How are other people emotionally?

[ShoDemo]

It's kinda awkward to describe myself. There are days when I'm happy, there are days when I'm not. It depends on my environment and things I do every day.

If I am just going to study something the whole day, I feel bored to death and I need a break.

But if I am hanging out with friends or playing some good games (especially finishing them), or doing something successfully, I feel alive! I want to do things. I enjoy my life. I may even sit back and start the philosophical thoughts, that I will usually abandon shortly afterwards.

 

Then again, there are times when I remember things from my past, which is very random.

If it is a good memory I remembered, it will put a smile in my face or even a laugh (if it is a joke I thought of).

If it is a bad memory though, things might get more complex. In those cases, my feelings may get messed up, and many times I will end up thinking about the memory for at least half an hour, torturing myself about it and thinking how I could have prevented it from happening (usually those memories are kinda silly, but I still feel bad about them for some reason).

But memories are from the past. I can't change them, so I will eventually forget them and keep going with my life, like nothing ever happened and trying not to make any more bad memories, while guarding the good ones.

Besides, why not be happy? It is a great feeling and everything becomes so much easier for me, when I'm happy.

[Neurosis]

2 hours ago, Doomkid said:

Most I've appreciated a forum post in a while, maybe because topics this heavy usually don't come up. "Emotional numbness and dwindling motivation" sums it up aptly. I've sorta been writing off seeing a therapist as unnecessary because "that's just how life is" but maybe I should consider it more seriously - I do not want my motivation to continue to drop as it has been. Turning it over in my mind, I can foresee things potentially getting far worse long-term if I don't stop the current trajectory.

 

Thanks for sharing your perspective.

 

Yeah see that's the thing. I mentioned earlier that I'm not depressed anymore but my PTSD still manifests HEAVILY in other situations. Maybe it comes out in anger or some other form. It's hard dealing with something that's not so tangible. So yeah you might not be experiencing "depression" as we think it's to be experienced...but there could still be a deeper and physiological response to it as well. If your emotions aren't as intense, then I would say it could be a symptom of something...but I won't speculate on that, as you might want to see a professional instead. But also be aware that therapists aren't the ultimate and final solution (although obviously they can be very beneficial). It's a process and it takes more than just one factor to straighten yourself out. 

[seed]

There's not a big range of emotions I'm usually experiencing, but never was honestly. I've been feeling happy these days, but usually I feel either dead inside and slightly happy or slightly bored, the first being the only constant for a long time. Or angry, whenever someone pops up asking me whether I'm depressed or something or starts asking about stupid things, or I'm failing at something. I'm also sometimes finding myself wondering what else to do and I almost always end up doing nothing more than just my daily routine, a rather haunting feeling but luckily the occasions I feel this way are rare.

[Avoozl]

Right now? I am feeling very melancholic, depressed and hopeless.

[Liberation]

In December I found out that I had lost a big contract for work (self employed) through no fault of my own, during the Christmas period I didn't really think much about it, however come January the 1st I did start thinking about it and on Tuesday started feeling very bad inside, normally I can catch myself before going down and sort myself out, however Tuesday night I crashed and burned. The thoughts of I'm the bread winner and I'm failing and perhaps my family would be better off without me etc started.

 

Strange thing is, normally with depression you don't necessarily need something wrong in order to be depressed, I can wake up and feel bad inside and if left, I do tend to crash, 9 times out of 10 I can stop myself going down the slippery slope and knock it on the head.

 

However this time possibly due to the nature of my concerns I went down head first and that was kinda strange. I'm under no illusions as to why I get depressed, chemical imbalances in the brain causes a great deal of cases of depression and the old "just snap out of it you miserable ......" gets old fast.

 

I prefer my own company with the exception of my other half, so only go and see the guys once a month of so for a few pints and that works for me.

 

Working for myself has improved my mental state, not having others to drag you down is a blessing.  

 

[MFG38]

It makes me feel slightly sad reading about people's struggles here. Stay strong, everyone.

 

I'm just about the happiest I've been in a long while. No history of depression or other such mental health discrepancy on my part, though - I merely changed school.

 

I started pursuing a career in education in 2014, feeling just about as passionate as I could back then. It began with me going to study English into a folk high school that year. Finished those studies honorably, even despite the occasional moments of doubt. Then I applied to university to continue my English studies in 2015 - got in, first year there went well. Not so much the second.

 

Towards the end of the first year, I took the entrance exam for pedagogical studies. Alas, it didn't go nearly as well as I'd hoped - I didn't make the cut. By the time my second year in uni started, I already felt a slight lack of motivation. That lack of motivation grew from slight to severe over the course of that year. Halfway into it, I pretty much said "fuck it" and started looking at music schools in Finland. Applied to a few of them last year, and I just so happened to get into one such insititution, in which I'm now studying my first year and loving the fuck out of it.

