Sharessa

Really all I want to do is grow up. Unfortunately, the transition into adulthood is being a huge pain in the ass. The only thing I can do is keep at it though. What is it exactly I want though? Well...

I want a job that I feel comfortable with. Fuck that, I want a career. I'm a job that I hate and it's the kind of job that by all rights should have been out of 3-4 years ago. Serves me right for taking so long in finding one, I guess. This seems to be the real big thing though, and the one with the most obstacles. I need to get into college, but I need the money first. It's a big paradox. Should I get a second job to save up money, and hold off on college, or should I just go into college and risk going destitute? And I can't go into it blind either. I need some direction. That seems to be the hardest part. Right now I'm leaning more towards audio production than anything, mostly because music is my real main interest in life. However, I've realised that I enjoy working with people more than working alone, so I'm going to have to find exactly what combines the two the best. This should probably be the first thing I tackle.

I want to ACT grown up. I keep finding myself doing immature selfish shit and being childishly lazy all the time, and I always regret it. It's time for me to be a responsible adult, to get into action, and be a respectable person. I can't really get anywhere if I keep pissing people off and keep sitting around doing nothing.

I want a home. Where I'm living does not feel like home. It's some shelter I've been living in the last year and a half. From day one I've been telling myself I will move out as soon as I can. I haven't even unpacked fully yet. I need to get serious about moving on with my life, get all my shit sorted out, and get somewhere where I'm comfortable. This is the one aspect I've actually made progress on, though I've been in a slump lately, and I blame the weather, the cold, and my apparent Seasonal Affective Disorder. Of course, this isn't helped by my laziness in telling the landlords to fix the heater. And while I'm at it, I should probably tell them about the assholes upstairs and their fucking around all hours of the night.

I want religion. Yeah, I'm as shocked as you are, but this one is just tentative anyway. I'm at peace with my own beliefs, but sometimes I feel I'm all alone in this world when it comes to them and that I just need to share them or something. I've been wanting to go back the the Unitarian Fellowship that I went to as a kid for a while now. It would also be nice to have somewhere to go once a week to put a bit of closure to each week. I'd like to go back, just to see what they offer, though I'd feel too weird going there alone. I'd also need a Sunday morning off every once in a while. :/

I want a family. This one just looks like a long shot now, nearly impossible. Maybe if I improve one or two other things, I'll be on that path. Oh, life...

I'd like to get to all these things someday. I'm getting old, too old for where I am with my life right now, anyway. I'd ask for help, but independence is also something i need for my maturity. Instead, I shall ask for...advice. I'd like your advice. Somehow, I think asking for advice here is a bad idea, but what the Hell. I posted this three other places anyway.