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Impie

Freedoom Story

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Is anyone in charge of the backstory for Phases 1 and 2, and writing the intermission text? If so, I'd like to take a stab at it, if no one has any objections.

I write the stories for all my mods, and I did the intermission text for Mayhem 1500, if references are required.

Also wondering if there is a general consensus of the plot yet or if it's totally up in the air as far as content and tone. Presently the intermissions are either undeveloped or really generic, as are the episode and megawad names (Phase 1 and Phase 2 don't really stand out, do they?), and I think I might be able to inject them with a bit more personality.

It's something I'll toy around with this week, and I'll post the results for fun. If you guys want me to go all-out and write both iwads, I'll see what I can do.

Spoiler

Phase 1: Escape From Hell's Abbey

Episode Names:
Outpost Outbreak
Event Horizon (Military Labs)
Hell's Abbey (Event Horizon)
The Final Marathon (Double Impact)

Intro V3

They called it Outpost Vincenzo, the smallest of three outposts in the ass-crack of Callisto. Astro-Garrison Multinational funded the place as a pet project, and they ran it like a corporation runs anything: by cutting as many corners as possible. Your cell on earth was more fit for outer space, and the air was fresher, too. Every time someone flushed the toilet, the nuclear reactor hiccuped. Even the scenery sucked: a landscape of barren rock with a few pitiful attempts at terraformed gardens, while Jupiter's ugly ass filled the sky and stared accusingly down at everyone like the eye of God. It was a failed attempt at terraforming the moon's surface for colonization, demoted to an interstellar truck stop for passing starships.

It managed to do ONE thing right, though. It was impossible to escape from. The nearest dot of civilization was light-years away. The Geneva Convention was even further.

This was your assessment of the place your first hour as a visitor, after you had been registered, quarantined, and scanned for space bedbugs. You were forced into a snug new prison jumpsuit -- it doubled as a temporary space suit in emergencies -- and shoved up the hall to the commander's office. He looked like a gorilla with a crew cut and smiled like the Grim Reaper.

You knew you were in trouble when you glanced out the office window and saw your ship taking off without you.

"I'm Commander Philo," said the gorilla. "Your ship was called to make an emergency pickup, and they don't have room for you and the cargo, so they're leaving you in our care for a few weeks. Consider it an extended vacation. Compared to where you're going, Vincenzo is a resort."

He looked over your file, occasionally glancing at you like a hangnail he was thinking about biting off. You thought about your destination: the Rock, the cosmic version of Alcatraz, where bad earthlings were sent to disappear forever.

"You're a disgrace to the human race," Philo finally said, dropping the file on the desktop as he walked around the desk to your side. "No wonder they booted your ass off the planet."

"But I'm great with kids," you said.

The gorilla replied by jamming a cattle prod into your testicles on full charge. When you stopped vomiting and your eyesight came back, he was hovering over you with that damn smile. "They call me the Lord of Pain around here. You're in my castle now, and don't you ever forget it."

Philo had you thrown into a closet with a fluorescent-lit cot and a glorified bedpan with plumbing. There you rotted for two weeks, with no company but the ever-staring eye of Jupiter overhead, and only the occasional beating or sleep deprivation experiment to occupy your time. Even in your dreams, Philo was a giant skull-faced monster whose giant, bony hands brought only pain.

Starships came and went every hour. If it weren't for that, boredom would have driven you as batshit as the commander already.

The arrival of an AGM freighter caused a notable stir. The captain was a woman, her curves evident through her spacesuit even at a distance. She argued with two hangar grunts for ten minutes; then a spaceman with commander's stripes moonwalked out to her and argued for another fifteen. Eventually a guard came and escorted you to the rec room where Commander Philo was having coffee with the captain, her hair red and flowing like wine.

"You're the new tenant, yeah?" she said, offering her hand to you. She was Australian.

You didn't take the hand. "Who's askin'?"

"Captain Dobkin. My impulse drive is cactus maximus, and we got an important delivery to make. The commander says you're shipping out to the Rock 'cuz of a hijacking."

"Wasn't my idea," you said. "The shipping OR the hijacking."

"He says you're ace with fixing ships. You were an engineer on earth, yeah?"

"Out of the goddamned question," said Philo. "He's breaking the law just by LOOKING at a ship!"

