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Share a random fact about yourself

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7 hours ago, DesecratorJ said:

I saw a few psychologists a couple of years ago and it definitely did absolutely nothing in regards to my case back then. However, I still wish that it does something for you anyways. I guess that will count as a random fact.

 

Thanks guys :>. Yeah, I'm hoping it does help me at least with my stress issues, the other problems I already mostly know where the fundamental issue lies, so unless that changes, I'm not sure how much will that help out. But hey, at least I'll be able to vent my problems and frustration elsewhere, not just DW :p.

 

Since it was brought up, I actually do know a lot about myself, which people don't seem to do anymore these days, and most of their knowledge about themselves comes from conditioning more than anything. Of course, there's always something more to know, but all I'm saying is that I'm pretty aware of myself.

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2 hours ago, seed said:

 

Thanks guys :>. Yeah, I'm hoping it does help me at least with my stress issues, the other problems I already mostly know where the fundamental issue lies, so unless that changes, I'm not sure how much will that help out. But hey, at least I'll be able to vent my problems and frustration elsewhere, not just DW :p.

 

Since it was brought up, I actually do know a lot about myself, which people don't seem to do anymore these days, and most of their knowledge about themselves comes from conditioning more than anything. Of course, there's always something more to know, but all I'm saying is that I'm pretty aware of myself.

I would like to think the same thing about myself, but i've never been entirely sure if I really knew myself properly. To me, it seems harder to get your things together in your own head than analyzing other people move and actions, seeing how they acts.

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1 hour ago, DesecratorJ said:

I would like to think the same thing about myself, but i've never been entirely sure if I really knew myself properly. To me, it seems harder to get your things together in your own head than analyzing other people move and actions, seeing how they acts.

 

Yeah, it is, since it tends to take a lot more effort and introspection, and it's not always pleasant, in fact if done right, it most definitely won't since it implies seeing yourself for what you really are, no preconceptions, no conditioning, and entire disillusionment. Anyone saying otherwise is a show man and a liar. "Know yourself" is easier said than done.

 

But knowing others is also difficult, everyone can see someone from a surface level, but few really know what lies beneath.

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I've had 2 psychologists in the past few years. One of them was mostly just analyzing me if I was sane enough. Then she suggested that I'd get some 10 time short therapy, which was with another psychologist. This was more about helping me deal with some problems I had. The therapy was mostly successful and helped me. Now later I'm thinking going through my life story a third time then wasn't so useful, and the times we spent on going through that, would have been better used on helping me identify emotions/feelings I might have (toward other people).

 

So my advice on visiting a psychologist is to think well before what you want to handle when visiting the psychologist to get the most out of it.

 

And more useless gym reports: Did 70kg benchpress, just a few more kilos and it's my current bodyweight.

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8 minutes ago, TwinBeast said:

I've had 2 psychologists in the past few years. One of them was mostly just analyzing me if I was sane enough. Then she suggested that I'd get some 10 time short therapy, which was with another psychologist. This was more about helping me deal with some problems I had. The therapy was mostly successful and helped me. Now later I'm thinking going through my life story a third time then wasn't so useful, and the times we spent on going through that, would have been better used on helping me identify emotions/feelings I might have (toward other people).

 

So my advice on visiting a psychologist is to think well before what you want to handle when visiting the psychologist to get the most out of it.

 

I only really want to solve these stress related issues honestly, everything else that may or may not come is a bonus.

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20 hours ago, seed said:

 

I only really want to solve these stress related issues honestly, everything else that may or may not come is a bonus.

 

I haven't read everything but if you're having stress related health issues I would suggest working out. 

 

I suffer from a number of problems due to my childhood where there was substance abuse, alcohol abuse, physical abuse, being homeless etc etc. 

 

I've tried a number of therapists and medicine. 

 

The best medicine is exercise, which I discovered about a year ago. I lift heavy weights, I do pushups, I do planks, I do lunges, I do whatever is accessible. Due to covid the gym isn't really the place to be right now. So calisthenics is your friend. It'll take a month or two before feeling the results, but stick with it and YOU WILL FEEL BETTER MENTALLY. I've also picked up muay Thai on a hobby level. I have a coach and I have all required gear and I just a week ago got a heavy bag. I bring it outside and attach it to a soccer goal or tree branch or whatever. The workout is tough and relentless, and it makes me feel alive and well. An added bonus is that I look more attractive to my wife, and my kids enjoy watching so I'm reducing the risk of having lazy and fat children. I am able to defend myself should the need arise. I am movable, my back doesn't hurt. I sleep better. 

 

It's all just benefits. 

