Jump to content
Search In
  • More options...
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
Sign in to follow this  
Biffy

TGIF!

Recommended Posts

Finally, another TGIF installment!

---------------------------------

Ibn Saud ben Alekh, a respectable and dignified merchant,
was attending a camel auction in the main square when he
was overcome by the most terrible intestinal cramps.
Finally, unable to contain himself, he let out a giant
fart, which was so noisy and so pungent that the people
around him looked aghast and stepped back in a circle.

Overcome with shame, Ibn Saud went straight home, packed,
and turned his back on his birthplace. For many years he
led a nomadic life, wandering from town to town, but as old
age approached, so did the longing to return to his
hometown. By this time he was aged and stooped, his hair
and beard long and grey, and his confidence grew that no
one would recognize him and link him to that mortifying
moment.

So he returned to the town and headed straight for the main
square, where he immediately noticed that the mosque now
boasted a spectacular turquoise and gold-leaf facade.
Turning to the passerby, he commented on the magnificent
mural. "Peace to you, my son," greeted the old man, "can
you tell me when it was completed?"

"Let me think," replied the man. "Yes, that would be seven
years, five months, and twenty-two days after Ibn Saud ben
Alekh cut that big fart in the square."

----------------------------------------------------------------

Interviewing the young Swede for a job as teller, the bank
president is amazed with the skill the applicant exhibits
at handling money.

"So," the president says, "where did you get your training?"

"Yale," the fair-haired youth replies.

"I see. And what did you say your name was?"

He answers, "Yackson."


-------------------------------------------------------------------

B.B. King's wife decides that she is going to make his
birthday especially memorable this year. So she goes out
and gets B.B.'s initials tattooed on her ass, one letter on
each cheek.

After his big birthday dinner with friends at a fancy
restaurant, they go home. As soon as B.B. sits down in his
favorite chair, his wife walks up to him and announces,
"I have a big surprise for you."

With that, she turns around, pulls up her dress, drops her
panties, and bends over.

B.B. stares for a moment at the big ass just inches from
his face and asks, "Who's Bob?"

----------------------------------------------------------


A woman checked in at the pearly gates and asked to join her
former husband, Walter Smith. Saint Peter said, "We have five
million Walter Smiths. Give us a little clue."

The woman said, "My Walter is bald and has blue eyes, and he
said that if I ever slept with another man he'd turn over in his
grave."

Saint Peter motioned an angel forward. "Take her to Whirling
Walter!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------


In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young
girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon
turns to the erotic.

Then, the young girl proposes, "If each of you will give me
$1.00, I will show you my legs." The men, charmed by this
young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet.

And then the girl pulls us her dress a bit to show her legs.

Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00,
I'll show you my thighs," and men being what they are, they all
pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way
to her legs in full.

Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all
taken off their coats.

Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show
you where I was operated on for appendicitis."

All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the
window and points outside at a building they're passing. "See
there in the distance. That's the hospital where I had it done!"


-------------------------------------------------------

As a painless way to save money, a young couple arranged
that every time they have sex the husband puts his pocket
change into a china piggy bank on the bedside table. One night
while being unusually athletic, he accidentally knocked the
bank to the floor where it smashes. To his surprise, among the
masses of coins, there are handfuls of five and ten dollar bills.
He asks his wife what's up. "Well," she replied, "Not everyone
is as cheap as you are."

-------------------------------------------------------


Mary went to the doctor complaining of body odor.

"Do you wash?" the doc asked the rank young girl.

"Oh, yes," Mary answered. "Each morning, I start at my head
and wash down as far as possible. Then I start at my feet
and wash up as far up as possible."

"Well," the doc concluded, "go home and wash possible."

Share this post


Link to post

And Biff once again proves his talent for find hilarious jokes. :)
TGIF indeed.

Share this post


Link to post

Yes, TGIF... because a minute ago I was a depressed shit, and like... now I'm not... so yeah TGIF. =\

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
×