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Hyena

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Everything posted by Hyena

  1. Hyena

    The /newstuff Chronicles #213

    This alone convinces me that I have to play the wad just to see for myself how awful it is. Edit: I ran this wad in Zdoom, Prboom, Legacy, Skulltag, Eternity, and was even suicidal enough to try it in Edge. Every one of them crashed on loading either the first or second maps. From the engines that survived loading the first map, I was able to see for myself that it was a room with a desk and computer that didn't look half bad. For some reason I then walk into a closet and walk past about 5 unusable doors and have to walk out through a bookshelf that opens for some reason. There's a big chaingun in the closet but it's put there only to mock the player because there's no way to get it. I have no idea what map02 looks like, because it crashes every damn doom engine I have. In fact, because I was stupid enough to try it in Edge, my computer froze and I had to reset. Edit again: I see in the text file it recommends GLBoom. Not because of engine requirements, but because it "looks better". I should note that the crashes have nothing to do with GL requirements, but blatant mapper errors. I opened the wad in an editor and found several unclosed sectors as well as other strange problems such as a linedef having no first sidedef. The strangest error is "Linedef 1799 uses -1 Sidedef twice" whatever the hell that means. I am now attempting to play it again (Yes, I'm that masochistic) in GLBoom. More information on this crisis as it becomes available. Edit 3: I will attempt to describe the horrors of map02. You wander around streets fighting the bad guys from Batman Doom who drop candy canes, which incidentally are your ammunition. Everything is square, not particularly well detailed (the streamers hanging over the streets are a fairly nice touch though and the non-batman textures look decent). There's some HOM here and there that you'll definitely notice. At one point I found a group of about 12 shotgun-toting thugs standing in the middle of a snowbank facing away from me. I picked off at least half of them before the rest of them knew I was there. Why the author felt it necessary to give them the "deaf" flag is one of those great mysteries we'll never unlock, like "Who made the pyramids?" and "Why did they make the movie Catwoman?" I found it nearly funny that there was a bank named "Rob This Bank". Otherwise, this is an almost entirely boring map. Final Edit: Okay, thankfully maps 3 to 5 were filler maps. The final map in this masterpiece of a wad places you outside of Santa's compound with more fun graphical errors in the sky. Have fun trying to guess the magic parts of the fence that you can walk through because they look like the normal non-magical parts of the fence that you can't walk through. While you are trying to do this, you are being fired upon by SS Officers drawn as elves. You have absolutely no cover and the fact that there are about a hundred thousand million billion trees supposedly there for decoration (even though they're in neat rows that make them look incredibly unnatural) which constantly block your movement and obscure your vision. To make this final map even greater, when you die (which you will because there's about fifty elves firing on you while you're bumping into trees and searching for magic fences) you lose the shotgun that you get in map05 making this map completely impossible if you didn't save. If you'll excuse the gargantuan run-on sentence, I would like to take this moment to congratulate the author for believing that everyone would want to play this incomplete version of what would be a horrendous wad even without the many, many awful bugs, simply because it's a Christmas-themed wad like the other Christmas-themed wads that were made every year for at least five years now. It has made my last half hour somewhat amusing, even though I lost some data in unsaved documents in the process. I recommend this wad to anyone who has been a tad disappointed by Super Sonic Doom, because it helps to put things in perspective.
  2. Hyena

    Duke Nukem in Captain Planet

    Porkchop sandwiches! Oh SHIT! Get the fuck out of here! Go on! What are you doing? Get the fuck out of here, you stupid idiots! Fuck, we're all dead! Get the fuck out!
  3. Hyena

    Duke Nukem in Captain Planet

    I'm not sure how this got on the topic of James Bond, but I think the reason it's not really working is that James Bond makes a terrible spy. I mean, he's good at fighting, escaping from danger, improvising weapons, driving cars, and outsmarting villains. He's terrible at sneaking around, though. He can't break into any place without shooting about four guards, and then run out with alarms blazing and being chased by hundreds of armed soldiers, just miraculously getting away when capture seems imminent. He's a cool character, always blowing things up, defeating the villains, and getting the girl (or actually about three to twelve girls per movie) and fun to watch in an action sense, but he doesn't really belong in a spy movie. I'll tell you, when I watched the Bourne Identity (The first one, not the sequel) I was left with the distinct impression that James Bond is a wuss. Oh, and getting back on subject. I feel sorry for kids who would play "Captain Planet" in the playground who never could get a full game going because no one was willing to be the kid with "Heart" power.
  4. Hyena

