Making friends is one of the hardest tasks I've ever felt required to do

[UglyStru]

How is this even possible? I’m 23 years old, and I have nobody left. The friends I had since high school have all gone their separate ways. One moved 500mi away. Two are fathers who don’t have time or make time to ever really go out unless there are drugs or sports involved. One just sits in his room and plays FF XIV all day with his Australian guildmates. Two became juiceheads that do nothing but go to the gym, do flips at the beach, and hang with their girlfriends. And the biggest thing is that I have NOTHING in common with any of them anymore. Even if we were to all come together again, we wouldn’t even be able to talk to each other in the same tongue anymore. Not even my girlfriend. I don’t know why I’m even with her sometimes when we have nothing in common.

 

I don’t like sports or lifting or smoking weed or FF XIV. I like card games like MTG and tabletop games like D&D. I like cars and computers. I like metal music and playing guitar and drums. I like PC gaming and local coop stuff. None of them enjoy what I do.

 

I figured I’d practice some MTG on the computer with Magic Duels. I went to FNM tonight and kinda just got shoved away because nobody wanted to bother with a newbie or even be in my presence. So I just left.

 

I’ve tried going to bars and shows and talking to people but I just get ignored and feel like I’m just pestering these groups of friends having a good time.

 

I’ve gone out with coworkers but they’re all older folks whom I can’t relate to at all. Same with meetups using the Meetup app. I can’t make conversation with these people.

 

I’ve tried talking to other people I grew up with, but they’re all doing their own thing too and none of them are into the same things I am either.

 

And then I’ve tried that “friends will come to you” strategy instead of actually searching. It turns out nobody gives a shit unless you make the effort (which is funny because I make the effort and get turned away).

 

I wish I could just clone myself - make a bunch of me’s to hang out with. Because I really don’t see myself finding any new friends anytime soon. Doomworld is pretty much the only place I feel accepted, so thanks all. I wish you guys weren't all out in Cali or Europe or Russia or whatever because hanging out with you all would probably be really cool. Sorry for ranting, just needed to kinda get that off my chest.

[Nevander]

I'm pretty much in the same boat as you, except you seem to have more people and friends than I actually do. Everyone I knew in high school has gone and I don't even know where they are now or what they are doing, and to be honest I don't care. Even the ones I could call friends were more like acquaintances. I never felt like I wanted friends because I could just focus on what I wanted to do at home and be happier there enjoying what I want to do, alone. When I would be around friends or at their houses, I just got so freaking bored and wanted to go home.

 

I've never liked socializing or making friends. They say it's good to have friends, but usually it seems that friends are for getting you out of shit when you need help and stuff like that. Not to start getting off topic, but being bullied never helped me make friends. In fact, I'd say it pushed me the other way. I just don't trust most people these days. It's not just making friends, girlfriends were also (and still are, actually) out of the question. The thing is, I don't want one of those either. Is it sad that I just want to sit in my room, play Doom, chill, and be myself? I've never cared for socializing at all. I kinda see myself as "the dude" from The Big Lebowski. I just chill and abide, taking it easy. I also basically give zero fucks about a lot of things that others consider important. I just wanna live and do what I want.

 

This post may be sounding pretty sad like I'm depressed or something, and maybe I am, but I just know I feel much better about myself when I don't worry about what other people think or what other people expect of me or what the social conventions want me to do. I've never fit in anywhere except to myself. I guess I fit in here too in this community, but I don't know. That's the kind of thing others have to show you, it's like respect in a sense.

 

Anyway, just know it's not just you Stru. Do what you love and don't feel the need to bow to societal pressures. You do you, I know I love watching your videos and you are good at it even if you think you aren't. I want you to feel like you belong some place, and I'd say you do belong here.

[seablock]

yeah, i have basically the same problem that you do. my friends and i split up about halfway through senior year of high school and i've had nobody since. i don't really miss them because they weren't exactly good people, to say the least, but goddamn, being lonely all the time is just as painful, if not more.

 

i mean i'm not as old as you are (not that you're old!!!!) but still, it seems like the older you get the harder it is to make friends. in grade school i could talk to and get along with anyone. now i'm 18 and it seems like all of my confidence, self-esteem, everything has just completely washed away.

