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Horrible Movies

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Have you ever seen a film that you knew would be horrible, but watched anyway for whatever reason?  Find the wikipedia page for that flm and share the synopsis here.

 

Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead

 

Wracked with guilt over the suicide of her bullied sister, young karate student Megumi accompanies four older friends on a trip into the woods: smart girl Aya, her druggie boyfriend Také, full-figured model Maki, and nerdy Naoi. Things start to go badly when Maki finds a parasitical worm inside a fish – and eats it down, in the hope that it will keep her skinny. Her stomach later feels horrible and she relieves herself in an outhouse toilet. The parasitic worm she ate had apparently laid eggs in her stomach and came out of her in her diarrhea attack. Soon after, they are attacked by a crowd of poop-covered undead who emerge from the outhouse toilet Maki used.

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For me I'd say Suicide Squad (haven't even seen it but seriously that film just looks like ass).

Also I really hate like any modern horror film.

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Of Suicide Squad? Ok.

 

Figuring they're all expendable, a U.S. intelligence officer decides to assemble a team of dangerous, inaccurate to the comics, super-villains for a horribly written top-secret mission. Now armed with government weapons (ooooh), Deadshot (Will Smith {because he's hip wit tha kidz and theyr dank me-mes!!}), what looks to be a trailer-park-whore who claims to be Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie), Captain Boomerang, Killer Croc and other despicable inmates must learn to work together. (How sweet!) Dubbed Task Manager X, the criminals unite to battle a mysterious and powerful entity, while the diabolically horrible redesigned Joker (Jared Leto) launches an evil agenda of his own.

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Horrible? A lot of the superhero movies thee days, for starters. Avengers and it's sequels, Iron Man 2 and 3 (1 was fantastic, because they picked a really great guy for the music), Dawn of Justice and Civil War (literally the same: two sides fight, enemy comes up, the two sides suddenly join together and fight the enemy), those damn Wolverine movies (sans The Wolverine, because the music was nice. And I like Japanese chicks :P) and so on. Utterly bland.

 

And to hell with modern horror films. There's usually nothing horrific about them, just pathetic screams, stupid running. I'm more intrigued when watching them rather than grabbing my chair from anxiety.

 

Some movies like The Spiderwick Chronicles and Journey 2: The Mysterious Island really make me irritated to watch. Even Doom's more fun to watch.

 

I don't think I need to share the synopsis for these films; these films are quite well known. And their mere thought irritates me.

 

 

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I usually like superhero movies. Even the bad ones are at least a little entertaining. But Batman V Superman is easily one of the worst movies I've seen over the past several years. My jaw dropped on numerous occasions simply because I was dumbfounded as to how poorly written and stupid it frequently was. I expected it to be bad, but it turned out to be far worse. 

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shit cinema was once an avid pursuit of mine. I've probably clocked in a few thousand hours of direct-to-tv, straight-to-vhs, straight-to-garbage-bin flicks. Many flavors of bad: writing, performance, filming, editing, other technical minutiae. At some point you have to set a standard on what constitutes "watchable" even, the bar goes lower than one might think...

 

 

 

 

Well, to answer the question in the OP, here's another edgy japanese zombie shlock film (somehow not the same guy??):

 

Rape Zombie: Lust of the Dead

After a nuclear attack in Tokyo, the female population is attacked by infected males who have become sex-crazed zombies, hungry for human flesh.

 

 

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2 hours ago, DoctorGenesis said:

For me I'd say Suicide Squad

I haven't seen it either but it doesn't make any sense. And I'd rather not support pretentious assholes like Jared Leto, who make their coworkers miserable for the sake of attention, especially when it's all for a sub-par performance of a superfluous character.

 

But the horrible movie I'll contribute is Cobra. There are a lot of 80s movies that are great despite their unapolagetic badness. Cobra is not one of these. It has no plot, it has no characters, it has no incentive to suffer through it. The hero's only trait is killing bad guys. The bad guys' only goal is killing civilians. There's zero substance to this movie and everything about it is forgettable. You can look at any other 80s action movie and find a slew of great action setpieces, outrageous plots, and memorable characters. This movie is a big fat zero. Watch Tango & Cash instead.

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I rather like Cobra, even though it's about as tasteless and trashy as you can get. 

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Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd

 

Worst sequel (prequel?) ever, worst comedy ever. Terrible acting, shouldn't have been made. Not even remotely funny. I don't remember how/where I saw this. But I regret every second of it. Absolute cringe.

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2 hours ago, Impie said:

I haven't seen it either but it doesn't make any sense. And I'd rather not support pretentious assholes like Jared Leto, who make their coworkers miserable for the sake of attention, especially when it's all for a sub-par performance of a superfluous character.

