Random funny things in everyday life

[Doomkid]

I'm just gonna write some random funny things I see/have seen throughout daily life, especially at work. I'd love to hear some from all of you as well. I normally would have posted this in Blogs, but it seems too long winded to be a status update, plus I want more than like 4 people to see it/respond with their own stories before it disappears forever.

 

There's this extremely rude Scottish dude who comes into work all the time (we're a supplier of construction materials) and paces back and forth on his phone for anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour before actually stopping to buy or order materials. The general accepted interaction with a customer is that, if they're buying more than a few small things, they also help to load their truck/van with the materials they need because some of this shit is extremely heavy. But this fucking Scottish guy.. He'll order like 30 giant fucking planks, help you load 2 on, then sneak off and get back on his stupid phone and pace up and down the yard again for several eternities. Every time he comes in, this is how it goes. It's really irritating, but it's also hilarious because as soon as we see that asshole pulling up, each one of us tries to find a different customer or put away materials or something so he doesn't spot us. Whoever he comes up to for service (after his millennium-long phone calls, where by the way his van is taking up at least one spot the whole time) gets this particular look from the rest of us, and we all know what it means: "Bad luck man, you ended up with the World's Friendliest Scotsman this time!" It's hilarious to me that one customer can suck so hard he's disliked by literally every staff member and earned himself a nickname with all of us. It takes a lot of fucking cheek to be so damn lazy while someone else loads what totals up to tonnes of materials. Gotta admit though, the guy has found a smart way to be a lazy fuck and he knows we can't say or do a damn thing about it!

 

Another one: Banter is common among the yard staff, sometimes it's harsh but it's also funny/entertaining and keeps the time moving during what would otherwise be boring slow bits of the day. Earlier, a young dude who's fairly new was giving me shit about carrying a bunch of stock in small, light loads rather than doing it the "manly" way and taking as much as I can lift.. Right after he gives me shit, he attempted to lift about twice what I was but he instantly misstepped and dropped shit everywhere.. Someone being overzealous then instantly fucking up is generally hilarious in these kinds of instances.

 

I'm sure I'll have more random mini-tales and would like to hear some of yours!

 

 

[Merry Widow]

LOL This thread is good one,You have a good sense of humor Doomkid.I hope this thread stays going.

 

[Nine Inch Heels]

One of the few funny moments of my time working at a university:

 

So, my superior is a professor who basically "imported" me to germany to learn about my religion. Since most of the knowledge available isn't written down, having someone like me was fairly convenient for him and his field of research, which also involves our ritual language.

 

So one day, while I was in the cafeteria, he asked me if there was a way I could translate something he wrote down into our ritual language, because he wanted to know how close it is to being suited for actual communication (which it isn't at all, but he had to try, I guess). To my surprise, I could translate a good chunk of what he asked for, because it was pretty "basic", for lack of a better term. Being the chaotic guy that he is, he didn't bring a pencil along to write it down immediately, so he had to go for the counter and ask for a pen there. This guy has this habit of repeating things he wants to memorize loudly, until he can write it down, because that's how it works for him. So the moment he realized there was no way he could write the few lines down, he started repeating them in the cafeteria, which made people look at him strangely, to say the least.

 

Since there was no way he could cut the queue, he stood in line with everybody else, still repeating what I translated for him, until a student tapped him on the back, at which point he somehow forgot these few lines right away, because he got distracted. Instead of waiting to get a pen, he came back to me, and asked me if I could repeat what I said. So I did that, and he went back to the queue, and the moment he got there, he turned around and went for his office instead, again repeating this mantra on his way there.

 

It's probably not as funny to see it written down like this, but I had myself a really good laugh that day.

[Doomkid]

rofl, I love when people have little eccentricities like that though, they're hilarious and endearing in their own way!

[Tracer]

There is this woman at work.  She is as (censored for rehelekretep's sake) as I am, but has convinced herself otherwise.  Consequently, she has adapted an urban (censored for rehelekretep's sake) dialect and has perfected it.  So what makes this funnier is the funny way that she talks.

 

Yesterday:

 

Her: Your hair be botherin me.

 

Me: Yeah, it was bothering me, too.  That's why I shaved it.

 

Her: Nah I mean you not havin no hair.

 

Me: Well that's a double negative meaning I have hair...so now I really don't know what you are getting at.

 

Her: Y'know you gotta smart mouth fam

 

Me: Why thank you.  I like to hope that I come off as educated when I speak.

