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nxn

Shapeshift to Retard

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Saturday night at 11:12 PM

My parents are sitting and watching the tv when all of a sudden the angel of all things retarded starts strangling them with Crendowings pants. After a nice few minutes of suffocation they shapeshifted into their retard form. They started getting the birlliant and oh so wonderful idea that it is time to throw the couch away. I remind you it is 11:15 PM at this time.

11:30 PM
They ask me for help because they think they have the couch stuck in the neighbors doorway who lives below us. I tell them to fuck off, my almost exact words are 'look you retarded pieces of shit, you alweys tell me to get myself out of shit I get into, so I'm telling you the same thing, now fuck off'. They left me alone.

11:35 PM
They are positivly sure they got the couch stuck this time.

12:00 AM

After calling everyone they know to help them, no one answered. Maybe, it would come to them no one wants to help retards at 12:00 AM with their couch troubles. So maybe they thought that 911 has to care or something, I don't know, they called them. Since my mom can't speak english, the cops probably though she meant 'cooch' when she said 'couch' and are probably getting a rape case going at this time. I don't know, I was really soo pissed off and depressed I just closed the door and let it all play itself out.

12:20 AM
I am getting depressing ideas that I too will turn out like them. Dumb and retarded with couches to put into peoples doorways. I am getting ideas that I'd only be doing the world good to kill myself and stop these few retard genes from spreading.

12:30 AM
Mom comes in again asking for help, I told her she's a retarded whore who needs to get the fuck out of my face. She did, probably cried after that, I don't care. Next my dad comes in asking for help, I respond with my default welcoming msg: "Fuck Off, I don't care about you".

12:50 AM
Here I am now, writing this, I will keep you informd whether we get on the news or not. All that needs to happen now is that a fire will to break out, and since the couch is in the way we won't be able to get out. Back at 12:20 AM I thought maybe I should lock them in a room, start that fire, and sneak out, make it seemed like it was an accident, anything...

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bigbadgangsta said:

If your mom can't speak English, what does she speak?

Retarded broken english, and polish, she used to be a polish teacher.

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Ultraviolet said:

Heh. Can I have your mansex?

The couch is now gone, so there is no place for us to have man sex at. I'm sorry.

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One can never have to many couches. Though it was fun dumping that old broken POS at the dump and replacing it with a more comfortable futon at my dads house. Then he moved to California two months later.

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Dude, you're awful. My parents piss the fuck out of me sometimes and sometimes I swear at them, but I don't like hate them and want them to die or anything.

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I swear at them when they piss me off. I don't like go all tourette's on them or anything though. Usually it's just "shut the fuck up" or "fuck off."

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I've never sworn at me parents. If I did, they would surely kill my ass.

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Dear God! Was hammering into your parents really that necessary? I won't pretend to understand your family situation, but telling anybody, let alone your own family to fuck off when they ask you for help is just cruel.

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Got a daughter 25 and a son 21, neither have ever sworn at me, and apart from telling a joke, swore in front of me.

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I've only sworn in front of my parents a few times. I swear in front of my roommates more often. My inner monologue uses enough obscenity and profanity to kill a sailor.

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I used to feel bad about doing that, but feeling bad about something that's beneficial to you is retarded. They both aren't talking to me, which is most likely why today I am not depressed, and I have eaten enough food to keep me happy. No bitching from either one of them, just sweet silence. Now if I didn't curse them off I would be here sitting thinking of whether I should kill myself or them, and just knowing I won't do either since my life outside of home is still decent, but a little far away from me right now.

Regardless, this thread is about couches and retards, not cursing. COUCHES!! TALK COUCHES!1

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fodders said:

Got a daughter 25 and a son 21, neither have ever sworn at me, and apart from telling a joke, swore in front of me.


I hope you're not like my mum fodders, who says "fuck", "shit" and so on somewhat frequently, then bitches about me saying, gasp, BLOODY! :p

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What the fuck, you fucking faggot asshole. You fucking cussed to your god damn shithead parts, you assfucking whore? I should fuck you shit out of you ass cunt bitch shit motherfucking queer ass limp dick asshole head.

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To justify my behavior twords my parents I'd like to explain the way they raised me. Even before 1st grade they alweys swore soo fucking much infront of me without any thought to how that might affect me. They smoked ci's infront of me like fucking chimneys never thinking twice what it was doing to me. I remember one time waking up late for school, I think I was a 2nd grader. My mom instead of helping me get to the school called me a rotten piece of shit. Being a second grader having to hear something like that from your mom makes you actually think that you are what you are being called. And I had to go through most of my life hearing shit like that comming from both of them.

Now this time they started needing my help with their problems. Why should I fucking help them after they pretty much made me grow up into a misreable fuck that I am, and ruined most of my childhood? Hell no, I will never feel bad for making them feel like shit. The minute I see my mom on the floor because she's too week to stand up by herself is the minute I step on the her throat.

Now I do realize though, that hearing anything comming from retards who get a couch stuck in a doorway at 12 PM isn't worth a second thought. Wish I could have gotten that concept back then though.

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Update on the couch crisis: I didn't ask my mom as we're not talking, but my dad doesn't have a clue of what happened to the couch. And since we live in a ghetto, I'm thinking someone actually stole it out of the doorway. Alls good that ends good.

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orion said:

To justify my behavior .. My mom instead of helping me get to the school called me a rotten piece of shit. Being a second grader having to hear something like that from your mom makes you actually think that you are what you are being called. And I had to go through most of my life hearing shit like that comming from both of them.

Orion spake:Retarded broken english, and polish, she used to be a polish teacher.

Her grasp of English seems to have diminished since then?

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fodders said:

Her grasp of English seems to have diminished since then?

Well she never had a grasp of english. She alweys spoke polish and is just now trying to learn english. Pretty much failing too. And the thing above was a translation done by me.

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