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What is wrong with you?

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GoatLord said:

I've actually been smoking significantly less. But I've been having anxiety/panic issues. That's why I left the workforce. So now I'm having the same issues trying to run a home business. Feel kinda stuck. Had a particularly odd detached/disconnected episode a couple of days ago, where it felt like I didn't know how to function, like I was outside of myself. I'm finding I get distracted very easily and the slightest issue will put me in a weird place mentally, and then I can't focus or get anything done.


The thing is that meditation can help you practice how to focus, and how to keep that focus up for longer than you normally would be able to. However, in order to be able to meditate, you need to be able to focus on something "neutral" to begin with. I could tell you some things about meditation, and what may or may not work for you, but at the end of the day you'd try curing a symptom by way of meditation rather than the symptom's cause.

I don't know anything about you as a person, so I can't really say anything different from what yukib1t said, eventhough I think we all wish we could do something more for you. But the point that you're best served by looking for professional help is probably the best advice you can get.

In my opinion, the minute something takes over parts of your life, and limits your freedom of choice among other things, is the moment you should start working on whatever the "source" may be, without any hesitation to seek out help. The beautiful thing about this world is that, however isolated we may feel due to our own problems, there's always someone willing to help. Any kind of help is good, but professional help always delivers the best results in the shortest period of time.

I like to believe that we all still have lots of things to look forward to, and there's no reason to create any more obstacles than "necessary" between ourselves, and the next "ray of sunlight" that awaits us.

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Professional help is a waiting game right now. I can't afford to see a shrink, and when I reached out to my parents, they said they would help me once Trump is settled and we have a new insurance plan. I have no idea what he's got in mind, but because psychiatry is so expensive, paying out of pocket isn't an option. So it's really about being patient and seeing what his administration's policies are. I may possibly have a bit of Peter Pan Syndrome going on, because I'm a bit developmentally stunted, having never learned to be independent. I appreciate the support. Don't get too concerned, though; I'm not suicidal, and I'm not into self harm. I'm just trying to deal with some strange mental cloudiness so I can start working again. But it could be months before I see a shrink.

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GoatLord said:

Professional help is a waiting game right now. I can't afford to see a shrink, and when I reached out to my parents, they said they would help me once Trump is settled and we have a new insurance plan. I have no idea what he's got in mind, but because psychiatry is so expensive, paying out of pocket isn't an option. So it's really about being patient and seeing what his administration's policies are. I may possibly have a bit of Peter Pan Syndrome going on, because I'm a bit developmentally stunted, having never learned to be independent. I appreciate the support. Don't get too concerned, though; I'm not suicidal, and I'm not into self harm. I'm just trying to deal with some strange mental cloudiness so I can start working again. But it could be months before I see a shrink.


See if you can locate a Mental Health Partners office in your area and also signup for Medicaid if you are not working. The combination of the two should allow you to get some help sooner than you would otherwise.

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*I have strong depression
*I`m very aggressive sometimes.
*My communication skills aren`t good.
*Overweight + eating disorders
*I do important things at the last night before exams or tests.
*I`m very jealous if someone does everything better than me,but I'm trying to not do that.
*Low self esteem.
*Attention seeker
*I could kill person if he hurts my family members.
*My one eye is near-sighted.
*I`ve lost some abilities.

Overall,I`m just very negative person,so I often lock myself in the room,so nobody gets hurt.

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I have a problem with being given things. I go like "thanks" and then I don't know what to do with the stuff. I was given some art supplies like twenty years ago on my birthday, colour and such that I never used. I get anxiety from it.

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For starters, I have asbergers and ADHD, something thats caused countless people to despise me the moment they discover it, one such person tried to murder me over it

And related to that, its given me severe depression, since very few people are able to look past those disabilities and see me as a person, and even fewer can "deal with it" long term.

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Here's my list:

  • I'm indecisive







In serious: crippling migraines on a weekly-ish basis. The human body is dumb sometimes.

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I have very little to no memory of my childhood. This is slightly troubling. It's almost like a part of myself is gone forever.
I tend to be secretive of my emotions and the things I like. I guess I'm not very trusting.
I'm too mean.

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I guess I'll post in this thread.

I had a fall on a bus in mid-2014 which busted my sacrum (the bone that connects the pelvis and the coccyx/tailbone), and I have had literal chronic butthurt since then. I have trouble sitting on any chair that is not adequately cushioned, and the pain is especially disturbing if I dare to try and sleep on my right side while lying in bed. The pain has not abated even slightly, after visiting several doctors, chiropractors, and physiotherapists. It seems this sort of injury is only treatable through alternative practises which aren't grounded in a huge amount of proven scientific fact, so I guess I'm stuck with it.

I have had on-and-off issues with my neck and back which have been immensely immobilising, probably down to poor posture when sitting at my computer. I am now sitting in an adjustable chair with an inflatable donut cushion that keeps my posture relatively straightforward, and the chronic tailbone pain somewhat at bay, but even this is not a complete solution.