Dude, you have no idea how much I agree with you there.

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* cracks knuckles *

 

You want bad?

 

 

I watched it with an ex... she wanted to watch it. She was bored and hated it. I was bored and hated it, but it was a love to hate sort of thing. It made such little sense. It seemed like a Hunger Games rip off. Similar dystopian world where when kids turn 18 they go into a faction rather than college. Then I found out its from the writer of the Hunger Games.

 

 

I watched Bathory with the same ex. I have no idea why she wanted to watch it. The best way I can tell you how bad it was "low budget 3 hour movie." I remember nothing about it other than blind hatred for it being 3 hours long.

 

 

I watched to see the Olympic gold medal wrestler Kurt Angle in what I assume must have been his nephew's college film. Low budget, low scenes, 6 characters. It had a 6 year old in it that was introduced in the last 30 minutes and if memory serves me she killed the killer. Just randomly with no build up or explanation.

 

10 Years with Tatum Channing is just so real its dull. High School reunion... nothing happens. Wow.

 

 

Another one I watched with an ex... a teenage girl gets sent off to summer camp. The acting is wooden and everything else is low budget. There is no Sleeping Beauty here... its just a name slapped on the movie. It was terrible.

 

 

Little Deaths is like a trilogy of terror, a 3 mini movie packaged into one movie. Each tale is more fetishy and disgusting than horrifying and that's what its packaged as if I remember correctly. People living as dogs weird stuff like that. I mentally checked out of this movie pretty quick.

 

I hate Mike Meyers. I went to see it with my 2 cousins who wanted to see Justin Timberlake in the movie. This is the ONLY movie I have ever walked out on and it wasn't my choice, the 2 cousins I was with wanted to bail after 5 minutes. We got our refund.

 

Oh this was pretty terrible and intolerable too. Needlessly crass. It made me wish Fox censors existed. I never knew just how tastelessly terrible a movie could be. Even movies that hang their hat on being tasteless still manage something good, but there was nothing redeemable with this movie. Is it a movie if its only 45 minutes of shorts?

 

That's it for now.

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I don't remember what it was called, from where it came, but one day on late-night television I saw a movie alright.

 

The setting was some kind of High School where a series of murders took place. A girl was sneaking around looking for clues to the murderer's identity, and whenever she found someone suspect the film would freeze and a giant flashing SUSPECT! would appear next to their head. One of them was the woodshop teacher, who had an obsession with horsehead bookends, for use in propping up books. He went into a long lecture about the values of a classy and well-crafted horsehead bookend, walking around the room and looking for a proper example. He stopped at the horsehead bookend held by our protagonist, and took it from her, proclaiming it to be the finest horsehead bookend any student of his had ever created and taking special note on her care to have the wood stained. This is a fantastic suspense. As a few hours earlier, that same horsehead bookend had been used in a grisly murder, wielded by the villain like a club. The protagonist had done what any normal non-idiot person would do and steal the blood-dripping murder weapon from the crime scene for evidence in her investigation. It was only when she removed the bookend from her bag to compare it to the work of the woodshop teacher that she was nearly found out. Then there was a pov scene where the murderer creeped around some girls in the locker room.

 

Very later, the murderer called the principle on the phone, disguising his voice by speaking through a rubber chicken. After the call, the principle turned to her assistant, and when asked about the event and her inability to determine his identity, said only "chicken lips."

 

I turned off the movie.

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I can say easily the recent Godzilla remake, because it had those terrible action scenes, where 1000 frames are shoved into your face each second and you can't understand what's going on. Plus, it is really dark and I mean it. If I had only a light bulb open in my home, it would produce huge amounts of light compared to this.

 

Synopsis: The world is beset by the appearance of monstrous creatures, but one of them may be the only one who can save humanity.

 

Another movie I would like to add is Miami Connection, because it is so horrible, that it is actually good. First of all, you can't understand what the protagonist (Y.K.Kim) says half of the time (he is Korean or something). Second, when the protagonist pretends he plays the guitar, he is so fake that he keeps playing his guitar, after the song ends and the fireworks are used (even someone who doesn't know about guitars, would easily understand what is going on there). Third, they shot half of the scenes in the movie in empty streets in the night, so the whole city seems deserted and only 2 police cars appear, when there is a whole war between a gang, another gang and ninjas. Finally, the dialogue isn't the best I have seen and I laughed hard, when the so-called drug dealer says: <<Stupid drugs.>> or when Y.K.Kim said: <<We are all orpans.>> (not orphans, but ORPANS).  

