Single Status Update
I just remembered this story I made up one day off the top of my head when someone asked where deadnail was after an extended absense quite a while back. So I looked through the forums and found it rather quickly. I just thought I'd repost it for humor's sake.
It's amazing that I could have written all that shit off the top of my head like that. I must have traded my impulsiveness for wisdom or something. Anyway, it was mostly ripped off shit anyway, namely Lost Highway, the Broken video, Industrial 101 and some interview with Marilyn Manson in Rolling Stone. So without futher adieu, the story in it's entirity. Enjoy.
A deadnail is something you hammer into a coffin. They were usualy nine inches long, like the nails that they used to crucify Jesus. So the answer is quite simple:
Marylin Manson, mistaking deadnail for Trent Reznor, picked him up on the side of the road drove to his Hollywood estate, snorted up some coke and tried to rape deady. Unfortunately, Manson began to freak out and started destroying all of his crappy white furniture. This awoke Twiggy Ramirez and Trent Reznor, who were sleeping together in the next room. They came out and were all 'What the Fuck, man?' Then Manson attacked them with a giant dildo he had laying around, but Trent did some kung-foo manuver upside Warner's skull, and knocked the bastard out. So Twiggy and Trent leave in Trent's van coated with NIN stickers, which cooincidentaly deady was hiding in.
They pull up to Nothing Studios at about midnight, and Charles Manson is trying to pry the door off the place. So Trent's all 'What the Fuck?'. Charlie responds with a bunch of gibberish, and attacks them with a rusty nail. Just then David Lynch steps out of the door, and beams Charlie on the back of the head with the script for Dune. Trent and Twiggy are all 'Thanks, man' and Lynch is all 'No prob, Bob'. Then Trent says 'But thats not my name'. 'Sorry Mike, but who the FUCK is that?' yells Lynch, pointing at deadnail. Twiggy rushes over and humps deady in the head, knocking the poor sod out.
deady awakes inside the building, strapped to the wall of Trent's love-room. Lynch, Twiggy, and Reznor are huddled in a circle discussing something. Lynch the says 'I gotta go recruit some failing actors for my next nonsensical film', and leaves. Trent then asks Twiggy to strap himself into this weird-looking machine in the center of the room. He does, and Trent gets behind the controls. At first, the machine starts poking Twiggy with all sorts of painful-looking instruments of torture, then it starts jerking him off. Then just as he reaches orgasm, the machine goes nuts and flays the sorry-ass muthafukka, ripping his penis off in the process. Unfortunately, he's still alive up to the point where the machine closes in around him and turns him into little Twiggy-Gibs. Trent begins laughing maniacaly...'Yes...this is what I do to all my lovers...first Tori, then Danny, now you...MUAHAHA'. Then he turns toward deadnail 'YOU! I have something special planned for you...'
Just then, the door is broken down by three angry-looking figures: David Bowie, Gary Numan, and Nivek Ogre. 'No, I'M NOT DONE YET!' screams Trent. 'You've been a bad boy' Yells Bowie. 'Your days of torturing people and ripping us off is over' says Numan. Ogre just walks over to deady. 'OGRE SMASH!!' he says, hitting deadnails chains with a hammer, breking them assunder. The three drag Reznor out, kicking and screaming. deadnail follows, stunned and watches as they throw him in the back of a white unmarked van with Warner (aka Manson). They drive off, leaving deady standing dazed in front of the studio.
Just then, he feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns just in time to see some hairy gent in an black shirt and jeans get into a car and drive off. At his feet lies a plain yellow envelope. He picks it up and pulls out a VHS tape. He brings it inside and watches it on one of the many TVs in the building. Its a video of Katarhyne being murdered...by deadnail himself! 'NOOO!' he screams. The next couple hours are all a blur, but in the end, deady is high-tailing it down an old highway with about twenty cops in pursiut.
Yeah, that explains it.
The original context: