extends to domestic violence hotlines; a woman always gets aid from them, but a man? At best they'll get redirected to another line. Worse they might get flat-out laughed at over the phone. The worst case scenario? The hotline will actually alert the authorities, thinking the man is trying to worm his way out of the results of his own attempts at abuse.

Seriously, the attitude towards abuse ( and rape for that matter ) can actually result in men getting prosecuted for reaching out for help. That's really beyond terrible.

SavageCorona said:

I never really got what the whole point of abuse in relationships. If you don't even remotely like the person you're dating then why the fuck are you dating them? I guess some people are just cruel or something.

It generally does stem purely from cruelty, with the simple reason of overpowering someone makes them feel powerful and in-control, there's someone they're constantly close to that has proven that they won't retaliate, and it's entirely possible to make them believe that it's all their fault and to accept it for forgiveness. Which is why

Krispy said:

Women who stay in abusive relationships are stupid.

Men who begin abusive relationships (where they're on the receiving end) have no backbone.

is extremely inconsiderate; even if there is no emotional manipulation in the relationship, if simply breaking up with an abuser was an option then there'd be a lot less abuse. But then you have to consider finances, children, and the fact that while the abuser might be bad in a relationship, what if they're far worse if the abused try to leave? That is by no means an excuse for the abused to not try to get themselves to a better position in life, but it's definitely not a simple matter.

[SavageCorona]

That is a seriously uncomfortable disturbing thought that people just do it to get a kick for their own sadistic desires, particularly when they take advantage of a weak and vulnerable person and basically give them what sounds like Stockholm syndrome.

[AkiraZXE]

40oz said:

Is spreading awareness through an image sharing site going to do anything? It's not even common. Does anyone seriously care?

It's hardly uncommon. See section four. Most people, and worse, most institutions regard these things as gendered crimes. That is, the vast majority of these crimes are committed against women. That's not the case at all, but major parts of society are based in these assumptions. There are virtually no men's shelters, men are virtually always treated as the aggressor even when they are the victim, and sometimes even trying to change that or point out the ridiculousness of it is going to get you shit on.

But you know, if you saw it, made this thread, and now people are pointing out misconceptions about domestic violence, rape, and so on against men, so it obviously did something in this case.

[nxGangrel]

I believe society or rather just humanity in general labels ALL women as a damsel in distress while all men are treated as the aggressor because of the fact that men on average are stronger than women. Much to Akira_98's point. It's always the male's fault, it's on them, the female is 100%, completely, without a doubt innocent. Doesn't matter who it is, as long as she is a female. And that really tics me off.

It's a terrible habit and this is how people just always think. It's wrong, very wrong, but that's how they feel and think. My mother used to always tell me "It's wrong to hit a girl" and my response always was "No! That's not how reality works".

Now I know this is a very teen thing for me to say but, if I saw a man being abused/beaten/etc. by a women (and he was the victim of course) I wouldn't hesitate to help. If a women was being abused/beaten by a man, I wouldn't do jack fucking shit. She's got enough men to help her. Who cares if she was an abusive person. Fuck him for beating a women right?

All I really can say is; Be the change you want to see.

Oh and @the_miano. Thanks for pissing me off with those two videos. Very nice of you :)

[SavageCorona]

I found this rather chillingly accurate and relevant comment on one of those Imgur posts


P.S. that link is rather harrowing but apparently helpful to other victims since they're not alone in their struggles. Read at your own risk.

[nxGangrel]

^But people do.

[SavageCorona]

The unfortunate reality of our society.

[nxGangrel]

You've got that right. But society it self is a bad thing the way I see it.

[Arctangent]

nxGangrel said:

If a women was being abused/beaten by a man, I wouldn't do jack fucking shit. She's got enough men to help her.

Attempting to solve a problem by acting out the opposite of it is rarely helpful, especially if said opposite is also a problem.

Also

nxGangrel said:

But society it self is a bad thing the way I see it.

... You do realize that societies are just people who are consistently around and socialize with each other, right? You can't really not have society, as that would require everyone suddenly becoming extremely anti-social.

[RUSH]

nxGangrel said:

I believe society or rather just humanity in general labels ALL women as a damsel in distress while all men are treated as the aggressor because of the fact that men on average are stronger than women. Much to Akira_98's point. It's always the male's fault, it's on them, the female is 100%, completely, without a doubt innocent. Doesn't matter who it is, as long as she is a female. And that really tics me off.

My mother used to always tell me "It's wrong to hit a girl" and my response always was "No! That's not how reality works".

Now I know this is a very teen thing for me to say but, if I saw a man being abused/beaten/etc. by a women (and he was the victim of course) I wouldn't hesitate to help. If a women was being abused/beaten by a man, I wouldn't do jack fucking shit. She's got enough men to help her.

