Single Status Update
So, my mom and I went and saw Watanabe Yoishi do a taiko drum demonstration at the Botanical Gardens here in Denver when I got off work. Those drummers were very impressive indeed! It was cool to listen to, as I've never really paid too much attention to taiko drumming. But, after tonight, I see that it can be very difficult to master. There were alot of complex rhythms (for two hands, that is), complex movements, and some great imagery going on. I even met Watanabe-sensei afterwards and got his autograph. Very nice man indeed.
It was kind of interesting going both to and from the event. Last night, my friend and I were kind of window shopping online, checking out clothing we'd like to get. Or, in my case, clothing I'd like to get after I move out of the house in about two or three years. Such as this dress, this dress, this skirt, this skirt, these pants, these pants, these pants, and this collar. Obviously this is quite a bit different from my normal style of dress. So in essence, once I move out, it's like I'd like to rebel against my mom a bit, start clubbing a little, and start dressing in a gothic/cybergothic fassion. As well as a little light bondage, and a few other interesting adventures.
However, at the same time, I'd like to maintain my current style, move to Japan, and try to become a successful business man there. Get into the habbit of dressing in a suit, nice trousers, button-up shirt, and such. Getting married to a nice girl, and basically living a nice, good life.
At the same time, I wish to basically maintainw what I'm doing now, maintain my current style, and focus my life around anime, videogames, and computers. As well as get married and have an interesting, fun marriage.
From my point of view, these three can't coincide together. #2 and #3 can, and #1 and #3 probably could to a degree, but all three can't. Maybe I'm wrong, and if so, please slap me with a big trout and show me this. I guess I'm having a small little identity crisis right about now.
Maybe it's all related to the music I listen to. I love Japanese pop music, with people like Utada Hikaru, Sakamoto Maaya, TM Revolution, Kazumasa Oda, and Hayashibara Megumi. Yet, I like trance, techno, underground dance music, gabber, happy hardcore, and stuff like that. At the same time, I'm finding myself more interested in bands like Evanescence, Rammstein, KMFDM, and Megaherz. And yet still, I have a deep love and appreciation for classical music, as well as jazz. I guess I fear of loosing my Jpop/classical/jazz side to the obviously darker rock/metal/electronica side. And it's playing out in other areas of my life.
Ok, rant's over.
Now that I've gone and got some gas for my car, and thanks to the_Danarchist, I've realized I've forgotten a few parts.
For me, it's not whether or not I'm trying to fit into any cliques or anything. It's just finding personal identity that I'm having trouble with right now. Figuring out who I am from a personal standpoint looking inward. I could care less if I'm in a clique or not. I have my group of friends, and we have tolerance for everyone. So, it's not about being in a clique, but rather self-identity. I can't figure out who I am, and which self I'd like to be internally.
Lastly, I'd like to point out that, while it may seem like it at times, I am not a Japan-Otaku/Japanophile/Wanabe-Japanese-Person. I've been having issues with this for the past few months, as a few people seem to think I am. Yes, I have a t-shirt that translates, "I want to be Japanese", eat Japanese food nearly every day, have haiku in my sig, watch loads of anime, listen to loads of JPop, am learning Japanese, want to live in Japan, read up on Japanese news, and have all these other things in my life related to Japan, but it's not to the point of an otaku. Those aren't the only things in my life, and Japan isn't the only thing. One must realize that, since I do wish to live in Japan, I should probably learn the language. What's the best way to learn it? Immerse yourself in it. And it's probably this that helped me communicate to Watanabe-sensei earlier this evening after only one year of class, and have a near-perfect accent. I'm surrounded by Japanese things so that I may learn the language, and because I am interested. NOT because I want to somehow change into a Japanese person. I'm not an otaku (in the Japanese sense of the word).