She ignored him. "All Philo's techies are green, and we have a deadline to keep."

You raised an eyebrow. "What's your cargo? Caviar?"

"Six sleepy space monks." When she saw everyone's confused looks, she grinned. "That was my reaction, too. They're from that monastery on Titan, the one that went Defcon 1 awhile back. Picked up their distress signal on the way back from Pluto, HQ wanted 'em brought in ASAP."

"I thought nobody survived that disaster."

"These guys did, but they're all veggies. We gotta keep 'em cold and keep 'em under 'til we get 'em home. The admins wanna poke around in their brains, find out what happened there. Power surge already spazzed out the life support systems once. It happens again, our cargo's liable to spoil. Or worse, wake up and try to convert us."

"What do I get?"

Philo grabbed your collar and shook you violently. "Convicts don't bargain. They do as they're told."

Dobkin smiled coyly at you as she stood up. "We got a synthetic navigator named Stella. She's a beauty. I can letcha borrow 'er for an hour. That do?"

You grinned. "I prefer redheads."

The redheaded captain scowled. "Get 'im a toolbelt," she said as she dropped her helmet and headed back out to the ship. "You make me late, Philo, it'll cost you YOUR job, too."

You worked on the ship for two days, and got to keep away from the commander for most of it, finally interacting with the other people stationed at Vincenzo. All the botanists wanted to talk about were the goddamned plants, and the security guards were a jock clique that only spoke to you if you were doing something they didn't like, such as walking too fast, or breathing. Captain Dobkin mostly talked about the state of the ship, and try as you might, you couldn't get her to talk about herself. All you could get off her was the sense that she was playing it cool so no one would know she was afraid.

Her crew didn't hide it so well. They sweated a lot and constantly looked like they had to go pee. Every time you wanted to examine or fix something on their ship, it was like pulling teeth, and they only okayed it when their captain yelled at them to quit screwing around.

It was easy to see why once you met the cargo. The monks' cryotubes were lined up in the cargo bay like a six-pack of beer, secured in an upright position with bungee cords. All six were male, bald, pale, and had spooky aquiline features that made them resemble Roman statues. Their dead eyes stared blankly at the outside world. You avoided looking at them whenever your work took you through there.

By day three, half of the outpost's staff were complaining of strange dreams and frequent migraine headaches that worsened when they came near the ship. Philo started getting more aggressive toward everyone over a guard that had mysteriously vanished. The Captain argued with him more frequently, and her crew started whispering among themselves. That night two of Philo's grunts took a walk on the moon's surface without their space suits.

The morning of day four, the outpost cook awoke from one of his nightmares, found he could still see the awful things from his dreams even when wide awake, and cut his own throat with a butcher knife to make it stop. Commander Philo demanded to know what the hell else Dobkin's ship was carrying, and if it was radioactive or otherwise dangerous. She kept insisting all she had on the ship were six monks on ice and a few tons of harmless ore. Philo caught some of her crewmen whispering again and took them to the "dungeon" for questioning, and that opened a whole new can of worms. You could hear their shouting matches from the dark side of the moon.

Next thing you knew, you were being pulled out of bed in the middle of the night (not that you could tell day from night on that rock) by the warden and his goons.

"Cock-a-doodle-do, Dead Man," he said. His grin was a little more insane than usual.

"We did another engine test," said the Captain when they brought you to her on the bridge. "Power surge cacked the life support systems again, and my guys won't go near those damn monks to check on 'em. You seem like the sanest one on this moon, so I'm electing you."

The monks didn't look any different when you went into the cargo bay alone, and didn't seem any less like frozen vegetables. You did a quick diagnostic check and found the surge protectors had been fried, along with one of the cryostasis tubes' control modules. You had just popped it apart to check the innards when you heard the dripping sound and glanced up.

Crimson ichor was oozing out of the cracks of the cryotube and slowly dribbling upward in noxious ropes as if gravity had been reversed, forming an ugly red puddle on the ceiling. You glanced back at the monk itself and found its dead eyes staring directly into you.

Something tried to claw its way into your mind, but you scrambled out of there before the visions got too vivid. After hearing your description of the scene, Philo took a dozen armed men into the cargo bay with the Captain and her first mate in tow. The ceiling was now a hellish crimson lake, and the statue-like monks were all looking directly at the commander. You could hear his mind snap like a twig.