 

Although most of my colleagues in the new school are mere acquaintances to me, I have gotten rather friendly with one female colleague over the past five months. From the start, I felt as though we were on the same wavelength. She was the first (and so far only) person in the school to know about my Asperger's, but she seemed to not think much of it. And most importantly, she treats me equally to everyone else. Can't say enough good things about her. Almost a shame that she's 7 years my senior and taken.

Edited January 11, 2018 by MFG38

[Chezza]

I'm fine, everything is fine.

 

Family: Good and loving

Friends: Good and long term

Assets: A bit slow for someone my age but making progress

Job: Not happy but sufficient income thanks to family support

Partner: None but I'm not bothered whatsoever

Opinion on self: Not bad, I'm conscious of my weaknesses but don't let any get me down

[40oz]

Here's another "ME ME ME" post to throw into the pile. I'm sure someone will read it though.

 

I go through ups and downs. In a lot of ways I'm very happy. My wife and I are very happy together. I have friends and family that care about me as I do them. I have a job where I do the least amount of work I've ever been hired to do and it pays more than I've ever made before. It seems almost criminal; at times I have more money than I know what to do with (which is a bold thing to say, but I choose to live by low means)

 

On the other hand, there are some life-sucking circumstances that cut into me and can really get me down. Working in an office was amazing at first but after a year of working there, I really do feel the sense of hopelessness and dread people tend to associate with office work. It's hard to describe without being there, but you start to become more alert to the fact that the work never changes, the system is very broken and too tangled up for any one person to fix, and you have to put on a friendly face towards people you want to roundhouse kick in the throat. It's like that in a lot of jobs, I'm sure, but being in the calm lonely environment of an office really facilitates the mind to dwell on it.

 

That said, lately I've been fortunate enough to do some real self evaluation and identify some crucial character flaws in myself that I have been ignoring for so long that, having only been aware of them recently, I can't belief the kind of direction these flaws have enabled me to go in. I made it a new years resolution to be better about owning up to my mistakes. Before recently, whenever I did something or allowed something to happen to me that I'm not proud of, I kind of become a recluse and avoid friends and family until I learn to figure out how to cope with it on my own. This has created a distance in a lot of my relationships that made it impossible to develop any real close bonds with anyone. I always want to come off as perfect and people just don't feel comfortable around that. They like being around someone they can help or give advice to, and it really doesn't feel that bad to talk about something stupid that you did.

 

I've heard that seeing a therapist is really useful, even for totally mindful people. I've heard it highly recommended even by people of whom I'd least suspect of needing it. I've seriously considered it for a while, but after allowing some select people in a little closer to my life and making the first move towards being the kind of friend that I'd want for myself, my mind has been clearer and easier to manage.

 

Another thing I've been reminding myself a lot lately, is the euphemism that anything you hate is a projection of something you hate about yourself. I always thought this was only partially true, but I've found that the mind builds some pretty crazy barriers to discourage certain ways of thinking. I hate for example, how much noise pollution is on the internet these days. There's so much useless content that consumes all of your time and there's nothing of value to take away from it. But when I really think about it, I think I've allowed the internet to tamper with my attention span. I have a lot to say, and so does everyone else here. And what I have to say is very important to me, and it hurts when I get indication that people don't read it. Still I can't bring myself to read all the posts in this thread. So when I feel compelled to think that Doomworld is full of mindless attention whores I think the real problem is that I'm getting exactly as much attention as I'm putting out there.

[Fonze]

7 hours ago, Jimmy said:

For the last two weeks life has been hell and I am still inconsolable.

 

I miss her so much ;_;

:(

 

Much love Jimmy; if there is ever anything I can help with in these times I'm here for you.

[Wereknight]

12 hours ago, StevenC21 said:

and I feel empty inside.

Do you have any emotion ring? Congratz then, you're the Dawnbreaker.

[Pencil of Doom]

Indifferent and confused.

[PanterD2S]

14 hours ago, Nine Inch Heels said:

Current state of emotions is roughly like this:
 

#feelsgoodgirl

wonderful song - now I feel old....guess I am.^

However I will smile the moment I die. Everything is totally fine!

Dont take anything too serious but sometimes those pains can be awful -I know..

 

Wonder what damaged you guys, I have this "genetic jackpot" making me stay in hospital my whole youth...

...ever since I played computer ^^  - great present for kids in hospitals, in case u have some old Gameboys maybe.. ;)  

(also very good therapy to get back into balance)

[Nine Inch Heels]

24 minutes ago, PanterD2S said:

wonderful song - now I feel old....guess I am.^

Funnily enough, when that song came out I was 3 years old, and I stumbled upon it about 2-3 years ago. I kinda tend to go backwards a lot in terms of music at times, and that "90s-piano-break-uplifting-stuff" is really fun I think.

