How are other people emotionally?

[seed]

29 minutes ago, Myst.Haruko said:

loneliness is hell. 

 

Can relate to this to some degree. It's both a blessing and a curse for me. Sometimes liberating from all the shit that's going on, other times being an actual source of pain. Ironic, really, as I wouldn't actually have it any other way.

[Aquila Chrysaetos]

Feel like a sack of shit at the moment.

I'm glad I'm going back home, really, because I really don't like Tampa, but telling my mother was definitely something I did not relish.

She's had such a shit day and I feel like I only compounded it, but being treated like shit is something I won't tolerate, especially not from her husband (he's given her hell today, to), so I had to decide.

What's strange is I regret doing this (that's not so strange itself), but when I arrived down here, he made my first night a living hell (my first night at basic training sucked less), and I regretted ever coming, so I regret leaving after regretting arriving.

This sucks.

 

*Sigh* But enough being a sad-sack. I'm going to get work as soon as possible so I can fix my life, and that's good!

For all those feeling down, find something you really enjoy, something that always makes you smile, and keep it with you as much as possible. Take it all one day at a time.

For example, I like to watch Markiplier's Let's Play videos on Youtube. He's the only one I follow, because he makes me smile and laugh, and even in his many videos of horror games, he can still make me happy with his general demeanor and, in some cases, attachment to the characters, especially the tragic ones.

[amackert]

11 hours ago, Myst.Haruko said:

Isolation and loneliness is hell.

 

True story.

[seed]

I'm getting angry once again.

 

College is such a fucking pain in the ass, I've never been more stressed in my life. Another exam is approaching, the most difficult in this semester, that is, and I wonder why I'm even trying to prepare more intensely for it. Whatever I'm doing cannot be considered learning since barely anything stays in my head, it's more like pretending to learn.

[Aquila Chrysaetos]

45 minutes ago, Agent6 said:

College is such a fucking pain in the ass, I've never been more stressed in my life.

I hear that one quite often.

My main issue with college is money, really, but another is it doesn't learn the material for you like some seem to believe.

I hate America's "educational" program, because so few teachers/professors actually give a damn. They don't try to show you the material. They speak it at you, expecting you to absorb it like a sponge, which some do (me, for example).

Whatever the material is, I'm sure you can find something on the internet that can show you. Most likely you don't learn like you're expected to (detailed above).

Out of curiosity, what are the classes? I've found it really easy to learn material when I can apply it to something.

[seed]

12 minutes ago, Aquila Chrysaetos said:

I hear that one quite often.

My main issue with college is money, really, but another is it doesn't learn the material for you like some seem to believe.

I hate America's "educational" program, because so few teachers/professors actually give a damn. They don't try to show you the material. They speak it at you, expecting you to absorb it like a sponge, which some do (me, for example).

Whatever the material is, I'm sure you can find something on the internet that can show you. Most likely you don't learn like you're expected to (detailed above).

Out of curiosity, what are the classes? I've found it really easy to learn material when I can apply it to something.

 

No, the teachers aren't my problem. You see, my problem is that I'm struggling to learn something because I studied philology in high school, and where did I go after graduating? To Engineering, on Mechatronics -__- . Yeah, a guy who's math is as "good" as a 7th grader's and is trash at physics in general, you can just imagine how well I did the last semester at Applied Mechanics (or however was it called) for instance.

 

Indeed, I have no business here, but then without finishing a good college earning a decent living in this country is totally out of the question, especially when considering what I learned in high school, so I'm basically stuck between hammer and anvil. How I used to struggle to get high marks in the past, and now I'm almost begging for a 5...

[Aquila Chrysaetos]

8 minutes ago, Agent6 said:

a guy who's math is as "good" as a 7th grader's

Have I got the tool for you!

Wolfram|Alpha is free to use and it can show you the solution to any math problem you ask it, even those that don't have solutions (wow, that sounds incredibly contradictory). It was, in fact, this exact site that helped me figure out Derivative Calculus one day when I was at work.

It's also got tons of facts about nearly anything you could want in tons of fields, from metallurgy to relativity, chemistry to biology, pure mathematics to epidemiology.

I was already really good at math in school, but this made it trivial.

[Pure Hellspawn]

23 minutes ago, Agent6 said:

 

No, the teachers aren't my problem. You see, my problem is that I'm struggling to learn something because I studied philology in high school, and where did I go after graduating? To Engineering, on Mechatronics -__- . Yeah, a guy who's math is as "good" as a 7th grader's and is trash at physics in general, you can just imagine how well I did the last semester at Applied Mechanics (or however was it called) for instance.