 

Her: Man you be playin too much.

 

Me: Well all work and no play makes me a dull boy.

 

Then she walked away.  I only act this way with people who act like shitheads on a daily basis.  Any time she opens her mouth it seems to be with some kind of negative comment.  So I figured I'd have my fun.

Edited May 5, 2017 by Tracer : Edited to make rehelekretep feel better

[Jimmy]

This happened at my university a couple weeks back, during Composition Workshop, a weekly gathering of the music composition students where the third/fourth-year students come to present to let everyone know what they're working on.

 

Bit of a wall of text incoming, so strap yourselves in, maybe.

 

One of my mates, Rodrigo, is at the front. He's kitted out in an elaborately decorated black and purple suit and a pair of sunglasses. In front of him is a table covered in old, OLD Yamaha/Casio keyboard instruments.

 

He gets up and says "Ladies and gentleman, put your hands together for... a man who has entered from another dimension and possessed the body of one of your fellow students to be here today... GRANDPA YAMAHA!"

 

As we applaud, another guy, Edwin, suddenly bursts out from behind a curtain and starts leaping around the lecture hall, screaming "I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN 36 HOURS. I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN 36 HOURS. YOU'RE ALL AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU ALL AND I LOVE EVERYTHING" and suchlike. He eventually calms down but all throughout the ensuing presentation he is gasping for breath.

 

He turns to one of those giant paper easels which is propped up beside Rodrigo, and gives his presentation, ripping the pages violently off the easel board. His presentation consists of giving a short history on the keyboard, which chiefly involves the Japanese dictator Fukuda making music illegal in Japan in the 1970s, culminating in the uprising of the Casionians and the Yamahaians, who fought a bloody war for 3 years straight for seemingly no reason.

 

All while he's giving this impassioned history lesson, Rodrigo is accompanying it with some seriously dramatic chords on one of the shitty keyboards on his desk.

 

Apparently the General MIDI 3 codecs were lost in this bloody battle, but they can be relocated by fulfilling a prophecy of some kind. Ed basically rambles somewhat incoherently for a good while about it, and there's something about the dictator and the leader of the rebellion having a forbidden love affair involving the exchanging of mixtapes with love songs embedded in them. He claims he will fulfill the prophecy by establishing an act called the WASKO - the Western Australian Shitty Keyboard Orchestra. His history lecture concludes with giving a series of dates called "The Infinity Sequence" (which are presumably dates for gigs he has lined up for WASKO). On the final date in the sequence, he vows to commit suicide in the university Music Auditorium by setting himself on fire, and having his soul burnt onto a 3½-inch floppy disk, along with the codecs.

 

We aren't done yet.

 

Rodrigo gets up to put on a slideshow he himself has prepared. He plugs his computer in and it has a Google window up of a search for "Yamaha DX7 naked"... which he then surreptitiously takes off screen. He talks about WASKO in a pretty short Q&A slideshow. - Is this the clearest explanation we're going to get on General MIDI 3? Yes. - Is WASKO a real ensemble/cult? Yes. - Is Edwin going to be alright? No.

 

He then talks about how we can be initiated into the cult ensemble, and this requires one to (1) have a shitty battery-powered MIDI keyboard, and (2) watch no less than three Patrick Swayze films. He then tells the whole room to look away from the screen if they don't want to be initiated. We're subjected to about 20 seconds of incredibly sped-up movie footage, then he congratulates us all on our impromptu initiation. Apparently the former initiation ceremony consisted of climbing into an automobile and submerging it in a body of water while listening to the entire soundtrack to Broken Arrow for 28 hours through a brass tube.

 

Rodrigo finishes up. Edwin opens the floor to questions. One guy raises his hand, and Edwin yells "NO MORE QUESTIONS", then starts clutching his head and crawling on the floor seemingly in pain. Rodrigo throws a blanket over him. He asks one of the girls in the front row to play a soothing chord on the shitty keyboard on his desk while Edwin goes to sleep. One of them does, and Edwin just sorta lies there. For the rest of the workshop.

 

 

The girl asks "Is Grandpa Yamaha dead??" and Rodrigo replies, "no, he's just going back to his home dimension, your friend will be back soon". Which concludes Edwin and Rod's presentation. Other people get up and present works while Ed just lies on the floor at the front of the lecture hall. He's there for like an hour and a half.

 

Rodrigo explains that WASKO is a real thing and later advertises it on the composers' Facebook page.

