Single Status Update
can't sleep cause i'm the unwitting victim of a mild second hand high; (I think just pot, but definitely inordinate amounts of second hand cig smoke). I can't really explain how I am feeling. On the one hand it's hardly noticeable, and on the other my brain pops my eyes open through a strange floating wakefulness (like an air bubble that is forced to the top) whenever I close my eyes to go to sleep. If the air bubble would sink to the bottom, that would be falling asleep--but since it floats to the top, that is remaining awake despite the desire to fall asleep.
I don't feel stoned, just slightly off in a completely novel and dissociated sort of way. Drugs are so weird and always give me the experience of having my mind flushed down the toilet (oh gno where did my mind go give it back!) No really, that is just the awful beginning of an excruciatingly trying journey through madness, through nihilism, through nothingness, beyond void: in the vacant space where my mind was is replaced with from the murky nether a very strange, unreal, incoherent, vacant, broken, foggy, fragmentating, inconsistent, inpenetarable, bottom drops out, ininterpretable, onious, shattered, skipping, stuttering, slipping away, falling, surreal, voidful, vacant, unreal, memory-failful, bending, imploding, floating, splitting, falling, shattering, ADD to the umpteenth power, degenerating, fragmentating, Groundhog Day looping reality that leaves the "me" who is experiencing this without my mind and without myself--just a mindless void experiencing a scrambled and broken program of utter incoherence to the point of catastrophe of being. It all adds up to some awful nightmare that is so inexplicably impossibly WTF that I freak the fuck out in excruciating crisis of being. I don't know why people do them or how they can possibly enjoy them, let alone to the extent that this mad house was doing them earlier. Thankfully my friend kicked out his brother and all his friends (there were a lot of them). Pot et al. is so awful.
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Nihilism seems to be a common side effect of psychoactives.
I've done my fair share of pot, and I really like it once in a while, if I can do it alone and explore my head without interruption, but if other (especially unknown) people unexpectedly enter the mix I can be a nervous wreck. Also smoking too much makes me foggy, slow and paranoid. But I don't generally have extreme anxiety with those words Hellbent used.
Set and setting, dude.