Commander Philo opened his mouth to shriek the order to open fire just as the puddle spurted. The stream went straight down his throat.

You relished his screams at first, but once the alien chuttering started -- what sounded like laughter -- and the tentacles started ripping out of him, you were the first to bail. You don't remember much after that, except vague snippets of people being torn in half, guards with hideous yellow eyes turning their guns on their comrades, and the outpost twisting in its foundation as if reality itself were rejecting it.

That was two days ago. You've kept quiet and hidden since then, listening to the former staff members chattering in alien gibberish on the radio; to the howls from the deepest reaches of your nightmares, echoing deeper within the outpost. All you had to do was sit tight until the next ship arrived, then get the hell outta dodge. You'd take the ship over if you had to -- Philo had plenty of guns and ammo laying around the outpost. Or he DID, anyway, before the space-time continuum shit the bed and turned everyone into mumbling space-boogeymen.

As you relieved a dead starport guard of his pistol, the base intercom suddenly kicked on, and the screen in the nearby wall crackled to life. Grinning at you through the static was a nightmare caricature of the skull-face you had grown to loathe.

"THERE you are, Dead Man," it rumbled. "Thought I'd forgotten about our playtime schedule, huh?"

You swallowed your bile. "Hey, Philo. Love the new makeover."

"Good," the thing slobbered, "'cos you're next in line. Sit tight. Pain Lord's comin' to getcha."

The screen crackled and went black. Further up the hall, a door whined open, and through it came a chorus of alien babble, drawing closer with every word.

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I recently sent a request to add my new intermission screen stories. It's not much, but its better than the current ones.

Also, coincidentally, i was trying to think of a good story today.

Fifth draft of PHASE 1 AKA the backstory

Spoiler

The ship rumbles as it lands on the docking bay. You tug at the shackles holding your arms and legs, wondering what AGM will do to you. How did they even find you? You covered your tracks wherever you went, and for so many years. Yet, AGM has gotten their dirty hands on you once more. What did you miss?

"Alright, take the subject to Biological Research ASAP. Don't want to keep those doctors waiting, unless you know what's good for you." Says the Commander in front of you. The two soldiers besides him pick both of your arms up and drag you out of the ship...

The restaints on your limbs are so strong. You can see the lights flickering and dangling around carelessly. The hanging needles and scalpels above sway back and forth with each rumble. Screams. Gunfire. Roars. Something went wrong. You look around desperately, trying to get out of this bed... And that's when you see it.

A strange creature bangs on your cell door, now destroyed by the bullet holes and scorch marks. Something in you causes the drugs to take action. With each hit against the door, you pull against the metal restraints harder and harder. And that's when you realise that your restraints have broken into pieces. You're free. The creature now stands in front of you. Its left arm clearly has a tag labelled "AGM". The corridor behind it looks like a horror show.

Your new strength easily defeats the monster. Walking down the deserted hallway, you're back in the docking bay, filled with the signs of an immense firefight. There're dead soldiers everywhere, and two monsters rotting away. Looks more like a last stand. You go up to one of the corpses and salvage what you can. Clothes. Armor. Pistol.

You're glad AGM is getting their asses kicked. But this outbreak could spread all the way to Earth. You can't let that happen, can't put innocent civilians in harm's way. You've had enough of AGM and their carelessness. No more hiding. This fight is between you and AGM.

Third draft of PHASE 2
Spoiler

You killed them all back there. But here, the problem is even bigger. The infestation has grown immensely.

The electricity plant is gone. No longer humanity's property. Bodies here, blood there, bullet holes everywhere. The zombies lurk around, looking for anything that's not one of them. The monsters are another story.

You start to regret about throwing away the massive arsenal used for your reign of chaos. But there really was no choice. Too much mass to transfer over such a large distance. No matter, at least your pistol made it. Your hands are just as good.

Earth reeks of misery. AGM really messed up this time. You've seen the signs, read the notes, watched the tapes. AGM discovered it, used it, betrayed by it. How can they be so stupid? Now, it's gained the power to destroy humanity, so that we can "rebuild ourselves for our own safety".

