Which monster would you like to take out for a nice seafood dinner?

Which monster would you like to take out for a nice seafood dinner?   63 members have voted

  1. 1. Which monster would you like to take out for a nice seafood dinner?

    • Zombieman
      2
    • Shotgun guy
      0
    • Imp
      5
    • Demon
      2
    • Spectre
      1
    • Lost Soul
      1
    • Cacodemon
      7
    • Pain Elemental
      2
    • Baron
      8
    • Hell Knight
      0
    • Cyberdemon
      2
    • Mastermind
      3
    • Chaingunner
      2
    • Revenant
      3
    • Archvile
      10
    • Mancubus
      1
    • Arachnotron
      1
    • SS
      13

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7 hours ago, Doomkid said:

This is easy. I'd bring a cacodemon strictly to determine how many pounds of fish it can fit in that big fucking gullet at once. I'm betting it could easily fit over 100 pounds of fish in it's mouth and maybe even swallow them all in one gulp. This is the important scientific information the world is desperately lacking.

 

I know it's rude to ask your date such a question, but how much does a cacodemon weigh? 400 pounds? More? There are so many secrets and mysteries here in dire need of solving.

Split the bill

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2 hours ago, rehelekretep said:

people picking the SS guard because he's a human is very logical but also very dull. sad!

Maybe they're the needy types and appreciate he only has eyes for them even when talking to other people.

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The Imp of course, hmm Imp Second Encounter mod comes to my mind now.

Edited by rodster
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Where is mah boi Keen? Other than that I HATE SEAFOOD *whips out chaingun, wipes out the entire restaurant*

 

(this thread alone is a good idea for a jokewad about Doomguy taking monsters out on a seafood date only to realize he hates seafood and now has to shoot every monster patron in the restaurant)

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9 hours ago, Doomkid said:

This is easy. I'd bring a cacodemon strictly to determine how many pounds of fish it can fit in that big fucking gullet at once. I'm betting it could easily fit over 100 pounds of fish in it's mouth and maybe even swallow them all in one gulp. This is the important scientific information the world is desperately lacking.

 

I know it's rude to ask your date such a question, but how much does a cacodemon weigh? 400 pounds? More? There are so many secrets and mysteries here in dire need of solving.

The most scientific way to determine Caco's weight is to check its mass, Zdoom wiki says its 400, but 400 of what? To determine that, we need to refer to the fact that Doomguy, or if we go by his Decorate name, Doomplayer's mass is 100. Now let's also consider that all three other humans (or former) weigh this as well, we can determine that Caco weighs about same as four adult men. Average weight for an adult male human is about 75 kilos, of course this greatly differs based on the reference pool, but considering that guys of doom all have relatively standard build, this seems to be best I've got until UAC releases their work place health inspection papers of 1993. 

 

tl:dr Cacodemon (in Zdoom derived ports) weighs four adult men, or 75*4 kilos = 300 kilograms or 661 pounds for people who got stuck in Heretic time. 

Edited by 94's the best style
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1 hour ago, 94's the best style said:

Average weight for an adult male human is about 75 kilos

 

Not for super-tough, All-American (TM) US Marines, it ain't.

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The specter.. so that while I pay for the tab he can sneak his way into the kitchen and nick some food for us.. and so that his monsterous (har har see what I did there?) appetite isn't sated entirely at the expense of my wallet.. and then there's the revenant who isn't hungry because he doesn't need to eat. I should probably show myself out.

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I went with the Imp. SS Soldier is a human, but still a goddamn nazi.

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1 hour ago, silentzorah said:

Mancubus.  I like 'em T H I C C .

That's not thicc, that's just flab.

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Maybe with a hanged commander keen. At least he will not be able to talk and tell his boring life while I'm savouring my seafood.

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3 hours ago, Maes said:

Not for super-tough, All-American (TM) US Marines, it ain't.

But is it for scrawny ss soldiers and mostly dead zombies?

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None, because they would all see my setup for a seafood dinner, promptly ignore it and move directly to brutally murdering me.

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has anyone mentioned the monsters from HDOOM yet? I wouldn't mind taking a few of those out for lobster

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6 minutes ago, Akenore said:

has anyone mentioned the monsters from HDOOM yet? I wouldn't mind taking a few of those out for lobster

yes, someone already has

21 hours ago, YukiRaven said:

The imps

 

  Reveal hidden contents

From HDoom

 

 

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I would take a lost soul because he seems like he just needs a friend. I think that I would also take out the black winged siren from the sirens wad too. That would turn a lot of heads.

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I'd go with an Arch-Vile. You know, I've been thinking, and maybe... just maybe... he's a nice guy, and I've been hating him all these years when we could've been pals...

 

I'm really optimistic all of the sudden! I think this is actually a good idea! I'm sure that if we talk through our problems, everything will be ok. I'll have to try it out :)

 

Do you think he'd care if I brought an SSG and a couple dozen shells? You know, just for safety. Oh, and I also have to make sure we don't eat in an open area...

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I hate seafood, but I'd happily buy a bone for a pinky demon.

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I probably would pick PE because I always want to feed him/her until he/she explodes and leave nothing behind for some odd reasons.

 

Don't click the spoiler please.

Spoiler

Or please have some monster girls, like Hell Knights, from HDoom.

 

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SS, because he's not possessed/out to rip my heart out. Plus, an MP40 is a solid weapon for personal defense in a restaurant if demons roll up, unlike the crappy carbine, chunky chaingun, slow shotgun, or fire-starting... err.. fireballs.

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Talking about Hdoom is forbidden. 

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12 hours ago, 94's the best style said:

But is it for scrawny ss soldiers and mostly dead zombies?

Depends on how fresh and well-hydrated they are.

 

Also, you really don't want the restaurant's name to be Chez Baron...

 

ChezBaron.png

Edited by Maes
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The joke about Wolfenstein soldiers only having frontal attack frames, which means they face you even during infights, has zero likes.

The joke about carrying and talking to a dead child in public, on the other hand, has picked up a popularity ribbon.

 

Heh.

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I would be more interested in knowing which monster would like to take me out for a nice seafood dinner.

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Hm. Tough pick. None of the former humans, I suspect they smell, and as for nazis - well, they are nazis.

Cacos are for petting, not dating. 

I suspect revenants wouldn't be able to hold their food, plus they are bit loud.

Arachnotrons are probably underage and while spiderdemon is milf, I figure she wouldn't fit in restaurant - same with cyberdemon.

My wallet can't support a mancubus. Imps and demons? Pronably not.

 

I figure I'd take archvile with me, seems awfully convinient. 

Or baron because they might be well hung.

Edited by floatRand
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16 minutes ago, floatRand said:

Cacos are for petting, not dating.

fbfdddc597d34d18984de730b22b80d7

 

It's not as if there's a lack of choice...

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27 minutes ago, Maes said:

fbfdddc597d34d18984de730b22b80d7

 

It's not as if there's a lack of choice...

...

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Baron of Hell. One word: HDoom. 

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