[PanterD2S]

´95 i was ...erm...16?  

 

...guess I liked it from a less music-theoretical point of view (but still one of my favs) - mostly the raving girls did their jobs at that time :D

[Megalyth]

I tend to feel great until I think about either the vastness of the universe or the possible eternal nature of the soul.

[royaldj]

How do you think DOOMGUY felt when he was all alone on Mars surrounded by demons from hell? He had no time to feel sad or lonely. He PERSEVERED and most importantly RIP & TEAR baby!!!!! We should all take a page from the mighty DOOMGUY. 

[Chezza]

I'm giving Fallout 4 another play through. Still finding content I haven't come across before. The game is quite competent. Although I have added a variety of smaller mods to improve scenery and quality of life.

 

Wrong thread to post this lol, a Moderator can delete this if they like.

Edited January 5, 2018 by Chezza

[minigunner]

Fear. I've let my life run on fear.

I've feared losing people I care about or being rejected, and I've feared failure and disappointment. Realization of those fears has resulted in a variety of bad things, from obsession to lashing out to a complete wipe of self-confidence and control over my life, and at worst severe depression and abandonment/hostility towards loved ones. It's a very dangerous mindset prone to repetition, one that only extensive therapy (and medication, which I'm on) can resolve. I had to make the decision to go through therapy now after having made an attempt on my life out of guilt last week. Since then, I've been looking inside a lot, trying to find reason for why I'm the way I am. Though there's been progress in recovery, despite not having yet started with the sessions, I still wish I had taken care of this so much sooner...

If there is any good note, it's that I've begun to realize the value that those who care have placed on me. I don't think I can be thankful enough of those who have stuck around, forgiven, and supported me all this time. I know I've considered myself to be a burdensome heap of drama, but that's only because I've taken all the good things in life for granted; I need to learn to appreciate the good times instead of living in fear of losing them. I want to be involved again, but there is so much that I have to do before I can consider myself fit for general forum stuff or community chat. For now, DM'ing and friending is totally fine, though.

Edited January 5, 2018 by minigunner

[PizzaGuy]

As I've gotten older and most definitley within the last 12 months I've started to take a 'fuck it' attitude and taking absolute control over the direction of my life.

I also recommend cutting out the dead wood.

My emotional state is probably best described as focused. Working my ass off to get to where i NEED to be.

Edited January 5, 2018 by PizzaGuy

[CARRiON]

3 hours ago, royaldj said:

How do you think DOOMGUY felt when he was all alone on Mars surrounded by demons from hell? He had no time to feel sad or lonely. He PERSEVERED and most importantly RIP & TEAR baby!!!!! We should all take a page from the mighty DOOMGUY. 

Unfortunately the demons I face don't have a physical manifestation and thus cannot be killed by the mere trigger pull of a shotgun.

[royaldj]

6 hours ago, CARRiON said:

Unfortunately the demons I face don't have a physical manifestation and thus cannot be killed by the mere trigger pull of a shotgun.

Exactly. Think of what I said as a metaphor. You gotta bury those demons whether it be by seeking psychological help, participating in team sports, having orgies or stuffing a bear with asparagus. To each his own.

[CARRiON]

Because it's just that easy. Why didn't I think of that?!

[roadworx]

it's comparable to a car wreck

[Grimosaur]

 

 

[geo]

After speaking of death in this thread... my neighbor died today. I made it 40 days since the last death, but who would ever count that stuff. I didn't know him. I knew his wife so I'm sad for her. He's been sick years so it was expected. That's part of why I never knew him.

[darkreaver]

I feel:

 

Strong
Confident

Happy

Smart

Relaxed

Creative

Liked

 

[AndrewB]

Things are better than ever. Physically, financially, everything is coming up heads. No shock that this leads to very good things emotionally and mentally.

[nxGangrel]

In a nutshell:

 

[Neurosis]

On 1/4/2018 at 6:15 PM, Megalyth said:

I tend to feel great until I think about either the vastness of the universe or the possible eternal nature of the soul.

 

I'm not sure I follow, is that a bad thing for you? Those are things I actually love to think/talk about. For me there's so many possibilities and there's proof that there's still wonder and mystery in the world. 

 

15 hours ago, royaldj said:

You gotta bury those demons whether it be by seeking psychological help, participating in team sports, having orgies or stuffing a bear with asparagus. To each his own.

 

Like I said, not even therapy or meds can work/be the end-all-final-solution. Sometimes it's just learning to live with it, although I don't see that as a necessarily bad thing either.

[StevenC21]

@geo I've been reading what you've written, and man, I wish I could relate, morbid as that sounds. I don't want you to go it alone, I wish I could be there and help you through this difficult time.