NiTROACTiVE
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Status Updates posted by NiTROACTiVE
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Hey guys, I have some unfortunate news. Back in May 2012, I lost Chloe the Cat, and it was sad to lose her. As of today, my dog Bailey was put to sleep due to issues with not being able to get up. He was a cute little miniature pinscher that we loved. He would bark a lot and it would be hard to get him to pee outside sometimes, but I still loved him. He was also sensitive to touch as well. A few days before his death, he started to lose the ability to walk. Then as of today, he was put out of his misery, and this made my mom very sad. When Chloe died, Bailey looked for her for a week, and then gave up after looking for her. And now, after nearly two years, he's with Chloe again.
We still have a Pomeranian named Muffin, and she's healthy right now. I also wonder when she'll notice that Bailey is gone, and I bet she will be sad that he isn't around anymore.
Here's a picture of Bailey:
He will be missed. -
Hey guys, I just want to say that I moved to a new house again as of April 12, 2014, and the house is also in a different town that's near our old town. We also moved in with mom's boyfriend, and some of you might wonder why.
You see, we found out that our landlord wasn't paying the mortgage with the rent money mom gave her, and this got the house we got in March 2013 foreclosed. The house was in the foreclosure process before, but the landlord saved the house before it became final. So mom refused to pay the landlord before we moved out, so the landlord gave us a three day notice to try to evict us, but it was pointless for the landlord to do so.
So yeah, we had to move yesterday, and it will take a while to make the house nice to live in.-
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Sodaholic said:That sucks, is that even legal? Either way, good luck in your new home.
As legal as it is not to pay your debts and dues, I suppose. Though it's the landlord which will have to bear the brunt of the ensuing fiscal shitstorm, as I guess that it's his house which was mortgaged. From the point of the view of the band, he's simply a deadbeat. If he chose to spend the rent money on e.g. hookers and whiskey, fine, but the bank wants their mortgage installments paid on time in any case :-)
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This morning, I felt really bad back pain and I puked as well, and my mom drove me to the hospital. They told me to give them a urine sample, and when I got a sample in the cup, my mom said it looked bad. It was bad, because according to the sample, the doctor said I had a kidney infection. We then did a CAT Scan, and they found kidney stones inside of me. So yes, I am sick and I also stayed home from college today, and I might stay for more days as well.
The back pain started on Thursday, and it went away and I thought it was just standard back pain. Then on Friday, the pain came back, and I took some ibuprofen, and I also puked as well. Then when I went to my friend's house, it went away. Then on Saturday, the back pain came back and it was worse and my mom took me to a different hospital that was closer to town. There, they said I just had a back strain and I believed them. Then on Sunday, there wasn't much pain and I thought it was going away. And then it got worse on Monday as you knew earlier from above.
So I'm going to have to hope for the best and hope that I can heal ASAP.- Show previous comments 2 more
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I should make an update. I misinterpreted what I heard on Monday, and what they actually found in my kidneys might be kidney stones, and they didn't directly say it was kidney stones. It could be bacteria instead. So maybe I don't have kidney stones and instead have some sort of bacteria inside of them. I also should add they also found bacteria in my pelvic area as well.
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This is a late post because this has been official for ten days now. But as of Decmeber 6 of the year 2013, I am 21 years old. I haven't had my first full drink of beer yet, but I'm thinking about when the time is right. I'm also interesting in having a cosmopolitan drink too. Anyways, I'm 21 now, and I also wish I posted this much earlier.
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Hey guys, I have some bad news that's pretty old. I had a black Zune 30GB ever since 2008, and I took it on trips. I even placed over 2000 songs on it. On September 26th this year, it's hard drive gave out, and it made that clicking noise and staying on the step 3 screen. Here's a picture of it with it's faulty hard drive:
I got a new black iPod Classic 160GB that came from a friend of my dad's. She barely used it and it can hold much more media than my Zune ever could. Here's a picture of that too:
So yeah, it's nice to have an music player again. I would get a Zune 120GB, but the only new ones I could find are over $400, and new Zune 30GBs are over $400 too. So yeah, even though I have a new music player, the death of my Zune made me sad.
RIP to my Black Zune 30GB (2008-2013) -
8/24/2013 Update: My grandpa's doing better now and he'll be out of the hospital soon. I thought he wouldn't make it, but he did.
This thread was originally called "My Grandpa's In The Hospital".
Here's the original post:
Hey guys, I have some bad news. My grandpa is in the hospital right now because something's wrong with his kidneys. I found this out when I came home from Waldameer Park & Water World. He's 88 years old as of now and something like this was bound to happen to him sooner or later, but it's shocking to hear that he's sick like this. Let's hope for the best for him and see if he makes it out OK. I'll let you guys know if anything else happens to him with an update journal. -
Update: As of 8/7/2013 I am back from South Carolina, and you can read about it in this journal I made.
