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Hellbent

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About Hellbent

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  1. Relax... relax, it's not like we're talking about a fifth of vodka and a siberian polar vortex of supersnow. Slip sliding away. Nahh... they salted the roads to the point they were covered in a thick layer of car destroying rock salt. It's interesting how much my confidence and competence increases with two pints over sobrebent while driving in the snowstorm. Before drinks, 45mph cautious and nervous. After drinks 55mph fearless and aplomb. Of course it stopped snowing, so the roads were much better on the return trip compared to when we left the house. Though my friend who keys cars was suggesting we slow down. Still, I concede a friendly buzz makes me better at everything (including quiet entry into the house) than soberbent. Just saying.

    Seriously, tho, I am pretty much incompetent as a sober citizen of society. It really is mysterious to me how it just shuts down the part of my brain that just really s---okay, for instance, I am directionally challenged. But buzzed, I didn't need to ask my friend where to go, but when I'm sober I'm like "left here? striaght? which exit in the roundabout?" I'm fucking useless! but driving home tonight, without even thinking about it I knew all the turns and roundabouts--without even thinking about it--but for some reason when I'm sober I'm retarded. :( I can't go through life a drunk... so... what to do? it's very ... oddd to me.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Krispy

      Krispy

      When are they going to take your license away? You are the one who wrote that blog about falling asleep regularly behind the wheel, right?

    3. darknation

      darknation

      during my younger days we used to drink drive to the nightclub every fucking weekend. Five people in the car, sometimes one person in the boot. Tin of Super Lager stuffed in the driver-side door, bottle of vodka in the back, the interior of the car transformed into a sauna of dope smoke.

      We all lived and never killed anybody, which is something of a fucking miracle. I'd like to say I learned my lesson, but the only lesson to be learned was Paul is a better driver drunk than sober.

      I know another guy who used to do exactly the same thing, with the slight difference of crashing his car once every three months. My favorite story about him was the collection of Japanese knives he used to carry in the boot of his car, for no good reason that I can discern other than paranoia and incipient psychosis. He wrote his car off and someone called the cops, causing the guy to freak out and run a mile to the nearest field, bury his collection of killing weapons and run back home to his bed before the police could lift him for drink driving.

      Took him a long, long time and many, many fields to remember exactly where he had buried his precious bullshit.

    4. Hellbent

      Hellbent

      Kirspy said: When are they going to take your license away? You are the one who wrote that blog about falling asleep regularly behind the wheel, right?


      Errmmm... yes, and in light of dn's contribution to this thread, I have a confessional follow up to that infamous thread where I was berated and hated for sleep-driving. You might think the following account would answer your question, but, alas... I'm afraid not.

      Once again, I was driving the same familiar route when I started having troubles staying awake. I did my best to keep my eyelids from involuntary shuttage, including slapping myself in the face, but there comes a point where it's just a losing battle no matter what I do. So I decide, since I'm close to my exit, I'll pull over and take a nap when I get off the highway. Shortly thereafter I wake up to see a concrete barrier in front of me and then BAM! I smack into the concrete median thing that is between the toll booth lanes. I guess it shouldn't come as too much surprise that I'm unable to autopilot into a toll lane. How I ever negotiated the actual exit I have no idea, since it's a very twisty exit and I have no recollection of exiting the highway.

      Now, quite awake, I take stock of what just happened. I'm in a bit of a daze. I check for injury but to my surprise, and to my somewhat disappointment, I am completely fine. The airbag deployed and I guess I didn't have time to tense up, so I must have been relaxed and bounced off the airbag. My chin got a very slight graze from the airbag, but not even worth mentioning as it left no visible mark; that was the only 'injury' I sustained. Feeling like a complete ass, I turn on my hazard lights and remove myself from the vehicle and take stock of the situation. Car doesn't seem to be smoking or in danger of catching fire, and there isn't much traffic at 3am to be worried about, except for big 18 wheelers that squeeze into the toll lane despite my car straddling the barrier between the lanes....

      I have a chat with the tollbooth operator who informs me a cop is on his way over. I call AAA to arrange for the removal of my vehicle. I inspect the damage and decide the car probably is not totaled, as I initially thought it probably was. I wait in as safe a place I can find near my car for the officer to show up. When he does, he seems rather nonplussed and is relatively friendly towards me despite the asshatness of the accident. He asks what happened and I sheepishly tell him the truth, that I was going to pull over to take a nap, but fell asleep before making it to the toll booth. He says he's going to be nice and not report the accident, but writes me up for careless driving, good for $100. I apologize a few more times and thank the officer and not too long the tow truck arrives and tows me and my car to my friend's auto body shop.

      And to think I used to wonder why blogs was in the sub-forum 'morons'.

      EDIT: I have been having the recurring thought, for about a year now, of voluntarily turning in my license as a way to help me take the whole driving thing more seriously. Despite being very open about my sleep driving with other people and the accident, no one seems to think this is a good idea, basically because it's very difficult where I live to get by without a car. They just tell me to be careful. I think a realistic compromise is to, one, drive less and, two, take more measures and precautions before driving late at night, which I have been doing.

      Since my new job involves driving a special needs person around cambridge and the greater boston area, there has been talk about the possibility of us employees taking a defensive driving course. I will definitely sign up for this if they end up organizing it. Even though I know how to drive defensively, since I'm a masshole like so many others in the commonwealth, and don't always choose to drive defensively, it would behoove me to take a course to be reminded why defensive driving is a good idea. At any rate, I'm tired of sleep driving.

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