 

Indeed, I have no business here, but then without finishing a good college earning a decent living in this country is totally out of the question, especially when considering what I learned in high school, so I'm basically stuck between hammer and anvil. How I used to struggle to get high marks in the past, and now I'm almost begging for a 5...

 

People switch majors all the time. My sister was in a mathematics education program for 4 years before receiving her degree in Classics. Needless to say, she's a real estate agent now. In fact, I wouldn't hesitate to say MOST people are unsure of their career path before entering college.

 

But if you have difficulty solving an equation such as solve for y: 6x- 5y = 0; the answer being 5y = 6x -> y = (6/5)x , then engineering will be a struggle. I'd say that's approximately ninth grade math?

 

@Aquila Chrysaetos wolfram is a nice site, but it's much more important to understand the concepts than to simply say "i found out a way to solve it!".

[Aquila Chrysaetos]

Well, of course. Should've been clearer that it can show you a method to solve the problem.

Done on the app, which cost all of 3 or so dollars, since I couldn't reach the site for one reason or the other.

Anyway, it can show you a way to do it, is my point. Now I don't imagine college would allow its use during an exam (obvious loophole is obvious), but it could be of some use even outside of them.

 

Obviously you need to know what number comes from where and why, but that doesn't do you much good if you don't know how to solve them.

[Pure Hellspawn]

When you are doing more advanced maths such as calculus, or if you are applying physics in a real world problem, you're in big trouble if you need to have a method shown for you. And physics is rudimentary to understanding mechanical engineering.

 

In short, wolfram isn't a substitute for actual conceptual understanding. Just like you can't look up every other word in the dictionary when you read a novel by Stephen King.

[kb1]

6 hours ago, Agent6 said:

I'm getting angry once again.

 

College is such a fucking pain in the ass, I've never been more stressed in my life. Another exam is approaching, the most difficult in this semester, that is, and I wonder why I'm even trying to prepare more intensely for it. Whatever I'm doing cannot be considered learning since barely anything stays in my head, it's more like pretending to learn.

 

5 hours ago, Aquila Chrysaetos said:

I hear that one quite often.

My main issue with college is money, really, but another is it doesn't learn the material for you like some seem to believe.

I hate America's "educational" program, because so few teachers/professors actually give a damn. They don't try to show you the material. They speak it at you, expecting you to absorb it like a sponge, which some do (me, for example).

Whatever the material is, I'm sure you can find something on the internet that can show you. Most likely you don't learn like you're expected to (detailed above).

Out of curiosity, what are the classes? I've found it really easy to learn material when I can apply it to something.

College is not about learning. It's about the school getting money, and you getting the piece of paper. The purpose of that piece of paper is that it opens doors. Learning is different - it's based on experience. The idea is that you get the job, and then, through experience, you learn the material. And, hopefully, you will be able to recognize key concepts from college, which will accelerate your on-job training.

 

So, don't worry about learning - learn how to pass the tests, and get the piece of paper.

[seed]

6 hours ago, kb1 said:

 

College is not about learning. It's about the school getting money, and you getting the piece of paper. The purpose of that piece of paper is that it opens doors. Learning is different - it's based on experience. The idea is that you get the job, and then, through experience, you learn the material. And, hopefully, you will be able to recognize key concepts from college, which will accelerate your on-job training.

 

So, don't worry about learning - learn how to pass the tests, and get the piece of paper.

 

Easier said than done.

[kb1]

51 minutes ago, Agent6 said:

 

Easier said than done.

Never said it was easy. My point is that you're right - it's not the ideal environment for learning any more than a basic overview. But, if you can pass the tests and get that diploma, people respond positively and will hire you. And, when that happens, you start to gain real experience, which is the best way to learn. Right now, what's important is not learning, per se, but rather being able to pass the tests (which may be slightly easier, which is why I mentioned it). That may be cynical, but that's basically how it works. In a couple of years, you'll look back on it like it was a breeze - you just have to get through this part. You'll get there :)

[seed]

Once again, I'm happy <3 .

 

Just noticed I've managed to pass the most difficult exams of the semester, and apparently I even did a great job at the second most difficult of them. And I was actually worried about that one.

 

This is fucking awesome.

[DesecratorJ]

I wish I would be as happy as that. I experienced the same thing few weeks ago when I passed an exam perfectly that I thought I would fail miserably, I was quite surprised and happy, which made me proud for some time, but now seems like I don't care any more, it just goes back to normal.

[kb1]

11 hours ago, Agent6 said:

Once again, I'm happy <3 .

 

Just noticed I've managed to pass the most difficult exams of the semester, and apparently I even did a great job at the second most difficult of them. And I was actually worried about that one.

 

This is fucking awesome.

