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Posted (edited)

@Lygophilia @seed I'll join the darkness club... Guess it's also useful to make the electric bill smaller with having very few lights on. Mentioned this earlier, but I used to have some heliophobia too. Don't have it anymore, I can go out during daytime, still prefer darkness. Time around sunset is pretty too. Nightsky is awesome.

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21 minutes ago, TwinBeast said:

@Lygophilia @seed I'll join the darkness club... Guess it's also useful to make the electric bill smaller with having very few lights on. Mentioned this earlier, but I used to have some heliophobia too. Don't have it anymore, I can go out during daytime, still prefer darkness. Time around sunset is pretty too. Nightsky is awesome.

 

Oh yeah, night skies are awesome, be them full of stars, aurora, or simply dark with the moon shining. I especially like it when the moon is clearly visible and small clouds partially cover it, feels like one of those movies :) . I also like foggy nights, but this mostly applies to days honestly. Cloudy, rainy, maybe even foggy. Much more soothing, and almost cathartic.

 

That's not to say I can't or don't want to appreciate daytime or something, but I definitely feel better at night. It's more intimate too.

 

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No-one:

@seed:

 

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Some dreaming maybe? Sure, imagine living in a place like in these covers:

 

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I'm part of the LGBTQ. I need to move to a more tolerate part for the city of New Orleans, like near Canal St. The people around me always gave me a hard time from their religious views in my apartment. What lies ahead with transitioning is going to be worse, but overall, "be you" is what I live by. 

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Today my crush sent me to the friendzone....

 

:(

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Being an alcoholic is more difficult than I thought. I can't say that it was a solution to hard times, but numbed my troubles. The substance abuse program doesn't guarantee a lifetime of sobriety, but it wasn't without merit.

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I was dancing and kissing with a guy on friday night at a bar. Hadn't danced and kissed with a guy before. It was kinda fun, but also felt like it progressed too fast. After the dancing he seemed like he didn't want to touch me anymore. When he left the bar, it was just a handshake, no hug or kiss. Maybe some online dating service would work better. Maybe best would be to get together with my best friend, though I don't have romantic feelings for her, maybe I'll have these feelings later.

 

Just before meeting this guy I danced with, I was waiting in line to get a drink, some other guy walked next to me and yelled some insult at me because I'm trans. He laughed and walked away quickly. Don't know what to do with people like these, so far I've just ignored them. This wasn't the first time something like this had happened.

 

Still haven't told my parents I'm trans. Next time I meet them I'll just tell them. Can't really hide this much longer anyway. I hope they're not going to be like when I told them I'm a vegetarian and then they've tried multiple times to get me to eat meat again.

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Posted (edited)
41 minutes ago, TwinBeast said:

Still haven't told my parents I'm trans. Next time I meet them I'll just tell them. Can't really hide this much longer anyway. I hope they're not going to be like when I told them I'm a vegetarian and then they've tried multiple times to get me to eat meat again.

 

... I'd like to be optimistic honestly, but if they couldn't deal with the fact that you're vegetarian there's no way they're going to accept something much bigger. That's basically insignificant in comparison.

 

But I know the feeling, it's a fucking nightmare to hide behind a mask or plain lies/pretending because the people around you, even the close ones, can't accept that. I'll eventually experience the effect in full power in the future, or at least that's what I expect anyway. You know the saying, hope for the best, prepare for the worst. My situation would be different however. Let's just say we have... different views. I'm gonna leave it at that.

 

41 minutes ago, TwinBeast said:

Just before meeting this guy I danced with, I was waiting in line to get a drink, some other guy walked next to me and yelled some insult at me because I'm trans. He laughed and walked away quickly. Don't know what to do with people like these, so far I've just ignored them. This wasn't the first time something like this had happened.

 

I also fail to understand what they are trying to achieve. I sometimes think that this behavior is an attempt at making something disappear, but spreading hatred towards something is not going to just make it suddenly go away one day, especially if there's nothing inherently wrong going on. This reminds me of how certain parties and their supporters tried to desperately convince (or should I say manipulate?) people to vote "For" during a referendum from the past year.

 

They absolutely loved spreading lies (and when I'm saying lies I mean just that, make no mistake. The kind of lies only someone who has not read a single, serious book in their entire life and who are otherwise easily fooled would believe), misinformation, and hatred against a minority. Sorry to burst you bubble, but not everyone in a state shares the same views and beliefs that you do, and a state/country is not only for you and people like you. They probably took the failure of the referendum as a huge defeat against them, their values, and a victory of "immorality". Also make no mistake that that referendum was organized solely for the purpose of denying equals rights to a minority.

 

In other news, I tried to smoke again a few days ago. Cigarettes taste like shit... safe to say I'm probably never going to smoke.

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I think they have now maybe accepted that I'm a vegetarian, but at least for a year they did try to get me to eat meat. "Are you still a vegetarian? You could eat chicken when you visit us? Hey, it's christmas, how about some ham?"

 

My mom is probably going to be mostly ok with this. She even gave me some of her unused makeup. Doesn't seem to mind me wearing skirts. Earlier she's also given me some of her clothes. My dad however has negative toned comments about my clothing. "Don't you have pants? How about I borrow you shorts so you don't need to go the shop with a skirt?" The frequency of these sort of comments from him have increased in the past couple years.

 

So this stuff is probably not going to be a big surprise for them. Still, kinda mixed feelings how they're going to be after I've told them.

 

2 hours ago, seed said:

This reminds me of how certain parties and their supporters tried to desperately convince (or should I say manipulate?) people to vote "For" during a referendum from the past year.

 

There was something similar here in Finland in 2017. They didn't succeed in their initiative to cancel a law allowing gender neutral marriage. Hopefully they don't succeed later either if they try again.