This thread was originally called Leaving For South Carolina, and here is the original post:
Hey guys, I’m going to South Carolina tomorrow to visit my cousin. I won’t return until the 7th of August, so I’ll be gone for a while. This also means that I won't be able to work on Illuminatus or make playthrough videos for a while, but when I return I'll work on MAP26 of Illuminatus and make a video afterwards. I might let you guys know how I’m doing in South Carolina if I can. But for now, I’ll talk to you guys later.- Show previous comments 3 more
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I'm back from South Carolina now, and it was fun there. You can read about it in this journal I made.
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Hey guys, I just wanted to let you know that I'm moving to a new house. In August 2012, our house was foreclosed and we had to find a new house, but we found a new house we rented and everything's going to be OK, and another thing is that it's not too far away from our old house. I'm going to miss my old house. It's the second house we owned that was completed in 2005, but we're moving out this week. So yeah I'm going to miss my second house, even though it's wasn't the best house around town. So this is why I haven't worked on my Doom project Illuminatus too lately, and the same goes for my Doom WAD reviews.
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I have a close friend that has a husband who works as a car mechanic. He's a nice guy and I like him, but his mother recently committed suicide because of depression. My mother told me this right after we walked out of a hospital after my dermatology appointment, and it was terrible to hear such news. My friend and her husband also have two children that were the grandchildren of his mother. They all must be very sad after such a incident. What's even worse is that I didn't know that his mother was depressed, and I even met her plenty of times throughout my life. I've been thinking of my friend and her family ever since, and my condolences go to all of them.
P.S. The dermatology appointment was just a check up and I did OK.- Show previous comments 3 more
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exp(x) said:...where are you getting your information from? I'd like to take a look at it. My knowledge on the subject is about 10 years old.
Some of this thinking is relatively new, as is the regarding of depression as a type of anxiety disorder.
I have spent about four years collating data on anxiety and depression, so if I listed my sources (I can't remember most of them anyway), the list would be long enough to circle the world. I have spoken to various therapists, experts, support workers, I've read magazine articles, I've read medical reports about medication trials (including relatively new ones like agomelatine), I've seen behavioural studies, plus I also went through this shit personally.
Bear in mind that I was very depressed in the past and suffered from very severe anxiety. The behavioural approach taken to my aspergers has all but cured these conditions - I am at least 90% better and gaining strength each week. I have concentrated on rebuilding my inner strength, and knowing I am aspergers has made sense of my entire life. I effectively have no need of depression any more.
TL;DR - I "found" myself, and it has helped me to eliminate the depression, with no real prospect of a relapse. Unless, of course, something really terrible happens - but now I am able to cope with shit, it really WOULD have to be end-of-the-world terrible.
exp(x) said:EDIT: Also, how do you explain depression's heritability?
When I was having therapy for anxiety and depression - before the treatment was changed to a behavioural approach towards aspergers, which had not been diagnosed up til that point - my therapist asked me to ask my mum if she suffered depression in my early years.
It turned out that my mum was very depressed in those days. It was partly post-natal depression, partly because of life circumstances. I did not recall any of this and it was very shocking to me, but my therapist said, "Yes, I thought she'd say that". My mum also seems to have a worthlessness complex.
It also turns out that my mum was physically ill when carrying me and, later, my brother. It was never stated by doctors but it was believed by my mum that she was allergic to male hormones or something. Again, in research, there seems to be an unproven correlation between mental illness in children and physical or mental illness in mothers during pregnancy.
Is that a natural occurrence due to genes, or is it simply due to the child being reared by a mother who couldn't cope? Really, is a depressed parent going to be any reassurance or guide to a young child? (With all respect to my mum, who I love and respect.)
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DoomUK, you say it pretty much how I see it. A depressed person has developed one or more negative schemas, so if for example they believe they are worthless, the negative schema is activated and they will interpret events as proof that they are worthless.
Someone with a more positive self-opinion, who believes they are a good and worthy person, is not going to react in the same way if someone criticises them. Their confidence schema will activate and the person may brush the criticism off, or accept it and work to improve themselves and see this as a positive step. They would not be likely to internalise the criticism and beat themselves up over it as they would not be looking for proof they are worthless; they would be looking for confirmation that they are worthy.
EXAMPLE:
Event: A person is walking down the street when a gang of kids they don't know shout abuse at them.
Negative schema: Oh God, they're insulting me but they don't know me, my flaws must really stand out, everyone's watching me being humiliated, I can't stand the embarrassment, I'm never going out again, I've really messed up, I've got to get home, I wish the ground would swallow me up...
