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ShoDemo

Terrible puns/jokes

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So, I haven't been posting much lately and I want start with an easy thread that came to my mind.

Well, sometimes I come up with some jokes (they can be terrible at times), then I tell them to my friend in school and he always tells me to commit suicide (he says that just for fun, we have been friends for many years). Here are a few of these:

1) What kind of music do yu-gi-oh players hate? TRAP
2) What band does Bob the Builder listen to and what car does he drive?
He listens to TOOL and drives KIT. (I wonder if you will get it)
3) I look at my phone and tell my friend I have 16% METALLICA and that I need to charge it.

I can't remember more. If you want, you can post your own, or tell me what you think about the ones I wrote.

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A roman walks into a bar
"I'll have a martinus" said the roman
"Don't you mean a martini?" Asked the bartender
"No, if I wanted a double I would've said so" said the roman
Not sure if it's a pun but it's shit

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I like Dad jokes.

*Drives past a cemetery*

Hey Kids, check it out. It's the dead center of Town.
Everyone is dying to get in there.

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The 'best' I know is in Danish. It doesn't really translate though:

Hvorfor kan en hest aldrig blive elektriker?

Fordi den altid taber pærerne.

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yukib1t said:

Like, terrible as in it elicits a groan, or terrible like dead baby jokes?


crappy puns and stuff

although, dead baby jokes are always fun

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yukib1t said:

Like, terrible as in it elicits a groan, or terrible like dead baby jokes?


Probably just cringe inducing, not simply terrible for the sake of it. Like dad jokes.

How do locomotives know where they're going? Lots of training.

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I told a bad joke on imgur and was downvoted to oblivion. Everyone took my joke so seriously as ignorance on a joke meant for laughter. Weird.

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geo said:

I told a bad joke on imgur and was downvoted to oblivion. Everyone took my joke so seriously as ignorance on a joke meant for laughter. Weird.


Because Imgur should only be used to host Reddit photos.

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An acquaintance of mine says baby jokes sometimes and it's kinda like <<Why?>>, but they induce a bit of laugh the moment you hear them. Here are a two of these:

1) What is worse than 7 dead babys in 1 trashcan? 1 dead baby in 7 trashcans.
2) What is the similarity between a baby and a fridge? I put my meat in them (that was too pedo for my liking).

I generally don't like dead baby jokes though.

Also, I really laughed when I read your posts guys!!! :D

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ShotgunDemolition said:

2) What is the similarity between a baby and a fridge? I put my meat in them (that was too pedo for my liking).


jesus christ that's hilarious, i'm telling that ones to my friends

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Stupid children's riddles

What's green and moves up and down?

Spoiler

A pea in an elevator.

What's green, rotates, and turns red?
Spoiler

A frog in a blender.


Dead baby crippled children jokes:

"Daddy, here are my grades for this semester."
"Let's see. Maths A+, History A+, English A+, so far so good... What's that? Music A-? You dunce! You'll be belted for that!"
"But daddy it's hard to play the flute with no fingers!"


"Daddy, I want candy!"
"Help yourself, it's in the cupboard."
"But daddy, I can't reach it, I don't have hands!"
"Your loss then. No handy, no candy."

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Even good puns are pretty terrible. Its a very tired form of humor that has had a recent revival that is really not funny at all. Please dont waste your time looking for some hidden pun in this post because I'm being completely serious.

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AndrewB said:

Would you like some free tampons? There are no strings attached.


That one made me chuckle!

A priest sees three nuns and whips his penis out.

Shocked and appalled, two nuns faint and one has a stroke.

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Chezza said:

I like Dad jokes.

*Drives past a cemetery*

Hey Kids, check it out. It's the dead center of Town.
Everyone is dying to get in there.

That one actually made me chuckle. Thanks for that! =D

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? Bob
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russell

Here's a longer one:

A man is on mission with the foreign legion and gets to his post in the desert of Saudi Arabia. He notices there are no women at the camp and wonders what he's going to do for pleasure for his year there. He sees men go over to this guy with a donkey every now and then and figures that's just how things roll here, but he decides that's too dirty even for him. One day six months later, he can't take it anymore and busts out of his tent and goes over to the man with the donkey. He asks "How much to use the donkey?" and the man tells him "twenty US dollars", so the man hands over the money and gets up on a nearby stool and starts fucking the donkey. After he finishes, he wipes off the sweat and asks the guy "Was that good?", and the guy andswers, "Sure, yes, very good, but you know, the other men usually just ride it into town."

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This thread sort of reminds me of the time my high school held a pun contest where the prize was $100 so i sent in about ten of them hoping one of them would be good enough to win.

Unforunately, no pun in ten did.

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General Rainbow Bacon said:

He asks "How much to use the donkey?" and the man tells him "twenty US dollars", so the man hands over the money and gets up on a nearby stool and starts fucking the donkey. After he finishes, he wipes off the sweat and asks the guy "Was that good?", and the guy andswers, "Sure, yes, very good, but you know, the other men usually just ride it into town."

Damn that was hot... like the desert

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