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Springy

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About Springy

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  1. NOTE: This isn't an actual tutorial on robbing yourself but there are steps that you can take from this which was demonstrated by my uncle.

    Last week we received a call from my uncle whom I haven't seen in a good few years. He requested that we come down on Saturday as we hadn't seen him since he last moved house. The journey was long and consisted of a few train journeys which so happened to include the typical poncy workers going to work with their ties done up to 11, toilets that were disgusting and of course windows that wouldn't shut because that's First Crapital Connect for you. Anyway, we made it to his house in South East London, had the BBQ and I was offered a chance to stay to which I accepted.

    And what a fucking night it was...

    We had a few, it's true and my uncle gives Nick (his partner), who so happens to be in the same state as a typical bus shelter dweller, the keys to his house with one request; put the keys in the lock box. Me and my uncle stay down the pub for a few more then head back at 1:00 in the morning and what happened? Keys weren't in the lock box. My uncle bangs on the door for a good half an hour then we give up and back to the pub we go after that, we go back (again). Same thing happens so he knocks on next doors door goes through into the house and climbs onto the roof, attempts to climb through the bathroom window (which so happens to be extremely tiny). His neighbour (some old twat with crutches), rudely lets me in so I am stood in their garden pissed as a fart and what do I see? My uncle half way in (or out) of the window to the bathroom, wriggles a bit and finally falls in and proceeds to let me in. In the house now and Barry tells me he found the keys, he goes upstairs and all I hear is "I told you to put those BLOODY keys in the lock box!"

    To summarise; put your BLOODY keys somewhere safe, don't end up giving them to a friend and/or family member when they're in a state like that. As funny as it was, I am just glad my uncle's partner got home safe.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Springy

      Springy

      Phml said:

      So you go home drunk in the middle of the night, bang loudly on doors, wake up a handicapped old man so he can act as your doorman, and call him a twat because he doesn't bow down low enough to kiss your feet.

      Nope, I wasn't the one who requested to go in in the first place. There's a bit more to this story but I didn't want to bring it up. No words were exchanged that night, apart from some homophobia and a comment about how they wished next door didn't die, which were both aimed at my uncle. My uncle phoned them first, who said they would help him out if he came next door, yet he was rude to me when I was standing outside waiting for a response from my uncle's house (hoping Nick would answer it). As far as I am concerned, if you offer to help someone out, then help them out without the comments. The neighbour phoned at gone two in the morning to apologise for the comments, which my uncle did not accept due to the fact that he could hear what we were saying about that comment through the wall. Hence why I used the phrase old twat, despite not actually insulting the person in question because I am not like that. I suppose I could have explained why said neighbour was a twat in the first place. I can understand it is not acceptable to bother people at that time of day but when you offer to help, at least act like you want to.

    3. CorSair

      CorSair

      Still doesn't beat time when brother had to climb to his apartment on 3rd floor, with shoddy, slippery drain pipe, being heavy weight man and to top that, he was in fumes, so to say. (Lots of beer, scotch and whatnot, you name it.)

      And he made it without hitch.

    4. bytor

      bytor

      My.keys.never.leave.me.

      The wallet is a different story. :/ Gawd I hate reaching for it to find an empty back pocket. It's like having a heart attack. It's like the world flipping upside down. It's like...ok, I'll stop.

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