Positive schema: Who do those dickheads think they're talking to? I bet their parents are proud. Do they really expect people to believe what they're saying about me? They don't even know me. Fuck 'em anyway, I'm nearly at the pub.
Sorry if this is gibberish, I'm really tired and this is very complicated stuff. -
MajorRawne said:they would not be looking for proof they are worthless; they would be looking for confirmation that they are worthy
Not sure if you meant to phrase it like that, but neither suggests true self-confidence to me. Seeking validation from others, be it positive or negative, either means you're not secure in your "positive" opinion of yourself, or you're looking for reasons to justify your negative opinion of yourself respectively. Whatever the case, you need other people to tell you what to think, which is the antithesis of a confident preoccupancy.
MajorRawne said:Positive schema: Who do those dickheads think they're talking to? I bet their parents are proud. Do they really expect people to believe what they're saying about me? They don't even know me. Fuck 'em anyway, I'm nearly at the pub.
A reaction like this, even if it's just a collection of thoughts, still doesn't imply a sense of self-worth. The inversion of reacting negatively would be no reaction at all, because the implied sense of superiority wouldn't need to be reinforced (whether that's a healthy state of mind is debatable, but let's not go off on a whole other topic). As far as the confident recipient is concerned, those kids are just speaking in an alien language.
Don't get me wrong, I'm the last person in the world who is in a position to lecture others on the fabled art of being self-confident. And I certainly don't mean to dismantle whatever techniques you've developed to surmount your own depression - I'm just speaking (pseudo-)academically, here. It's an interesting topic. -
I couldn't really get my head around it the other night, I left it way too late to explain that stuff. I'm more used to dealing with anxiety than depression and I can explain anxiety more clearly. Much of the depression stuff is theory and that theory is not cohesive yet.
As for positive versus negative schemas, you have a strong grasp of it and worked out what I was trying to say in my admittedly rush-job of an example.
Regarding positive schemas though, they are thoughts which actively promote self-improvement and self-confidence. They kick in whenever you need reassurance: "I can handle this, I'll be all right, I am excellent at my job, the targets are hard to challenge me because they know I can hit them" etc. A negative schema in this instance might be "I can't cope, there's something seriously wrong with me, my boss thinks I'm hopeless, I can't hit my targets because they're too high so what's the point".
The neutral stance is meant to be the human norm. We are not meant to feel emotions for extended periods of time. Emotions cost energy and concentration. We are supposed to relax into a neutral state. "I've got a task to do, so I'm doing it. There isn't much time but if I start now, the time allowed will be sufficient. I've got targets to hit and I aim to hit them."
One of the first things I was taught was how to avoid interpreting things in an emotional way. Basically you take note of what's happening around you and describe it to yourself with neutral words. Thus:
The sky is blue. There are some white clouds. The daylight is bright. I can feel a breeze on my skin. It's rustling the trees. I can hear leaves scraping together. The chair I'm sitting on is made from wood. It's been varnished. I can't smell the varnish.
Instead of:
The sky is deeper than the ache of first love. The clouds look like animals - there's a giraffe. I can practically remember that time at the zoo when I was a kid. This chair's really uncomfortable, I can't wait to end this exercise and get up. The breeze is freezing, it's making the tree branches rattle together like a dead man's fingers. I'm starving.
Again that's a somewhat facile example but it gets the point across. - Show next comments 3 more
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Today is my birthday and I'm now 20 years old! I was born on this day and so was my father! One more year and I'll be allowed to drink!
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Hey guys, in case some of you are wondering why I haven't finished MAP13 for my upcoming megawad Illuminatus yet, well it's because I've been busy with other stuff. In late August I started college again and this semester I have a health class, a English class, a multimedia computer class and a broadcast and interactive media history class. The first three classes are in the building while the broadcast and interactive media history class is online. So yeah I'm busy with college, but I also do other stuff besides map making and college work such as drawing pictures ad playing video games. For my English class, I have a big argument essay coming up and my topic is on copyright infringement. So I hope you all understand and I hopefully get the megawad done ASAP.
10/19/2012 Edit: As of this post, MAP13 is complete. Thanks for your patience and let's hope I can get the other maps done ASAP.-
glenzinho said:
I know I was a little harsh on your first wad, but I've just been playing the start of Illuminatus and it's a great leap forward, good stuff! Take your time finishing it though, no need to rush. Good luck.
I didn't find your review's criticism harsh at all when it first came out, but I took it as a bit of advice. I'm also glad you enjoyed the start of Illuminatus! Hopefully I can get MAP13 done soon.