So suddenly no woman deserves help because the almighty nxGangrel feels men are always blamed by "society." "Humanity in general labels ALL woman as a damsel in distress" ? What the fuck are you talking about? Gender doesn't matter - it's a human receiving abuse. That situation demands attention and action. Since when did simple courtesy and common sense become such a rare commodity? To me it sounds like you are encouraging people to just walk away.

[40oz]

I guess the thread title is misleading towards my actual complaint. I find

"This is what I wake up to every morning"

(picture of dog wagging tail)

to be annoying as hell too.

[Ladna]

Ahhhhh here we go.

So first I'll say that whenever you hear something like, "men can be victims of rape and domestic abuse too", or, "sometimes white people are abused by the police too", it's derailment. There isn't a systemic, cultural, or institutional problem where 1 out of 4 men is sexually assaulted, or where 1 out of 6 white men will be incarcerated in their lifetime (with all the disadvantage that entails later on in life). When people talk about rape culture and the shocking prevalence of sexual assault and rape of women, they're talking about a systemic issue that holds women back dramatically. If you want to talk about men who suffer domestic abuse or who are raped, that's great. Don't derail a conversation about rape culture with "what about the men" shit (not that you're doing this 40oz., I'm just saying in general).

Krispy said:

Women who stay in abusive relationships are stupid.

Men who begin abusive relationships (where they're on the receiving end) have no backbone.

You really need to educate yourself on the psychology of abuse. This stuff (no offense intended) is extremely offensive.

Platinum Shell said:

This is all I needed to read besides the title. Imgur's (and Reddit's) community is pure garbo.

Yeah, dominated by fedora-wearing libertarian MRAs who "just know better". It's like if you want to know what entitlement looks like, go there.

nxGangrel said:

I believe society or rather just humanity in general labels ALL women as a damsel in distress while all men are treated as the aggressor because of the fact that men on average are stronger than women. Much to Akira_98's point. It's always the male's fault, it's on them, the female is 100%, completely, without a doubt innocent. Doesn't matter who it is, as long as she is a female. And that really tics me off.

You also really need to educate yourself on abuse issues. Men are by far the more common aggressors. Even when men are raped, the vast majority of the time, their attacker is male. Rape, sexual assault, and domestic violence are, in our society, almost always gendered crimes.

nxGangrel said:

If a women was being abused/beaten by a man, I wouldn't do jack fucking shit.

You really can't be serious.

[Technician]

Wow, it took eighteen posts before we got to Ladna's "rape is an exclusivity by numbers" statement. I would have long expected this to be the second or third reply to this thread. Maybe the west coast is in bed right now.

*Tips fedora*

[Ladna]

Yeah well DW is, like almost all gaming communities, kind of in the same boat as imgur and reddit: entitled white guys everywhere.

And "exclusivity" is the wrong way to look at it. Male victims absolutely merit attention, but not in the context of "wow there's an epidemic of sexual assault against women". Issues like this are institutional too, whether it's your local sheriff suppressing evidence, or thousands and thousands of unprocessed rape kits across the US, or whether even though over 90% of the time a woman accuser is telling the truth, she's almost always questioned in fucked up ways (what were you doing, what were you wearing, were you drinking, etc. etc.).

Also I'm 100% Hoosier pal, and I'll knock your teeth back ;)

[HorrorMovieRei]

40oz said:

I guess the thread title is misleading towards my actual complaint. I find
"This is what I wake up to every morning"
to be annoying as hell too.

I don't mean to sound like a hipster, but that's mainstream internet communities for you. It's mostly people posting their pets, trying to solve social issues without actually doing anything, and unfunny jokes(seriously, imgur comment section is basically a bad-pun 101 class).

[geo]

geo said:

I used to watch Divorce Court in college. There were a few men that were physically abused. I remember one wife was like 5' tall her husband was 6'4". The judge asked her something like did you hit him? Her response was well yeah but I can't hurt him. Then he said except the time I fell down and hit the sink.

Another was a woman in a wheelchair (from a driveby when she was 10) and she'd always throw things at her husband.

Heck now that I think about it, my best friend's grand mother would throw ashtrays at her husband. FULL mind you. She's the smoker.

geo said:

http://www.wbtw.com/story/24314980/sc-woman-stabs-husband-with-ceremaic-squirrell-police-say

SC Woman Stabs Husband with Ceramic Squirrel Over Lack of Beer.

I think the headline says it all. Funny? Horrible? Sad?

[dg93]

Men can also be victims of false allegations of rape but who gives a shit right?

[Bloodshedder]

No good can come from this thread