Or you could just destroy it and end this insanity.

All you wanted was to be free. But who wants to be free in a world conquered by the AGM monsters? Unless, someone cleansed it.

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Well, there IS one little seed of coolness in that idea. I was working on my own thing, but I wasn't sure where to go with it. I might take the prisoner idea you presented and base a whole new draft around that concept.

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I thought of the prisoner idea as the the title screen shows Freedoomguy was chained/held captive. But escaped.

But im wondering how Phase 2's story will go?

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Voros said:

I thought of the prisoner idea as the the title screen shows Freedoomguy was chained/held captive. But escaped.

But im wondering how Phase 2's story will go?

Somehow I didn't even notice the shackles. Or maybe I did and just never gave it much thought. Ha-haa, Captain Obvious reporting for duty.

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So I got a draft for the intro story for Phase 1's readme file. Whenever I post updates, I'll add a story segment to the OP to make them easy to find. Check the OP in the next couple minutes.

Incidentally, does AGM actually stand for anything? Coming up with a meaning for that acronym is proving to be pretty awkward.

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I have a few issues with your story:

1-LENGTH: its too big. New players of Freedoom should get a story that's simple and yet implies that there's more to it (and that part is upto the player).

2-DIALOGUE: its like watching movie-unrealistic and cheesy. No offense. Keep it realistic, like how you would talk to another person in real life. No BS (that's how I talk).

3-FANFICTION: that's what I felt after reading that. Its TOO detailed.

4-UNDERSTANDING: I should be able to understand clearly about what happened. Half the time, I didn't know what's going on, with the monks and planets and stuff.

5-CHARACTERS: "Lord of Pain"-not feeling it. "(Sexy smart chick)"-how many times have we seen this? I think its a better idea to not mention any specific characters, keep it anonymous.

And no AGM literally has no meaning (unless you like After Glow's Mom!)

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Impie, that's some very nice piece of writing! I like the style, and the story sounds pretty neat as well.

Voros, the idea of experimental drug stuff had occurred to me too. It could be tie in well with the berserker pack concept.

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@Voros I can tighten it up, like I always try to with my work -- editing is 90% of the writing process -- but I can't have more detail, but less detail, but more believable dialogue, but no characters. Feedback is welcome especially with this being a community project, but it's only helpful if it has focus. I don't really know what you want based on your post.

1. It did come out longer than I wanted, forgiving the fact that most players aren't going to read the story to begin with. I always try to pare my work down so it's not too bloated, but honestly why not make it a fun creative writing project for the few who actually do read it? Witchaven is a very poor game, but it has an 8 page introduction in the manual, and it's fascinating. It gives a sense of place and character to the game's generic Build engine dungeons.

2. I took a pulpy approach like Doom did. I think a more literary approach would feel out of place and quite frankly pretentious given the subject matter. Even so, I dunno that it's THAT unrealistic, especially given how I'm trying to make conversations "in a nutshell" to avoid the thing drawing on for pages and pages, which is what would happen if I made them talk as realistically as possible. People go back and forth a lot in real conversation.

3. Back to point 1. Few people will even read it, so why not bring the setting to life a little? I'll still find ways to pare it down a bit, but I don't think a detailed backstory would do anything to hurt the project.

4. I was gonna reveal more of what was happening during the intermission text, but that aspect is still being ironed out. I had three or four versions of what happened to the base, and the only one that really stood out was these guys in the tubes. I don't wanna just do another "demons from hell" thing without putting a unique spin on it, especially considering the much more Lovecraftian style of Freedoom's monsters, compared to Doom's more biblical approach.

5. I don't quite see how she's a "sexy smart lady" cliche. I wasn't even aware that was a cliche, given the number of them irl. And I used "Pain Lord" because that's the name of the first boss. Regardless, character archetypes are used when there's no time to make them three-dimensional. If I make the characters three-dimensional, I need more natural dialogue; and for that I need more pages; and to avoid that, I need to just ditch all peripheral characters, and we're back to a generic Doom scenario again.

Maybe all that's called for here is just a copy-pasted version of Doom's story with the names changed, in which case Freedoom really doesn't need me. The reason I stepped up was to flesh things out a bit and help Freedoom carve its own identity. Based on what I've done so far, does everyone want me to keep at it, or just leave it to the dev team?

