mrthejoshmon

A squad of Howling Banshees I finished today, could've done better on the wearing and bases but I think it's aight.

Dear amalgoom, clippy crew, and doomworld. I would like to make a formal apology

when i was 16, I joined doomworld because I enjoyed making maps. As I grew I met people, got around, had ideas, some failed, some went chaotic and the people I crossed, most of the time left a bad impression.

I write this to say, I apologize for all the grief I have caused while as "Johnny Cruelty" I will *not bullshit and try to excuse my behavior. I was a dickhead, not because I was young, but because I was acting stupid and didn't think to stop. I was a terrible Project leader, I often was too bossy and got too obsessed over the smallest issues of a map, and thought every bit of critiscism was a personal attack. i was foolish very foolish. I took people's kindness for weakness, I didn't stop to think "hey these are people with lives and feelings, these aren't employees, these are PEOPLE" I did value these people but not enough, as my rude attitude outshined my respect for them, and in turn people casted me out, a pariah. One such individual I pissed off the most was @doomgappy he was a nice guy, and when the last straw was hit, when I got mad at him making "big" changes to small stuff, he couldn't take it, he lost his cool, he got so mad he was just done trying to help me and wanted me no more. at the time, out of guilt, even at my peak assholishness, a fragment of me realized how much of a asshole I was, and I passed the torch to him, and was exiled. sometime after that, I tried reaching out again, but I still was not quite... in good terms and he told me to get away from him, I was sad and mad but after a bit I understood and moved on. However some advice he told me before he exiled me, was "Just make a new fresh start and maybe one day things will be better again." so I did, I made grungo as not just a new fresh skin, but something more... something you might call... a "Gimmick" I spoke like Torr from fallout 2, and donned a blue velvet suit. My motto was "What would grungo do" which was the opposite of Johnny Cruelty... While some elements of JC leaked, I tried to maintain this new persona, by being nice as much as I could and aspired to be a better person, saying nice things on wads, making nice jokes, trying to do better in art. at first it was a suit, akin to a wolf in sheep's clothing, but I felt better being Grungo so I embraced it. Instead of me pretending to be someone I am not, I shaped myself to something I wanna be. But I must admit, even when I am trying to change, I admit I am not perfect, and sometimes I am a ass, I cannot lie, But I try and I understand if I keep trying to change, I will be like pinnocho, Grungo won't be a persona to me anymore,  but more of a reality of what's me. I'd also like to apologize for being annoying, that's on me and I should learn to control myself more, I am getting older and no longer a kid anymore.

In short I wanna say sorry for my misdeeds, and I don't expect forgiveness nor a slap on the wrist, I understand I left scars on people, scars that may not heal. and I understand some people just don't wanna do anything with me, and that's ok.

I just gotta take it easy day by day..

as for the persona, I might keep it up, because some people like it, and that outburst last night was me angered by some, and I understand some people take offense to the persona and see it as a sign of not taking up responsilibility and I understand it. 

But I take total responsiblity for my childish behavior and just hope for the best

signing off, Grungo.

Thanks alot you had your fun, I was just trying to make a fresh start and change for the better like @DoomGappy said and become a new and improved person, but you just HAD to push it, I hope you're happy pestering me and revealing my indentity against my consent and you bullying me, because I am leaving here. I only wish best of luck to my friends, patrick, and doomgappy. Like what was there to gain from this? I was just trying to have fun and be a different nicer person, like what was there to gain? well I can't stand it. If people are gonna keep doing this from now on, I don't wanna be a laughing stock.

God damn it

Not sure what the issue is, either I've made this too complex or there is one sector monging everything up.

Either way, classic render outright bombs out.

God damn it

Not sure what the issue is, either I've made this too complex or there is one sector monging everything up.

Either way, classic render outright bombs out.

Important and serious request.

We do not talk about who I was before.