Seriously though, this movie is the 80s compressed in movie form. It has catchy songs and over the top fighting scenes, which, in the end, is what I like about it.

 

Synopsis: A martial arts rock band goes up against a band of motorcycle ninjas who have tightened their grip on Florida's narcotics trade.

 

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Mega Shark vs Mecha Shark.

 

 

I mean just look at it. Just... Why is this a thing?

 

Also, Prometheus. Decent enough on its own merits, but as a movie in the Alien franchise, it fucking sucked.

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Dinocroc vs Supergator. Need I say more? Why do people make such tasteless movies about two giant animal freaks fighting each other? At least the Godzilla movies are better. Except for the recent one, way too dark.

 

Pirhana 3D. A borefest.

 

Edit: Ninja Apocalypse.

 

Basically, the theme is ninjas fight zombies in an apocalyptic world. Of course it's a movie, so that's not the actual plot.

Edited by Voros

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10 hours ago, Voros said:

Except for the recent one, way too dark.

The original was dark as hell. My understanding was they were doing a modern remake of it.

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Cool World.

Haven't seen the full thing but judging by the clips and trailers I've seen it was a more adult film that wasn't sure if it really wanted to be adult or a semi-kid-friendly Who Framed Roger Rabbit knock-off film.

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1 hour ago, DoctorGenesis said:

Cool World.

Haven't seen the full thing but judging by the clips and trailers I've seen it was a more adult film that wasn't sure if it really wanted to be adult or a semi-kid-friendly Who Framed Roger Rabbit knock-off film.

 

There really wasn't anything kid-friendly about it. It was just a stupid, confusing, ugly, and tonally inconsistent mess. Don't ever bother watching it. 

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The Green Elephant of course...

 



Two men (both being junior officers in Soviet Army, in 1986), nicknamed "Bratishka" (Little Brother) and "Poekhavshiy" (The Mad), are being held in a penal military prison. The room which they share looks like a dark cellar with a dripping sewer pipe running through it. One of the prisoners, Poekhavshiy, seems to be delirious and never stops talking. He tells stories of his past, sings the song of the "Green Elephant" circus, does push-ups, comes up with crazy ideas and even mimics a heron in an attempt to cheer up his cellmate Bratishka, leading only to an increase in his anger. He receives a violent beating from the enraged Bratishka, before he is then taken from the cell by a guard to clean up a dirty toilet bowl with a fork.

Some time later, after Bratishka falls asleep, Poekhavshiy defecates on their shared plate for eating (calling it "sweet bread"), smears feces over his belly and consumes a large portion of it. After doing so he offers a plate with the fecal matter to the other man right after he wakes up, and drives him mad again. Poekhavishiy tells him that he is just giving him some food to eat with together (as they will not be given anything to eat), but Bratishka angrily tells him to wash himself by the dripping pipe water, threatening Poekhavshiy that he will kill him. The guard arrives from the screaming in the cell, and drags the infuriated Bratishka out to clean the toilets again. The captain arrives to the cell and lectures Poekhavshiy on the theatre of operations of the Pacific Ocean, particularly on the names and numbers of the Japanese and American ships on Pearl Harbor. He scolds Poekhavshiy on his incorrect answers, and orders a guard to go to the canteen to prepare a glass of tea for him and the officer. The captain tastes it, and comments "It tastes like urine", spilling its contents on the guard's head. He orders to guard to hold the glass with his teeth, instructing him to go and tell the kitchen staff that "this kind of tea will not be tolerated, ever." The guard then beats up Poekhavshiy.

 

it gets even worse

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3 minutes ago, bzzrak said:

The Green Elephant of course...

 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 


Two men (both being junior officers in Soviet Army, in 1986), nicknamed "Bratishka" (Little Brother) and "Poekhavshiy" (The Mad), are being held in a penal military prison. The room which they share looks like a dark cellar with a dripping sewer pipe running through it. One of the prisoners, Poekhavshiy, seems to be delirious and never stops talking. He tells stories of his past, sings the song of the "Green Elephant" circus, does push-ups, comes up with crazy ideas and even mimics a heron in an attempt to cheer up his cellmate Bratishka, leading only to an increase in his anger. He receives a violent beating from the enraged Bratishka, before he is then taken from the cell by a guard to clean up a dirty toilet bowl with a fork.