 

And that was basically the most intense Composition Workshop I've ever been to.

Edited May 5, 2017 by Jimmy

[Tracer]

20 minutes ago, Jimmy said:

This happened at my university a couple weeks back...

Best post.  Get cacoward or laid or both.  You deserve both.

[rehelekretep]

3 hours ago, Tracer said:

Spoiler

 

There is this woman at work.  She is as white as I am, but has convinced herself otherwise.  Consequently, she has adapted an urban black dialect and has perfected it.  So what makes this funnier is the funny way that she talks.

 

Yesterday:

 

Her: Your hair be botherin me.

 

Me: Yeah, it was bothering me, too.  That's why I shaved it.

 

Her: Nah I mean you not havin no hair.

 

Me: Well that's a double negative meaning I have hair...so now I really don't know what you are getting at.

 

Her: Y'know you gotta smart mouth fam

 

Me: Why thank you.  I like to hope that I come off as educated when I speak.

 

Her: Man you be playin too much.

 

Me: Well all work and no play makes me a dull boy.

 

Then she walked away.  I only act this way with people who act like shitheads on a daily basis.  Any time she opens her mouth it seems to be with some kind of negative comment.  So I figured I'd have my fun.

 

 

funny that you shoehorn another comment on race in the US into a completely random thread...

[Battle_Korbi]

^{*anime eyes shine* Now it is my time!}

 

I dunno if this is funny or not, but it was ridiculous and weird a'right. Probably creepypasta material, if delivered right. May or may not be funny.

 

I think at least two weeks ago ^{*checks diary*} yeah, anyways, the whole class was taking a politics exam (some lousy subject they shove to seniors, explains economy and that stuff), and either someone drugged me beforehand, or things happened just as they happened.
 

(story in teh spoiler because I don't want to clog the thread)

Spoiler

 

Before exam, there was a small... well I cannot even call it a rumour. Basically, the teach' apparently said we could use our notebooks during the exam.

 

First sign of a burn-out.

 

"Excuse me, professor, can we use our noteboo---"

 

"AAAND TEXTBOOKS!"

 

Suddenly a head whip from the same teach' to the ceiling, kinda like when a cat does that.

 

"Sooo can we?"
 

"Can what?"

 

"Use our noteboo---"

 

"AAAND TEXTBOOKS!"

 

At first, I thought she was trolling us, like duuh, of course we CAN'T use our notebooks! That would be practically cheating.

 

But something was off in the whole deal. In the corner of my eye I saw a white dove fly by the window. Feeding myself John Woo movies lately, I thought: "Fuck.", and made a small evac plan in case she decides to whip out a gun or two.

 

Then a weird laugh. It reminded me of the laughter from Feel Good Inc, but much shorter in duration.

 

I took a small glare at my best buddy down the class. He was weirded out as well.

 

The teach started walking around the desks, like in a hurry, looking at her watch intensively.

 

Some intensive whispering can be heard across the class. People were grabbing left and right for answers on their exams.

 

The exam was indeed tough, because there were so much of these little tasks to solve, each bringing merely a point. And with the 80% of class being lazy bums like yours truly, barely anyone knew shit.

 

Well this guy, lets call him T. He knows this kind of shit the best, and this exam was a stroll in a park for him.

 

The teach focused her ironsights on T, thinking that he is cheating since he is writing so fast. Aaaaand a class-wide argument ensued in the next 12 seconds.

 

So I decided, "Fuck it" and pulled out my notebook, and started copying notes. She never really said "no notebooks", and if she shoots me down for cheating, I could always say I have Asperger's and I couldn't catch her metaphor properly and therefore I was sure we could do this shit.

 

Aaaaand there I was, boom, half of the exam done in two minutes. Only the other half remains.

 

The guy (lets call him Ady) who was sitting at the same table as me (we have like, two guys/girls per table kind of a deal here), seeing how the teacher couldn't give a fuck in regards of your's truly copying answers like your's truly knew this stuff before-hand, he decide to take a peek into his own notebook.

 

Just as his finger touched the notebook on the table (kinda like a precaution thing, as if the teacher can see you have a closed notebook at front it means it isn't somewhere else being opened and copied), the teach' jumped and shifted focus on my poor buddy Ady, and decided to open verbal fire.

 

"ADY, THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

 

"But profess---"

 

"YOU KNOW THAT IS CHEATING ALRIGHT!"

