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What is wrong with you?

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So... we all have our shortcomings, right? Well, if you feel like sharing, go ahead. Here's what I wrung out of some self-ransacking:

- Since 2007 I've got RSI (repetitive strain injury) on my right hand side, after too many nights working overtime with a mouse. Largely recovered now, but there are still pangs of pain if I lose myself for too long in mousey work. I've learnt to be ambidexterous with a mouse as a result, but my left side isn't as efficient as my right.
- Since 2012 I've got pretty hefty tinnitus (audio ringing/buzzing) on my left ear, after thinking it was a good idea to sit next to a speaker at a chiptune DJ gig. It was an awesome night out, and the only event of its kind that I've found, but I'm not quite sure it was worth it.
- Since 2014 I developed a schizoaffective disorder in which I get audio hallucinations. Basically, I've started hearing voices (mostly, they tell me to "go to hell" - ironically enough for these boards), though the initial cacophony of autumn 2014 has by now quieted down to more manageable levels. Tried some meds for a while to combat it, but they did fuck all so I stopped taking them.
- I don't know how to script or program worth shit. Not a shortcoming in anything so much as it hinders my creative ambitions.
- I get social anxiety at times, and can be a bit of a reclusive, depressive git. I work with these issues though, to the point where I think they largely remain invisible to the outside world.

I'm not posting this to try to garner sympathy for my ailments, but thought there maybe was room for other people to vent about the small and large blows dealt by life. Just so its said, I'm not consumed by my shortcomings - I'm still very much savoring my time here on planet earth. No matter how dark it gets, there's always a worthwhile shaft of light up ahead, or so I find. Guess I might just be getting old! Heh.

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hoo boy, i don't even think i can list them all

- overweight
- keratosis on my arms
- receding gums
- problems with my stomach
- really weak muscles
- depression
- lack of any sort of self-esteem or motivation
- i hate myself
- really bad anxiety
- possible aspergers? i hope not
- socially awkward
- i can be a dick
- self-centered
- i'm dumber than a brick
- bad at working in groups
- adhd

i dunno, i just feel like i'm a terrible person ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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Let's see:

- I have some pretty terrible social anxiety issues, particularly around the opposite sex. I'm not the kind that shows it but what I feel inside is another story.

- Ridiculously low esteem.

- Hardcore procastinator, even when I deal with stuff I like. The only things I can do consistently is going to the gym and making levels. I want to learn basic-intermediate drawing skill because I think it will make me a better level designer but haven't done anything in months because idk, I'm too afraid to start. Whenever I want to start my brain is like NOPE and shuts down.

- Almost 25 (WTF?) but I still have many of the same lingering issues I had when I was 17.

- The flow of time seems different too for some reason. The period from 2006 to 2011 (the year when I entered college) seems like an eternity while 2011-2016 feels more like two and a half years. This adds no small amount to my already big pile of anxiety. Still feel like a college freshman. Maybe this will change next year when I finish my master's degree, move from my hometown to a much bigger town, experience new stuff and get a job.

- I know I should be able to deal with these issues but I can't (since I'm a guy and I'm supposed to just "deal with it"). I've had a few periods of quite nihilistic thoughts.

- Had a really bad heartbreak for a girl from another town last year. Without going into too much detail, she was everything I ever wanted in a girl: likes metal and games, into horror and stuff like that. People like that are quite rare in my country. It just didn't work and she found someone else. Still obsessing over her and feel guilty all the time because of that.

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- I refuse to shave my beard and cut my hair.

- I'm not a very talkative person.

- I'm not interested in females, never was to begin with.

- I am very bored nowadays, it sucks.

- I like ugly cars.

- I feel like a old man.

- I laugh at things that aren't funny.

There's more, but i can't remember, so i leave this as is.

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-asthma, really bad asthma.
-color blindness
-not 20/20 vision
-"dual" personality
-naïve, probably ignorant and reckless (i really should think first before saying anything)
-bad verbal communication, and pretty good written communication.
-poor muscles. I'm so damn skinny.
-not social (never tried to though, so I guess that's not a problem?)
-horrible Further Pure Mathematics skills :(

Who knows what else?

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Its almost like the post a random fact about yourself but TMI edition :-)

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Around 2012, I developed an allergy to dust, which royally sucks.

*Edit: Well technically, its actually an allergy to the feces of dust mites. They're infinitesimal creatures that eat dead skin, who live on dust particles.

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...cracks knuckles...

  • I can't drive (I have to rely on my parents to transport me around)
  • I didn't bother going to college (unlike my two older brothers) because I spent twelve years at school, and I don't want to waste another four years of my time. I already have all the knowledge I need.
  • I don't have any friends IRL (I made some friends during my childhood... some of them had come and go. One of them even attended the University of Illinois. Sadly, I left most of them behind when I moved with my parents a decade ago.)
  • Frogs and toads frighten me (It's the way they jump that give me the willies.)
  • I don't like loud noises, including air brakes. I have to bring ear plugs in places where they occur.
There may be more, but I can't think of anything else.