 

i can't talk to anybody. even online i just feel like i'd annoy someone if i tried to pm them, and like you said, the waiting for people to come to you approach doesn't work that well.

 

i dont even want to bother trying to meet anyone in real life, i know it'd only be a thousand times harder for me to talk to them face-to-face, and at least online you can look at people's profiles and posts and such to get a decent sense of what they're like. i don't want to befriend somebody in real life only to find out they're racist or something a month later.

 

on top of all that it just seems like a lot of people are really shitty these days. for some bizarre reason lately people have really taken to excusing racism and other forms of prejudice as just someone's opinion. it's so stupid. if you find anyone to be inferior to you just because they're of a different race/sexuality/gender/etc., you're a complete shitbag and i want nothing to do with you. the worth of people's lives shouldn't be dismissed as a matter of opinion. it completely floors me how some can just brush things like that to the side. thanks to the anonymity of the internet, lots of people feel like they can just be openly hateful and get away with it, and thanks to that, it's nearly impossible to find a decent person online nowadays. every online community has at least a couple bad apples in the bunch, but many are only bad apples.

 

well that got a bit off-track but anyways, i know how you feel. all i do these days is lay in bed, browse the internet, and sometimes listen to music or play a video game if i can motivate myself to. but it's nearly impossible to motivate myself to do anything when i know i have nobody to share the fun with, nobody to laugh with, no one to play a game with or just talk to. sorry if that sounds whiny

[CARRiON]

I never had a lot of friends to begin with. I'm not shy, I'll hold a conversation with people, but I'm very quiet otherwise. I personally always wanted someone I could connect with and be with for the rest of my life more then a bunch of friends and a few years after high school I moved out of my home state and got that, so I'm happy.

 

I think all through school I had a grand total of 6 or 7 actual friends, and they all came and went as time went on. By the time I graduated they were all gone. I don't know what any of them are doing now, and I don't really care either.

 

All you can do is keep trying I guess. I've never attempted to make friends outside of school so I don't know where I'd even begin with that. Just be yourself, do what you enjoy doing, it's all you can do.

[Lila Feuer]

While I am a blur in a large community I make friends pretty easily rather quickly in smaller communities and I can be very vocal/open about my interests minus more touchy stuff, but I've always talked to a small group of friends who I am comfortable with for years and rarely go out my way for strangers as they have a habit of wanting to approach me instead. That's when I know I have their attention. Better than being surrounded by too many shady people. Like CARRiON said be yourself, but also be visible, put yourself out there and see what happens. If you're still not making contact after a few months or so and you feel like you're being ignored, well they're probably not worth your time anyway.

[Octavarium]

This thread kind of hurts. I guess it's just part of growing up, losing friends and everyone does what "nature intends," as in getting married and raising a family or simply moving away, not having time for old friends. Not that raising a family is necessarily a bad thing of course, but it uses up all your friends' time and they drift away... anyway, yes. I can certainly identify with this thread in general

[Misty]

I used to have friends, but we were so different, they didn't care about games, books and other stuff . I even had boyfriend(but time and different countries separated us both). I miss them all, maybe it's more about good times that I had. Also, my fears and terrible experiences makes everything harder than it should be. So, I just decided to care about my family and pets. And put myself more into studies and hobbies, so I won't have time think about past. I don't have universal recipe how to find friends, sorry. But we all here if you want talk about your struggles. 

[Nine Inch Heels]

7 hours ago, stru said:

How is this even possible? I’m 23 years old, and I have nobody left. The friends I had since high school have all gone their separate ways. One moved 500mi away. Two are fathers who don’t have time or make time to ever really go out unless there are drugs or sports involved. One just sits in his room and plays FF XIV all day with his Australian guildmates. Two became juiceheads that do nothing but go to the gym, do flips at the beach, and hang with their girlfriends. And the biggest thing is that I have NOTHING in common with any of them anymore. Even if we were to all come together again, we wouldn’t even be able to talk to each other in the same tongue anymore. Not even my girlfriend. I don’t know why I’m even with her sometimes when we have nothing in common.

You don't need to have anything in common to like one another. Or love one another for that matter. Being friends with people isn't something you should define solely on common interests. Also, you always have memories of time you spent together, that is something you will always have in common, and that won't ever change.

 

Instead of looking at what you have in common, try looking at what you appreciate about each other, because that is what's really important.