 

Ady looked at me with a "help me pls" look on his face. I just remained silent. This whole thing was downright weird to the bones. Here my friend Ady is getting shot down, and I just march forward on this fucked up exam day. Worse thing is, when the teach' came over to confiscate Ady's exam, she didn't even looked, nor glanced, or probably haven't even seen my notebook wide open at front.

 

The rest of the exam was people getting shot left and right, general chaos because of the really confusing situation, and fighters like me trying to make the best out of the whole deal. The class got noisy, the teach' picked on some of my best buddies in class, as I was constantly thinking that I was next in her ironsights. If she wanted to give me a frighten, mission accomplished, I was fucking terrified, thinking she might actually pull a gun on some of us in class.

 

The whole atmosphere made me think of Doom somehow, so I embraced the idea, and charged forward on this exam.

 

And voila, 20 minutes before the class ended, I was done. Whole thing filled from top to bottom. With correct answers as well. I took the chance and now I am going home with a top grade in my pocket and a PTSD aswell.

 

"THAT IT IS YOU FUCKERS! EXAM IS FINISHED! HAND IN YOUR PAPERS!" she shouted.

 

Every other survivor out there paused like they saw a nuke detonating at the horizon. Those who got their tests confiscated beforehand laughed at us, as Ady stood there like a ghost.

 

Poor Ady studied the night before. Just before the exam he was revising out loud on economical inputs, outputs, monetary politics, and whatever the fuck. Now all of his troubles were for naught. He was incorrectly shot down, as so did the rest of the class bar the survivors who dodged incoming fire for the entire exam duration (which was quite short).

 

Did I mention how chaotic the whole thing was? There was dust coming from the ceiling for fucks sake! The whole deal was one helluva trip.

 

And with lightning speed, the teach' picked up ALL the papers, and started grading them.

 

"FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! FAIL!" she kept repeating and she crossed every test over with the fail grade.

 

Even mine.

 

The perpetual fury that was locked up inside me for so long almost tipped the glass of trainquility. I almost went over there and strangled the teach'. Emphasis on almost, since my brain intepreted the whole deal as one big circus and there was surely no way this happened.

 

Soon Reason^TM kicked in inside my head with a shotgun:

 

"Look man, there is literally nothing to be angry about. This exam HAS to be repeated by the law! Plus, are you really in such a sufficient position to commit homicide, even if you are a honourable exam cheater?"

 

I calmed down, but some guys didn't.

 

Soon they started shouting obscenities at the teach' and the teach' fired back.

 

"FUCKING WHORE! I HOPE A DOG FUCKS YOUR MOTHER'S ASS APART!"

"FUCK YOU TOO DUMBHEAD!"

 

This whole charade rode on for at least 5 minutes, before two guys started advancing to the teacher, and the teacher backed up for a fight.

 

The bell ringed. The period was officialy over.

 

I immediately charged outside. I do not want to be held part responsible for any bloodshed that then did not occur. I am fine with violence, as long as it is has its reason. This? This was all just a massive cluster-fuck of stuff. No reason to go and make someone's day. Me, along some of my buddies, the girls' guild, and some other chill guys, just went to the gym for our PE class, reported to the local teach', like "Here you go teach', three stripes on a tracksuit!", and just went to squat at the corner of the whole gym, processing this whole chaos, and we silently promised each other to forget about all of this. The teach' just had a bad day, that was all. Nothing too serious. No blood was spilled. No broken noses. All was... fine... the horror... the horror...

 

EPILOUGE:
 

The guys and one girl that remained after us told us that THERE will be another exam, everything would be the same, just shuffled question sets. Also, no ultra-violence occured, as the teach' ran away due to a massive headache. I would as well, if I were in her shoes.

 

We actually wrote the exam again, but this time, the things went right. The teach' didn't said anything about her "episode" last time, neither did any nasty bully inquire as well. We all just went along and pretended nothing happened. And actually studied. I didn't get the top grade, but nonetheless, it was fine... All was fine...

 

I had forgot about it till now, as did everyone, but just digged up this piece because I looked for some interesting tale to tell.

