Single Status Update
Sleeping isn't working. I'm going completely crazy instead. This coming weekend is the weekend I'm going down to Sydney for my brother's 21st. I will also be seeing my in-limbo-ex whilst down there. Originally, she had commitments on the Sunday to go see relatives a couple of hours north of Sydney. She had no plans for the Saturday, so I was looking forward to spending at least a day with her. I got an email from her this morning stating that she now has stuff to do on the Friday and Saturday, which means the only time I'll get to see her will be for my brother's 21st dinner, which will only be a couple of hours at most. This is, as you'd imagine, a very huge disappointment to me. I was hoping to spend some time speaking to her in the day I wanted to spend with her about the whole possible-relationship thing, but now I might only get a few minutes to spend on it, so I'm going over what might happen in my head. My projections in regards to my love life are never accurate, but this time it's different. My mind always goes through unlikely scenarios, but each time I try to compose something to say in my head I know exactly what her response would be. I know there's something between us, and it's not just a one-way thing from my direction. I know she cares alot about me, and that she trusts me possibly more than she's trusted anyone else. Events in her life (such as the father of her child not wanting anything to do with her for example) will stop her from acting on it though. She doesn't want to lose me, and as a result she won't pursue a relationship because of how previous ones have ended out. I completely trust her, and she means more to me than anything. The irony with her not wanting to persue a relationship is that she gained my complete trust by dumping me originally. It was only a bit over a week in to our original relationship. She was up front and said she still had feelings for her ex and that she thought it would be best for us to just be friends. It was the right thing to do - would you rather your girlfriend tell you that or go behind your back? In the time since, we have grown quite alot closer, and I'm convinced we can grow even closer still in a full time relationship. She's the only thing truly good and that truly means anything to me in my life. I don't want to rush her in to anything, but I don't want to stand by while she throws away something over irrelevant fears. I'm going to be driving myself crazy for the next week until I see her though. It's definately going to be a long week to back up the long three months since I last saw her and the hopeful possibility of a relationship became a real chance.