That is awesome. Great job!

 

3 hours ago, DesecratorJ said:

I wish I would be as happy as that. I experienced the same thing few weeks ago when I passed an exam perfectly that I thought I would fail miserably, I was quite surprised and happy, which made me proud for some time, but now seems like I don't care any more, it just goes back to normal.

What were you expecting? I don't mean that sarcastically. What I mean is that the way you feel is something you have control of, if you take it. You can do things to change how you feel, positively, or negatively. But if you just expect to feel good, you're leaving it up to chance. Go do something you've never done before, or visit a friend, or take a walk. Go on a hike through the woods. Ride a bike. Actually, exercise is supposed to promote the production of enzymes and hormones that naturally improve your outlook, as well as your health. Physically go to the public library and check out some books.

 

You can be happy, but it sometimes takes work to get there. Give it a shot.

[minigunner]

Things have changed quite a bit from the despair-fueled rant I put on this thread early on. Granted, I'm far from perfect still, but I've had plenty of realizations about my life and living it that I've been blind to for years, and I've been trying so goddamned hard to put them in practice since. It takes a hell of a lot of effort to break negative habits and thinking patterns. However, I can't be hard on myself for how long it's taking, as I'm trying to make up for years of life I didn't let myself live.

To add to that, I practically threw my future away in that time, only now shuffling through the garbage to find it again.

Edited June 23, 2018 by minigunner

[scalliano]

I hear that. I'd been in something of a pit of despair for quite a while, a combination of work stress, isolation and general mean world syndrome that had me falling away from all of the things I loved doing, not least of all making music and modding my favourite games. I've always been rather socially awkward and unable to talk to people outside of my online persona, but even that had taken a hit over the last year or so, particularly in the way I've been reacting to things said both here and elsewhere. It's only really been in the last short while that I realized that I was allowing myself to believe that I was the victim of some nebulous boogeyman that was holding me back - in other words, exactly the same thing I've spent the last while calling other people out on. That somehow, because of societal changes, I had it harder than other people who could claim some sort of cred for being different in some way, whereas I couldn't because, full disclosure, I'm a pasty white dude with a nasty skin complaint. I felt like I now had a scapegoat, something to blame. What had initially started out as a casual interest in the absurdity of so-called "outrage culture" had completely overtaken me and left me more than a little passive-aggressive and, yes, easily triggered.

 

But then I realized, I was falling into exactly the same trap as those I had come to lament - I was letting other people dictate how I think. That all of these societal issues that I cared so much about, they ultimately don't affect my day-to-day living, and to get as hung up on them as I had done was only making me feel bad about myself.

 

In other words, I needed to chill out. I needed to go outside.

 

It was only yesterday when I sat and thought about this and everything that has happened with me in the last few years that it all became clear. I have a lot to be thankful for. Not too long ago, I was morbidly obese. I mean, I was huge, over 23 stone, in fact. Since February 2016, I've lost over a quarter of that. I have my own place, I'm holding down a job and, yes, it's a pain in the arse and rife with casual xenophobia at times, but it allows me to support myself and indulge in my hobbies. And yes, I do get lonely at times, sometimes severely so, but it isn't long before I find something to occupy my mind. Even if it is just a long walk or a few rounds of Tekken.

 

I still have a lot of stuff I need to work through, but that's exactly what it is - stuff that I myself need to work through. I definitely need to work on my interpersonal skills. I also need to stop taking things so personally. Damn, I'd really love to take my internal monologue outside and beat it with a stick sometimes. I probably need to talk to someone, and TBH I'm not even sure where to start there. But for the first time in ages, I feel like these are things I can do.

 

TL;DR, Things aren't as bad as they seem, so let the haters hate. And ease up on the red pills. Seriously.

[Aquila Chrysaetos]

24 minutes ago, scalliano said:

23 stone

23 stone == 146.1 kg.

Glad to hear you lost some of that, because that is indeed a lot.

It would be good for you to talk to someone, best if they're someone you really trust (hard for me, frankly, because I have difficulty trusting people). Seeing a therapist is expensive, though if your healthcare covers that, it might be a good thing to do soon, because mental and emotional damage are just as debilitating as physical damage.

 

As for myself, today is one year since my grandfather passed to cancer. It's depressing, but somehow uplifting to know that he's not in pain anymore. Watching him go through that as it got worse was hard.

It was worse on the actual day of, because I woke up to a text telling me "[Grandad] passed away at 330 this morning." How impersonal.

However, that was a year ago, so I can't dwell on it now.

So, I'm doing okay.

[CARRiON]

Words can't really describe it so I decided to reenact my feelings on my face. Enjoy.

 

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