    Music

    I don't listen to a lot of alternative, but these bands I've been listening to non-stop for the last twelve weeks: Prussian Deathblade Hara Kiri Nut Tubbbtruck Baby Ticklers Dirty Reginald Joe's Black Ostrich Expo Detroit-Iowa 36DD Ritalin Dead Cancer Society Electric Hobo Second Cousin Twice Removed Dildo in a Sock The Lee Harvey Oswalds Grandpa Farted Homemade Napalm The Silver Hairy Harrys Meat Ball Loaf Deadly Victory Move Zig For Justice Brain Crotch
  5. Hyena

    Weird Video Games

    Just for my own personal "research", what are some of the most bizarre video games you've played? I'm looking for pre-N64 games, preferably not DOS or Windows games. (My theory is that games' inherent weirdness hit a peak sometime in the 80s or 90s). I have plenty of ammunition for NES (Monster Party, etc) but if anyone has played some really messed up games for old systems like Colecovision, that's a plus. If anyone can think of anything they played as a kid which they remember being really twisted, that would help me out a lot.
  6. Hyena

    Weird Video Games

    Okay, again, I'm NOT counting hacks.
  7. Hyena

    "Exploding lava lamp kills man"

    Oh well. It could have been battery acid or something.
  8. Hyena

    "Exploding lava lamp kills man"

    You know, every time someone is killed in a really stupid way like that everyone is really quick to jump in and make fun of them, but I have to wonder how many of us are really capable of doing something incredibly stupid at just the wrong moment. I think even the smartest of us have temporary but huge lapses in judgement.
  9. Hyena

    Attatchment

    And yes, there will always be people who take it too far.
  10. Hyena

    Attatchment

    It's actually pretty simple. If you insult something that someone loves, they will often feel like the insult was directed at them because they enjoyed it. Think about it this way: If you think something is intelligent and somebody else says that it's stupid, in essense they are calling you stupid. I've definitely been guilty of this way of thinking. However, I usually like it a bit more when people are quick to defend something (even though they often come off as a complete moron) than when they are quick to insult something. I find often people will simply dismiss a movie, game, or whatever as bad, because among other reasons it makes them look smart. Person A says "I really liked [insert game]" Person B snorts and says "The levels were too linear, the music was too repetitive, and the final boss was way too easy" Person A feels insulted, and tries to convince person B that the game is good, usually by simply talking about what he thinks are its saving graces, or about the game's popularity. Person B might see some of the arguments as sort of valid, but decides that he seems more witty if he appears to be "above" such arguments and then goes on to brag to his friends in the "I Hate Everything Club" about how he made Person A look like an idiot. And the sad thing is, he did.
  11. Hyena

    What is your all-time best TV drama?

    Hah. My all-time best, eh? My all-time best show is the one my friends and I filmed in the basement back when I was 10. Sadly I have not produced any actual TV broadcasts and I highly doubt anyone else here has. Also, Friends and 3rd Rock are hardly what I would call a TV "drama" but it was still fascinating to learn that they were made in Korea. I seriously did not know that. Good job, man. Keep churning out hits.
  12. Hyena

    Weird Video Games

    Okay, but are all the games I mentioned there C64 games? As for KKK Adventure, Fuck Quest, The Last Einhof, and Weirdland, I have no idea what systems they're for. If I know what system they're for, I can probably find my way to getting them. Edit: Some internet searches generated hits for all of these games except KKK Adventure, and there was only one for Last Einhof which was a Russian site that I needed to translate, in which there wasn't much information at all. However, the three games I got hits for *appear* to be PC games (Ie, Dos/Windows), in which case I can't really use them.
  13. Hyena

    Weird Video Games

    Thanks everyone. A few notes: Searching gamefaqs.com gave me one hit for "How to be a Complete Bastard" and it was a commodore 64 game. Didn't see an entry for any other system. Gamefaqs also did not give me any hits for KKK Adventure, Fuck Quest, The Last Einhof, or Weirdland. Are any of these Hacks or Mods? I'm looking for games that were actually up on shelves in stores (or in arcades). For instance, the Hacked version of Megaman, Mega Crap, was pretty weird ("A vicious army of gaybos is bent on destroying your dick") but it's not a real game, just the product of a kid who got his hands on a megaman rom and a hex editor. It's also possible gamefaqs doesn't have the most complete video game listing in the world. If anyone knows of another site where I can look up information such as the system, publisher, and release year of any game sold over the counter, please let me know. And finally, I really need to know the name of that C64 game with a Michael Jackson lookalike (especially if you're not exaggerating). It isn't just a port of Moonwalker is it?
  14. Hyena