 

I'm 34 and a father of two kids born in 2014 and 2019. 

 

There - I've posted a reply AND some random facts about myself. 

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My random fact: I have something called avoidant personality disorder which is why I rarely post. It's basically a more extreme form of social anxiety and is partially why I got into game modding. I'm also transgender so game modding has been a way for me to escape both of these realities at least temporarily. These days I only mod for gzdoom.

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On 9/7/2020 at 5:12 AM, Gustavo6046 said:

I couldn't fall asleep tonight. Went to bed at 5 AM, gave up after an hour or so. Now it's 7:12 AM.

Something similar happened to me today. I fell asleep much later than normal yesterday (mind you, I usually have trouble getting asleep) and woke up at 3:30 AM. Not fun.

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1 hour ago, Starduster said:

Something similar happened to me today. I fell asleep much later than normal yesterday (mind you, I usually have trouble getting asleep) and woke up at 3:30 AM. Not fun.

It seems you have similar problems like me. If this is the case, I suggest you don't ever mess up your sleeping schedule, or it will be really painful to fix it. Also, sleeping during daytime also messed up your nerve and you don't feel asleep when it's the time you are supposed to sleep.

 

Every time I want to fix my sleeping schedule, I need to take a very little dose of sleeping pill just for me to feel sleepy at the proper timing, but it's not fun doing it for sure.

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Partly by me being too sensitive, partly by bad experiences with women (got shamed by them in high school, then got horrible relationships marked by ghosting in college), I have lost most of my desire for intimacy with women.

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1 hour ago, Antkibo said:

Partly by me being too sensitive, partly by bad experiences with women (got shamed by them in high school, then got horrible relationships marked by ghosting in college), I have lost most of my desire for intimacy with women.

Just keep working on yourself and learning/experiencing new things.  One day your opinion may change or something will come up, just don't spend time dwelling on it in the current now. 

 

Sex/intimacy isn't the end-all-be-all of happiness, only another form of it.

Edited by STILES

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On 9/1/2020 at 10:37 PM, Dragonfly said:

I'm not keen on social networks as a general user, but as a promotional tool it's second to none - A reminder that you don't have to consume everyone else's crap, just post your own content. It's no different to posting your development process on a forum or blog.

it's still slightly different. ;-) first, you have to register in Yet Another Place (and they want your phone number; what if i have none? and i really have none!). second, most of those "social networks" are unusable without javascript (DW is barely usable in this way too; sigh). and third, people will still expect you to reply there. will try to use that channel for bug reports and such. and those thingies are very very bad for that.

 

p.s.: and i accidentally disclosed yet another thing about me (but i think i already told that somewhere): i don't have mobile phone number. i have N900, but i'm not using it as a phone.

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Sure. But all you're doing is restricting your potential audience because of personal preference. Having a functional phone with a working sim costs $10 at best, but you could probably get away with entering a fake number anyways (just accept that if your account was to be compromised they'll likely use this as the acocunt recovery method, heh). Also sure, people will expect responses, but how much effort is it really to check it? A couple of times a week would barely cost you 5 minutes. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

As for sites working without JS, yeah, I get you, but  the average user of the internet isn't a tech-savvy hipster who would disable JS as was more common in say, 1999. The common applications for wanting to block JS (such as wanting to prevent Cookies being made, stop advertising popups and the likes) all have alternative, more user-friendly solutions which maintain a website's functionality.

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I'll admit, I've got quite a few random facts. I feel I should only post one but it feels good to let it all out.

 

I have Aspergers. Thanks to this, I get anxious in big crowds and my social abilities are rather...lacking, which I feel have gotten worse in recent times thanks to my depression and having to isolate myself during COVID. But I try to keep going in life by playing video games (such as Doom obviously) and writing short stories, most of them nothing but fast-paced, mindless action. By now I self-published two short story collections :)

 

I'm kind of a Doom fanatic. I love it just as much as Deadpool. My first Doom game was Doom 3. But thanks to having the Limited Edition, I was able to play the original games, admittedly a LOT MORE than 3 itself. I didn't really get into Wolfenstein and Quake until much later in life, but man, were they worth playing. Those three games are why I like fast-paced shooters. Sometimes you just need a pick-up-and-play game.

 

My celebrity crushes are Brianna Hildebrand, Miley Cyrus, and Ruby Rose. Don't know why I'm admitting that but eh, what the hell.