Some time later, after Bratishka falls asleep, Poekhavshiy defecates on their shared plate for eating (calling it "sweet bread"), smears feces over his belly and consumes a large portion of it. After doing so he offers a plate with the fecal matter to the other man right after he wakes up, and drives him mad again. Poekhavishiy tells him that he is just giving him some food to eat with together (as they will not be given anything to eat), but Bratishka angrily tells him to wash himself by the dripping pipe water, threatening Poekhavshiy that he will kill him. The guard arrives from the screaming in the cell, and drags the infuriated Bratishka out to clean the toilets again. The captain arrives to the cell and lectures Poekhavshiy on the theatre of operations of the Pacific Ocean, particularly on the names and numbers of the Japanese and American ships on Pearl Harbor. He scolds Poekhavshiy on his incorrect answers, and orders a guard to go to the canteen to prepare a glass of tea for him and the officer. The captain tastes it, and comments "It tastes like urine", spilling its contents on the guard's head. He orders to guard to hold the glass with his teeth, instructing him to go and tell the kitchen staff that "this kind of tea will not be tolerated, ever." The guard then beats up Poekhavshiy.

 

it gets even worse
 

 

 

 

I doubt it gets past the level of horribleness that A Serbian Film has..

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havent seen A Serbian Film, but i went through an extreme-horror film phase and the worst one i watched was Martyrs

Plot in spoilers:

Spoiler

A young girl, Lucie Jurin, escapes from a disused abattoir where she has been imprisoned and physically abused for a long time. The perpetrators and their motivations remain a mystery. Lucie is placed in an orphanage, where she is befriended by a young girl named Anna Assaoui. Anna discovers that Lucie believes that she is constantly being terrorized by a ghoulish creature; a disfigured emaciated woman.

Fifteen years later, Lucie (Mylène Jampanoï) bursts into the home of an apparently normal family with a shotgun, the Belfonds—Gabrielle, her husband, and their children Antoine and Marie—and kills them all. Elsewhere, Anna (Morjana Alaoui) waits for Lucie. Although Anna knows that Lucie believes the Belfonds are the people responsible for her childhood abuse, she is horrified when Lucie tells her that she has killed them. She discovers that Gabrielle is still alive and tries to help her escape. Unfortunately, Lucie bludgeons Gabrielle to death. Lucie is again attacked by the scarred creature, but Anna only sees Lucie hurting herself; the 'creature' is nothing more than a psychological manifestation of Lucie's guilt for leaving behind another girl who was also tortured with her as a child. Lucie, realizing that her insanity will never leave her, commits suicide.[4]

The next day, Anna, still at the family's house, telephones her mother, from whom she has been estranged; their conversation implies that Anna suffered abuse from her parents as a child. Anna discovers a secret underground chamber. Imprisoned within is a horribly tortured young girl, Sarah, proving that Lucie was right about the family. Anna helps Sarah but a group of strangers arrive and shoot Sarah dead. Captured, Anna meets their leader, an elderly lady referred to as Mademoiselle. Mademoiselle explains that she belongs to a secret philosophical society seeking to discover the secrets of the afterlife through the creation of "martyrs". Their experiments inflict systematic acts of torture upon young women in the belief that their suffering will result in a transcendental insight into the world beyond this one.

As a result of her selfless actions of helping Lucie and Sarah, Anna becomes the group's latest subject. After a period of being beaten and degraded, Anna hallucinates a conversation with Lucie, and is later told she has progressed further than any other test subject, and has reached the "final stage." She is flayed alive and survives the procedure, entering a state that is "euphoric" and likened to achieving transcendence. Mademoiselle arrives eagerly and Anna whispers into her ear.

Members of the society gather at the house to learn of the insights Anna shared with Mademoiselle. As he waits, Mademoiselle's assistant asks her if what Anna said was clear. Mademoiselle says yes, then asks him if he could imagine what comes after death. When he says no, she tells him to "keep doubting" before shooting herself.

The film ends with a shot of Anna on the table, in a catatonic state.

 

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That Dungeon Siege film Ewwww Bowl directed. Had to look up the title: In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale. Is fukken terrible.

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2 minutes ago, Doom_Dude said:

In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale

With Jason Statham? That one? That one was great IMO.

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21 hours ago, Glaice said:

 

I doubt it gets past the level of horribleness that A Serbian Film has..

What, you don't award it points for (supposedly) being a pretentious allegory for the Serbian government?

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16 hours ago, bzzrak said:

With Jason Statham? That one? That one was great IMO.

Yeah that one. I don't remember a lot about it other than it being a cluster-fuck. :p

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Ghostbusters (2016) is the most cringe worthy pointless sequel a movie could possibly ask for. Shitty CGI, repetitive humor that gets more and more annoying and a blatantly feminist left-wing cast to destroy any resemblance to the original. I highly recommend skipping it, even if you are curious to see how disappointing the whole experience is. Just don't. It will likely ruin your childhood.

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