Doom 3 fan fic thingy...NOT FINISHED

[Naked Snake]

Ryan panted, peeking around the corner, spying the monster. It's head was large, its eyes blazed red, its mouth opened to expose its sharp teeth, red with blood. It had sharp bloody claws that could tear through flesh with little trouble. Ryan ducked back around the corner, his hands clenched around the two .38 revolver pistols he had. He closed his eyes and swallowed, thinking to himself, wondering if he could take the thing on. He saw these things take down his friends, not only with their claws, but with fireballs. He remebered seeing his friend Thompson getting hit with at least 7 fireballs. He screamed as he ran around in circles, trying to put out the flames that had engulfed his body. Thompson had tossed his .38 and it landed on the catwalk that Ryan was on. Ryan, being a good marine, grabbed the gun, still holding his own, and started to blast every monster in sight. After a while, he was the only human left...or so he thought, as he saw a few soldiers shamble into the battlefield. Why weren't the monsters attacking them...AND WHY THE FUCK WERE THEY FIRING AT HIM? He ducked down, stumbling over to a console for cover.......

He was quickly brought back to his senses as he heard the thing eating something...what the Hell was it? It seemed to be a U.A.C. worker, a female. This pissed Ryan off, a woman being brutally killed! He opened fire with his two pistols, promptly dropping the beast. He walked over to the woman to cover her body. He turned to grab a tarp from the wall when he heard a moan. She's alive! He turned and saw her raising up from the floor. No way...she couldn't do that...she could have just hardly survived, let alone be able to stand up! He looked at her, straight in the eyes......when he realized SHE DIDN'T HAVE EYES! She raised her arms and shambled towards him. Ryan didn't want to belive it...she was a fuckin' zombie! That explained why the monsters didn't attack those soldiers, and why they fired at him. He backed up against the wall, he couldn't use the pistols, they were empty. He knocked something off the shelf. He looked down to see a hatchet at his feet. Ryan bent down and picked it up. The zombie-woman lunged for him, but he dodged. As she fell he swung the hatchet and chopped the back of her skull off. She didn't get up that time...

What do you guys think so far? I plan on adding more to it, possibly some new characters. Gimme suggestions and such, like names and descriptions for the new characters. Thanks!

[Livo]

I'll try to be constructive.

There's a bit too many rhetoric questions and cut back on the number of "...blah" sequences. Some minor grammatical errors, but apart from that, very good.

[dsm]

Inspired by the infamous bathroom scene are we?
Not bad, not bad at all, but what's so special about a woman being eaten, since it makes Ryan so mad?

[Naked Snake]

dsm said:

Inspired by the infamous bathroom scene are we?
Not bad, not bad at all, but what's so special about a woman being eaten, since it makes Ryan so mad?

It has to do with Ryan's morals, such as he belives that abuse toward any woman is wrong. He also just doesn't like to see women harmed.

[dsm]

bigbadgangsta said:

It has to do with Ryan's morals, such as he belives that abuse toward any woman is wrong. He also just doesn't like to see women harmed.

Damn, I bet he's got a problem earning the modern woman's full respect (although he is a bit of a gentleman after all) :-)

[Spike]

bigbadgangsta said:

It has to do with Ryan's morals, such as he belives that abuse toward any woman is wrong. He also just doesn't like to see women harmed.

Dude - come on... this guy's a soldier/marine, right? Seeing a woman he doesn't know being killed/eaten/whatever would have no more effect than the same happening to a man. Training has a habit of dulling the senses of the person in question, as to be an efficient killer, he/she has to be able to ignore emotions and get a job done.
If this woman were someone he knew, i could accept that.

[Naked Snake]

Spike said:

Dude - come on... this guy's a soldier/marine, right? Seeing a woman he doesn't know being killed/eaten/whatever would have no more effect than the same happening to a man.

Sometimes training can't reach the things that were taught to you all your life, and why can't you all just get over the woman getting eating part!?

[Spike]

Sorry dude, just trying to be realistic :)
As a means of comparison, the marines in 'Aliens' weren't that torn up about the death of the female colonist via a chestbursting alien. They had bigger concerns on their mind.
(namely not getting torn apart/impregnated by a legion of nasty slimy monsters with pointy sharp teeth :))

[pritch]

I winced a bit with the woman being eaten.

I would really steer clear of a sterotypical and patriachial depiction of women as weak and in need of protection. I know it's often true (sshhh! don't tell her I said that!) but all the same it's well-tired as comic-book themes go and I can just picture the carnage now were my ball and chain herself to read that.

Apart from that, cool.

[dsm]

pritch said:

I would really steer clear of a sterotypical and patriachial depiction of women as weak and in need of protection. I know it's often true (sshhh! don't tell her I said that!) but all the same it's well-tired as comic-book themes go and I can just picture the carnage now were my ball and chain herself to read that.

That was exactly the reason why I frowned a bit over that bit - I really hated these moments in children's cartoons (e.g. Turtles) where some female character gets caught by the bad guy and then the heroes have to save her, gah! I hope to see more "real" woman characters in a story who can take care of themselves and not constantly be in need of a male hero to rescue them.

Sorry if I gave the impression of being really negative over the bit with the woman being eaten - it's not bad, it just reminds me of some of the abovementioned "woman in peril" crap.