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About Hellbent

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  1. I feel very peculiar, warm and sorta zennish, creative and happy, but maybe a bit sad all at the same time here at 4:00 in the am. I've sorta always had a hankering to make music but never persued it because I never felt I was naturally talented enough; that the sweat and toil would be too great for the meager payoff from not being talented enough. I always figured I'd never get good enough to be satisfied by anything I'd make. I envision myself playing the drums tighter than a nun on Sunday with creative flairs and nuance that thrill and energize, or singing my heart out to an incredibly catchy and sophisticated pop/folk/rock tune with killer arrangements of instrumentals and vocals that synergize in incredibly electric and energetic rhythms and sounds, where the whole band is on cloud 9 by the pure sublimity of the music. But when I tap on the table in reverie I can't hold a rythm; I don't have enough confidence in my singing voice, and I made too slow progress on the piano and gave up on the guitar after a couple chords and a broken string, but mostly by the simple fact that I've never considered myself a musical person.

    I Felt like expressing how I feel since I've had hankerings for making music since I was 14, and those creative pangs haven't subsided in the least, if anything have grown with absense of outlet. I just might start a ragtag band of musician wannabes. For shits and giggles, and try my best to bring some of the musical inspiration that fleetingly but not so infrequently thumps at my heart and exhilerates my mind; and maybe bring some of that fantasizing at what music could be to life.

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. Hellbent


      Super Jamie said:

      Rather that sit and wonder and shoot yourself down before you've even got started, why don't to actually try and see how you go?

      I am more un-coordinated and have a worse reaction time than anyone else I know, but after 6 months of lessons I managed to develop great timing for playing drums and could even double-kick faster than a few other musicians I knew.

      It was about then I realised I also have no musical creativity and gave up. Maybe you will be different?

      Thanks guys. That is actually really encouraging. I have the creativity, it bubbles forth all the time--I just don't know how to harness it, but it's what drives me toward a real desire to make music--it's just the challenge of it all that gets me down--keeping a rythm is hard and tries my discipline and patience. When I started playing piano it was an amazing experience--I would have this amazing pleasure from playing, and this creativity would bubble forth like drunken champagne in my solar plexes, and I would get such great pleasure from even the simplest things I'd play on the piano. But the more I practiced, the less the amazing feelings playing the instrument gave me and the more tedium and a chore it became. I started to miss that initial creativity, enthusiasm and pleasure that sprung forth from playing once a week (vs playing every day). But maybe that is just the way it goes, and I should have just slogged through and trusted that as I got better, there would be a long term payoff.

      I'm afraid it would be the same thing with the drums. The tedium of mastering simple rythms would kill all the joy and creativity that so strongly attracts me to the drums, and musical expression in general. I get pleasure from trying to pull off complex, nuanced rythms, poorly, half expressed through my hands, but vibrantly alive in my head and heart. As I write this and think about my experiences I almost feel like I have to pursue this. Drums, piano, guitar, singing. I was thinking if I start a band with some wannabe musician friends who want to start a band (or at least jam sessions) and are talking about buying a cheap drumset, a possible name would be the Rickety Cricket Band. The idea being that we'd play for the pure joy of it rather than taking ourselves seriously as a group that would be contributing anything anyone would actually want to listen to. But the whole point of music is that you share it. Not sure I could ever be satisfied with the idea of just making music for my sole enjoyment without ever being good enough for others to enjoy it. Anyway, thanks for the encouragement; I just need to figure out some way to get beyond the doldrums seemingly inherent in the discipline of playing the same thing over and over again that is the necessary process of learning an instrument, or set aside these fantasies.

    3. Khorus


      Seems to me like you're thinking too much about it. Find a second hand drum kit or whatever in good condition for cheap and give it a shot.

      But then, many have said I thought too little about getting into music. I walked into a large music store I hadn't been in before nearly 2 years ago, fell in love with the synths and keyboards they had there, went home with a few products in mind and did abit of research, they were good prices so I spent my lifetime savings on a studio. I hadn't even played an instrument before other than school recorder. Best thing I ever did.

    4. Super Jamie

      Super Jamie

      As I was learning drums, sometimes I felt good about playing and sometimes I didn't. I got lessons once a week, some weeks I'd have exercises that were painfully difficult I'd make no progress and my teacher could tell, some weeks I loved it so much I'd be sneaking home from work and take a long lunch to get more kit time even if it was just 45 minutes (I'd then come home at night and play for another 2 hours until I was dripping with sweat and my arms were sore).

      I think part of getting guidance about anything is having a good mentor. I know a fair few musicians and asked around about who was good in the area. I ended up getting a rad teacher tho I also wasn't afraid to try someone else if his style wasn't to my liking.

      Like Khorus says, give it a shot! You can get a cheap acoustic kit for $250, and a cheap electric kit for $700 (probably cheaper in America). I was lucky enough to have a housemate with a $6k electric kit so there was initially no outlay for me, though we eventually moved house and I got my own Roland TD6 (plus some extras) which I picked up for about $1000 and it was more kit than I ever needed.

      The best thing about music stuff is; if you buy it second hand, it's pretty much dropped in value as much as it's going to. I've been really into computers, cars, bikes, weights and a few other potentially expensive hobbies but the only one I've never lost money on is second hand music gear.