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About NightmareZer0

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  1. I don't mean to post such a drama filled post (I guess you can call it Drama I don't know) but I really need some un-biased opinions about my situation. I don't know exactly what to do (Really long story ahead).

    Let me start off at the beginning so you can fully understand my position. I met this girl named Juanita 3 (almost 4) years ago. We had a slow start but we started dating. I was living at my parents at the time and she came over quite frequently. Well she ended up moving in. When she moved in my dad gave us a deadline we had like a year to find somewhere else to live. Well it was getting really close to the deadline and my friend got me in where he was living. I had to move in there because well I needed a place to go and it was the quickest way (I didn't want to be homeless). Well we moved in and it was great the first month. We saw each other everyday and it was peachy. But then things started turning for the worse. She is an extremely messy person. I have never see anything like it in my life. She would leave half eaten food sit out. JUST LEAVE IT OUT AND NOT THROW ANYTHING AWAY. Well the half eaten food started accumulating. Come to find out the place already had roaches (and I hate fucking bugs..god its so fucking disgusting) and they just multiplied 10 fold. The question wasn't where are the bugs..it was where they weren't.

    God this apartment because a shithole quick. It is the nastiest living space (If you could even call it that) I have ever seen in my life. Bags of trash..literally bags of trash everywhere. Some of them overflowing onto the floor and just left there. Now I know you are probably thinking "Well Duh just take out the trash and clean it". Well I did that..I used to pick up after her all the time. I just got sick of doing it. I cleaned that whole place top to bottom like 6 fucking times. I had to invite some of my friends over to help me clean it it was so bad. And it was a small apartment..Just a bedroom and a kitchen (Had to share a bathroom). I have pictures of the apartment and how she lived upstairs in my parents safe if you really want to see how disgusting a human being can live. One time I cleaned and I literally pulled out 25 bags of trash out of 2 rooms..FULL BAGS. She also isn't great with money. She ended up letting the rent pile and pile up and we got evicted (I wasn't able to work at the time due to medical problems). (Oh yeah forgot to mention that place literally smelled worse than a dumpster). She kept telling me she was going to keep it clean but it never fucking happened. Everytime the landlord would want to come over she always said that it was my job to clean it because she pays the rent but I don't think I should have to keep picking up after a 21 almost 22 year old full grown adult.

    Well when we got evicted I ended up moving in with a friend (Which is a girl btw but we are just like brother and sister) and her 3 kids. She didn't really like the fact I was living with another girl but she knew i had nowhere else to go (Because my parents weren't going to let me move back home). Well shit went sour there and my dad finally let me move back home.

    I didn't actually get to see her at all when I was living with my friend. Due to them not getting along. I'm not even allowed into her parents house (Where she stays) because their house is too dirty (With the way their daughter lived at that apartment it doesn't surprize me that their house is so fucking dirty) Well I moved back in with my parents and the night I moved back she stayed the night with me. She had wanted to go to the movies or something that day but I convienced her that we should just stay in that it would be more meaniful to lay and watch TV together. She agreed to stay there And it was great felt like old times.

    Well I started working at Kroger 1st shift and she works a 3rd shift job so our schdules kind of mished mashed. Last weekend she tried to hang out with me but I was waaayy too fucking sore. Like I had previously stated I have health problems (I have a bad back..my spine is curved and I have really bad kidney problems). She has Friday and Saturday off and I happened to work on those days so I came home I was really sore and tired. I ride the bus home so it takes me an extra hour to get home by the time I get home its around 5ish and I have to go to bed around 10 (to be up at like 6AM). So on those days I had to work and she wanted to hang out with me I really didn't see a point. It is really hard sometimes for me to convience my parents to let her over and with it being 5ish when I got home by the time i convienced them..for them to go get her we'd only have a few hours.