 

2 hours ago, seed said:

In other news, I tried to smoke again a few days ago. Cigarettes taste like shit... safe to say I'm probably never going to smoke.

 

I stopped smoking in 2001. Though for a while sometimes when I was drunk I had bought cigarettes and smoked. Then next day was like... yhh... why do I have these? And throwed the cigarettes away.

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I have a scoliosis and my parents say that I must keep your back straight but I can't do it.

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Posted (edited)
13 hours ago, TwinBeast said:

There was something similar here in Finland in 2017. They didn't succeed in their initiative to cancel a law allowing gender neutral marriage. Hopefully they don't succeed later either if they try again.

 

They probably won't, there's likely a different mindset there in Finland from what is here. It wasn't very far from succeeding here.

 

13 hours ago, TwinBeast said:

So this stuff is probably not going to be a big surprise for them. Still, kinda mixed feelings how they're going to be after I've told them.

 

Judging by what you're saying, it kinda sounds like they're suspecting this, so it might go easier than expected when you'll finally confirm it. Hopefully.

 

I know mine will never accept me (and especially not the relatives if they would ever find out, at best they'll keep trying to make me change my mind - good luck with that, I'm not "frustrated", "angry", "deceived", or "not thinking clearly because I'm too young to understand" - and at worst make it clear they don't want to have any further contact with me, or outright forsake me). At best they'll learn to live with it, but that's as far as it'll get. Life's gonna be so awesome. It's been shitty for the past few years, I expect adulthood to be living hell.

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I recently moved from my parent house to my own apartment in which I am totally alone. How silence and solitude can be this good?

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I love singing and was once told I sounded like the reincarnation of David Bowie. Unfortunately everyone I know who makes music is only interested in making instrumentals and I can't play any instruments to save my life.

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, DesecratorJ said:

I recently moved from my parent house to my own apartment in which I am totally alone. How silence and solitude can be this good?

 

Suddenly I envy you SO MUCH.

 

Gotta be good to finally break free from the chains... something I won't see for at least a few more years ;_; ...

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14 hours ago, Danarchy said:

I love singing and was once told I sounded like the reincarnation of David Bowie. Unfortunately everyone I know who makes music is only interested in making instrumentals and I can't play any instruments to save my life.

 

I took voice lessons for a few years, as a deep baritone it's harder to find stuff I can sing. 

 

My main friend I do music stuff with convinced me to pick up guitar, and I can do chords fairly fluidly, but playing through full songs and noodling are still beyond me, much less actually singing at the same time. I much prefer to just sing though.

 

I seem to remember you saying in the past you liked Type O Negative. My friend and I recorded a (very rough) cover of Green Man a little while back.

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47 minutes ago, DuckReconMajor said:

 

I took voice lessons for a few years, as a deep baritone it's harder to find stuff I can sing. 

 

My main friend I do music stuff with convinced me to pick up guitar, and I can do chords fairly fluidly, but playing through full songs and noodling are still beyond me, much less actually singing at the same time. I much prefer to just sing though.

 

I seem to remember you saying in the past you liked Type O Negative. My friend and I recorded a (very rough) cover of Green Man a little while back.

Noice! Type O Negative is one of the bands I most enjoy singing. Definitely on the low end of my range, though. :P

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I'm tired to watch hentai and I don't want to think about sex. But I can't stop do it when I see an erotic furry and anime art. 

Spoiler

Oh, why I write there? Nobody listen me.

 

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I self medicate with mary jane in the evenings to stabilise my sleep and moods. It works better than my prescribed medication.

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On 7/29/2019 at 2:47 PM, seed said:

Judging by what you're saying, it kinda sounds like they're suspecting this, so it might go easier than expected when you'll finally confirm it. Hopefully.

Today finally told my parents about being trans, my (new) first names and some of my experiences about the stuff. Didn't wait till meeting with them the next time, so I just sent messages with WhatsApp. My mom replied about this being ok to them. Yay! I feel relieved. Though I'll probably still be somewhat nervous the next time I meet with them. Probably goes ok and can be more open about stuff.

 

On 7/29/2019 at 2:47 PM, seed said:

I know mine will never accept me (and especially not the relatives if they would ever find out, at best they'll keep trying to make me change my mind - good luck with that, I'm not "frustrated", "angry", "deceived", or "not thinking clearly because I'm too young to understand" - and at worst make it clear they don't want to have any further contact with me, or outright forsake me). At best they'll learn to live with it, but that's as far as it'll get. Life's gonna be so awesome. It's been shitty for the past few years, I expect adulthood to be living hell.

Hopefully things go well for you. Maybe you can try testing them with something small first? When they get used to that, add a little bit more.

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9 minutes ago, TwinBeast said:

Today finally told my parents about being trans, my (new) first names and some of my experiences about the stuff. Didn't wait till meeting with them the next time, so I just sent messages with WhatsApp. My mom replied about this being ok to them. Yay! I feel relieved. Though I'll probably still be somewhat nervous the next time I meet with them. Probably goes ok and can be more open about stuff.

 

That's pretty awesome, good to hear it went well. I do think my suspicions were right in this case, they might have been suspecting this for some time, which would explain their apparent lack of surprise.

 

11 minutes ago, TwinBeast said:

Hopefully things go well for you. Maybe you can try testing them with something small first? When they get used to that, add a little bit more.

 

Maybe in the future when they will finally understand that some things had been set in stone ages ago. I tried doing this a few times in the past and the results were atrocious, resulting in all sorts of nonsensical discussions. So, at a later time maybe, but similar to you they'll probably not be surprised by that revelation since I am not exactly keeping certain things hidden and might even give some subtle hints occasionally. Plus, they do know some of my interests, but still hope they're nothing more than that 1.0.

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