Single Status Update
It's been a long time since my last post, I don't even remember what I talked about. I've been trying to come up with a place to let this stress out more anonymously, but I guess this is where I'll go anyway.
I got laid off in September last year from my first job out of college after only 4 months. Since then I've moved back in with my parents and siblings, and have been halfheartedly looking for jobs. Between the blow sudden unemployment gave me, living in a new place with no friends for half a year, and a realization that's been slowly building, and I've finally acknowledged, that I'd really rather be working on a game taking the slaughter elements of my mapping style into a more modern engine than as a bio lab tech or scientist, I just don't know where to go. It doesn't help being basically addicted to the internet to the extent I rarely even make maps. But that's half the problem; I know making maps isn't earning me money, and I feel guilty spending time on it when I could be finding a job. I'm lucky enough to have parents who will let me freeload a while and can afford it, but for the last year I've been reliant on them, and it hurts. One of my sisters distracts from that because of how much trouble she gets into, but I'm still here taking up space.
Now that I've got the depressing stuff out of the way I can think about what I think my options are. I could continue trying to find a job related to bio. I liked it enough to get a bachelor's in it, despite getting a 2.8 GPA and no research experience. I could look into making a game with preexisting or free assets, or try and find someone to work with me on that, or try and make them myself, with my OK drawing and shitty gimp/Photoshop abilities and like half a blender tutorial. Look into unreal 3 engine or maybe see what I can do with rage, since I have it. Still haven't played it. Or find a job outside bio, I'm not sure what. I really like boardgames like house on the hill, castles of burgundy, or dominion. Maybe a hobby shop will take me.
Anyway that's what's bothering me. In other news I'm getting closer to ng2 being done, just 2 more maps to do. It'll be shorter than ng1, but I think will be better. It's going to need a bit of polishing too, but if I could get myself to work on it instead of watching twitch I'd probably get it done fast.
Long-term unemployment screws up your habits and resolve, every little task feels like an insurmountable problem that requires a day or two of preparations. It's really hard to get yourself out of that mental hole. I've been there and only getting a job changed my perspective again. And no, it wasn't anywhere near my dream job or the job I have today, I signed up to an agency and took what came my way (and wasn't some menial work position, I still wanted to keep some dignity, heh). From there I got the confidence to move towards better jobs eventually.