 

Other than that, making friends takes time. Hanging out at the same places, so that people recognize you goes a long way. If you show up like once or twice, people won't even remember you existed.

 

Other than that, if people turn you down, for whatever reason, then they're not the kind of person you would want to have as a friend anyway. The "let it come to you" approach is not to be taken literally. What it really means is that you can't force people into it, and even if you could, what value would such a friendship have?

 

Patience is key here.

[nxGangrel]

I just stopped giving a shit. I learned (have been learning) how to simply live with myself. I've always had an overly sheltered life since I was pretty much born, and have had only a few friends at a time. So I've developed social anxiety (among the other mental problems I've developed), and have a hard time talking to people properly and projecting my voice, or being clear when I talk about something. So these days, nearing the age of being a legal adult I just learn how to live with myself and being better off by myself. If I make friends along the way, great. If I don't, oh well. I just learn to adapt.

 

That being said, I dedicate this song as the theme for this thread:

 

[Neurosis]

I met someone in AA who has since become my best friend in the small town that I now live in. She's quite a bit older than I am and we don't always have the same interests (we both like Madonna and such) but we talk to each other about life and the struggles we go through individually, so it's not always about common interests. Sometimes it's just about talking about life, listening to someone when they're venting, and trying to help make sense of this chaos. Sometimes it's just about connecting with another decent human being and willing to talk about deep subjects that don't normally come up in day to day small talk. And since we're both in AA, we've also talked about our tragedies and heartbreaks, and we've both had our share of pain (as everyone has) so we bond over that, and not necessarily over entertainment because frankly, those things can be distractions and aren't always what life is about. 

 

stru I'm the same age as you, so I don't know what to say. I know you're just venting and I'd hate to assume your character just from one forum post, but maybe you're too hung up on this? People can sense that. You seem to enjoy things that MANY people enjoy. I mean I prefer more esoteric and obscure interests, and even then I can still find some good people to chat with. But also not everyone is going to be your friend, at least not in the long term. I would just say, enjoy what you have now instead of focusing on what you don't have. You have a girlfriend so that's great, and that is such a blessing to have. You're lucky stru, and you'll eventually find good friends, sometimes it takes people their whole lives. Like my best friend who was born in the 70's, she never had many friends either. But over time she found good people to call best friends. In time, you will find them too.

 

Sorry if this got too preachy, wasn't my intention :P 

[BigDickBzzrak]

Oh, Doomworld's regular social outcast thread! Can't miss that one! I'm with you all bros and sisters.

 

...you know what's the problem with me? I can't express myself. Do you know why? Because I don't have the goddamn vocabulary. I speak 3 languages (each of them for at least 10 years), but I know like 50 words of each of them (incl my native one), so I get confused when I have to compose a sentence. I'm constantly afraid of using words that sound strange/inappropriate, don't exist at all, or exist only in another language, or are overly complicated for the situation.

I'm not dyslexic or autistic or Asperger or ADHD or anything, just the stupid edgy millenial^TM who was never taught to talk and interact with actual living people. Sad but true.

 

 

The best part is that I start living alone in a year and a half. Oh god, wish me luck, that's gonna be so much h u m i l i a t i o n

[Memfis]

9 hours ago, stru said:

I wish I could just clone myself - make a bunch of me’s to hang out with.

But you already can hang out with yourself! I mean, you can talk to yourself (inner dialogue), you can look at yourself (mirror, photos), you can touch yourself (lol, not necessarily like masturbation but in any other way as well), etc. If that's really the ideal situation for you then you already kinda have it, and maybe you can be satisfied with it.

 

I wonder why this is not a huge topic in fiction. I only remember like only story about a narcissistic woman who clones herself so that she can get a best possible partner. I want more! I want to see a relationship with a clone going horribly wrong, which could mean that we only think we understand ourselves. Come on, someone write a novel about that, you're gonna be famous!

 

Anyway, I think Nine Inch Heels is kinda right in that you probably shouldn't be looking for yourself in other people. Because most likely that's never going to work. Other people will always take you out of your comfort zone, expose you to new ideas and activities. They won't let you just sit in your own world quietly. And if you truly want to get close someone you better prepare for that. Then again, I'm not qualified to give advice since you can easily guess how many friends I have.