 

 

[Cupboard]

I was doing general maintenance on a public park the other day and I realized I locked my keys inside the vehicle itself. I start using these thin rods of metal (flag pennants) to break into the truck window and press the door handle from the inside. I'm cursing myself because the rods will fit through the window seal but they aren't long enough to reach down and unlock the door itself, I'm off by 10 centimeters or so. So now I'm intertwining two rods together with my bare hands since they are flexible enough. Anyway a police detective wearing body armor pulls up directly in front of me (driving the wrong way through the driveway) in an unmarked car and he starts talking to me. I thought, yep this is gonna suck. I ask immediately for help and start explaining myself in order to prevent him from asking some uncomfortable questions.

 

But he's like "man are your bathrooms open??" I'm holding the tools in my hand breaking into this vehicle and he doesn't even give me a second glance or ask for my name or license or anything. He called one of his buddies who came and helped me out so it was a happy ending all around.

[Coopersville]

Saw a crackhead walking through my neighbourhood while I was doing crossing guard duty the other day. He was walking over peoples' lawns wildly pointing and waving his finger at things while silently mouthing whatever conversation he was having by himself. He stopped to "yell" at a fire hydrant for a good five seconds before meandering down the block. I eventually followed him after my shift and tried to shoot a video for you guys, but he wasn't as entertaining by then, sorry.  

[Tracer]

3 hours ago, rehelekretep said:

funny that you shoehorn another comment on race in the US into a completely random thread...

I really am sorry.  Let me fix it for you.

 

Another funny story:

 

I was in tenth grade.  During health class, there was a surprise fire drill.  I reacted by jumping out of my desk (knocking it over) and shouting "It's the fire alarm!" and sprinting out of the room, kind of like the scene from Kindergarten Cop.  My reaction freaked out a few of the other kids near me when it happened.

[42PercentHealth]

Some funny things I hear math students say (disclaimer: AFAIK, none of you are my students. Not making fun of anyone here!):

• Oops! I forgot to close my parenthesee.
• Should I plus or times?
• sin(x) = 1 --> x = 1/sin
• I can't get this problem -- I've tried every answer I feel like!
• Negative 4 times negative x equals positive 4x, because when two negatives get married, they become positive!

And one of my own, just to show that we're all still friends:

• "De-Laplacify" -- my word for "take the inverse Laplace transform of"

[Tracer]

Just woke up from a nap.  My boss was in my dream.  He is a Korean guy with a buzzcut, a goatee, and in general professional looking.  In my dream though, he did not come off that way because whenever he would talk, the Tim Allen grunt is all that would come out.  He was visibily frustrated by it, adding to the humor.  I woke up laughing.

[Impie]

I was watching The Fate of the Furious in a vietnamese restaurant an hour ago, and if I hadn't known better, I woulda thought it was a GI Joe Retaliation sequel with the Baroness (albeit very blonde) committing cyber-terrorism on behalf of Cobra. I think it even had the same Ripsaw tank in it, although the Rock didn't drive it this time.

 

Now I keep trying to figure out which characters would be which Joes/Cobras so I can keep the illusion alive.

[mrthejoshmon]

At the college workshop I butcher fix vehicles in there is a posh little whiney boy named Ben, me and Ben are friends yet he annoys me greatly with his complaining about "diagnostic test plans are just pointless red tape" because he's an idiot who can't grasp basic wiring diagrams and "I hate how nobody helps" despite him becoming infamous for having others (mainly me) do his work for him. To cope with his endless drivel I've started taking sick enjoyment in sabotaging his work so he has an awful time where he doesn't know what is wrong yet I (and others) do and then I fix it infront of him in seconds whilst revealing what it was in a sarcastic manor, I also like to make him look stupid when he has done something deservedly stupid. It sounds horrible yet everyone thinks he deserves it and believe me he does.

 

This one time he "fixed" a 2002 Fiat Punto's radiator by poorly seeling it with electrical tape of all thing and half arsedly sliding the radiator hoses on. He claimed that he had pressurized the system to check its integratory, this was obviously bollocks and tutor had none of it. The tutor asked him to test it again in front of him, Ben only pumped it up to 0.1 bar and said it was done (it is usually 1.3 bar on a Punto I think) which is then where I stepped in and exclaimed "Ben this is at least a 1.0, not a 0.1" and then took over the pump and vigerously pouned the pressure up. At about 0.6 bar the entire "fix" tore asunder and spewed coolant everywhere which he had to mop up (Of course because he is a lazy shit I mopped it up 3 hours later), I turned to Ben with a crooked evil smirk and said "you got a leak, boy" in a southern accent as I, him and the vehicle were drenched in coolant.

 

He was mardy about him not being able to shadily sneak another bodged job in all week.