    Fast Forward to Friday. I had been waiting all week to see her and I was stoked when I got off work Thursday evening. We go pick her up and bring her over (Mind you I always have to fight for some reason to get her over..my dad is a real hard ass about visitors coming over for some reason..its not just her). She had said something about wanting to go to the movies but my dad said that she couldn't stay the night. Well they were about to leave and go to Applebees and Juanita had said something that she wanted to go to the movies. Stupid me should of just agreed and let my parents take us (We would of gotten a ride back from her aunt). But I opped for us to stay back here and have another meaniful night. Well my parents left and as soon as they left she exploded on me. "I WANTED TO GO TO THE MOVIES I DIDN'T WANT TO JUST SIT IN THE HOUSE I'M TIRED OF SITTING IN THE HOUSE. SINCE WHEN DID YOU MAKE ALL THE DESCIONS IN THIS REALTIONSHIP. I'VE WAITED ALL WEEK TO GO TO THE MOVIES WITH YOU." Just blew up on me. And I politely said "Look I'm sorry just last time that we sat back like this we had a really great time. And I knew if I let them take us to the movies they would of just dropped you off at home when we were done because they said you couldn't spend the night {I had to work the next day thats why} I'm sorry".

    Well that still didn't calm her down. She still was all pissed off at me. I was like "Look either we can sit back and enjoy this...We haven't seen each other in 2 weeks or you can just sit there and be all pissed off and waste what little time we have together". She said "Well I'm just gonna sit here and be pissed off..You know I really don't like coming over here anyway". So I said "Well if you are just going to sit here and be pissed off and waste the evening Go home...I'm trying to have a nice evening with you". She just kept sitting there stewing. I offered that we sit here and enjoy each others company and maybe work out a way to go to the movies in like an hour or so but that wasn't good enough for her she wanted to go to the movies WHEN SHE WANTED (Like when she first got there..she couldn't compermise). I asked her "Are you just going to sit there and be pissed off?" "Well I'm really fucking pissed this is bullshit". "Well I mean if you are that pissed and you are just going to sit there and be pissed you can go home if you don't want to be here I just thought maybe you would like to spend time with me". She said something about that I had to decide if she was leaving or not because appartently she wasn't allowed to make decsions.

    Well I had been feeling really really pissed off at the whole matter (She hadn't seen me in 2 weeks..I know I should of asked her about the whole movie thing but I figured she would be happy to see me either way..laying back cuddling and shit..it really hurt my feelings and pissed me off). So I decided a cigarette was in order. I go outside and light up a cigarette. Well I finish my smoke come back in...She's not on the couch where she was. I look by the bathroom and start looking for her..I thought maybe she had stepped into another room. My phone starts vibrating (Text message) and it's her telling me she had left and maybe next time she could have a choice in the matter of what we do.

    This is where I started feeling my blood pressure skyrocket. I started violently kicking this bottle of water that was on the floor and I started seeing spots. I couldn't believe she had just left like that. She had told me all week that she despirately wanted to see me and for her to just get up and leave like that? My heart was broken.

    I started feeling this uncontrolable anger. So I decided to walk outside because I knew what was about to happen. I blacked out and when I came to I had broken this plastic table and everything around me had been thrown or topped over. Appartently when I blacked out I txted her and told her I was done with her and to never come back. Well I ended up spraining my ankle somehow in my fit of anger. Went to the ER they put an aircast on it gave me like 10 Vicodin (Which really didn't help the pain) and sent me home.

    Now yesterday she asked me to go meet up with her at the libarary and against my better judgement I did. I caught the bus down there and spent some time with her but it was way different than what I was used to. No kisses no hugs no psycical contact at all. I brushed that off and tried to have a good time with her. We ate at Subway and just tried to enjoy each other's company. I had to head back home and we walked to the bus stop and waited on the bus. While we were waiting I explained to her I was sorry about the whole matter and that I really couldn't control myself when I blacked out (Otherwise why would I have a sprained ankle if I could). She basically told me that wasn't good enough and that I still hurt her and it would take time. We got in a few minor disagreements and I caught the bus back home. While I was gimping back home (Bus stop is like 3 or 4 blocks away) I ended up falling and reinjuring myself. Back to the ER and a few more days off work. Later on that night I broke down and I couldn't stop crying. I realized how much I cared for her and that I realize her position but I really couldn't control my actions when I blacked out. I decided to leave her a long well thoughtout message on Facebook. She got the message and really didn't have too much to say about it. She told me later that night she wanted to in fact work things out with me but that she wanted to take it slow and actually go on dates and have a normal realtionship.