1 hour ago, bzzrak said:

...who was never taught to talk and interact with actual living people.

Man, it would be so useful if there was a class like that in school. I barely learned anything from biology, chemistry, or history, but a class about hanging out with others would help me for my whole life.

[Nine Inch Heels]

9 minutes ago, Memfis said:

I wonder why this is not a huge topic in fiction. I only remember like only story about a narcissistic woman who clones herself so that she can get a best possible partner. I want more! I want to see a relationship with a clone going horribly wrong, which could mean that we only think we understand ourselves. Come on, someone write a novel about that, you're gonna be famous!

That is something I would like to have as well. A novel or a movie series even. What a great concept for solid drama as well as comical relief.

[Memfis]

2 hours ago, Octavarium said:

everyone does what "nature intends," as in getting married and raising a family or...

Yeah, for some reason it usually looks kinda sad to me when I visit pages of my classmates in VK (russian Facebook) and see that they recently got married, made a baby, etc. It's like, they all look so similar and stereotypical now. Back in school they would do fun shit like arguing about counter-cultural music genres for five hours, participating in cosplay contests, coming up with crazy plans to escape the school building before the classes end, whatever. Now they are just these typical smiling married people that repost pictures of flowers and crap. It's like, where did all these colorful personalities go? It can be a bit disappointing to see, although I guess (hope?) it's fun for them.

[Battle_Korbi]

I had always thought I had social anxiety and that I am in general really a un-sociable person, until my subconscious had enough of my cringe and told me having social anxiety is a fucking luxury in these days and I am a extremely sociable person who had been so much in isolation that I might act weird or get overwhelmed at first. Basically, I was starving myself socially, like a wolf who always ate grass, until he ran for it and brought down a deer. Thankfully, I got around that and have no issues now, and finally, I am that other person who does not have a issue in those modern webcomics dealing with anxiety and stuff.

 

Yeah yeah, social anxiety is a real thing and not a luxury, but tell that to my mindset and my mentality of a SPESS MEHREEN, and let me grab my stopwatch first so I can calculate how much would that argument last when confronted with my mindset, my willpower, and my imaginary 10mm Chaingun.

 

And yeah, what I am saying its all in your head. If one could grab the train thought that they are actually fine and dandy AND HOLD TO IT, like, hold onto it like you are going to die if you don't, hold onto it like you will lose your paycheck if you don't, hold onto it like it is your own goddamn kid, and there would be results.

 

So, nowadays I do not care if I had lost relations to my high school friends or not. There is always room to improvise, and if I get alone and lonely, there is always myself I could high five with. Basically, ignore the logical aspect, and embrace your lunacy. Humans aren't robots or machines. We need variety as much as plants need sun.

[hobomaster22]

This is the progression of life. People are difficult, busy, and have their own lives. As you and people you know go through the stages of life you will naturally distance from each other. This is because in our early 20s we haven't figured out relationships yet and it's unsettling, I get it. Through our younger years most of our relationships are built on common interests and not necessarily that you have common values.

 

I'm getting married in less than a week. When I met her for first time almost three years ago, we had absolutely nothing in common. I really mean nothing. I'm a programmer nerd who listens to metal. She likes country and loves taking care of kids and works in daycare and teaching. But our values are the same and that's what really matters. Figure out what your values are and do not set them aside for the sake of relationships. Whether you realize it or not if you are sacrificing your values for a relationship you will hate yourself for it. You will be depressed. It's not going to make you happy.

[wallabra]

I know that too. I have little friends, and only recently started to gather some more, but I've seen people with far more and very happy. I can never dedicate time to other things, since there are many tasks I do in the PC (coding, coding, testing) which are actually time-consuming, unlike what my mother thinks.

[june gloom]

This thread is hilarious. How is it that I have dozens of friends when I'm an unemployed sadsack who barely leaves the house and am extremely quiet when I do?

 

Maybe it's 'cuz I'm not a self-important weirdo and I actually try to relate to people somehow instead of treating them as NPCs.

 

I feel like you're not really trying here. You're the only one you know who likes metal? Go to a fucking metal show. You like tabletop games? Find a local gaming shop. You got pushed out of FNM? Keep going, make yourself a regular. You like playing guitar and drums? Find someone to start a band with you. You're not going to magically make friends overnight. You have to make your presence known, and that means going back on a regular basis. Forums and social media work the same way -- nobody cares who you are on your first post.