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Played a few more levels and I have some feedback for you. I loved the first 3 and a half levels. These really had a feel of the original Doom 1 levels and were quite well done. However by the end of the fourth, all of the fifth and half of the sixth there was no bloody ammo! (Playing on UV FYI). In Map05, there's a sharp spike in difficulty from the basic Doom 1 monsters and then all of a sudden you're staring down a hallway of Revs! With no ammo! In Map05 & 06 there's a lot of cells and rocket ammo but no weapons to be seen. Map 06 started to feel repetitive and a lot of just really long hallways thrown in for no discernible reason other than connect areas. Your lighting also always seems universally bright.
I've only got as far as Map06 and the lack of ammo and higher powered weapons have put me off for now. Maybe instead of going for Map 13 you should go back and touch up some of these earlier levels? Make a rocket launcher or plasma rifle a bit more obvious? Break up some of these long hallways with a little detail work?
Anyway, kudos on the first few; they are definitely a step in the right direction... cheers! -
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Hey guys. As you can tell by the title of this blog, I have some bad news.
Ever since 1999 I'm sure, I had a cat named Chloe. A friend came with two kittens and let me and my family choose one of them. We chose the cat named Chloe of course. For 13 years she was cute and cuddly and I loved her, and I would sometimes hold her. I would also like to hear her meow when she wanted food and I would give her food after a few meows. A few days ago she got sick and my little sister told me to check on her while she was out whith my big sister and mother, because Chloe did not look well. One day my mom took her to the vet to check on her and they told my mom that Chloe was sick. They also said if she got too sick, they would have to put her to sleep. The night before today, my mom and little sister were really upset because of how Chloe got worse and I felt sad for Chloe too. Sadly as of today, the vet had put her to sleep because she was too sick. So yeas my cat Chloe is dead as of this blog.
Besides Chloe, I have another cat named Patches who likes to go outiside unlike Chloe. Another thing was that Patches was much heavier that Chloe and Chloe was only about 4 pounds. My cat Chloe is going to be missed and I would someday like to buy another cat so that I can have two cats again.
I'll post a picture of her later. -
Old Title: My Father's Going To Get Heart Surgery Soon
I was thinking of making this blog earlier than before, but I'm making the blog now. Back in December 2011, I went to Pizza Hut with my dad. He told me there that he was going to get heart surgery in April because of how bad his heart was (it's not TOO bad right now). I didn't know what the exact date was going to be at first after I found out about it, and I eventually found out the date for the surgery is April 25th and the surgery will be this year. I've been nervous about my father ever since he told me about the upcoming surgery and I got a bit more nervous after my aunt died on 2/15/2012 because of how death can come at anytime for anyone. I'm praying for my father that he'll be OK after surgery.
I'll let you know how the surgery went on this blog so you can stay subscribed to this thread if you want.
4/26/2012 Edit: The surgery was a success! Read this post for more info. -
Hey guys, I have some good news. Spring break has come for me and there will be no school for one week. This means I'll have more time to work on my WAD Nitro's Chex Quest 2 and my upcoming Megawad.
In other news, I'll soon be posting version 1.3.5 of my first WAD Nitro's Doom and version 1.1.8 of my second WAD Nitro's Chex Quest, and I'll let you know when the links are posted by posting here.
That's all for now. Take care guys.-
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I just posted the links to my new versions of my WADs. Go here to get them.
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Hey guys, I just want to let you know that I'm going to my aunt's funeral that's at 10:00 AM today in my time zone. I called her Aunt Debbie, but none of you have heard of my aunt's death, so I'll tell you what happened:
On February 15, 2012, after getting home from college and getting to my room, my mom told me something that shocked me. My aunt Debbie (who was my mom's sister), had died of a seizure & a heart attack. I felt like this was unreal and that it was just a nightmare, but unfortunately, it was all 100% real. It was really sad to hear this, and I'm sure that she'll be safe and sound in heaven.
So yeah, it's going to be sad to go to my aunt's funeral. I'll post here again and tell you how the funeral was after I go there and get back.
Aunt Debbie
March 19, 1956 – February 15, 2012-
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Joshy said:
Sorry to hear that. Never easy when a loved one's passed.
Ralphis said:My condolences to you and your family
Thanks guys. Should have thankd you two earlier, but better late than never.
baronofheck82 said:Very sorry to hear about this. If you're like me, it's going to take some time for it all to sink in.
Yeah it will take time for it to sink in, especially for my mom, because my aunt was her sister, and they really loved each other a lot.
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This is my first blog, and I want to talk about some updates. I'm planning on releasing new versions of my Doom 2 WAD Nitro's Doom and my Chex Quest WAD Nitro's Chex Quest.
I'm also currently working on Nitro's Chex Quest 2 and a Megawad for Doom 2 (a few of you might know about this already), but the name of it is classified for now.
So yeah, I'll let you guys know when I get these done. -