[Nine Inch Heels]

So today I had my "twilight zone day". To preface this I'll just say I've had quite a stressful week so far. As a result I felt pretty drained when I got home today, and wasn't really in the mood to do things that were "mentally energy consuming".

 

So here's what happened this afternoon: I got home, had a meal, had a shower, sat down at my desk to relax a little... And then I got sucked into the twilight zone. The only way out was to make a decision: Have a coffee, or take a nap. Having a coffee would mean to stay stuck in the twilight zone until I would go to bed, taking a nap could likely result in having a night's worth of sleep ahead of time, potentially ruining the day after.

 

I couldn't make a choice because the options simply didn't seem ideal to me, so I had a coffee and took a nap right after. In spite of a healthy dose of caffeine and setting an alarm, the nap lasted 7 hours comfortably, and when I woke up I still found myself trapped in the very same twilight zone for a few hours. Now it's "late-late-night" here, or "super-early-morning", depending on how you look at things, and the coming day is going to be out of whack because of this. I'm just glad I don't need to work today, because that would be a real pain.

 

Not so funny for me, but maybe it's funny for someone else, who knows? ;-)

[dew]

On 5/5/2017 at 11:48 AM, Tracer said:

Edited to make rehelekretep feel better

Oh yeah, you're really sorry. You're not backhandedly mocking the guy at all, that precious snowflake with easily hurt feefees.

[Tracer]

 

I am incredibly sorry.  Unfathomably sorry, even.  When I saw how bothered he was, I was internally destroyed.  Now seeing that you have also been impacted by this (since you apparently felt obligated to chime in), I cannot at this time even begin to appropriately convey how horrible I feel about the atrocities I have committed on this thread.  I have ruined peoples' days, hurt so many feelings, and probably caused a few mental breakdowns requiring months of therapeutic sessions to get over completely...but even then, there will likely be some post traumatic stress disorder issues.  Man, oh man...I hope everyone will be okay.  I hope this helps.

 

Getting back on topic, here are two more funny stories:

 

1. Today my niece told my sister's friend that she can't get married because she's fat...but she isn't overweight at all.

 

 

2. When I was nineteen, I worked at a gas station part time.  We used to have "cookie sales competitions" among the employees, and whoever sold the most would get a twenty five dollar visa gift card.  I asked my boss if it'd be alright if I blew this whistle I had whenever I sold one.  She thought it over and said that'd be a fun idea.  What she didn't know is that this whistle was a traffic director whistle...so it was incredibly loud.  This woman comes up to the register to buy smokes and I ask her if she would be interested in purchasing a pack of cookies to help me meet a sales goal.  She said sure, and went to reach for some cash in her purse.  I blew on the whistle as hard as I could for a short duration and placed it back in my pocket.  She lost her footing and grabbed her ears, almost falling over.  Nobody else in the store (customers and employees alike) even reacted.  She starts looking around frantically and this dialogue happened:

Her: Did you HEAR THAT?!

Me: Hear what, ma'am?

Her: That loud whistle!  Where did it come from?

Me: What whistle?

Her: You seriously didn't hear that?!

Me (leaning in and whispering): Miss, I have no idea what you're talking about.  Is everything alright?

Her: Yeah...yeah...I don't know...thanks.

 

Then she left unsure of anything anymore.  My boss was in the back laughing her ass off.

 

 

 

In case it wasn't made clear earlier...I am so sorry. 

Edited May 6, 2017 by Tracer : Edited because I saw an extra space after a period and got triggered by it

[dew]

The biggest downside to the forum upgrade is that it let you back into EE.

[Tracer]

Doomkid, can our funny stories be from things that happened here on the forum?  Or would you prefer that they be things from our lives outside of doomworld?

[Benjogami]

Summary of Tracer's funny stories:

 

- This person at work that talks like a black person was trying to be friendly but I shut that shit down real fast by trying to boast about how educated I sound

- I had a dream

- My niece has self-esteem issues

- I thought I was really funny in high school one time

- I thought I was really funny at my job one time

Edited May 6, 2017 by Benjogami

[RUSH]

My boss and I like to laugh at really huge, morbidly obese fat people that come into our work. He (my boss) sometimes talks too loud, and they nearly hear him.

 

My boss is a cool guy.