 

You've got to actually talk to people. I get that you've got social anxiety -- I do too -- but the whole point of meeting people is that you have to relate to them. Instead of dominating the discussion with shit nobody cares about, try to tease out a conversation from them and then relate to them through that. 90% of meeting people is listening to them talk -- that's all anyone ever really wants, is to be heard. So ask them what they do for a living. Ask them why they're at the bar or whatever that you meet them at. Actually show interest in them and they'll be more likely to show interest in you. And it's important that you don't open with geek bullshit -- video games, metal, anime, whatever. I promise you, most people don't actually give a fuck outside of very specific settings. Find a common interest and talk about that. Maybe talk about how you play instruments, because that's an actually interesting thing you do.

 

And Hobomaster is right -- it's much, much easier to talk to someone with shared values. No matter how much I like Doom, I'll never respect a fellow Doomer if they're a Nazi or other form of far-right ideologue, because their values are repugnant to mine. But if I can find someone who shares my worldview, if not necessarily all the details (I'm a socialist who believes the free market has some value and that the state serves the people, not the other way around; some of my best friends are anarcho-syndicalists) then it doesn't matter if we don't share the same interests. (I like FPS games, they like rocket sims...)

[notjimmyboigreez]

1 hour ago, dethtoll said:

This thread is hilarious. How is it that I have dozens of friends when I'm an unemployed sadsack who barely leaves the house and am extremely quiet when I do?

 

Maybe it's 'cuz I'm not a self-important weirdo and I actually try to relate to people somehow instead of treating them as NPCs.

 

I feel like you're not really trying here. You're the only one you know who likes metal? Go to a fucking metal show. You like tabletop games? Find a local gaming shop. You got pushed out of FNM? Keep going, make yourself a regular. You like playing guitar and drums? Find someone to start a band with you. You're not going to magically make friends overnight. You have to make your presence known, and that means going back on a regular basis. Forums and social media work the same way -- nobody cares who you are on your first post.

 

You've got to actually talk to people. I get that you've got social anxiety -- I do too -- but the whole point of meeting people is that you have to relate to them. Instead of dominating the discussion with shit nobody cares about, try to tease out a conversation from them and then relate to them through that. 90% of meeting people is listening to them talk -- that's all anyone ever really wants, is to be heard. So ask them what they do for a living. Ask them why they're at the bar or whatever that you meet them at. Actually show interest in them and they'll be more likely to show interest in you. And it's important that you don't open with geek bullshit -- video games, metal, anime, whatever. I promise you, most people don't actually give a fuck outside of very specific settings. Find a common interest and talk about that. Maybe talk about how you play instruments, because that's an actually interesting thing you do.

 

And Hobomaster is right -- it's much, much easier to talk to someone with shared values. No matter how much I like Doom, I'll never respect a fellow Doomer if they're a Nazi or other form of far-right ideologue, because their values are repugnant to mine. But if I can find someone who shares my worldview, if not necessarily all the details (I'm a socialist who believes the free market has some value and that the state serves the people, not the other way around; some of my best friends are anarcho-syndicalists) then it doesn't matter if we don't share the same interests. (I like FPS games, they like rocket sims...)

people love labels.

 

to the OP: Cars and computers bro.

[40oz]

I hate recommending this book because the title sounds like 50% get rich quick scheme and 50% desperate. But its awesome for job interviews, making new friends as an adult, and being comfortable around strangers.

 

There's a 3 hour audiobook on YouTube called How to make anyone like you in 90 seconds or less by Nicholas Boothman. There's a lot of powerful exercises and detailed examples that seem pretty obvious sometimes but they really work. What I've found through being a host on WXR is that its best to just be a good listener. There's some videos on YouTube for "active" or "reflective" listening. Its not what you think it is.

 

Definitely check out the book for greater detail, but heres some pretty powerful basic tips to take away from it:

 

1. Everyone you meet knows something you don't know. Think of people as these infinite sources of free information. That's what they can be as long as you have the skills (discussed in the book) to get people to trust you with their attention and cooperate with you.