Quick test render of something I'm doing:
 

Yo dude, just checking out your PFP and that's a pretty sick Nurgle mini you got there (not as familiar with chaos, Motarion?), you got a page you post your stuff too at all.

(Like an Instagram or anything?)

alright man, i need to ask about the profile picture

 - y? (saying it looks cool is a valid answer)

 - whats the source?

 - hotel?

alright man, i need to ask about the profile picture

 - y? (saying it looks cool is a valid answer)

 - whats the source?

 - hotel?

DESPAIR

Your PFP makes Duke look like he's going through some dumb shit at work.  Like resting bitch face but for Duke.  Or maybe someone kicked his dog.

Why is banned written in your profile 

The layout and progression has been laid out and finished, now just to add extra areas then add gameplay and we should be sorted.

Saying that, the exit is just a switch at the end of a corridor, now I can make a final fight/arena but I am worried about it overstaying it's welcome (like a lot of my things do).

I'm never finishing anything ever, I swear to Helm you can thank Baldur's Gate 3 for that.

So, funny story.

A """journalist""" decides to make a "best 90's FPS" list, he decides to use AI for it and doesn't actually look at the list the AI produces.

Forbes Corporate Warrior, worthless shovelware from the 90's nobody played, currently has 2 5/5 reviews on an Abandonware website and ONLY those reviews exist.

AI thinks Forbes Corporate Warrior as the best 90's FPS game (literally perfect score), """author""" doesn't check it and just fucking posts it to GameRant's official Facebook.

As you can see the list and ranking is incredible, really sink that in fellas.

God I fucking love AI, God I fucking love inept media.

I fucking hate modern interpretations of 90's and 80's action movies/games.

It's always ironic and a parody, without fail, the appeal and magic of gratuitous action and macho bullshit just gets lost when it isn't played deadpan seriously, the charm is almost always lost.

The old films aren't cheesy because they were designed to be so, they're cheesy because they were designed to be as unironically badass as possible in the eyes of the director which produced something completely serious but so completely unaware of how goofy it ultimately was.

It's a lot like the whole old DeviantArt OC thing, they were hilarious because they were a genuine effort by someone to make their badass Sonic oc and were innocently unaware of how silly it was. However the fake OC's where everything is exaggerated are no where near as funny despite being an actual joke.

Maybe irony ruined everything, which is ironic given my reliance on irony in my own humour. Maybe I'm just sick of irony, maybe I'm just an old man who knows.

I wish someone would make something just straight faced with no shame guns blasting like Commando or Hard Boiled.

Now that I know where your avatar comes from, I love it. That was the best worst promo I’ve seen in ages!

Really got a laugh from this.  I might be getting that too.

Here is a quick shitpost render for you, please use sparingly.

I just wanted to let you guys know that I love you all. Thank you for being there for me, for reaching out to me, and for being concerned. I will be back soon to reply to all of you individually, and to respond to personal messages. Please do not think I am ignoring any of you.

This community is good for me and it was a mistake to leave. All it did was leave me feeling lonely. It would have been healthier to remain here with my friends instead of withdrawing and leaving everyone to worry about me. I am very sorry for doing that. I normally would not do something like that, but I have been recieving punch after punch from every direction. I already have severe issues with depression and what I've been through lately made me suicidal in a way that was beyond what I can tolerate. I am hoping that things get better.

I am very lucky to have all of you, I consider you real friends, and you are more than usernames and avatars. You are real people who have made a real impact on my life and my overall happiness. I am proud to be a member of this community. I never guessed that joining a forum about an old video game would have a real, positive impact on my life. I hope I have brought laughter and joy in return. I would really like to get closer to all of you. If I have ever hurt your feelings, I am sorry, and if I have ever made you smile, I hope to do it again.

I will see you guys soon.

Replied super late to a message on Doom wiki. I feel bad, and should have checked a lot earlier.

Feels like I'm going to be deepthroating a shotgun soon. I'm really tired of my existence and the lack of help available in regards to mental health. I don't feel like going the distance.

It'll never happen