Single Status Update
I am writing this post to just let people know some things. Man, my life has gone downhill, and I want to change that. I guess some people remember that some months ago, we (I and my gf) were gonna have a baby, but it died. Now I have lost my gf, for various reasons.
First of all I have probably killed a lot of her inside, because of stupid things I have done to her. Complaining about small things, arguing about small things, making her sad. I guess I have also tried to control her life and her feelings. I have also never been a social person and I guess I have made her feel the same way. She has lost contact with most of her friends and I feel guilty for that. And I have sometimes said she shouldn't associate with certain people. I have forgotten the house stuff, myself and most importantly her. I didn't respect her enough and now I have lost her. I don't know why I am like this, as I don't notice when I switch sides. This is a bad side I want to get rid of, as I will never become a whole person if I don't remove it. Also if I will ever have to be together with her or another.
Man, I can't believe what has happened the past months. From a half year I have gone from going to be a dad and get married probably, down to being not with her, and my life is just rotten now. Also the part of living at my parents' again is strange. She asked me if I wanted a room there, so I could get away. We are also still in a good mood, as friends. But it seems she has met another guy, a guy that I know. She met him at the place she is going at now, but I feel it is weird. Yes, he has touched her and kissed her once when they were drunk. Not that I love her less because of that. Maybe it is also stupid that I am writing about this here.
I am also addicted to computers, probably the internet too. I know I have a couple of doom projects going on here. I also feel bad for doing this, as I really wanted to get fb out. But I need to get out, I really need to get friends. I really wanna get so fucking drunk, so I forget this. I will try not to get online for a long time, I seriously need to. I guess I will also try to get another education, as something with computers would make me go deep into it again.
That's all for now, keep it going. I need to get a life. Why does life suck so much some times.
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Torn, you'll do well to listen to fraggle and jon et al.
If you can honestly follow your heart and do what you believe is the right thing to do, then whatever happens as a result, doesn't really matter.
You will have done the best you could at the time - no one can take that from you, and no way should you then beat yourself up over what you might have done either.
Let go of the past, and live in the now. Don't even live for the future. Now is the only time that matters.