 

2. People tend to reciprocate the amount of information you give to them. You say "hi" they say "hi" you say "hi I'm stru I'm from doomworld and I could use a friend" they usually respond with their name where they're from and what they're doing. Pretty obvious, but if people aren't talking to you, consider that you might not be telling them enough about yourself."

 

3. Not everyone responds the same way, but through a process of having open and reflective body language, a friendly, warm tone of voice, and other tools discussed in the book, you can use these tools to treat every conversation like a puzzle or a game to establish that friendly rapport.

 

4. You can generally maintain any conversation naturally as long as you have an internal goal and you're honest with yourself about what it is. Its important that your goal is in the active voice and not the passive voice. "I want to make this person my friend so that we can hang out on weekends and see movies together" is way more powerful in the context of having a conversation than "I dont want to be lonely."

[Battle_Korbi]

34 minutes ago, 40oz said:

There's a 3 hour audiobook on YouTube called How to make anyone like you in 90 seconds or less by Nicholas Boothman.

The title doesn't promise. How the fuck is anyone going to bother through that?

 

These types of audiobooks are like:

Is there a 90-second long version of the same title?

Edited June 24, 2017 by Battle_Kirby : had to put the video in

[Flesh420]

You're only 23.  Hopefully, you'll grow out of needing friends by 25. You probably won't even know what you 'really' want out of life until 25-27.  There's many people out there who don't even have a girlfriend, so at least you have that. 

There's many people out there who don't want friends, and there's many people who don't have friends.  

I had many acquaintances in high-school and had a big network of people to buy weed from after school, but none of those people are my friends.  The funny thing is I never really wanted friends but someone was always trying to hang out so I'd always be in a weird situation after I avoided them lol.

 

Really, don't waste you're time worrying about finding a friend. Or maybe try harder to relate to your girlfriend and try to include yourself in the things she likes and include her in the things you like...  My wife's my best friend and the only friend I need, and she doesn't give four fucks about most my hobbies, nor do I care about hers.  You already have the hardest part accomplished: girlfriend.  Look to what's in front of you, all else is meaningless.  The importance of sitting beside someone and comfortably silent is beyond measure.

Edited June 24, 2017 by Flesh420

[Maisth]

Please you are making me tear apart.

[UglyStru]

2 hours ago, dethtoll said:

This thread is hilarious. How is it that I have dozens of friends when I'm an unemployed sadsack who barely leaves the house and am extremely quiet when I do?

 

Maybe it's 'cuz I'm not a self-important weirdo and I actually try to relate to people somehow instead of treating them as NPCs.

 

I feel like you're not really trying here. You're the only one you know who likes metal? Go to a fucking metal show. You like tabletop games? Find a local gaming shop. You got pushed out of FNM? Keep going, make yourself a regular. You like playing guitar and drums? Find someone to start a band with you. You're not going to magically make friends overnight. You have to make your presence known, and that means going back on a regular basis. Forums and social media work the same way -- nobody cares who you are on your first post.

 

You've got to actually talk to people. I get that you've got social anxiety -- I do too -- but the whole point of meeting people is that you have to relate to them. Instead of dominating the discussion with shit nobody cares about, try to tease out a conversation from them and then relate to them through that. 90% of meeting people is listening to them talk -- that's all anyone ever really wants, is to be heard. So ask them what they do for a living. Ask them why they're at the bar or whatever that you meet them at. Actually show interest in them and they'll be more likely to show interest in you. And it's important that you don't open with geek bullshit -- video games, metal, anime, whatever. I promise you, most people don't actually give a fuck outside of very specific settings. Find a common interest and talk about that. Maybe talk about how you play instruments, because that's an actually interesting thing you do.

 

And Hobomaster is right -- it's much, much easier to talk to someone with shared values. No matter how much I like Doom, I'll never respect a fellow Doomer if they're a Nazi or other form of far-right ideologue, because their values are repugnant to mine. But if I can find someone who shares my worldview, if not necessarily all the details (I'm a socialist who believes the free market has some value and that the state serves the people, not the other way around; some of my best friends are anarcho-syndicalists) then it doesn't matter if we don't share the same interests. (I like FPS games, they like rocket sims...)

Maybe that's my problem. I just don't know how to start a conversation that other people see as valuable and worth holding on to. I don't jump in with deep debatable discussions like "yeah fuck that Trump guy, amirite?" Maybe my small talk is just unappealing. Or maybe I don't give it enough effort or time. All I know is that making my presence known is a challenge.