I've felt depressed on-and-off since about mid-2015 and I'm still not totally sure if I should see a professional about it, since it doesn't totally cripple me, but certainly presents itself as an obstacle when I need to get things done. The depressive bouts are somewhat episodic, alternating with the sudden rushes of creativity I tend to have. Maybe my mood just has "seasons" of lowness and height.

I've had immense trouble sleeping lately. It's been an outright miserable experience for me in the last couple of weeks, and a lot of that is down to just feeling alone. I've not had a physical relationship with a human being since close to a decade ago, and been married to my work since then (that work being writing music and making Doom maps, lol what's a job?). Just gets me down occasionally.

I'm asocial as all hell and will happily stay in my room for weeks on end without making any sort of contact with another person, and need massively extended breaks from all social interaction if I ever go to meet a person properly. This makes finding new musical collaborations difficult, and ties paradoxically into the above point re: relationships - while I'm happy to be isolated and free to work on what I like, at the end of the day it's kind of a downer.

My diet is far from the worst, and I'm not terribly overweight or anything, but sometimes I do just feel like a sad lump of pudding with a body that's just barely holding itself together. I'm taking very slow and small steps towards having a somewhat healthy diet and lifestyle although it's lapsed dramatically in the last few months because I've not had university to consume my time and energy. Then again stress makes me eat a lot more, so maybe even that has been bad for me.

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Well Jimmy, I would sit here and tell you that you always have the constant support of those of us here, but it doesn't mean as much as support from those who are physically near you, especially those you see every day. Idk how you are irl, but many people I know walk around with the attitude of idgaf what other people think. Knowing what other people think about you can be one of the best sources of positive (or negative) reinforcement. Once again, idk how differently you present yourself irl compared to here, but you strike me as a very helpful, nice dude who makes a funny every now and again, which is right where you wanna be; I'm sure that folk you meet and see often probably like you. It can be tough sometimes to even want to put yourself out there; I can relate to mostly just wanting to go home and work on a hobby (which would be far worse if money were involved) and the path of least resistance is to just never strive towards making that first move and putting yourself out there, with relationships of any kind, to which starting anything meaningful does take a hit. It's been almost a decade for me as well; time flies.

I'm not going to say you should throw the money into a shrink and I'm not going to say go it alone; that's a personal decision you have to make, but a shrink will basically tell you this same thing: strive to live happy. If you find that something you are doing, or not doing, is preventing you from being happy, then you must find not only the want for change, but the need for it. A shrink cannot help those who don't know they need it; those who haven't found more desire beyond a wish. I don't know where that can be found, but I do know it's somewhere inside you and it's what makes you feel down when things haven't going your way. Remember that as much as you don't always think about or place importance on your needs, they all need to be filled for self-actualization. Refer to this handy chart for needs: Maslow's hierarchy of needs

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Pure Hellspawn said:

Most of these don't actually seem like bad things... With the exception of point 5. Sorry about the diabetes.

For instance, I think a lot of ripped guys take steroids. Do you really want to take that shit? And everyone needs to get away from everything and relax - that's called freeing your mind.


It's ok. :) I got used to that.
And no, I surely don't want to take steroids, but I wouldn't mind having 5 more <<physical>> kilos of muscle. Even fat would be acceptable in that regard. As for freeing my mind, I need to do that many times, when I am in a group of people that I don't know well (for example 10 people in the group and I am friends with 1). I think the frequency is more of a problem, rather than relaxing itself, which is always needed.

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Nothing really.

I've had a good life even though I've kinda dedicated it to overwatch, Doom, or Dark Souls.

Don't have a girlfriend yet but I don't intend to have one until college (Doing well in school right about now)

I think the only real flaw I have is a slight selfishness that comes up from time to time, but it's really minor and doesn't affect much of anything.

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I bet I look like an edgy moron posting this, but this is only just the bad side of me. Trust me, I am not just what I list down here.               -A bit too self conscious. Mainly in school,my school is heavily controlled by the jocks and popular kids so trying not to be hated is a top priority. If I am talking to a girl I only am friends with, I don't want to come off as to happy, for fear of them thinking I want them as more than a friend, same for coming off as too nervous.

-Volcanic temper. Not exactly anger issues, just not taking your crap.

-The amount of hateful things I have to say about others I dislike is enormous. I avoid saying them, because I fear making others paranoid I am gonna do something crazy.

-I will lie just for benefit or to shake off the hassle of doing something until I get caught.

-Too cheerful to the point where you can't tell when I'm serious or joking.

-Undatable. I spend too much time secluded in my room, I am not very romantic, and I generally can't juggle a relationship in my free time. I have a very cheery personality and zany attitude with nothing more, and my love of video games makes me very isolated.

-If I gain enough trust from someone to where they do most of what I say, I will throw them under the bus when they try to pull me into trouble.

-Overtly defensive over my taste in music, my humor is unfunny, and I HATE giving off particular info. None of said info being the stuff I posted here.

-Violent desires towards those I hate A LOT. Things like slamming their heads and stabbing them.

-I consider the input of others to be the only input that matters, and not my own thoughts. If nobody gives any opinions on something I do, I just assume everyone hated it.

 

 

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Lack of sleep, I can only sleep for a few hours and wake up with intense back pain. I am doing a lot of weight training now and am hoping it will eventually toughen up. 

