Worst, most near-objectively bad songs you know?

[Wovenloaf]

What's a truly awful, nearly objectively bad song that you know of? I'm not talking about your possible beef with Justin Bieber or someone big and obvious like that -- I mean, what song is so hilariously "Troll 2 meets The Room" bad that you can't imagine someone liking it unironically?

Well, I've had many enjoyable moments searching for -- or even just finding -- terrible songs on the internet, particularly YouTube, and I can share plenty of musical disasterpieces with you. I'll give two examples for now: A fairly obvious one and a not-so-obvious one.

First of all, Brokencyde's "Freaxxx". I remember seeing this about a year or so after it came out in 2008, and it brought my mind to an utter halt. For those who have never heard this, imagine the most plastic sissy club dance bullshit you can think of with some simian rejects screaming over it like it's death metal. Now the song sounds even more pathetic to me because I can kind of hear just how dated it already is. This song, and the rest of that ill-fated crunkcore trend that spawned it, just screams "MySpace era".

Now for a less obvious choice: Vanilla's "No Way, No Way". Granted, this band may have been some kind of secret joke, but the song still epitomizes all the cheeky, dorky elements of English pop in a pretty cringeworthy fashion. They re-appropriate "Mahna, Mahna" for the whole chorus using tinny-sound synth-horns, and for the rest of the song they slather a sparse musical nothing over a Spice Girls beat with tacky "we're friends looking for guys, but not the tryhards" chatter. It sounds like hell and vaguely reminds me of Post Hell's music.

Now your turn.

[HavoX]

Kelly Clarkson -- Since U Been Gone

[june gloom]

[VGamingJunkie]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLJ9fHqDlOA

[deadwolves]

[Li'l devil]

I can't name any truly objectively bad songs, but there is one I know that's so ridiculous, I don't even know if it's a joke or a true shit.
Blood on the dance floor - Scream for my ice cream

Even the name says it all.. I mean yes, it's catchy, but the lyrics are.. they are.. oh..

[chungy]

[BluePineapple72]

http://youtu.be/wWLhrHVySgA

Disclaimer: watching this video will probably give you a few diseases, and a hatred for Chinese food

[Cynical]

There have been some bad songs posted so far, but nothing can ever top this. Nothing.

[BluePineapple72]

Cynical said:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2EGKt8yONI

There have been some bad songs posted so far, but nothing can ever top this. Nothing.

You have a point, I do think that at around 22:45 they had a good idea, but it was executed extremely poorly. It would be interesting to play that guitar part and add a thrashy E string in between, also fixing the drums would help a lot

[plums]

Cynical said:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2EGKt8yONI

There have been some bad songs posted so far, but nothing can ever top this. Nothing.

I'm listening to this now and kind of enjoying it. I can see how it's not everyone's cup of tea though.

Also lame pop music isn't good but I'd hesitate to call it objectively bad either, it's more just substanceless and super bland.


edit: Yeah that was pretty rad. Not the kind of thing I'd play often and now I kind of need a bit of silence, but it was a cool experience. It's hard to talk about minimalist art without sounding pretentious, it seems to be the kind of thing people get or they don't and writing fancy words never changes that, but suffice to say I like minimalism and this application of it to thrash metal is pretty unique.

[dew]

Cynical said:

There have been some bad songs posted so far, but nothing can ever top this. Nothing.

Oh ye of little faith. Lyrics.

So good. I mean bad. It's like... is this The Room of metal music, if Johnny was a neo-nazi?

[40oz]

Check it out now
Funk soul brotha
Right about now
Funk soul brotha
Check it out now
Funk soul brotha
Right about now
Funk soul brotha
Check it out now
Funk soul brotha
Right about now
Funk soul brotha
Check it out now
Funk soul brotha
Right about now
Funk soul brotha
Check it out now
Funk soul brotha
Right about now
Funk soul brotha
Check it out now
Funk soul brotha
Right about now
Funk soul brotha
Check it out now
Funk soul brotha
Right about now
Funk soul brotha

[HavoX]

40oz said:

Check it out now
Funk soul brotha
What about now
*snip*

I actually like that song, but I can't understand why you don't like it...
And it's "right about now", not "what about now"...