 

Relating with people is tough when you don't know how to. When they won't give you the time of day or really open up to you, it's hard to make a conversation that they may find appealing. You don't know whether the person you're talking to is an alt-right neo-Nazi or a yoga-instructing hippie. You don't know what their hobbies are, but you also don't know what their values are either. And a lot of people out there just don't want to talk to you. That's my problem. I try to ask open-ended questions and such, but they just kinda push you away. 

 

I'm not trying to throw this back in your face or anything. I'm just showing you where I struggle in these scenarios. I wish there was a Tinder app for just friends instead of a hookups :( 

[HorrorMovieRei]

I have a few internet friends I met on skulltag long ago, but that's about it. But we are all very close, and I consider them as important to me as family. This is the only thing I could recommend, try and find friends online. Some say "it's not the same thing as irl friends", but I think people who say that are just out of touch.

The internet has made it easier than ever to find people with whom you click with. I really don't like to give blanket, "one-size-fits-all" advice, but trust me. I am one of the biggest weirdos on the planet, I don't fit in anywhere and I've all but accepted that fact long ago, and yet even I found people who understand me and who have been my friends for 7 years, give or take. If I managed to do that, than so can you.

Edited June 24, 2017 by HorrorMovieGuy : oops, typo

[RUSH]

School friends (bros before hoes) are great and everything is fine and swell until you become so horny that all you can think about is plowing stuff. And then things get awkward and devolve into a colossal maelstrom of hormonal riff-raff and competitive tension. Que le gossip party.

 

But then you get to university/college and nobody gives a fuck again. But by that point most everyone has gone their own separate ways. Oh well, it happens. It is inevitable.

 

This is life. Everyone is destined to le fuck, and then we die and consign to the miserable dust to rot for all eternity. As a putrid, vile, decomposing corpse in the ground. Excellent, we can return to our origins.

[UglyStru]

Also @dethtoll I disagree with the "don't open up with geek bullshit". It really depends on the atmosphere. I went to a bar outside of Boston for PAX East a few years ago, and I could tell you that shit like that would've scored me a sick D&D night and a hotel room with a Korean cosplay model. 

 

But I'm not gonna go to a nightclub by the state university and start talking about some dope Overwatch POTGs. That just won't work. 

 

I went out for wings with an old coworker a while back and he brought his friend with him. I guess him and his friend usually go every Thursday night (the two of them), and he looked traumatized when he saw my girlfriend and I there. He was just thinking "...no...normies...NOOOOO...." I could see it in his eyes. I introduced myself, but he was super quiet and awkward. Then I saw he was playing Duel Links on his phone and I asked him about it. Then we got on the topic of Yugioh and he immediately opened right up like a tulip in the springtime. I've never seen someone so enthusiastic about anything ever before. 

[UglyStru]

2 minutes ago, RUSH said:

School friends (bros before hoes) are great and everything is fine and swell until you become so horny that all you can think about is plowing stuff. And then things get awkward and devolve into a colossal maelstrom of hormonal riff-raff and competitive tension. Que le gossip party.

 

But then you get to university/college and nobody gives a fuck again. But by that point most everyone has gone their own separate ways. Oh well, it happens. It is inevitable.

 

This is life. Everyone is destined to le fuck, and then we die and consign to the miserable dust to rot for all eternity. As a putrid, vile, decomposing corpse in the ground. Excellent, we can return to our origins.

Damn, bro. If I start a deathcore band, I'm hiring you as our vocalist/ghostwriter. 

[Mr. Freeze]

I have the opposite problem. I make friends easily but after 6 months or so of knowing people I usually wind up hating them as their personality defects and mental illnesses get pushed to the forefront of every interaction I have with them. So I make new friends, leave the old ones behind and the cycle repeats. I don't really see a problem overall though. 

 

 

[geo]

The friends I had in high school are either in prison or dead. Well now its been so long that they're probably out of prison.

 

I make friends pretty easy because I am everyone's therapist. Then about 8 years ago I decided. Nah I'm not everyone's therapist. You'd be amazed how many people stopped calling and asking to hang out. With that said I have zero drama. I have no one else's drama. Its so nice. I get a lot of stuff done.