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DooMBoy

Nightmare

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.....You step into the base. All around-silence and death. Blood is all over the walls, the floor, even the ceiling. But something is not right. The walls-they're not the rusted metal you remember. They have been changed into dull green marble. The ceiling overhead is concrete. The floor beneath your feet is the average UAC carpet. But something is terribly wrong. The floor pitchs and rolls beneath your feet, threatening to knock you down. Shadows suddenly appear out of the corners of the room you've just entered....they appear to be those of the demons and imps. They are transparent, and the imps laugh at you, an evil, screeching, soulless laugh. The demons float into the air, and charge at you. But they are spirits. They cannot hurt you.
The floor starts to rumble violently and suddenly the ground explodes open, sending forth legions hellspawn to invite your doom....

You awaken from the nightmare in a cold sweat....

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I wish people would post 'longer-than-thirty-lines' stories. The trouble is that I can't really be bothered to link to such short stories in the fanfic index, as they're usually too short to really capture the reader's interest.

As for the story itself: It's well-written and the small blurp is interesting. That's all I have to say (it's simply too short).

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Hmm, well I couldn't think of anything else to write. Suggestions?

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Maybe describe his feelings a bit more and throw in descriptions of sounds.

What usually bugs me is that you never seem to make a proper introduction or ending. You have written countless small stories, but none of them are connected - they just start abruptly and end just as abruptly again.
It's hard to fully get interested in your stories when you never really "end" them, but keep on starting over with something entirely new.

This story is ok as a "small" story as it is a very short story centered around a specific nightmare, but some of the others where you just throw us into the boots of the Doomguy in the middle of nowhere and just end the story abruptly without writing a next chapter continuing the "saga" is just a bit annoying imho.
But it's probably just me.

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