 

I am trying to stop drinking, it is not easy! I really must fucking stop smoking and that is one of the hardest battles I am facing right now, as my throat in general feels like shit from doing it all the time. It puffs up in pain and my sinuses clog, any rational person would just stop, and I do for even weeks at a time but they still get me every now and then. Not drinking is easy, not smoking it a whole nother story.

 

I used to deal with a lot of inner turmoil, rage and depression but over time have ironed this out and honed these weaknesses into strengths. I feel like I've passed through a dark cavern and have emerged far more rational and wise in some small way.

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I have brown hair but pale blond beard, just the bit on the chin, this looks silly and people ask if I'm colouring it...

 

Also guys and gals, I really want to give you a hug. Please get help :( or at least try to get out somewhere, go to a park on a sunny day for a walk, to a concert or somewhere, because loneliness will eat you up like an oyster, trust me on this matter. The less human contact you get the harder it will get over time to maintain even the most basic of relationships.

Edited by R13

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I've had a rather peculiar delusion lately, about being gay, despite being with a woman for 11 years and having no interest in bedding a dude. However, I had a psychedelic experience which knocked down one boundary too many, and as a result my sexual identity got kinda floaty and loose. So I've lately been a bit confused, plagued with fears of some dramatic switch in orientation. It seems to resemble a form of OCD that is literally centered around a fear of being of a different orientation (often called sexual orientation OCD or SO-OCD) and has been a recurrent issue from time to time. But since I'm not officially diagnosed (the closest I came to diagnosis was an older shrink saying I have OCD behaviors), I'll take that with a grain of salt.

 

Interestingly, these intrusive "you must be gay" thoughts, which come in the form of images and notions, carry with them the cartoonish visuals and crass sense of humor that defines much of my personality, rather than having a directly erotic quality. So the other day I said, fuck it, I'm looking at gay porn, that'll help settle things. I took a gander at a couple of Tumblrs, expecting to sort-of be into it, and was pretty definitely not into it. It was weirdly relieving, because I wasn't traumatized, frightened or disgusted; I just wasn't into it. And yet these thoughts have continued to persist, because every little thing (such as strongly valuing a male friendship or noticing some random guy is particularly good looking) cause these paranoias to resurface. Rather than trying to avoid these thoughts, I've been letting them in, and the more I've acknowledged that they exist, the more this facade becomes evident. Awareness has amplified and at times I can passively witness myself declaring that I'm going to come up with new ways to keep pushing the paranoia, or I can feel myself writing a new "script" or desperately trying to come up with new ways to make myself seem gay. It's an absolutely ridiculous mental circus, but this awareness and acknowledgement has been slowly causing it to dissipate. 

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I hold grudges...sometimes for years.

 

I can't tolerate backstabbers and people who use me for their own selfish ways and don't care if that friendship ends because of that. I will gladly laugh at their suffering when they had it coming because they deserve it.

 

 

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55 minutes ago, DoomKnight1984 said:

I hold grudges...sometimes for years.

 

I can't tolerate backstabbers and people who use me for their own selfish ways and don't care if that friendship ends because of that. I will gladly laugh at their suffering when they had it coming because they deserve it.

 

 

One thing that really helped me with holding grudges is when I realized, hey, I'm not innocent. I've done shitty things, too, and knowingly hurt people. Maybe we could argue whether my actions were less heinous than X person's actions, but at the end of the day we all do negative things. Not only that, but we don't know the whole story behind another person's negative actions. We don't know who hurt them, or what hurt them, that lead to that negative behavior. So it doesn't really help to hold a grudge when we ourselves are also flawed.

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On 1/19/2017 at 3:25 PM, GoatLord said:

I may possibly have a bit of Peter Pan Syndrome going on, because I'm a bit developmentally stunted, having never learned to be independent.

 

2 hours ago, GoatLord said:

It seems to resemble a form of OCD that is literally centered around a fear of being of a different orientation (often called sexual orientation OCD or SO-OCD) and has been a recurrent issue from time to time.

 

2 hours ago, GoatLord said:

So the other day I said, fuck it, I'm looking at gay porn, that'll help settle things.

Oh my, from the eternally innocent Peter Pan to looking up pee-pees on the Internet. I'm positively pumped for any upcoming forays into pop psychology!

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I have terrible OCD and I'm extremely pedant. Also I'm a psychopath when it comes to cleaning: Can't have a single glass in the sink, when one of the pillows on the couch is not aligned like the others I can't go by it etc.. I think the worst case is when I see shoes not put together side by side, I can go fucking berserk. 

 

 

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1 hour ago, MrGlide said:

I think penusis are gross and funy, like fart/poop jokes.

I find them funny and gross too, but there is also something alluring and empowering about them, not only because I own one but because they become a point of attraction in heterosexual pornography. By themselves, don't elicit much enticement. This ends up leading me to believe that the mere admittance of any level of enticement means maybe I'm into doing "gay stuff," but looking at those Tumblrs made it preeeeeeeetty clear that's not the case, although my fascination with the phallus, and sexual activity in general (despite being largely uninterested in actually participating in anything other than unisexual practices), can cause conflation.

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