Does it feel weird to anyone else that the Doom movie is here? The rumors started way back when the original Doom was released, and they seemed to surface fairly regularly after that. Over time it was pretty much accepted that there would never be a Doom movie and all those rumors were horrible, horrible lies.
Of course then id went and released Doom 3 to somewhat lackluster fanfare. However it made them a lot of money, so naturally that, coupled with the development hype, would renew interest in a movie. Like Doom 3 or hate it, you can pretty much thank it for this movie. Or you can curse it for this movie I guess, but that's up to you.
I know some of you have an attachment to Doom, perhaps even an unhealthy one, and the thought of changing something about it makes you want to complain about it on the internet a whole bunch, and I'm sure you will. But let's face facts, Doom was never much for plot. It pretty much defined the first person shooter genre, but as far as a story went, you got a couple generic paragraphs in the manual and that was pretty much it. Even in Doom 3, which fleshed out the story, none of that plot crap mattered. In the end Doom is about a lone marine killing a whole lot of shit.
So, I give the movie the benefit of the doubt and I review it not as a connoisseur of cinema (which I'm not anyway), but as a gamer who likes games where he can shoot things and watch them writhe in simulated agony. If you're looking for a movie with an in-depth and complex plot, stimulating characters and interesting dialog, then you probably shouldn't bother. It's not that type of movie.
Doom doesn't mess around with things like character development. There are a bunch of marines, most of whose names I don't even remember. On top of that they're all very generic. You have the smart-mouthed black guy, the tough and quiet black guy, the nervous rookie, the religious guy, the creepy old guy, the Asian (yes, that is his defining characteristic), the hero and the tough-as-nails leader. On the UAC side you have an all-business scientist woman and a snarky cripple nicknamed Pinky for no apparent reason.
It's not like they don't make attempts at character development, it's just that they fail miserably at it. John "Reaper" Grimm (Karl Urban) and his sister Samantha "I'd hit it" Grimm (Rosamund Pike) witnessed the death of their parents on Mars when they were younger. I know that sounds like a huge spoiler, but it's not important to the plot in the least, and you simply won't give a crap when it comes up. This occurs to a lesser extent with some other characters (nothing about their past, just based on their current behavior), though oddly enough not with the Rock, who is a pretty major character.
And no, the demons aren't from Hell. They look like demons, smell like demons, sound like demons and act like demons, but they're not from Hell. I guess that doesn't matter, except that Hell would have made the movie a lot more interesting (assuming they did it right). Instead, the plot involves archeology and genetics experiments. The monster count is also pretty small with only three types of enemy; imp, hell knight and pinky demon (four if you count zombie). However it does take place on Mars, if that's any consolation. It may as well take place in New Jersey though, since the whole thing is indoors except for a brief shot of the Martian terrain.
The acting is flat most of the time. The lines are short and might actually be kind of snappy if not for the bad delivery. At times it was hard to tell if they were trying to be campy or the director just didn't care enough to get a decent performance out of his actors all the time. I'd expect that from the Rock since he wasn't arching one eyebrow and talking about what he was cooking, but Karl Urban is certainly capable of a better performance.
The other characters are so generic that their lines don't even matter. Religious guy is quiet, the rookie is nervous, creepy guy says some creepy stuff, and the smart-mouthed black guy says "aw hell naw". Okay, he only says "aw hell", but I bet they wanted to make him say "aw hell naw".
The movie tries be like Aliens (which is what Doom was based on in the first place), but it fails because it's bad at building up suspense. In Aliens you don't actually see any aliens for the first third of the movie, but Doom pretty much decides not to beat around the bush and you end up seeing them shortly after the marines arrive at the facility. The attempts at building up suspense aren't very good, and the requisite false alarms end up being funny instead of suspenseful.
I know I said I'd review it as a gamer, but I figured that I'd get all the movie stuff out of the way. As a movie it's not very good, and by all rights I should hate it, but I just can't bring myself to do that. Not because of the aforementioned unhealthy attachment to Doom, but just because it was a fun movie. Once the initial bullshit suspense build up is done, the movie gets into the nitty gritty of marines vs. monsters, and there's a whole lot of violence. There are a number of fights, many of which are so over the top that you just can't help cringing in entertainment as some poor marine gets thrown around like a rag doll.
And since I know people will ask; I really liked the first-person sequence. I thought I would hate it, I expected to hate it, but I didn't. It was very goofy at points, but it was a pretty cool tribute to the source material, and really it was pretty interesting to watch. It's probably something you need to see in a theater to fully appreciate, because I'm sure it loses something if you watch it on a TV or in Windows Media Player (don't deny it!) without the big screen and booming sound. Anyone who is a fan of Doom will probably at least appreciate that sequence, even if you don't like it. I'm sure it will become a hot topic for debate on all the gaming web sites and forums in the future, and you know that's going to be a lot of fun.
What else is important about Doom? They already wrecked the Hell angle, so we move on to the weapons. No rocket launcher, but there's a heavy chaingun, shotguns, pistols and what I guess were pulse rifles of some sort. Strangely the guns had flashlights attached to them. Also the Rock finds the BFG which is assuredly big and a gun of the fucking-sized variety. It fires a large blue projectile that pretty much turns whatever it hits into a smoldering pile of melted... stuff. The Rock isn't much of a BFG whore though, so he only fires it a couple times.
Oh hey, and don't forget the zombies! If you ever wanted to see a movie where a bunch of marines mow down a shitload of zombies with automatic weapons, then you should check out Doom. Sadly all the other zombie movies I've seen were lacking in automatic weapons, which is surprising because it seems like such an obvious thing to do.
So yeah, I didn't hate this movie and I'm sure I'll be in the minority when it comes out on Friday. I guess saying "I didn't hate it" or "it's not that bad" are the best compliments I can give it, because it's still not a very good movie by any means. So perhaps the unhealthy obsession with Doom does come into play, because I still enjoyed the movie even though I probably shouldn't have. I really couldn't tell you why. It's a just a simple, brainless movie, and you'll either hate it or enjoy it for what it is. Also apparently having an extra chromosome doesn't make you retarded, but in fact makes you super human. You learn something new every day.
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By Cyb
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