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I dont know. Im just one person. IMO, it feels like a mouthful to read. Filled with unnecessary details if you ask me.

Lets see what these guys think soon:

Sodaholic
raymoohawk
chungy
fraggle
CWolf
MrFlibble
SuperSomariDX
Cire
Cacowad
Zerthex (heh, that guy is at least looks here)

BTW, when we come to a good story, I've set up the files required for the story to be linked at Freedoom's homepage.

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Voros said:

Zerthex (heh, that guy is at least looks here)

You'll have to tell me what that guy says, 'cos I put his ass on ignore less than an hour ago. Aheheh.

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I'm just about to update mine as well. Figured out a way to tighten it up considerably, skipping from the captain's introduction straight to the "leaky monk" gag, cutting out all the stuff in-between.

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Impie said:

I'm just about to update mine as well. Figured out a way to tighten it up considerably, skipping from the captain's introduction straight to the "leaky monk" gag, cutting out all the stuff in-between.

Cool! Is there by any chance of removing that last bit of the story, the part where Philo contacts the player? I find it corny and unnecessary.

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I'm thinking it over. I'm still working out who or what the main antagonist is, since there's no definitive "boss" character of the megawad. There is the giant mecha-spider at the end of episode three, but I don't know if it's due to change in the future, and it could just as well be another big, dumb monster.

One concept I had was the nastiest guy in the outpost becoming a sort of avatar for a greater entity and twisting reality into his/her own image. In Philo's case, it would make the whole moon the giant torture chamber the game eventually becomes. Killing him/her causes that reality to collapse, and forces the player to escape the moon via the ship a la Episode 4.

Or the entity could just have a foothold in our dimension via the outpost, and its realm starts to bleed into ours and threatens to merge the two. And maybe the moon becomes a lost cause and that forces him to flee.

Wanted to wait and see what the others think.

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Impie said:

Wanted to wait and see what the others think.

That's gonna take some time.

I think you should just wing it for now.

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I might wing it anyway, out of boredom if nothing else. Especially if I think of a decent idea to play with.

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Well I'm still sticking with the prisoner idea. It fits Freedoom (or Freedom...) for me.

In my mind, the player was a soldier. He must have done something big that caused him to lose his rank and well everything.

Have you watched Starship Troopers 2? There is a soldier who is a war hero but is imprisoned because he killed a Colonel.

Edit: wait. Lol its basically my version of Freedoom's story. But I swear its only a coincidence.

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Impie said:

Is anyone in charge of the backstory for Phases 1 and 2


I may to try but you will hate me for it. Because there's no countries. Even USA and Russia don't exist. EVEN China. Because world united but still dumb as heck.

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CWolf said:

I may to try but you will hate me for it. Because there's no countries. Even USA and Russia don't exist. EVEN China. Because world united but still dumb as heck.

Why would people hate you for that?

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Zerthex said:

ayy thats pritty gud

Which one? Both? Then yeah.

But Freedoom needs one story.
Unless you have one too.

@CWolf I don't understand.

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Voros said:

Which one? Both? Then yeah.

But Freedoom needs one story.
Unless you have one too.

@CWolf I don't understand.

i kinda like the one when freedoom guy *whatever his name is* a prisoner.. but i need to know the one when he's a freedom fighter

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Zerthex said:

i kinda like the one when freedoom guy *whatever his name is* a prisoner.. but i need to know the one when he's a freedom fighter

Aren't both stories based on FDoomguy being being a prisoner?

And by freedom fighter, like what?

Spoiler

ROUGH DRAFT

"We only have one chance at this, people! We strike at the heart of AGM and stop the madness!" You shout out to your comrades, as they cheer in response. "Load up!"

AGM, the empire that would soon die in our hands. All their major facilities have been taken over by us, Infinite Freedom. Only one remains.

As each fighter takes a weapon and goes outside, your turn comes to pick up a weapon. But it's all gone. Only a pistol with one clip. Better than nothing, as you take it in your hand. But it would make you a liability during the raid.

"Hey, come here." You tell one of the fighters. "I'm gonna have to sit this one out, as important as it is. I want you to lead the raid. I've seen your tactics, speed, power and I know you won't fail me. Are you up to the task of taking all these mens' lives into your hands, and willing to sacrifice your own for the mission?" The fighter gave a powerful nod, then a salute. "Good. Now go."

