MajorRawne

I want to vent about the latest iPhone. I'll try to do this in a politically correct way to avoid offending those of you who use iPhones. Actually, feth it, I'm going to speak my mind, you're grown up enough to know I don't mean any of this personally.

I work for a mobile phone network in the UK. I am upgrade and retention trained so basically I can upgrade you (if you're due), and I can also try to stop you leaving and then upgrade you (if you're due). I have also worked in customer service. Basically I know a bit about everything.

It can hardly fail to escape one's attention that the world holds its breath for the latest iPhone. When that breath is released, people who work with mobile phones (except, perhaps, Apple staff) and people who review mobile phones let it out in a sigh of disappointment.

Customers, herd animals that they are, are generally iPhone for life and think that the latest iPhone is a total beast of a phone and must be obtained at the expense of anyone who gets in their way!

They think this, of course, because they have never dared to try another phone. They have iPods (not sure why when they've also got an iPhone), iPads (which they need as their iPhone screens are too small to be much use for anything) and tons of apps and accessories, all of which they paid premium money for.

Because mobile phone reviewers cannot crow about a dual core processor and Apple keeps most of the specs to itself (so people don't find out the iPhone "only" has an overclocked 1Ghz or 1.2Ghz dual core processor when upcoming rival phones are clocking at or almost 2Ghz with quad cores), the review sites instead talk about the "experience" of using the phone as if no other handset in the world has the indefinable allure of an iPhone.

While this may or may not be true, at the end of the day the latest iPhone is tall but not wide so you still need your iPad. The ones being released in the UK and parts of Europe are still 3G-only so you will need to buy new 4G ones next year, which will conveniently allow Apple to say it's sold, say, 30 million i5s instead of 15-20 million. People are more than retarded enough to do this.

When we upgrade a customer to a Samsung or Sony, they are generally over the moon with excitement about the price, the deal and the freebies such phones sometimes come with. When we have an iPhone customer there are ALWAYS issues: the price of the phone is too high, the tariff is not good enough, the warranty is shit, the insurance and excess are too much, our rivals are cheaper and they're such LOYAL customers who've been with us for years but would obviously sell their grandparents for £1 off per month.

Not to mention almost EVERY customer who calls with a phone that's having signal problems, or reliability problems, or battery problems, is an iPhone user... especially the iPhone 4, or a 3GS that was upgraded to OS5 (my advice: DON'T!!).

I really hate Crapple iPhones, iPads and whatever other same-old-crap they're selling. I hate the secrecy of Apple which puts its sellers in such hot water with customers. I hate iPhone zombies who cause so many complaints. Still, they keep us in business I suppose, I just needed to give Crapple the middle finger. Congratulations if you read all of that.