    Weird Video Games

    Another visitor. Stay awhile. Stay forever!
  15. Hyena

    0.1 + 0.1 + 0.1 does not equal 0.3

    Show me a british dictionary with defin-A-tely. I'm pretty sure it's "definitely" everywhere. Nyah nyah nyah! I'll spell colour correctly if I want to. Feel free to spell anything however the hell you want to. By the way, real classy generalizing everyone outside of the little country you call home with the words "freaking foreigner". I think you'll find people living in Not-America outnumber you by about 6 billion.
  16. Hyena

    Weird Video Games

    I remember Save New York! Hah. And yeah, a lot of C64 games are just translations of arcade games, but you've be surprised how many weird games it has. The following are all C64 games: Bruce Lee is a game where you control Bruce Lee and you guide him through a series of underground caves, fighting ninjas and green sumo wrestlers, and avoiding weird traps like conveyor belts that pull you into spikes. The final boss looks like a cross between a Japanese Demon and Donkey Kong. Instead of throwing barrels he spits bouncing rocks at you and if you run up and hit a switch on the other side of the room, he gets fried for some reason. Creatures 2 is a game where you command a little hairy cartoony creature and you have to save other hairy cartoony creatures from evil creatures and the traps they set up. Sounds like your basic kids game except for the blatantly gratuitous violence that goes on if you fail. Hover Bovver is a lawn mowing game. Seriously. The story is that your lawn needs mowing, so you "borrow" your neighbours mower. The objective is to finish mowing your lawn before the neighbour catches up to you. You also have a dog you can order to attack, which can buy you some time. The dog has a loyalty metre (which goes down every time you tell him to attack until he stops listening) and a tolerance metre (which goes down progressively until he finally attacks you). If you mow through the flower bed your wife runs out and joins your neighbour in trying to stop you. Thanks for the suggestions, everyone. Keep 'em coming if you think of any.
  17. Hyena

    0.1 + 0.1 + 0.1 does not equal 0.3

    According to m-w.com, "colour" comes up as a valid entry, stating it's a British variant of "color" "Gaol" also turned up for a variant of "jail". I generally prefer British spellings, but I didn't think anyone actually used that one. But apparently someone thought enough of it to put it in the Merriam Webster dictionary. "d e f i n a t e" returned no entries. My guess is that somebody simply spelled the word wrong and was so convinced it was correct that they defensively said it was the correct way in Australia. However, if someone wants to point me in the direction of an online Australian dictionary that has "d e f i n a t e" I will kindly take back my "PWNED BITCH!"
  18. Hyena

    Weird Video Games

    Earthworm Jim, Boogerman, etc were funny games. They were purposely making it strange for your entertainment. I'm looking for something more along the lines of a game that one guy made in his basement when he was stoned one night, and it somehow managed to get on store shelves. Yes, but I did say I was looking for older than N64, non DOS/Windows games. Yeah, there is something weird about that if you think about it, but I'm more looking for games where the weirdness is immediately obvious. Examples: One of the bosses in Monster Party (a game in which you play a little kid with a baseball bat who teams up with a dragon named Bert to defeat a planet full of monsters) is a giant fried shrimp that says "Look out, Baby. Here I come." I think that's infinitely more bizarre than eating a magic mushroom that makes you double in size. By the way, someone definitely should have mentioned Michael Jackson's Moonwalker by now.
  19. Hyena

    Weird Video Games

    Thanks, Wild Weasel. I'll look those up. (And yes, I'm aware of Wario Ware and it is weird)
  20. Hyena

    Doom Hunt

    Yeah, and they should make it so that instead of ducks, you shoot lost souls. And they try to fly at you and you shoot them first. And then instead of the duck hunt background, you can make some detailed doom maps where you can fight the lost souls and explore and find keys and open doors. And you can fight other monsters too. That would be just like duck hunt. It would rule.
  21. Hyena

    I'M DR. ZOIDBERG!

    http://hyena.kiwibonga.com/robocop.JPG
  22. Hyena

    Speedmapping Rises Again

    I might be able to make it. If not, I'll just whip up a map beforehand that has nothing to do with the actual theme at all and only took me 2 1/2 minutes to make so you can all hate me while I'm away for the weekend and forget about it by the time I return.
  23. Hyena

    The /newstuff Chronicles #200

    What?
  24. I think many of you might be missing what is meant by this. It's one thing if you have legal copies of the songs and whatnot, but by putting them in your shared folder, you're basically inviting people to take them from you. So, yeah, I'd say they easily have the grounds to pass a bill like that. But still, they can't do much if you have the mp3s in a non-shared folder. (Of course that will kill the P2P thing outright, but then I guess we can all find another way of downloading our precious mp3s. There's always a way)
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