    So heres my main concerns:

    I poured my heart out to the girl and I figured she would have much more to say (She never really has said much when I do pour my heart out). I really think that no matter how good you are with social skills (She lacks a great deal of them) you should be able to say a few thoughtful things back if you really care alot for the person as you claim to. She just lacks that outgoinginess I am a very outgoing person and this really bothers me.

    How filthy of a person she is. Leaving half eaten food out and this and that (Not to mention the bugs...Her parents house has them and she ended up giving them to my parents when she moved in..they had to hire an exterminator). She kept telling me she didn't want to live like that when she lived in that shithole of an apartment but if you raelly don't want to live like that...PICK UP AFTER YOURSELF..Jesus how hard of a concept is it? It was so bad when we were living together I had to keep shaving my head because she had lice at one point and couldn't get rid of it. That was so embarassing. We had went to a friend's house (I didn't know she had it) and my friend had called back and said her kids had it. I'm afraid if I do decide to move in with her again..It's going to be a repeat of how it was before.
    She is very stingy with money. She would borrow money off people like my parents or my friends and NEVER pay it back. I would have people call me all the time asking where their money was and I would look at her and she'd kind of like shrug her shoulders. Thats why we got thrown out in the first place was because of her not wanting to pay the rent. And now that we did get thrown out of there the Landlord of the place wrote us like a $1000+ bill for the place and she told me the other day that she is just not going to pay it. She did a bunch of cash advances on her old bank account and got it closes out and never paid it back. Part of me is afraid that I'm going to get stuck with something of hers I don't want (I might already be stuck with the bill from that Apartment...he can sue us)

    Her family..Her family hates me and they always seem to influence her one way or another. I've tried to patch things up with her Aunt (She lives with her Aunt and her Mom) but everytime we get on good terms her aunt starts talking shit about me again. I'm just really getting sick and tired of her fucking family. There is no pleasing them. They bitched about me not having a job..I get a job..and they are still fucking finding reasons to say I'm a worthless peice of shit. They tell her all the time to just dump me and just to get away from me. But I'm really not that bad of a person. I don't lie to her I don't cheat..

    That's all the main concerns I can think of right now. But I just don't know what to do. I knew I cared about her but I never knew I cared about her THAT much until the other night. We are technically still split up but she wants to try to work something out with me. I don't know if I should just wipe my hands of the situation or just carry on. My friends tell me to stay away and my mom thinks I can do better but its not about them though it's my life.

    Any advice for me guys?

    EDIT: Took out the Jewish reference. Sorry if that offended anyone. More policitcally correct now

    1. Show previous comments  25 more
    2. GreyGhost


      fraggle said:

      I suggest "niggardly".

      I'd describe her attitude towards other people's money as bordering on dishonest.

      @Imp - walking away from a long-term relationship that you've obviously invested a lot of emotional capital in isn't going to be easy but that's what I suggest you do, for your own sake.

    3. NightmareZer0


      Thanks for all the advice guys...I apperciate it..

    4. myk


      I get the impression she has a deep lack of self confidence and that results in her being stingy and filthy, and all this is inherited from her family habits. People who don't trust people have a hard time letting go of whatever they get their hands on because they don't trust other people's generosity. Her filth and motherly inattentiveness shows a lack of incentive and hope about correcting her flaws and her anger and rejection at you is a projection of that frustration.

      I think the only way you could get any improvement on the situation is insist about working on her two main flaws... but only if you can pull her away from her family, which is the basis of her filth and lack of generosity outside her own mind. You need to somehow move her to see in an emotional and willful way how harmful and restrictive these habits are. A difficult proposition... but yeah, you should investigate whether you've brought these problems up properly and intelligently, especially if the core of her problems has to do with trust, as I suspect.

      People in the thread say she's selfish, but that's itself a selfish way to deal with a person we aren't familiarized with, as if people's wills were generally floating about freely in clouds and not stuck in a morass of social issues.

      Maes said:
      Because he didn't want to insult Scotsmen, perhaps?

      Or Catalans.

    5. Show next comments  3 more