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-Overweight
-Epilepsy
-Can't drive (also won't out of choice from Epilepsy)
-Non self-diagnosed Asperger's
-Moderate or moderately low self-esteem
-OCD for some things
-Grammar Nazi
-Cold, unemotional at times
-Selective empathy
-Least successful out of 3 brothers IMO

Despite these setbacks, I still have friends in the real world as well.

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I forgot to mention im pretty emotionless, like as if I'm military. While everyone just chats away happily, i just sit there, fingers locked around both hands, arms on desk, sitting there like a statue, looking ahead at nothing until something "productive" happens.

I'm also very trustworthy, which seems a bit odd for someone of my caliber.

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- Skinny as hell, ~120 pounds with the height of 5'10.5"
- Bloodstream problems, I have several frostbite scars on my limbs because of constant hypothermia
- Chronic tonsillitis
- Lazy + idealistic, => tend to give up everything quickly + hate myself
- Acidic temper
- Sometimes I just forget to eat / sleep / insert any other essential thing
- Passive and awkward, just like a goddamn girl
- Nearly have killed my teeth and still refuse to care

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I am incredibly overweight. I struggle with depression, too. I think the two sometimes go hand in hand.

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* Takes forever to find a reason to wake up in days where I don't have college, I can even make it to the night without eating at all, which totally sucks.

* Procrastinating bitch, really hate that part of me.

* Gender dysphoria.

* Really hard to start conversations, specially with new people.

* Messy.

* Kinda otaku.

* "Oh hey here comes the bus, but I'll only take it if someone else does, even if I'm in a hurr- welp, missed it bye"

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-Neurological issues
-Night Terrors
-Various emotional and physiological issues due to a messed up childhood. (but I'm working towards correcting those)
- Slight S.A.D.
-Extremely untrusting
-Extremely unforgiving
-Inherited depression from my fathers side of the family and predisposition to addiction from my mothers side. (Neither are much of an issue because the depression is treatable and I simply avoid anything I could become addicted to)

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Very lazy at home, overly dedicated at work.
Have a terrible temper issue with online competitive games if I perform terribly and/or get mistreated. Been conscious and working on it. What sucks is that I like to consider myself fairly tolerant and emotionally intelligent but this suggests the complete opposite.
A bit antisocial but I always make time for my friends
Too comfortable living at home and not interested in seeking a partner, especially when it comes to the effort and change of routine.

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- My comfort food is Taco Bell
- Bad asthma
- I'm super stubborn about a few things
- Anxiety disorder bad enough that I'm on disability
- Prone to getting bronchitis, though not so much in the past few years
- I like Gloria Estefan's music

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- Bad back / knee / eyes
- Slight hypochondria
- Friendly, but I don't have a lot of friends. This doesn't really bother me though
- Bad temper, but I'm working on it.
- Long bouts of depression. Completely derails any constructive / creative endeavors for months at a time. Also trying to work on that.
- The existential free-fall of my late 20s was stopped by a cushion of apathy.

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I ask myself this question a lot and the pursuit towards turning that answer to "nothing" takes an entire lifetime. That doesn't mean to give up but rather to acknowledge that there is always work to do and not let these setbacks define yourself.

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-Shitty student- straight B's last year
-Really bad anxiety and depression
-No meaningful hobbies
-Almost no friends (rarely talk to or hang out with the ones I have)
-Very short temper
-Unforgiving
-Horrible at jokes
-Completely misanthropic
-I have really violent, fucked up thoughts (but I never act on them)

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-Tourrets

-ADHD

-Very Skinny due to meds I take during the semester, though during the summer and holidays I dont take them so I gain weight then

-Slightly Sexist

-Easily Forgiving, When an asshole says anything slightly nice to me, I forgive them

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Nothing!

Maybe this :

  • I think I'm heartless and tough but I still cry at those sad Korean commercials.
  • I'm pessimistic and hateful towards politicians and feminists.
  • I'm Old, always tired and have spinal pain after lifting anything heavy.
  • I'm addicted to Doom and Arma.
  • I wear my jeans for a week sometimes even longer.
  • I pick my nose when nobody is looking.
  • I leave the toilet-seat up.

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I hate stupidity and I often go on long rants about my own stupidity to myself and scorn myself for the littlest things.

It is somewhat therapeutic and it stops me from directing spite at the actual gormless single cell organism morons I have to work along with.

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  • Chronic Tinnitus
  • Hearing loss
  • Mild learning disability
  • Symptoms of Bipolar I
  • A penis that is just too big
  • Weight could be better
EDIT:

Aquanet said:

-happily posts in threads called "What is wrong with you?"

Also this.

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-people think I'm autistic
-I'm think they're not very bright
-psychotic depression
-recovering drug addict
-a bit overweight
-I act like a schizoid, which is really not good
-pretty sedated from medications
-dealing with stress is a major undertaking, I go from ok to homicide/suicide very quickly
-frequently will stick foot in mouth
-I read about a case where someone hacked someone's smartphone and turned on their camera to catch them having sex ... if someone did that to me, they'd have to wait a very very very long time ...
-happily posts in threads called "What is wrong with you?"

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