[Li'l devil]

Cynical said:

Orthrelm - OV

I dunno, I actually enjoy avant-garde music.

[nxGangrel]

I won't go for the easy targets.

[Wovenloaf]

Some good entries, people. Dethtoll, that writing on "Freaxxx" is great, and kind of spot on in a way. Seems even more relevant now, even if its topic isn't.

I've been aware of that Orthrelm album for a while, but never took the time to listen through it, for obvious reasons. I like Mick Barr, though -- check out some of his Ocrilim stuff to see just how good he really is. I imagine that OV is supposed to have a certain kind of hypnotic effect, but I don't know when I'll get around to trying that.

And oh my god, 40oz, thanks for taking me back to the 90's for a moment there. Shit that song is bad.

Ok, here's another rare example. Apparently this is a cover of an old song (maybe one used in a musical or something?), but it's done absolutely horribly and goes on for about 6.5 minutes. Apparently it's also the work of some long-lost "exploitation" metal label that tried to make quick profits by signing already horribly inept metal bands that no one else cared about and then putting out even shittier albums under that band's name, in effect making "fake sequels". Just Google "Metal Enterprises" for a more in-depth back story. This shit is surreal.

[durian]

Cynical said:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2EGKt8yONI

This is pretty fun - reminds me of Lightning Bolt (example) but more minimalist. Good stuff!

[j4rio]

[DELETE-THIS-ACCOUNT]

Anything by Effiel 65 is enough to make me want to just... just... EUGGHGFHJUUGH

[Tosi]

My first choice would have been crunkcore, but that's already been posted.
The Shaggs are well known for being hilariously incompetent, but it has a kind of charm missing from some of the other shit I've heard:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxPsXPCR5MU

[mrthejoshmon]

Riak, nuff said.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03ufw2t6Rbg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOVKzjJruLY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qXeSIZRGfA

I swear to god he does this on purpose.

[Li'l devil]

Passenger of Shit. Oh, yeah, that guy.. I mean if you like a good earrape then he's probably the best choice. Other people, however, don't even consider his music being, well.. music.
Listen to it yourself: (you'd better turn your volume down a little bit..)

Good music for Terry wads btw.

[Marnetmar]

[Wovenloaf]

Ok, what the fuck.

My favorite part of the video is when he starts rapping to a cow on the beach.

Also, I remember that Megadeth song. Seriously sounds like a Nickelback song with shittier vocals.

[Clonehunter]

ChekaAgent said:

I can't name any truly objectively bad songs, but there is one I know that's so ridiculous, I don't even know if it's a joke or a true shit.
Blood on the dance floor - Scream for my ice cream
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DYqxbE67Fk

Even the name says it all.. I mean yes, it's catchy, but the lyrics are.. they are.. oh..

Pretty much anything by BOTDF is fucking atrocious. Though lyrically comical, indeed. But still fucking atrocious.

[RUSH]

I've used this a few times before, but I think it would be fitting again here:

Also, ALL "Slam Death Metal." The stupidest, shittiest sub genre ever. Don't get me wrong, I love standard death metal, some technical death, some melodic death. But slam? Don't go near that boring, pointless shit...

This album in particular is especially cringe worthy. Album cover is NSFW by the way. So yeah, enjoy this "real metal" not that dad rock stuff like Slayer and Morbid Angel. That's for pussies, obviously.

NSFW cover

Spoiler

Dem likes tho mang

[Wovenloaf]

Agreed on slam/deathcore shit. Bottom of the barrel.

On that note...

[RUSH]

For the record, this is probably the single shittiest metalcore/nu-metal whatever the fuck it's called song ever. Which is saying something. Music video is HILARIOUS. Also, auto tune:

Oh my gosh it is so bad. Hide the children...

[Xerge]

I find Barbie girl from Aqua to be extremely irritating, specially if you listen to it while watching the music video. I think there's no other song out there that irritates me that much. I think it could be used for torture sessions.