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Status Replies posted by MrGlide
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Today marks 21 years of hell. I don't have any wads to show for it, but oh well.
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My life has been pretty whack recently.
Went through a big breakup almost 2 months ago and had to find a new place to live in a pinch, so I begrudgingly left my old job which I enjoyed..
I’m just about fully moved into my current place after months of slumming it with friends, but about a week ago I got extremely sick, a horrible infection in my gums and both ear canals that has them swollen to the point of severe pain. Due to the swelling I am almost completely deaf at the moment as well - hopefully I’ll be able to hear again once this is over. Being hospitalised sucks ass.
I’m so thankful for modern medicine and painkillers. While I’m drugged I can function enough to read Doomworld and browse around on my phone and torture/amuse myself with Twitter and YouTube and stuff (thank fuck for closed captions). I can’t wait til
this is over though, when the drugs wear off the pain is so intense that it has me in tears. It’s been this way for about a week now.
I just can’t wait for this to be over. The pain is worse than any other pain I’ve felt in my life, I can only describe it as feeling like my head is literally about to explode from being overinflated.
My parents have been so helpful and I’m really lucky to have them nearby for this - if it had struck just a bit earlier while I was in Melbourne, I’d be dealing with this all on my own!
Sorry for the whiny, sappy post. I’m just not used to this extreme level of pain. When the drugs wear off it’s absolute hell. I just can’t wait for this to be over.. if it was possible I’d give anything to make it stop. At the peak of pain I was bawling uncontrollably and seriously considered ending it all just for some reprieve. I’ve felt down emotionally before, but I’ve never experienced physical suffering to this level and have a new appreciation for those who experience chronic pain.
When I get through this I will never view my life the same way. I’ll have an appreciation for just feeling normal that I’ve never had before. I think the first thing I’ll do once I’m able is walk on the beach and listen to the ocean. All I can hear right now is white noise and it’s seriously wearing on my sanity.
Just wanted to post this for those who have been wondering why I haven’t been in discord or in any game servers lately. I desperately wish I could be. Wish me luck, people - I really need it now more than ever before. Thanks for reading this.
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So I'm sat here waiting for a girl I took time off work to see contact me so we can head out.
It has been over 4 hours, why does capping myself seem so appealing? I'm patient, I'll give it 6 hours before I throw in the towel and hit the showers, and by that I mean use the shower head as a noose.
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So I'm sat here waiting for a girl I took time off work to see contact me so we can head out.
It has been over 4 hours, why does capping myself seem so appealing? I'm patient, I'll give it 6 hours before I throw in the towel and hit the showers, and by that I mean use the shower head as a noose.
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What would you prefer from a gameplay/immersion perspective:
A: Exploring through the shadows, you see a mysterious rail station lit up against the darkness, perhaps through a window, and navigate to it.
B. After exploring through the shadows, you unexpectedly happen upon a mysterious rail station, lit up against the darkness.
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Jewish cemetery:
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Happy birthday to me. *blows out candle*
https://www.doomworld.com/idgames/levels/doom2/Ports/megawads/conf256
https://www.doomworld.com/idgames/levels/doom2/Ports/megawads/conf256b
^ Here we go!
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Sometimes I feel like I'm procrastinating myself to death. I keep forgetting to take my meds, and when ever I do I don't have enough time to sleep it off, the timeing is always poor. I'v been hit by a car, burned, beaten, my appendix blew up, grating ulcers. Physical pain cannot be compaired to this I feel, it all just feels lesser. It's like you can't shake it, a migraine in a place that doesn't exist, always haunting.
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Thanks guys. I'm fully aware that no one can help me but myself, and I know soon it will pass. Sometimes I just feel the need to express myself and this is the last bit of social media that I use, and I'v isolated myself So that what few friends or family I do have, I do not convey any kind if internal emotions to them. It's just better this way.
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Just a rather ramble-y update for the peeps reading my status updates (that being probably 3 or 4 total): If we were on a Discord together you may or may not have noticed that I left the respective server(s).
In fact, I left any and all discords somehow related to Doom for the time being, and it's not so much because I didn't like it there, but it's because the recent days have been nothing but shit for me personally due to some recent discussions on these forums which of course made their ways onto the Discords. And I just don't need that shit in my life on such a high intensity.
Sure, obvious solution is to just not read the chat, but then I also miss out on the stuff that I enjoy. And I also can't have the stuff that I like without the bullshit in between. Of course I can just ride it out, and in life, like in actual, real life I do that on almost a daily basis to some extent, but lately the benefits don't seem outweigh the costs. It feels bad, because there are people I really like who I feel I left behind somehow, which I am sorry for. I just don't have it in me to endure all the negatives at the moment, because some of the stuff that's been going on has started to affect me negatively in life. A thing that I do for recreational purposes isn't very recreational if it results in me feeling less good, or is it?
So today was the day I just felt I had to cut some strings, temporarily or not I don't know yet. If for some reason you've been worried, I'm sorry, I never was much a fan of long goodbyes.
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You ever get sick of doing nothing important for literally nobody all the time?
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Sometimes, you do things you later regret. And then you're thinking: "I should've done this, shouldn't have done that..." but it's all past now.
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"So-and-so liked a status update" isn't exactly the most riveting literature, but thanks anyway.
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"So-and-so liked a status update" isn't exactly the most riveting literature, but thanks anyway.
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So for a change, I was thinking of creating a series of topics in '' Everything Else '' just to have a little fun, the topics would be mainly about video games, such as '' Best RTS '' or ''Which is the most famous map of an FPS?'' And things like that, I do not know, it sounds interesting to discuss those things.
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I've always had massive amounts of respect for the Doom community. Growing up, theres was never a game I loved more than Doom, and for years its been the only game I play. Having made maps myself as a means of giving back to the community that continually satisfies my appetite for more Doom, I have an enduring love for anyone who has done their part to keep this game relavent for so long.
Im very serious about this. Whether its conversations about mapping philosophy and gameplay, ogling at screenshots, participating in peoples projects or events, its all been very stimulating. I couldn't make this up. I have a deep and profound love for all of this. Ive literally wept thinking about Doomers who have passed away. It saddens me when I think of Doomers I've talked to who once shared the same burning flame of optimism for Doom as I have but moved on to do other things.
All the interesting talks, the hilarious shit shows, the jokes, the demos, the multiplayer, the collaborations, all of it has made everything in Doom so fulfilling to me. I've been late for work, bailed on plans, and have even fought with my wife to write detailed feedback for maps, host a podcast, help with peoples projects, anything i can do to help benefit other doomers. I don't believe I could possibly repay the community for how much good its done for me. I cant find other people who love this game like I do in my normal every day life. Theyre just not around. But they're here. Doom would just be this weird closet thing that I do alone and no one else understands. It would be this huge empty void in my life if this community weren't here.
I'm being completely up front when i tell you how much i appreciate all of you. Its ok when its not reciprocated. But on numerous occasions in the past few years Ive read more and more posts that suggest I'm really toxic for this place. Maybe its funny, i dont know. But its been feeling very real to me. People I've had great respect for consider me an enemy, people I've always thought to be friends have gone distant, and some people I've never talked to before already despise me. I don't know how many of you are serious when you make posts here that suggest that I'm not one to be trusted, but it really hurts. I don't like to be one to cry for help, but if you're not one of them, please send a message to my PM inbox. I really need it right about now.