 

And this is my first post ever :) 

 

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I haven’t posted an emo rant on the internet in maybe a decade, but today I found out my ex just got married. A year ago and a day exactly she cut ties because we had been hanging out as friends in an “off” period and I kept pushing away because I didn’t know what I wanted. She wanted us to get back together and focus on a future and end the on and off stuff, to finally grow up. We had been on and off for 4 or 5 years. I thought the last year would just be another off, and in fact I know in my head I spent it mostly imagining scenarios we’d get back together. I was focused on other stuff though and never reached out and frankly I still don’t know what I want so I can’t sit here whining when the ball was in my court anyway from the start of the last leg of the whole thing. It just feels like a year slipped away. I was improving myself too (focused on side project I’m happy with and then prepping for interviews for a career boost which succeeded) so I should be happy and I am, I’m lucky, but still. I always thought we’d end up together and 6 months of corona had made me reevaluate priorities. The career success feels hollow with everyone just being in a box until corona is over and now with this about my ex. I prioritized so much other stuff marching right into this pandemic nightmare and the payoff feels empty.

 

Hearing it today from her was punch in the gut. I didn’t even know she was serious with anyone, I wouldn’t have been surprised, but it was within the last year it moved from point A to marriage. It just feels like time is slipping away and I always put things on ice and imagine they’ll be there when I get back but they never are. And imagine things I’d do or say in my head but then I never do them. I would fantasize “if I get this job I’ll travel and I’ll have all my friends over including her and we’ll all hang out again” but a lot of friends are leaving town, others just engaged, others with kids now. And how can I really meet new people? In our short conversation today it was all positive stuff, I said I was happy for her and she said I was her best friend for the years we were together and it’s true, I felt the same. And I already have a year of getting over her under my belt but it feels like I’ve made little progress.

 

There’s not much else to say about it but I realize I’m hitting that point where I realize I’m not sure what I want and I feel that pit of your stomach anxiety. I’m very lucky because I’m a programmer and it’s been my hobby as long as I can remember but deep down I feel like I drift through life and it’s just luck that my hobby can be a lucrative job, but that tricks people and even myself into thinking I’m succeeding when I just feel kind of meh. Like I’m a functional slacker almost. I can work hard but I’m not the type A kind of person other career-oriented jobs have a lot of and I can just get lost in thoughts, or a project or really anything and the days tick by as I focus.

 

I haven’t felt this bad about a breakup I think and it’s not even a breakup as much a year later realizing I’m not even really over it. Every other ex I felt relief a little and in the long run I felt a lot of relief. And also all the stuff younger me learned about breakups seems irrelevant and boring now. I’ve gone to the gym and I know how to meet women. But it’s fall in a pandemic and everything is just getting more depressing to think about, it feels like I let time slip away, meeting women casually is no longer appealing, I have no idea how to ever get back to emotional seriousness with someone, especially now in this new world of isolation, and just the old playbook for breakups isn’t relevant. This isn’t a breakup it’s a continued look at my own regrets, I have enough experience to not worry about settling down and yet I do worry. I already try and use exercise to feel better. I think maybe next is mental health, because almost everyone I know including her thought I should see someone for depression and they are all probably right. Also I think I’m not mindful enough of the present, I’m always lost in past dwelling or future imagining, and then I feel like I’m losing track of time, like years just merge together until various things force my time-perspective to recalibrate and acknowledge things aren’t how they were, it’s 1,2,3,4,5 years later and I’m still imagining things like they were. And I have experiences in those years too, but I guess I’m coasting just enough to feel that time dilation.

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I have been suffering from chronic fatigue issues since 2014 to which I had to quit my job in the spring of 2015. I have been trying to get doctors to take me seriously ever since.

 

One culprit, I believe, is chronic mercury poisoning due to a large silver amalgam filling that I had placed in 2004. These fillings contain about 50 percent mercury which is the most toxic non radioactive metal on planet earth. Even lead was once radioactive. I have been slowly preparing myself emotionally and financially to get the filling removed. Removal is still not covered by insurance in the states.

 

Another culprit, I have been slowly healing my gut from a bacterial infestation of H. Pylori. Since 2007 I have had really bad stomach problems and again doctors never took me seriously. Mastic Gum sure helped kill it off better than the antibiotics but I still have a long way to go after being symptomatic for over a decade.

 

Final culprit, I have chronic pain that again the doctors don't take seriously. I have hypermobile joints which means that my joints are unstable. I have to wait 2 years to see a geneticist to see if I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome or Marfan's.

 

Moral of the story is doctors here suck and they would rather send you home with a mental health diagnosis and a bottle of pills instead of listen to your physical needs. Protect your heath and educate yourself because if you don't no one else will including the doctors. Once I find a doctor that takes me seriously I will surely give them a hug. Once this pandemic is over anyways.

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