[Tracer]

7 minutes ago, Benjogami said:

 

[Doomkid]

Lmao so get this, one time I made a totally harmless thread and it somehow became a petty argument between two users who love arguing

 

Oh wait that's happened a lot actually and also is annoying and not funny so let's drop it please

 

Okay, I've got an actual story, but it's not just a one off experience.. There's this neighbor who lives across the street, and every time I go out to my car I walk really briskly or even put my phone to my head to avoid him starting a conversation with me. This guy has the dullest, droningest voice in the world and loves to talk about shit that is not only super boring, but he clearly knows nothing about.

 

For example, one week he was anti-Trump because of the pussy grabbing thing, then a few weeks later he was pro-Trump because he wants to crack down on immigrants, and neither week did I give a rat's ass what his opinion on any of it was, because he's demonstrated he knows nothing over the course of the conversations I've been cornered into over the years.. Here's the worst part though: The guy can't take a hint. It doesn't matter if you're carrying groceries or throw in a "well I better get going" line or whatever, he'll just keep on talking on and on.. It's gotten to the point where, if he comes up to me at a moment where I can't pretend to be on the phone or whatever, I'll just keep walking but slowly towards my car or house until I finally get far enough away to give a friendly "well, have a nice day!" and quickly shuffle in.. I don't want to ever actually be rude to the guy because he seems a little 'off' and I don't want to test it..

 

Even my dad wasn't safe when he visited recently, he very kindly offered to clean my car which would have taken like 10 minutes, but he was outside for like 40.. I peeked out and could see my dad attempting to end a conversation. My dad came in a minute later and was instantly like "holy shit, that guy loooves the sound of his own voice, huh??" I felt bad for him being out there getting a taste of the droning, my dad lives pretty rural and never has to put up with these aspects of living in the city.. Got a good laugh out of that!

 

edit: Trace, I'd prefer it be stuff not from Doomworld, simply because that will probably be a drama floodgate

[Tracer]

I have wanted it dropped since the beginning, bossman.  So you won't need to worry about me keeping the pot boiling.

 

And man, I know a few people who keep on going on and on.  I have developed a bluntness with these people because mitigation has proven to be unsuccessful.  "Alright.  I have to go, talk to you later." and then I walk away.  Works every time.  haha

[Impie]

When I was really little I watched Sesame Street like a lot of other kids. I remember the first couple lines from a song when an episode's letter of the day was "O":

 

"Would ya like ta buy an O?
Round, and sweet?"

 

Some of you might remember the tune. Anyway, Dad makes a habit of quoting shit from when me and my brother were little bitty, even though he's well into his sixties now. This song is one of those things he frequently comes back to: he'll be cooking in the kitchen and just sing out of the blue, "Would ya like ta buy an OHHHH?" But he'd only sing that line.

 

Last year he was doing something around the house and he kept saying it every five seconds for like half a minute: "Would ya like ta buy an OHHH?....Would ya like ta buy an OHHHHH?" He barely realizes he's doing it.

 

Finally I respond in-time, "Round, and sweet?"

 

Dad looks at me like I just farted and goes, "The fuck is THAT from?"

 

Mom laughed so hard I thought we'd have to take her to the hospital.

[RUSH]

There's nothing I hate more than people who perpetuate gossip. Granted some is fine, casual conversation and whatnot. But then there are those who take it way beyond normal. Next level... they feed off gossip and their words become toxic. Purposely exaggerated stories that twist or leave out important details. Slanderous claims.

 

I feel the same way as Trace in that respect. I'm a blunt person, if I have a problem with someone I tell them. This applies to boring conversations too. I appreciate when others do the same (be blunt), instead of gossiping and getting others to slowly hate you (often for incorrect reasons). I think problems are best solved when people try to come to an honest understanding/conclusion and talk things through. Unfortunately my mother is prime a example of a Grade A gossip creator. So I've seen first hand the effects it has on family and friends. Subsequently my family is completely ostracized to some degree because she can't keep her big mouth shut. It's fucking terrible, I have no idea what personality trait draws people to do things like that. Constantly feeling the need to tell "the next great story!" That's all fine and good some of the time, but when you say that one wrong thing (and it does eventually happen) over, and over. And over. To everyone. Sigh.

 

Erm, this wasn't funny at all. Sorry... end rant, lol.

[Doomkid]

It wasn't funny but I still liked it, even though I'm all outta likes for the day D:

[BigDickBzzrak]

1 hour ago, Tracer said:

"Alright.  I have to go, talk to you later." and then I walk away.  Works every time.

Maybe try doing that on DW as well? :]