[After the raid]

"Come in, Wilcox!" You shout into the radio. "Wilcox! Do you copy?"

Something has gone wrong. You get out of the bunker, and with a pair of binoculars, look at the battlefield... All dead. What could've gone wrong?

Crappy and cheesy, but you get the idea. I'm still with my prisoner story though.

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Impie said:

I don't quite see how she's a "sexy smart lady" cliche.

Seems more of a tsundere to me, to be honest.

Impie said:

I don't quite see how she's a "sexy smart lady" cliche. I wasn't even aware that was a cliche, given the number of them irl.

When a character is defined by their archetype and nothing more, they become a cliché. This isn't usually an issue for some mostly unimportant side character - really, there's no reason not to just make those an easily recognizable archetype - but the main character's love interest? There's going to need to be a helluva a lot more characterization for her to stop being a walking cliché.

Especially when it's an woman - especially one that the work goes out of its way to make conventionally attractive - and it's blatantly obvious that she just exists for the main character to hook up with by the end. That can easily turn the character into a walking cliché, especially if she ever become a damsel in distress.

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Voros said:

Aren't both stories based on FDoomguy being being a prisoner?

And by freedom fighter, like what?

Spoiler

ROUGH DRAFT

"We only have one chance at this, people! We strike at the heart of AGM and stop the madness!" You shout out to your comrades, as they cheer in response. "Load up!"

AGM, the empire that would soon die in our hands. All their major facilities have been taken over by us, Infinite Freedom. Only one remains.

As each fighter takes a weapon and goes outside, your turn comes to pick up a weapon. But it's all gone. Only a pistol with one clip. Better than nothing, as you take it in your hand. But it would make you a liability during the raid.

"Hey, come here." You tell one of the fighters. "I'm gonna have to sit this one out, as important as it is. I want you to lead the raid. I've seen your tactics, speed, power and I know you won't fail me. Are you up to the task of taking all these mens' lives into your hands, and willing to sacrifice your own for the mission?" The fighter gave a powerful nod, then a salute. "Good. Now go."

[After the raid]

"Come in, Wilcox!" You shout into the radio. "Wilcox! Do you copy?"

Something has gone wrong. You get out of the bunker, and with a pair of binoculars, look at the battlefield... All dead. What could've gone wrong?

Crappy and cheesy, but you get the idea. I'm still with my prisoner story though.

i'm making a crappy comic that has the part where mr Strongy McStrongface breaks out of the shackles and loots a body from his armor and gun. then goes through the door to level 1

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I have an idea about the antagonist.

I'm basing my idea on the following things:
-FDoomguy is a prisoner/test subject/experiment of AGM
-The monsters were created by AGM, but not controlled by AGM (like a wild animal)

The antagonist (MAP30) is another project of AGM. It was initially the first "monster". But the thing is AGM didn't create it. They found it. Now having discovered such a such a massive and sentient thing, AGM used it to gain knowledge. It gave AGM details on biology and technology that they never thought of or thought was impossible. Time passes by, while AGM uses this new knowledge to create life (monsters). What they don't know is that they are being manipulated to do so. The thing offers to control the monsters, but in return, it would need some upgrades to do so. AGM does this, and carry on making more monsters for research. When the thing realises that there are enough monsters, it let go of the control over the monsters, beginning a massive slaughter. It planned on doing this to get to Earth and "give humanity a second chance". What it didn't expect was FDoomguy.

Not exactly happy with this, but I'll give it a shot.

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Impie said:

Also wondering if there is a general consensus of the plot yet or if it's totally up in the air as far as content and tone. Presently the intermissions are either undeveloped or really generic, as are the episode and megawad names (Phase 1 and Phase 2 don't really stand out, do they?), and I think I might be able to inject them with a bit more personality.

It's something I'll toy around with this week, and I'll post the results for fun. If you guys want me to go all-out and
- Story Contributions Start Below -

Backstory for Phase 1. Suggested Wad Title: ESCAPE FROM HELL'S ABBEY

Phase 1 and 2 have been around for so long, that its become a classic. It is its identity now.

Whoops, triple post.

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